Falling in love with an SP

[Sharky66]

I know this is probably not a good idea but it seems to have happened. Actually I have been in love for about a year now.

She knows that I love her and she seems to be okay with that. She says that she does not love me yet but likes me and is willing to give me a chance. At the beginning, she was saying that she foresees quitting this "job" within the year, however, she is still in it. She talks about starting up a legitimate business but has not taken any steps (that I could tell) towards making it a reality. She says she is not ready for a relationship yet. And especially if I am still married.....

Yes, I am married and about to separate, so any relationship now would be a complication I would like to avoid until I am separated.

There are other aspects of this "relationship" I would like to share and seek input on, but this is all I can write for now.

On a general level, is such a relationship realistic? I know there is not enough information right now to say, but I am asking just generally at this time.

Also, does this "job" change a person to the extent that all future relations with men are affected adversely? Those of you with experience would have the best information/advice, I imagine.

Thanks.

 

[Sharky66]

Thanks Vanesssa,

I know that expectations can be the killer here.

 

[chuckanut]

there is no happily ever after here bud. she will move on, and so should u.

-chuck
**retired**

 

[badbadboy]

Thing I have learned along the way is these women are all independent business women used to earning their own money, paying their own way, doing things on their own without a male benefactor. Unless your SP has started making the transition to her own new business to pay her own way; I don't see her stopping being an escort and being supported by you. It is not in their make up. Like Vanesssa stated your SP needs to decide if she is going to retire on her own without you asking her to do so.

We or some of us at one time or another develop feelings which we call love for our fav SP. Its natural IMHO because if you see a person over time and are doing very intimate acts together it is easy to blur the lines.

 

[old pooner]

Time to self-assess. Are you really in love with her or is she just filling a void that is missing in your marriage. Also, do you love her or are you IN LOVE with her. I certainly came to love my last regular (Anya), but I was not IN LOVE with her. She simply gave me what I needed to fell good and feel good about myself. Do you share real common interests (a good SP will show interest in your hobbies, etc. to make the experience with her much better)?

 

[cjac7214]

I agree with the general advice you are getting that this is a very bad idea - no offence to the escorts that read this. The time you may have with this escort may be electrifying but don't mistake desire for love. She already told you that she doesn't love you.

I once saw an escort that I realized I could fall for (early 30's, classy, genuine), so I never saw her again before the idea made me do something stupid. For the most part, I stick with young and hot escorts that I have nothing in common with other than they are great sex buddies. I like them but I would never fall in love.

Cheers!

 

[wilde]

She talks about starting up a legitimate business but has not taken any steps (that I could tell) towards making it a reality. She says she is not ready for a relationship yet. And especially if I am still married.....

Some say most people who look for relationship advice already know the answer...

Once you become unmarried, do you have the financial resources to support your ex-wife, kids (if any), yourself and the SP? After all, you can't put love on the dinner table.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

On a general level, is such a relationship realistic? I know there is not enough information right now to say, but I am asking just generally at this time.

Also, does this "job" change a person to the extent that all future relations with men are affected adversely?

ask yourself, does this "hobby" change a person to the extent that all future relations with women (especially service providers - ex or otherwise) are affected adversely?

i'm not saying the 'pretty woman' scenario can't happen, but i guarantee it won't happen like in the movie...

 

[ReluctantPooner]

She has told you she does not love you ("yet"), and that she is not ready for a relationship.....especially if you're still married. If she were going to have those kinds of feelings for you, she probably would by now. I assume you are still paying her? She probably doesn't want to lose you as a client, and maybe even just trying not to hurt your feelings.

I would think long and hard about your marriage, come to a decision on that, and move forward with that decision. Either resolve to make it work (and stop seeing SP's) and talk to your wife about counselling, and down the road a romantic trip to try to re-ignite the spark, or take the steps to start the divorce. If you go the second route, only once it is done and you are out on your own, should you be thinking about finding your next relationship.

 

[Alix Turner]

ask yourself, does this "hobby" change a person to the extent that all future relations with women (especially service providers - ex or otherwise) are affected adversely?

i'm not saying the 'pretty woman' scenario can't happen, but i guarantee it won't happen like in the movie...

sure it can.. problem is the movie ends before we see the relationship unfold beyond them deciding to give it a try

 

[Guardian Angel]

Time to self-assess. Are you really in love with her or is she just filling a void that is missing in your marriage. Also, do you love her or are you IN LOVE with her. I certainly came to love my last regular (Anya), but I was not IN LOVE with her. She simply gave me what I needed to fell good and feel good about myself. Do you share real common interests (a good SP will show interest in your hobbies, etc. to make the experience with her much better)?

Well put and I concur. I would say I love my regular, but it is not IN LOVE. I love her as a person, a friend and would never try to drop that in her lap.

Emotions can cloud what one sees. Remember what both parties started out being in the first place, a provider and someone looking for a sexual release. Yes a closer relationship can develop over repeat visits and if friendship develops it can be fantastic, but keep it all in perspective.

G.A.

 

[Sharky66]

Thank you all for your comments/advice.

I suppose I do know the answer already. I should say, however, that I am not considering divorce because of this SP. This has been "in the works" for some time, and well before I met this SP.

Is she filling a void in my marriage, yes definitely.

Do I love her or am I "in love". "In love" might be more accurate.

Am I a cheater and therefore would cheat on her? I suppose I am cheating, but have only done so because my marriage has been bad for some time.

She would have developed feelings for me already if she was ever going to.... well, that is a good point actually. She says she would give me a chance, but she does not want to be hurt, which is why she would like to explore this only if I am separated. So she says she wants to protect herself. Do I buy this?

SPs are human, aren't they? Don't they, at some point at least, want to be loved?

 

[Gentle-man]

In your current position, you don't have a safe perspective to judge your own feelings... The joy of being with someone putting their best foot forward for you for a couple hours doesn't let you know how you guys could cope with day to day crap that comes up in a "real relationship". It also would be so easy to view better then what I have now as being the best there is... Vacations are fun... But living there, the glamour wears off after a while.

If you do in fact complete your divorce then, after a while, something could possibly be explored... But I don't think you should even remotely contemplate it until several months after a completed divorce. Also the remote possibility that this works out should definitely not be your reason for getting a divorce.

Just my $0.02
-Gm

 

[Sharky66]

In your current position, you don't have a safe perspective to judge your own feelings... The joy of being with someone putting their best foot forward for you for a couple hours doesn't let you know how you guys could cope with day to day crap that comes up in a "real relationship". It also would be so easy to view better then what I have now as being the best there is... Vacations are fun... But living there, the glamour wears off after a while.

If you do in fact complete your divorce then, after a while, something could possibly be explored... But I don't think you should even remotely contemplate it until several months after a completed divorce. Also the remote possibility that this works out should definitely not be your reason for getting a divorce.

Just my $0.02
-Gm

This is good advice. Thank you. There are already some tell-tale signs that we might not be compatible. Yes, I know. I should really give my head a shake.

Thanks everyone so far.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

From an SP's perspective...no offence but, as mentioned previously, you are still paying her for her time. Unless she has a lot of savings, or a tremendous amount of conscience, she can't give you an outright 'no' because it could affect her income, even if she really likes you as a person, even if she wishes you all the best.

This is slightly off-topic, but some research has been done about why women are nice to men that they don't really want to "be with"...maybe this perspective can help shed some light on the issues at hand...

http://www.laddertheory.com

I say, deal with the divorce decision (uncomfortable at best), move on with your life, keep seeing said lady (if it makes you physically happy), and let go of any notion of the two of you being together...and start 'real' dating, when you're good and ready...

 

[sevenofnine]

i kind of agree with most of the comments,
maybe high light one or two and add a thought of my own.

i guess to echo, im cheating on my wife and family so why in the hell would any women in this trust me,
i don't even have the guts to walk out on my wife and end it
so why would any women want me

im a gutless spine less bastard.
oh i forgot lieing.

so leave your wife and start from there start with a clean sheet.
me im not about to leave my wife,
but if your going to do it just do it just don't pretend to be in a relationship with some one and say your going to leave your wife


next there is nothing wrong with falling in love with your sp, but be realistic,
and there are different kinds of love,
love like a high school crush, or puppy love, just a very shallow kind of love,
or even a love of a dear friend,
then there is like soul mate, she completes me, whatever,

and you can love some one and well they don't need to or don't have to love you back,
its just nice to feel something for some one, you know
you know its impossible, or it will never work or she doesn't love you back
but it doesn't matter the feeling of loving some one it is a kind of nice place to be,
as long as you realize the other person doesn't have to love you back, or do anything to special like quit her job or leave her life for you,

there is nothing at all wrong with love, its just a feeling a nice feelling. actually,
its actions that get you into trouble. its unrealistic expectations that get you into trouble.

and the sp, its good for her, she has a steady source of income,
please i don't want to be cynical,
but she should tell you im not interested its not going to happen or
i don't know,
but i think when it comes to emotions yours and hers, the sp shouild be truth full.
its none of your business how much money she has or clients she sees in a day.
but i think if you tell her you love her,
i think she owes it to you tell you its not going to happen or at least tell you honestly where she is in her life.
and well i guess you go from there,

an sp i met said she never really tells clients if she cares about them or not,
they don't come to her for love or to complicate there life,
so even if she has feelings for them she never tells them


like i said
i doin't think love is a bad thing,
its just an emotion

its what you do next, or with it.
that defines your charecter.

and seriously,
your married, you stood up once before a crowd of people friends and family and said to death due us part.

i know im here to paying an sp involved with her perhaps more then i should emotionally.
im not judging or giving you advice,
im just saying its an easy thing to pay a women and be confined in a little room for a few hours, and it all goes well and oh i so love you,

life is alot more then a few hours a week with an sp.

its bills to pay, its holidays its kids its inlaws,
im jusst saying think long and hard ok,

 

[sevenofnine]

a sobering thought
perhaps.

you say you love your sp,
ok not a problem

but how many guys does she see,
and how many of them love her as well.

seriously i don't want to be cynical, but i have seen an sp for along time,
i have felt over the years different shades of emotions for her, not sure what i feel at the moment
what if its the same lady.
what if five of us guys love the same sp,

an sp teased men once, because i only saw one sp,
and when i finally did see another lady, this new lady teased me and bugged me that i was in love and this girl caught another one.

i think if you love her fine, but be realistic,

to be truthful, i think i was there where you are, at one time, but then we became friends, she let me into her personal life, and well told me alot about her end of things. in this hobby.

i dunno but its hard to truely love a women in this,
first you paying her,

and second where does the line form for all the guys that love this sp


my honest gut feelings, if your serious you should just leave your wife, and be done with it, regardless about your feelings about this sp, if its over between your wife and you its over, this new love interest should have nothing to do with it,
and next.
well i think its hard to love when money is involved, or hard to trust when money is involved


and next i think to truely love someone
you have to love yourself first.

and that means a certain amount of charecter and respect, for people and yourself.
and your wife deserves to know if its over,

and is it over or is it only over if this sp loves you,
and what kind of charecter and respect for her is that.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Of course you aren't getting any "Sugar" if you are on the "Friends" ladder

And, should you attempt to jump ladders, you will fall into the abyss... Glad you enjoyed it!

 

[luvsdaty]

Go for it dude,but! & i mean a big but. Be prepared for real heartbreak when this thing ends badly.Secondly, don't drag your SO into this,man up & leave her, nobody (especially somebody that loves you) deserves to be treated that way.
You only get one shot at this life, you can't let fear control your life.Get out there & live it, don't leave this world with any regrets,if you love her go for it.Just remember that she's already told you that she doesn't love you,my experience has taught me that people either love you or they don't.There love doesn't grow on you.Sorry to have to tell you that, but its a cold hard truth.
Good luck LD

 

[violetblake]

i kind of agree with most of the comments,
maybe high light one or two and add a thought of my own.

i guess to echo, im cheating on my wife and family so why in the hell would any women in this trust me,
i don't even have the guts to walk out on my wife and end it
so why would any women want me

im a gutless spine less bastard.
oh i forgot lieing.

so leave your wife and start from there start with a clean sheet.
me im not about to leave my wife,
but if your going to do it just do it just don't pretend to be in a relationship with some one and say your going to leave your wife


next there is nothing wrong with falling in love with your sp, but be realistic,
and there are different kinds of love,
love like a high school crush, or puppy love, just a very shallow kind of love,
or even a love of a dear friend,
then there is like soul mate, she completes me, whatever,

and you can love some one and well they don't need to or don't have to love you back,
its just nice to feel something for some one, you know
you know its impossible, or it will never work or she doesn't love you back
but it doesn't matter the feeling of loving some one it is a kind of nice place to be,
as long as you realize the other person doesn't have to love you back, or do anything to special like quit her job or leave her life for you,

there is nothing at all wrong with love, its just a feeling a nice feelling. actually,
its actions that get you into trouble. its unrealistic expectations that get you into trouble.

Very well said.