Falling in love with an SP

[sevenofnine]

since when is falling in love or caring for some one ever wrong
its a good feeling,

and i guess if you live in a bubble you never give your heart to someone,
it is a very lonely life,

and i guess if you never do anything you never do any wrong either,

love changes with the years, i mean im not a school kid anymore
that intensity isn't there any more,

love in your latter years seems muted blunted blurred
maybe its wisdom
maybe its the beer


maybe its the realization that were all just passing through this moment in time
and nothing is really all that important

 

[cbit]

Wow. That was well said. Pretty much sums it up. If you are looking for high school butterflies at this stage in your life, you'll be sadly disappointed. Grow with it.

 

[Dgodus]

since when is falling in love or caring for some one ever wrong
its a good feeling,

and i guess if you live in a bubble you never give your heart to someone,
it is a very lonely life,

and i guess if you never do anything you never do any wrong either,

love changes with the years, i mean im not a school kid anymore
that intensity isn't there any more,

love in your latter years seems muted blunted blurred
maybe its wisdom
maybe its the beer


maybe its the realization that were all just passing through this moment in time
and nothing is really all that important

It's a nice sentiment seven, that love is never wrong. Unfortunatly it's not true. Some folks are just too prone to loving, and you've got to question wether it really is or not. Some people get blinded by "love" (in quotations because lets be honest, what some people call love is a pretty twisted concept) and shouldn't just hand it out on a whim. I simply think some people cant think rationally about the situation and confuse things such as liking someone, infatuation, lust for love. Think of some guys that spend a lot of time alone without anyone. They meet one woman who devotes some attention to them and suddenly that man loves her. Really he doesn't even know her yet, he's in love with some concept/fantasy he's developed in his mind and now wants to impose upon her, I can understand why such a woman wouldn't have the energy to deal with that man, but would have the energy to deal with her friends (I'm not directly referencing the OP here, just using a situation he pointed out as an example).

Caring for someone is a different story. I care for some of the nice ladies I met in this business so far, I care for some of my co workers, I care for my family, I care for my friends, and I even care about some of the random people I deal with on a semi regular basis (ie bartender, waitress, banker, etc..). I wish them well, always hope they're lives are good and filled with what they're looking for; if there is an opportunity I can do a small gesture for them to help them along the way sure. Thankfully I'm a little bit of a cynic and if someone starts asking things all the time the red flags fly lol, it's keep me safeguarded to an extent up till now.

Regardless, please share the beer seven.

What do you learn from this? That should be obvious. You can see the light and run towards it, turn the tables and fleece the SP out of more intimate services, or be stupid and stick around status quo. On the second point, you need to outgun them and be happy about it. How do you do that? Well just be a better control artist than they are. Look at where they seem to be going and make them think that they are going to get there too only if......Which is exactly the game.

All I can say about this is wtf? Why would you want to fleece someone? Why not just walk away? That seems the more appropriate course of actions to me. You have to realize, once you start doing something to one person, it's going to be easier and easier to start doing it to others. So if you engage in immoral and unscrupulous behavior that's going to permeate throughout your entire life and all your personal relationships.

Last. Could someone please explain to me, why I see so much about men wanting a relationship with a provider but want her to stop working? What's wrong with you? Haven't any of these men had relationships where the woman tried to change him. Pretty sure they have, because we've all heard that bitching before. So I guess there is a double standard on the issue. Dont even contemplate a relationship with a provider if you cant handle her doing her job, get the thought out of your head now. Makes no sense, as much as some women can really rub me the wrong way, nothing pisses me off like some men's behavior.

 

[Puddlegurl]

You need to remember you're probably about 1 of about 10 or more who have pledged your love to her, it happens alot.

She won't tell you no as she would lose you as a client most likely. The only way to know if she's really into you is stop seeing her as a client and ask her for a coffee/tea, breakfast etc completely away from her workplace and if she makes every excuse in the book that she can't you'll know you're being strung along. Then thats you're choice to just enjoy you're arranged situation. Don't leave your wife for her. If you're unhappy, end you're situation without running right into another. It won't work out. Unfortunately it's part this job and happens alot, feelings get hurt. And yes, this job changes a woman, but doesn't have to be for worse. I'm much more of a accepting open minded person than I ever have been in my life. It gives us a awesome sense of humor but you have to realize it can also make us doubt ever finding a man who doesn't stray after what we have seen.

I know this is probably not a good idea but it seems to have happened. Actually I have been in love for about a year now.

She knows that I love her and she seems to be okay with that. She says that she does not love me yet but likes me and is willing to give me a chance. At the beginning, she was saying that she foresees quitting this "job" within the year, however, she is still in it. She talks about starting up a legitimate business but has not taken any steps (that I could tell) towards making it a reality. She says she is not ready for a relationship yet. And especially if I am still married.....

Yes, I am married and about to separate, so any relationship now would be a complication I would like to avoid until I am separated.

There are other aspects of this "relationship" I would like to share and seek input on, but this is all I can write for now.

On a general level, is such a relationship realistic? I know there is not enough information right now to say, but I am asking just generally at this time.

Also, does this "job" change a person to the extent that all future relations with men are affected adversely? Those of you with experience would have the best information/advice, I imagine.

Thanks.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Wow, I didn't know this thread had kept going! Thanks for all the new replies.

FYI, I am separated now (since late December). I have seen the SP in question just a few times since then. She is very busy she says. And sometimes we don't get along well when we are together.

And she seems to lack insight into how her actions or words affects others -- ie she calls me on the evening of the date that we had planned, saying she is tired and can't go out with me. I ask her what she is doing, and she tells me she is with her girlfriends. I become rather displeased because she is too tired for me but apparently not too tired to go out with girlfriends. She then claims that "I don't understand her" because when she is tired, she is more relaxed in the company of women than men.

She didn't understand why I was upset when she made plans with me, and changed them at the last minute with such a lame false-sounding excuse.

This pains me because I am still in love with her. But it is time to let this one go. She is wrong for me on so many different levels. I feel like shit. Anyway, this is probably a good thing. Time to get my mind off her and move on. I better go see Kalikaos again. She will set me straight!

Thanks again for all the advice.

And thanks for the update, Sharky66. I appreciate hearing the outcomes of situations, when people were here looking for advice/feedback/suggestions on some of life's more difficult situations.

Sometimes it's tough to look at the raw truth but I'd have to say she did you a favour with her honesty..."she's too tired to see you and would rather hang out with her friends." It may hurt to hear it, but you cannot be that important to someone when they're telling you you're not the first on her list. Not that friends aren't important, they are. But you do need to pay attention to her priorities.

In fact, you seem to be ready to see the truth, and to evaluate the situation without the rose coloured glasses you began this thread with. That takes courage and a strong commitment to giving yourself the best chance at happiness that you can!

Nothing's guaranteed in life but, when we get early warning signals, that's a good time to change course. Something better is out there, waiting for you! All the best!

 

[Sharky66]

Well, it's a year out and I have another update:

It was about a year ago that I told this SP that I loved that I would no longer call her. It was shortly after my last post in April 2012. Well, about a month ago, she texted me out of the blue and asked how I was doing. She also told me that she had "changed a lot" and was wanting to give a relationship a try.

I met up with her for drinks. Had a good talk. She was still working. I told her that I would not see her at her place of work, but we could meet outside of her work hours and see each other.

A few days later we met up for dinner. Continued to have good talks. Held hands, etc.

Then she started not answering calls or texts. Thought she was busy -- though she could have called and told me. Left it for a while. Tried again. Finally got her on the phone. She gave a lame-ass excuse. Said that it wasn't just me, she just sometimes doesn't want to talk to anyone. She said her girlfriends are mad at her too because she would not answer calls. I told her I would not call her again. And I never have. I decided I did not have time for such flakiness.

If she cared about me, she would call. If she cared, she would answer my calls or texts. I did not wish to prolong matters anymore -- just don't have the heart for it. So, there you have it, she is done and gone.

Thanks for listening/reading.

 

[kauffman]

Thank you all for your comments/advice.

I suppose I do know the answer already. I should say, however, that I am not considering divorce because of this SP. This has been "in the works" for some time, and well before I met this SP.

Is she filling a void in my marriage, yes definitely.

Do I love her or am I "in love". "In love" might be more accurate.

Am I a cheater and therefore would cheat on her? I suppose I am cheating, but have only done so because my marriage has been bad for some time.

She would have developed feelings for me already if she was ever going to.... well, that is a good point actually. She says she would give me a chance, but she does not want to be hurt, which is why she would like to explore this only if I am separated. So she says she wants to protect herself. Do I buy this?

SPs are human, aren't they? Don't they, at some point at least, want to be loved?

A lot of these phrases uttered by her sound liek attempts to be gentle with you. If she felt strongly for you she would likely jump in as love is blind. Hesitation and all these "excuses" are probably true and also indicative of her level of interest in you

 

[Gotee-man]

I told her I would not call her again. And I never have. I decided I did not have time for such flakiness.

If she cared about me, she would call. If she cared, she would answer my calls or texts. I did not wish to prolong matters anymore -- just don't have the heart for it. So, there you have it, she is done and gone.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Good to hear man you're OK with everything and moving on. I've been there. I hope you have better luck with the next one that comes along.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Well, it's a year out and I have another update:

snipped: for brevity...

If she cared about me, she would call. If she cared, she would answer my calls or texts. I did not wish to prolong matters anymore -- just don't have the heart for it. So, there you have it, she is done and gone.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Good job, Sharky66, I think you did the right thing. Yes, people can change, when they want to. But, just because someone says they have, that's no reason to believe them. I think it was smart that you got together after receiving her recent call, because you had to check it out. But you went in with stronger boundaries this time, and you were ready to read the signs, which you ended up receiving. Clear signs that a bail was in order.

All you have to do now is kick it up a notch...next time she calls (which she may well do), you'll have to be prepared to say no to a visit. What is she really bringing into your life? Not much.

Nothing against her; what she offers is just not what you're looking for, that's all. All the best in the future.

 

[sevenofnine]

You know bottom line is.

Happiness no stress no drama.
Your's as well as everyone I mean your wife your sp.

I think everyone has to do what they think is best for themself, in regards to happiness and a non stressful life and love.

And sometimes it takes awhile to get there or realize what will make you happy.

Its nice just to share a life with someone. I think that is what it comes down to,
You can love some one, but can you share each other's life.

I was and am involved with an sp.

And I think Lady Di said it best. There are three of us in this marriage its a bit crowded.
When it comes to a working sp, with a life and friends etc, a bit crowded and three, does not even come close to the reality of it.
Sad in a way,
I see an sp but I go home to my wife and kids, etc,
Marriage is not perfect mine for sure. But its amazing what you can work out if you want to.


My sp called my wife a bitch once. Which can be the truth at times.

But my response was, she is my bitch. I don't share her with any one.

An sp how many people have a piece of her.

At the end of the day, that decided it for me. Its hard to fall or stay in love with a women who so many people are involved with and your one of many.
Still friends her and me, seeing her soon actually.
I don't think I could ever fall in love with a working sp, or stay in love with one,
Don't know at all, but its tough.

 

[chaos88]

Gotta be careful with this. I have recently gone through something similar and cannot see this girl any more unless she's out of the business.

I'm strictly a R&T guy but sometimes you have a connection with someone and it's hard not to start developing feeling for someone when you're getting to know someone on a more intimate level with someone on a regular basis. As I say, I'm R&T but there's times when other things happen out of a connection. I had a bond with this girl right from the very first time I saw her and it was the same for her. It was obvious to both of us. She changed venues, as is often the case in this business but she had my number and texted me out of the blue a while back. We picked up where we left off, but there were also the text messages and calls just to chat and say hi and an implication from her that she was interested in more. I've been in this hobby for a number of years, but this was the first time when the line between business and pleasure was getting blurred. I didn't like her doing this job. In fact, it really bothered me but she's not about to change any time soon. I've never had this problem with anyone else I have seen in the past, so I can say that there was definitely more going on for me than business. So nothing left to do but walk away. I have known her for a long time and seen her more times than I can even recall.

There was a previous post in this thread about a void being filled and this holds very true. I will admit that in my case there was a definite void being filled and it's owing to certain other things going on in my life. However, I know in my heart that I do care about this girl a great deal and miss her like crazy. That said, I have to care about myself and do what's right for me. I saw her not too long ago, and not much has changed with me. I won't see her any more as a result. Paying someone who you feel a connection with is totally awkward, especially in this case as the sexual component isn't what I miss, it's her company. I can go anywhere else for the same thing but would always go back to her.

My all-time favourite in this hobby ended up becoming a good friend. She always warned me not to get mixed up with these girls. I know she can't speak for all of them, but in hindsight I think she said that as her way of looking out for me and not to slight anyone in the business.

Not sure if anything I said here is beneficial, but just my experience. Peace out!

 

[papillion]

Well, it's a year out and I have another update:

It was about a year ago that I told this SP that I loved that I would no longer call her. It was shortly after my last post in April 2012. Well, about a month ago, she texted me out of the blue and asked how I was doing. She also told me that she had "changed a lot" and was wanting to give a relationship a try.

I met up with her for drinks. Had a good talk. She was still working. I told her that I would not see her at her place of work, but we could meet outside of her work hours and see each other.

A few days later we met up for dinner. Continued to have good talks. Held hands, etc.

Then she started not answering calls or texts. Thought she was busy -- though she could have called and told me. Left it for a while. Tried again. Finally got her on the phone. She gave a lame-ass excuse. Said that it wasn't just me, she just sometimes doesn't want to talk to anyone. She said her girlfriends are mad at her too because she would not answer calls. I told her I would not call her again. And I never have. I decided I did not have time for such flakiness.

If she cared about me, she would call. If she cared, she would answer my calls or texts. I did not wish to prolong matters anymore -- just don't have the heart for it. So, there you have it, she is done and gone.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Good for you Sharky, The pain of unrequited love is brutal, but tomorrow the hurt will be a bit less, and a bit less the day after; soon you will go a day without thinking about her, and then a week. Some day in the future you'll look back and ask yourself "what was I thinking?

I know, cause I've been through it

 

[Sharky66]

Thanks to all for your responses to my follow-up. I do feel good about this now.

But my mind does wander to her from time to time. Hmmmm..... I think I will have to distract myself, maybe by getting laid with one of the ladies that have given me some good advice on this thread. . Don't worry, I won't fall in love with you!

 

[Sharky66]

I appreciate your words, Tim. Thank you.

 

[Sharky66]

To chaos88, takes a lot of discipline to do what you did -- deciding not to see her. I didn't do that until she started treating me badly, and then I hung on far too long.

 

[Sharky66]

Good job, Sharky66, I think you did the right thing. Yes, people can change, when they want to. But, just because someone says they have, that's no reason to believe them. I think it was smart that you got together after receiving her recent call, because you had to check it out. But you went in with stronger boundaries this time, and you were ready to read the signs, which you ended up receiving. Clear signs that a bail was in order.

All you have to do now is kick it up a notch...next time she calls (which she may well do), you'll have to be prepared to say no to a visit. What is she really bringing into your life? Not much.

Nothing against her; what she offers is just not what you're looking for, that's all. All the best in the future.

Thank you. I think I would be able to resist her pretty good if she calls again. Even if she says all the right things. Well, hopefully.

 

[Sharky66]

Love just takes its own course. There is no putting the brakes on it, altering the course, or manipulating it. It just happens, and when it's simpatico with another person, it's just magic.


Sharky, I am sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped. But it will. When the time is right. So don't lose hope. The fact that you are open to it makes it way more likely that it will happen.

Thanks Lavinia, you are right about love just happening. Not losing hope, just intending to be more realistic about it in the future. Thinking I should call you sometime soon

 

[yazoo]

I guess I have the same question for chaos88. How are you sure that you did the right thing? It sounds like you had a good beginning. I would guess that she was not with you for the sex and money but for the company too. What made you balk?

 

[Sharky66]

Well, Hunka, I did end it with the wife.

Yazoo, she did not seem to have much insight or awareness of her actions. She said she wanted to give it a try, but she would have lame excuses as to why she would not return my calls or texts. Seemed that her other priorities were higher than me, even though she re-established contact with me and was interested in giving a relationship a try. I suspected that she had other motivations.

Also, without the rose-coloured glasses I had on, we had very little in common. I was blinded by "love", and the fact of her amazing body.

 

[Sharky66]

Exactly, L2LP, exactly.