I got divorced kind of recently and the sex was non-existent for two years. I dipped my toe into this world with great anxiety and nervous excitement. Now after seeing some amazing ladies I am finding it difficult to not think about this hobby daily. I'm logging in every day and reading and reading and looking at shop websites and tryst and leolist and before I know it I've lost a few hours of my day. Is this unusual? Am I cursed or doomed? Is this a common reaction when someone in my position is finally free and enters this world?
Enjoying this hobby after divorce
- Thread starter Lenno
- Start date
Yes very common. Some say addiction, I say more impulse control. Welcome to The club.
Understandable if you been married a while.
Never been married before, but I know the after break-up feeling and the rush to get some no-strings attached action this hobby offers.
Just dont let it become routine like a friend of my said and not over do it
Never been married before, but I know the after break-up feeling and the rush to get some no-strings attached action this hobby offers.
Just dont let it become routine like a friend of my said and not over do it
Know your limit, and fuck within it.
For many this initial obsession does go down with time. Usually does not disappear completely but becomes manageable.
Think about when you first got Facebook . Now think of how often you look at Facebook now .
Think about when you first got Facebook . Now think of how often you look at Facebook now .
That is my problem. I don't now my limit lol! It isn't money either because I have a healthy fun budget that I started to build when I realized my marriage was going to end. Actually, I have two. The one she knows about that I've always had for regular hobbies like golf and building various cars that come and go, and then the one she doesn't know about (for this hobby) that was not part of the settlement.
Your budget is your limit. Big or small stick within it.
At least that my limit.
Marriage sucks. Congrats for getting out. Now enjoy yourself and you’ll learn how to incorporate this into your new life.
It's been two or more years so allow yourself to indulge. Remember, it's not real. I can understand being touch/attention/sex starved though. Set up an once in a divorce indulgence budget and go nuts. Then make sure when it's gone you have other things in your life to lean on. Start a hobby, meet up with friends, hit the gym, start line dancing, whatever. Don't make this the reason you wake up in the morning.
What percentage of the people out there will never marry. With Goggle I guess it's about 15 percent.
I'm one of those. Never been married ....legally anyway. No kids either. I had plenty of dates in the past. That was never an issue but, fast forward to today, I guess that was never in the universes plan for me. I don't see that ever happening at this stage of my life now. It is what it is as they say.
Best advice, too much is bad for anything, no matter what it is.
100%
Approaching a divorce in this pro active way , then the divorce itself can end up being the best thing to ever happen to you
Congrats on your divorce. As someone who has done this a couple times, after the BS settles, the overwhelming sense of freedom puts you on a high that is pretty tough to beat, so ride that high.
But I have to ask, why are you spending hours a day on your computer when you could be out there banging babes? Oh and put reviews of your time doing this!!
Yeah, enjoy going nuts seeing the ladies for a while. However, the dark side of things that gets downplayed in my opinion, is that it can turn into a compulsive/addictive behaviour for some people. If, at some point, it’s negatively affecting other areas of your life, then you may be crossing the line
I would just add to this that you have to keep perspective on the relationship. It’s a business relationship; we pay for their time and get physical and/or emotional intimacy in return. The emotional part can be confusing sometimes, especially if you’ve been deprived of intimacy, like in a loveless marriage. Just remember, once you stop paying, they will not spend time with you and generally will not communicate with you aside from making a future booking. Most of them are lovely, and I certainly enjoy my time with them, but it’s all based on you paying for their time
💯I would just add to this that you have to keep perspective on the relationship. It’s a business relationship; we pay for their time and get physical and/or emotional intimacy in return. The emotional part can be confusing sometimes, especially if you’ve been deprived of intimacy, like in a loveless marriage. Just remember, once you stop paying, they will not spend time with you and generally will not communicate with you aside from making a future booking. Most of them are lovely, and I certainly enjoy my time with them, but it’s all based on you paying for their time
I’ve had this conversation many times in DM’s etc.Try to keep relationships transactional. In/out.
Part of the dark side is if you can now can’t get hard when you meet a random who doesn’t have a take charge routine. As in the non shower together, no cat bath , no rimming etc. Those are all things we do Outside of normal relationships. If you have that in normal relationships good on you.. by you can get caught up in the Routine, and you know at the 45 minute mark you better hurry up because shower time is in 5 minutes, and you out the door. She will be like wtf?
