Females in heat, authentic turn on and a couple good book recommendations

[Swordholder]

I read a few good books awhile ago that I found to be highly worthwhile

"Sperm Wars"
and
"To Bed or Not to Bed"

What i am sharing in this post is from these books and from my own experiences thereafter ... The books are extensively researched and written with the input from women who wanted to offer up some more "reality"... They are not just some guy's perspective on things...

In the books they talk about how interesting that humans like to think they are different and above other species on the planet but reading these had me realize that we perhaps are not so different as we think...

As men, I think we are looking for the experience of the "women in heat" sort of sex...I think many here would know what I am talking about...the peak experience when the amount of "turn on" is over the top...when your dick is so hard you can't resist...and an insane desire coming from the woman...

The vast majority of sex is not like this...while still good...more sort of a "routine" variety. I call it more of the "stress relief" variety of sex...to get a temporary break from the anxiety of life.

While the routine variety can still can be good ...it is not the same as the "animals in heat" sort of sex...where you cannot help but respond as a man the "pull" is so so strong...

In the books they talk about how nature is designed to cast the best DNA into the future and how so much around sex happens at a very subconscious and primal sort of level. . .there are prevalent "heat cycles" with females across many species...the strongest is the heat cycle during the Spring time, a smaller one in the Fall right before Winter and smaller ones prior to during ovulation. . .sort of the design in nature.

Times like these, when a female is in heat, sex is almost primal... Outside of these times, sex is more "social" or coming from more like an urge to get relief from some anxiety in life (for a relatively brief moment) before the anxiety starts building up again.

With age, and perhaps an increased capacity to handle stress, I have found I just don't get as easily excited as when I was younger... getting hard mainly when the "turn on" is real / primal (when a woman really wants it "authentically" and not going through the motions)...

The books talk about how the dick is like a truth detector that doesn't lie... and that true "Turn on" actually originates from the woman...and if she is not really turned on, you won't get hard...

I was confused by this earlier in life and think a lot of men are as well and highly victimized by this...beating themselves up when they cannot "perform". Of course, porn does not help and compounds the confusion... Men take Viagra or similar medication to stay hard even when a woman is not turned on or authentically wanting sex... It convolutes things in this way where men think "I should be getting hard" even though the examples they have learned from porn or the opinions from other men are not even real (just a fantasy) or unexamined.

But maybe there is nothing wrong when a guy doesn't get hard...just a sign that she perhaps doesn't want it in that moment...or there is something to be paying attention to...at least in that moment (which can change on a dime and the next moment is different). In one of the books, they talk about pulling back in these times... perhaps taking some time to stop and listen to her where feels "heard" and "known" (often leading to turn-on coming back since the authors say it is uncommon for a woman to have the experience of having a guy really listen fully and getting where she is at)... I know the "structure" of the sessions might not be conducive with artificial time constraints, but as one gets older and more aware, a guy prefers the experience where there is more connection...and engage where the turn-on is authentic... Which always seem to come around anyway .

When I was younger, I might not have wanted to hear or read this message, but found these books to be enlightening and liberating now... Hope someone else finds this useful...

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Pheromones.
After 50+ years of pooning, its the key to the HOT sex.
In my opinion the writer got it right, it is the DESIRE of both to fuck their brains out that makes it so good.

 

[Swordholder]

Pheromones.
After 50+ years of pooning, its the key to the HOT sex.
In my opinion the writer got it right, it is the DESIRE of both to fuck their brains out that makes it so good.

Love your tag line... The idea was proposed in the (Philippines of all places being predominantly Catholic) and Sri Lanka ... Idea was shot down fast...

 

[oneoldone]

I read a few good books awhile ago that I found to be highly worthwhile

"Sperm Wars"
and
"To Bed or Not to Bed"

What i am sharing in this post is from these books and from my own experiences thereafter ... The books are extensively researched and written with the input from women who wanted to offer up some more "reality"... They are not just some guy's perspective on things...

In the books they talk about how interesting that humans like to think they are different and above other species on the planet but reading these had me realize that we perhaps are not so different as we think...

As men, I think we are looking for the experience of the "women in heat" sort of sex...I think many here would know what I am talking about...the peak experience when the amount of "turn on" is over the top...when your dick is so hard you can't resist...and an insane desire coming from the woman...

The vast majority of sex is not like this...while still good...more sort of a "routine" variety. I call it more of the "stress relief" variety of sex...to get a temporary break from the anxiety of life.

While the routine variety can still can be good ...it is not the same as the "animals in heat" sort of sex...where you cannot help but respond as a man the "pull" is so so strong...

In the books they talk about how nature is designed to cast the best DNA into the future and how so much around sex happens at a very subconscious and primal sort of level. . .there are prevalent "heat cycles" with females across many species...the strongest is the heat cycle during the Spring time, a smaller one in the Fall right before Winter and smaller ones prior to during ovulation. . .sort of the design in nature.

Times like these, when a female is in heat, sex is almost primal... Outside of these times, sex is more "social" or coming from more like an urge to get relief from some anxiety in life (for a relatively brief moment) before the anxiety starts building up again.

With age, and perhaps an increased capacity to handle stress, I have found I just don't get as easily excited as when I was younger... getting hard mainly when the "turn on" is real / primal (when a woman really wants it "authentically" and not going through the motions)...

The books talk about how the dick is like a truth detector that doesn't lie... and that true "Turn on" actually originates from the woman...and if she is not really turned on, you won't get hard...

I was confused by this earlier in life and think a lot of men are as well and highly victimized by this...beating themselves up when they cannot "perform". Of course, porn does not help and compounds the confusion... Men take Viagra or similar medication to stay hard even when a woman is not turned on or authentically wanting sex... It convolutes things in this way where men think "I should be getting hard" even though the examples they have learned from porn or the opinions from other men are not even real (just a fantasy) or unexamined.

But maybe there is nothing wrong when a guy doesn't get hard...just a sign that she perhaps doesn't want it in that moment...or there is something to be paying attention to...at least in that moment (which can change on a dime and the next moment is different). In one of the books, they talk about pulling back in these times... perhaps taking some time to stop and listen to her where feels "heard" and "known" (often leading to turn-on coming back since the authors say it is uncommon for a woman to have the experience of having a guy really listen fully and getting where she is at)... I know the "structure" of the sessions might not be conducive with artificial time constraints, but as one gets older and more aware, a guy prefers the experience where there is more connection...and engage where the turn-on is authentic... Which always seem to come around anyway .

When I was younger, I might not have wanted to hear or read this message, but found these books to be enlightening and liberating now... Hope someone else finds this useful...

Had a recent experience where I could tell the lady was not really into it. From her actions during the session it was obvious she was a highly skilled individual in her trade and she did work very hard to satisfy me but it was just not going to happen for me so about halfway into it I just got up off the table and explained I was just leaving no harm no foul.
Not sure she understood that well and maybe she shouldn't have taken the appointment but decided not to bring it up. If the chance comes up to try again I would be seriously tempted.

 

[TheBellaRoseXo]

I appreciate the reflective tone of your post, especially the part about moving away from performance and toward attunement. There’s something important there that often gets lost when conversations about intimacy become overly mechanical or expectation-driven.

Where I’d gently add nuance is this: Authentic desire isn’t a fixed biological switch or a narrow window that’s either “on” or “off.” For many people (especially women): It’s contextual, relational, and responsive - not just cyclical hormones (though I’ll give that credit in being a key player). With that said, feeling safe, seen, unpressured, and emotionally met can be just as activating as biology.

It’s also worth being careful not to place responsibility for everyone’s arousal entirely on the woman’s internal state. When desire is framed as something that must already exist before connection begins, it can unintentionally bypass the role of curiosity, presence, and mutual regulation/sharing. Desire often emerges through connection rather than prior to it, and this perspective gives all too much power to women over controlling men’s internal state.

Often the most fulfilling experiences aren’t about primal intensity versus routine: They’re about shared consent & trust, naughty banter, and an enthusiasm to run the clock down to the last second. If hormones happen to be in alignment, then I’d agree - You’ve hit the jackpot. Those are good sessions. 😋

Lastly, Thanks for sharing something thoughtful and personal. 🙏

 

[Swordholder]

Where I’d gently add nuance is this: Authentic desire isn’t a fixed biological switch or a narrow window that’s either “on” or “off.” For many people (especially women): It’s contextual, relational, and responsive - not just cyclical hormones (though I’ll give that credit in being a key player). With that said, feeling safe, seen, unpressured, and emotionally met can be just as activating as biology.

It’s also worth being careful not to place responsibility for everyone’s arousal entirely on the woman’s internal state. When desire is framed as something that must already exist before connection begins, it can unintentionally bypass the role of curiosity, presence, and mutual regulation/sharing. Desire often emerges through connection rather than prior to it, and this perspective gives all too much power to women over controlling men’s internal state.

Hey Bella, yes...there are men out there that do listen and not in their head / not present to where a woman is at who aren't trying to get anywhere and just being present, curious and interested about the woman's experience.

I learned so much from some really genius women mentors who really took the time and had the patience to educate me (and I am grateful because I have a hard head)... The problem is - as a man once you have learned this, you realize your uniqueness and getting in a relationship with any woman ceases to be no big deal, and there is no scarcity anymore. However, you also look for women with different qualities...not just someone who is physically attractive or good in bed...and perhaps it is as challenging as it is for a woman to find a man who is a really good listener as it is for a man to find a woman with these other qualities.

What is really interesting is that the answers are out there to see and learn... I came across some of the most mind-blowingly clear and accurate books on what actually works...- "Man Woman Relationships Made Easy" by a woman author few have ever heard of - and she used to hang out with and learned from the same community as the woman who wrote the book "To Bed or Not To Bed" (Vera Bodansky) that I mentioned in the original post - which is also brilliant... And I would have to say they are both books about becoming fully aware of one's power in communication and relationships (whether you are a man or woman) and knowing how to utilize your full potential...Allison Armstrong wrote a good book on this as well called "The Queen's Code" (and perhaps no coincidence that Allison learned that from the same place as well as the other two women)...

I realize that getting a guy is no big deal for a woman...but KEEPING one around for a long time is a whole other story...the women who practice and who have mastered the material from the books could KEEP any guy they wanted on the planet long term and have a man delighted to get behind and support their goals and dreams... I am not kidding...

It is EXTREMELY rare for a man to meet a woman who has learned and practices the lessons from the books (I have met several and consider myself very blessed) but if you were so fortunate to meet one... An analogy might be if you drove a cheap car all your life and then got to drive a Ferrari for a month, life would never ever be the same after...and it might be really challenging going back to driving the old car. You also see how totally unconscious the world is around relationships and what works... And perhaps become a lot happier bring single...

Although, I mention this here and some may read this and have their curiosity peaked...I would be highly surprised if anyone followed up, picked up one of the books, read it and did the exercises.... Of course it would require having to let go of what does not work...and I have learned it takes a lot to let go of old attachments - Even if what does not work keeps on causing pain, frustration and disappointment.

I have come to see that people tend to learn through having a lot of pain.... and it seems the only people interested in these books find them due to being in so much pain they are finally willing to surrender to something that actually works versus beating their head against the wall. They are then shocked at how simple things can be when actually doing what works and having a guy that would want to do anything for you and get behind all your goals and dreams...the same would be the case with the guy who can't get a woman and finally learns to just listen and hang with a woman, feeling where she is at and not trying to get anywhere (and the whole world opens up for him)

There ya go... Sharing some real gold here and ok if someone wants to argue for what is not working at the same time... I have seen the real deal... don't fall for fool's gold anymore...

 

[angry anderson]

I read a few good books awhile ago that I found to be highly worthwhile

"Sperm Wars"
and
"To Bed or Not to Bed"

What i am sharing in this post is from these books and from my own experiences thereafter ... The books are extensively researched and written with the input from women who wanted to offer up some more "reality"... They are not just some guy's perspective on things...

In the books they talk about how interesting that humans like to think they are different and above other species on the planet but reading these had me realize that we perhaps are not so different as we think...

As men, I think we are looking for the experience of the "women in heat" sort of sex...I think many here would know what I am talking about...the peak experience when the amount of "turn on" is over the top...when your dick is so hard you can't resist...and an insane desire coming from the woman...

The vast majority of sex is not like this...while still good...more sort of a "routine" variety. I call it more of the "stress relief" variety of sex...to get a temporary break from the anxiety of life.

While the routine variety can still can be good ...it is not the same as the "animals in heat" sort of sex...where you cannot help but respond as a man the "pull" is so so strong...

In the books they talk about how nature is designed to cast the best DNA into the future and how so much around sex happens at a very subconscious and primal sort of level. . .there are prevalent "heat cycles" with females across many species...the strongest is the heat cycle during the Spring time, a smaller one in the Fall right before Winter and smaller ones prior to during ovulation. . .sort of the design in nature.

Times like these, when a female is in heat, sex is almost primal... Outside of these times, sex is more "social" or coming from more like an urge to get relief from some anxiety in life (for a relatively brief moment) before the anxiety starts building up again.

With age, and perhaps an increased capacity to handle stress, I have found I just don't get as easily excited as when I was younger... getting hard mainly when the "turn on" is real / primal (when a woman really wants it "authentically" and not going through the motions)...

The books talk about how the dick is like a truth detector that doesn't lie... and that true "Turn on" actually originates from the woman...and if she is not really turned on, you won't get hard...

I was confused by this earlier in life and think a lot of men are as well and highly victimized by this...beating themselves up when they cannot "perform". Of course, porn does not help and compounds the confusion... Men take Viagra or similar medication to stay hard even when a woman is not turned on or authentically wanting sex... It convolutes things in this way where men think "I should be getting hard" even though the examples they have learned from porn or the opinions from other men are not even real (just a fantasy) or unexamined.

But maybe there is nothing wrong when a guy doesn't get hard...just a sign that she perhaps doesn't want it in that moment...or there is something to be paying attention to...at least in that moment (which can change on a dime and the next moment is different). In one of the books, they talk about pulling back in these times... perhaps taking some time to stop and listen to her where feels "heard" and "known" (often leading to turn-on coming back since the authors say it is uncommon for a woman to have the experience of having a guy really listen fully and getting where she is at)... I know the "structure" of the sessions might not be conducive with artificial time constraints, but as one gets older and more aware, a guy prefers the experience where there is more connection...and engage where the turn-on is authentic... Which always seem to come around anyway .

When I was younger, I might not have wanted to hear or read this message, but found these books to be enlightening and liberating now... Hope someone else finds this useful...

So, in summation you are saying it's their fault.

 

[Swordholder]

So, in summation you are saying it's their fault.

No...it is not women's "fault"... I initially thought that and had the same reaction... Best to have a look at the books...they explain things better than I can...

 

[angry anderson]

No...it is not women's "fault"... I initially thought that and had the same reaction... Best to have a look at the books...they explain things better than I can...

It was a joke. However, I am always looking for someone to blame.