may i interject?
can i just take you guys off-roading for a bit?
i have more friends who are divorced than happily married, and each and every one of them has found a way to get completely fucked over by their spouse.
from the very moment a man says "i do" he should have a contingency plan in place for when the marriage fails. call me damaged, or jaded. staistically speaking "when" seems to be a lot more accurate a description than "should"
i have one co-worker who refers to it as "freedom 45." i would refer to it as a war chest.
start socking your money away gents! if you're able to sneak around money to plow hookers you should be able to sneak some of that money away into a long term savings account. when the day comes you find yourself locked out of the home you're paying for you need to be ready!
i'm not an accountant or a lawyer but i've watched judge judy and skimmed though "the automatic millionaire" so i believe im well enough informed to dispense advice.
do your research! before you even put down a deposit for the reception you should:
1. consult with a divorce lawyer. preferably the most vicious, relentless, cold-hearted, off-the-leash rabid pit-bull attorney you can find that you are confident can unleash hell with a single phone call.
that detail is so important i turned it in to a run-on sentence. and if there's one thing mr. blonde does NOT do is write run-on sentences OR refer to himself in the third person.
im not familiar with conflict of interest laws. my area of specialty is automotive. but if it's anything like television, consulting with said rabid pit bull attorney prevents your spouse from hiring him/her for her own ends. so in a sense; you have the devil on your side.
2.) consult with a financial advisor! you cannot go into a marraige with rose colored glasses. the woman you are with right now may be in love with you. but there will come a day where she downright despises you.
there will come a day when she's crying on her mother's shoulder and decides to viciously tear out your manhood, or worse fatherhood, through your wallet.
start socking your money away! talk to family. start with mom and dad. make certain they have a firm grasp on what you're trying to accomplish. the best way to put it: "hope for the best, be prepared for the worst."
in the end, should things work out for the better...when all the kids are grown up, and the house is paid for...there's a little something extra for a brighter future. right?
can i speak from the heart for a moment?
a woman will never understand the sacrifice a man makes when he says "i do."
in some form or another a young woman has, at some point, dreamed of meeting her prince charming and living happily ever after.
it being the 21st century there are going to be a HORDE of women who disagree with this statement. we get it. you're 38, strong, and independent. you also have 3 cats and no man can deal with you for longer than three months. let me finish.
every bride's childhood comes to life on her wedding day. the dress, the veil, the prince (who seems to be more of an accesory than anything) it's all real! you could almost say it's a dream come true!
it's not the same for a groom. becoming the husband means you don't neccesarly "give up" your dreams. they just get put on the back burner. because a good husband puts his wife, and eventually his kids before himself.
there's a physical burden to being a man. when puberty hits we get stuck with a weapon that needs to blow off, speaking from experience, at least four times a day. there's no owners manual that comes with it. somebody sits down with us for a day in junior high and let's us know that what we're experiencing is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. from that point forward we're in a relationship with an appendage that in no way, shape, or form has our best interests in mind. what's worse is a majority of us hold it in high esteem.
there's a primal burden to being a man. an arguement could be made for the woman as well. but from an evolutionary stand point the practice of monogamy is an uphill battle for a man. much like the biological clock is for a woman.
when the man gets married all these fallacies need to be confronted. the man has to get some form of closure that all these devices no longer come first and some of us just can't or are unwilling to do it. take also into consideration the man's ego. the dream he may someday get to be an astronaut, famous hockey player, super-secret-agent. those become even less likely to come true. because, after all, the good husband puts his wife and eventually children before himself. and it's hard. it's so fucking hard. and all these fallacies are something a woman will never understand.
so ladies. to make a long story short:
keep his stomach full and his balls empty, and he'll never stray.
jus sayin'
