Ya I think it is clinical depression. Really has some problems when she off the pills that she takes. Lots of patience and support here. Thanks
Falling in love with an sp
- Thread starter tonyinkelowna
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You can't be her shrink. Of course you can be loving & supportive, but you can't fix her. That's the tragic thing here: depressed people are nearly helpless to help themselves.
The odds are usually stacked against a relationship with an SP working, but maybe you'll beat the odds. Here's how I see it: has she given you a reason to mistrust her yet? Has she broken any promises? Failed any commitments? Lied to you? If you answer 'no' to all the above, then I say give the relationship a chance.
If she has let you down before, chances are she'll do it again, in which case I say bail.
That being said, if you are as deeply in love with her as it sounds, you may have to follow this one through to its bitter end, just to find out for yourself.
One other thing to think about. If she has quit being an SP (usually a very lucrative job, otherwise why do it) and is still in financial trouble, that doesn't bode well for the money-part of your relationship.
If she has let you down before, chances are she'll do it again, in which case I say bail.
That being said, if you are as deeply in love with her as it sounds, you may have to follow this one through to its bitter end, just to find out for yourself.
One other thing to think about. If she has quit being an SP (usually a very lucrative job, otherwise why do it) and is still in financial trouble, that doesn't bode well for the money-part of your relationship.
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As a new sp let me say this. I have dated (not in the sp sense) some men who seemed so very clean cut and boy next door...only to find out they were married men pretending to be single to spice up their lives. Sp's or not we're human, we fall in love and most of us dream of meeting Mr Right who won't care about our past anymore than we will his because this is the here and now.
SaraSB
SaraSB
Here's my 0.02....
One of my ex used me and dumped me, and I found out later that she was working as an SP. Then a year or so later, I met a SP and fell head over heels in love with her. We were deeply and madly in love, lived together for 5 years and had a kid. Though we did part ways but that was because we wanted different things in life at the time. Do I miss her still? Hell yeah... never had the same type of passionate love with anyone after her either. Then a couple years ago, I met another SP, and we chatted, flirted and started dating. She was on her own in the beginning and then we agreed to move in together after a year. It seemed she loved me but $15k later, only to find out she was depressed and looked for an easy way out. I was the sucker! The bottomline is SP is just another girl who can love and manipulate you just like any other girls would. But it doesn't mean they are all bad apples either because I've seen worse. Trust your instinct but then again, life is what fun if you can't find out the end result. Good or bad, it is all part of life experience. Live and learn.... Good luck!
One of my ex used me and dumped me, and I found out later that she was working as an SP. Then a year or so later, I met a SP and fell head over heels in love with her. We were deeply and madly in love, lived together for 5 years and had a kid. Though we did part ways but that was because we wanted different things in life at the time. Do I miss her still? Hell yeah... never had the same type of passionate love with anyone after her either. Then a couple years ago, I met another SP, and we chatted, flirted and started dating. She was on her own in the beginning and then we agreed to move in together after a year. It seemed she loved me but $15k later, only to find out she was depressed and looked for an easy way out. I was the sucker! The bottomline is SP is just another girl who can love and manipulate you just like any other girls would. But it doesn't mean they are all bad apples either because I've seen worse. Trust your instinct but then again, life is what fun if you can't find out the end result. Good or bad, it is all part of life experience. Live and learn.... Good luck!
Tony
I am adding my .2 as well.
I am not concerned with the fact that you are not having very much sex, quite often with x pornstars and sp's the sex is not as important as the intimacy of a kiss, hand holding, and general affection.
My concern would be with the fact that she lives in your house, eats your food, etc. and does not contribute anything. Forget the sp relationship thing to me it is irrelevant, in what relationship would this be ok. What does she do for you, to deserve your love? Why won't she get a job? Is it because of the depression? Does she stop taking her pills often?
Maybe you need to stop and take a deep breath and try to figure out why you want to rescue her, do you think that you will not find another relationship?
The other thing is how serious was your relationship with her prior to you FINDING out, that she was an sp? Were you dating her at the time? Was she living with you then? Exactly, other than being an sp what has she done with her life?
I think that after you answer some of these questions, I think that you may figure out that she is a depressed lazy person who is taking you for a ride! Sorry and good luck.
I am adding my .2 as well.
I am not concerned with the fact that you are not having very much sex, quite often with x pornstars and sp's the sex is not as important as the intimacy of a kiss, hand holding, and general affection.
My concern would be with the fact that she lives in your house, eats your food, etc. and does not contribute anything. Forget the sp relationship thing to me it is irrelevant, in what relationship would this be ok. What does she do for you, to deserve your love? Why won't she get a job? Is it because of the depression? Does she stop taking her pills often?
Maybe you need to stop and take a deep breath and try to figure out why you want to rescue her, do you think that you will not find another relationship?
The other thing is how serious was your relationship with her prior to you FINDING out, that she was an sp? Were you dating her at the time? Was she living with you then? Exactly, other than being an sp what has she done with her life?
I think that after you answer some of these questions, I think that you may figure out that she is a depressed lazy person who is taking you for a ride! Sorry and good luck.
Re: Tony
Eden has a point here. Does she deserve your love or are you just sympathy with her? If it is the later ,then this is not love. I was there before!
According to what you described and Eden analysis,your relationship is more one sided that mutual. If so,then you have more chances of being manipulated.
A depress person can be a champion in manipulation. They may be depressed; however ,they can plan better than you can imagine. My ex-wife also has depression. And I can remember vividly how she trapped me with her plan!
So be careful!
Being sympathetic to someone,doesn't mean you love that person nor compatabile to that person.Eden said:
Eden has a point here. Does she deserve your love or are you just sympathy with her? If it is the later ,then this is not love. I was there before!
According to what you described and Eden analysis,your relationship is more one sided that mutual. If so,then you have more chances of being manipulated.
A depress person can be a champion in manipulation. They may be depressed; however ,they can plan better than you can imagine. My ex-wife also has depression. And I can remember vividly how she trapped me with her plan!
So be careful!
I was married to an absolutely beautiful woman who has depression and as much as I loved her I now believe she did not have the capacity to love me. A depressed person is completely self absorbed and does'nt realize or does'nt care how they affect others around them. Some of them are helped emmensely by drugs and others are'nt. This was the most destructive thing in my life, my career, health,children,self confidence and other family members all suffered due to her and her "illness". So in my humble opinion you've gotta decide....is it worth it? Take a step back and look at her,yourself and the whole situation and decide. In my case,I waited too long...the lies, deceptions, infidelities, and manipulation only ever got worse.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
Very similar it's scary. Worst time of my life. 
The strangest part was I had the hardest time letting her go.
Happy New Year y'all and here's hoping times ahead are better than behind!
Interesting topic. The only problem I have with your story Tony is the Rescue part. You're seeing yourself in this role, and she probably is seeing you in the same manner, and not as a lover, or long-term partner. She could become that, but that comes later. Sounds like she's in a conflict about her past, and you are her convenient and benevolent suitor. Once she finds her legs, she probably will walk.
If you really want to know how someone genuinely feels about you, take a hard look in the mirror. Forget about the SP background - it's irrelevant; however, do you really think you are the type of guy this girl would bond to in "real" life? She's not going to tell you the answer to that one, so don't bother asking. Only you have that answer. I think you've already looked inside yourself, and are now in denial, right?
The outcome of your situation can be framed in that question alone, so it requires an honest self-appraisal.
If you really want to know how someone genuinely feels about you, take a hard look in the mirror. Forget about the SP background - it's irrelevant; however, do you really think you are the type of guy this girl would bond to in "real" life? She's not going to tell you the answer to that one, so don't bother asking. Only you have that answer. I think you've already looked inside yourself, and are now in denial, right?
The outcome of your situation can be framed in that question alone, so it requires an honest self-appraisal.
This discussion gives me the chills.
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, in cold sweat, and wondered "This is not really my life, is it?"
I doubt this can end well. She's broken. And you are thinking aloud, questioning what the hell you are doing. Asking for permission to protect yourself.
And trust me, the creepy thing is that it sounds like we've all been there.
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, in cold sweat, and wondered "This is not really my life, is it?"
I doubt this can end well. She's broken. And you are thinking aloud, questioning what the hell you are doing. Asking for permission to protect yourself.
And trust me, the creepy thing is that it sounds like we've all been there.
Well, I may be in a bit of trouble but I am in love and will play this out to the end. Hopefully she can get her stuff together, continue taking her medication and be back on track. She has had quite a successful career in another area. From what she has told me, she would see three regular guys once a month from the beginning of last year to about June or July when she quit. Any more comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
I wouldn't categorize her as an SP, even if they were tossing a few bucks her way. Some straight girls sleep with a lot more men than that in one week. SPs or MPs can see 50-60 clients in one month, and that's a slow month... A year and half at three per month only adds up to 48. In the final analysis, I think she's found a sugar daddy, and you're it... Cut her loose!tonyinkelowna said:
