Do I tell of having been an SP?.....

[Fakenham]

"And if I do tell, at what point do I have this conversation? Thanks giving? The anniversary of his Mothers death? (he's already upset anyways) ......JK"

if you MUST tell, do so when you're both well into your 80's.
by then it'll just be a funny/outrageous/senile story from grandma that nobody will believe.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

1. If you don't tell him, how are you going to explain where you got ALL that money at your age?

I had to stop right here.

1. Ladies, until you're ready to open a joint bank account/cosign a loan with the man, your financial details are YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS, and none of his.

Perhaps a favourite grandparent set her up a trust fund when she was born that included Apple, Google or Microsoft stock from the IPO. Maybe someone started buying her silver coins at $5 an ounce, and she sold them all last year at $38 an ounce. Or did she go to Vegas on a girl's weekend and win $100,000 on a single turn of a card? Why is it any of his concern? Does she get to do the same audit of his lifestyle as to how he came to be driving that car, living in that neighbourhood, how does he afford all that stuff he's got?

By the time the relationship is serious enough to explain where the money actually came from, you're going to know if he's going to be OK with it.

 

[kinky_guy]

So, why would you be telling him? For your sake or his? Are you merely unloading a burden on someone else? Or this just about total honesty? I'm not trying to be rude or mean. I find some people reveal secrets just to burden someone else. I'm also not saying that is your motivation; only to give it some thought. I always ask myself before doing something; what do I want from this?

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I had to stop right here.

1. Ladies, until you're ready to open a joint bank account/cosign a loan with the man, your financial details are YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS, and none of his.

Perhaps a favourite grandparent set her up a trust fund when she was born that included Apple, Google or Microsoft stock from the IPO. Maybe someone started buying her silver coins at $5 an ounce, and she sold them all last year at $38 an ounce. Or did she go to Vegas on a girl's weekend and win $100,000 on a single turn of a card? Why is it any of his concern? Does she get to do the same audit of his lifestyle as to how he came to be driving that car, living in that neighbourhood, how does he afford all that stuff he's got?

By the time the relationship is serious enough to explain where the money actually came from, you're going to know if he's going to be OK with it.

I'm going to have to take issue with this comment, just a little.

His financial situation is my business, since I am making life decisions and I want to be fully informed. This, of course, is the case in reverse. If the young lady has accomplished a lot with her money, ie. bought a condo, drives a nice and paid-for car, furnishes a beautiful apartment, dresses in finer clothes...I believe the suitor has a right to know how she has accomplished that.

I talk to guys who are dating someone who appears to have a lot of money. Knowing what I know, it is natural for me to wonder if she is a sex worker. This isn't a criticism, of course, it is about whether or not he is receiving the full story or is making decisions based on part of the story or, in fact, a complete lie.

Someone may say they own an apartment, come to find out that it is actually owned by their parents. No biggie, but full disclosure is important if you are thinking about a future with this individual. Why are they fabricating something to make themselves sound bigger/better than they are?

Similarly, a big spender may have a $20,000 balance on their Visa...wouldn't you want to know this? I once met a guy who was doing a lot of spending and it turns out he'd taken out his retirement and was spending it like a madman, but his monthly income was actually quite low. Again, not exactly a problem, but he was spending to impress me and the truth did come out.

Or how about taxes? These are awkward discussions at the start of any relationship but imagine finding out that the lady or gentleman is behind in their taxes by 5-10 years. These topics have to be brought into the relationship-talk sooner, rather than later!

http://www.storesonline.com/site/884583/form/160650

I'm not suggesting these things on the first date or two. But, as this person becomes a contender for your significant-other thoughts, the topics just can't be avoided. That's my opinion and that's why I prefer to be single until after my sojourn here is done. And I can only be with someone who will have an understanding of this part of my life. I will listen carefully to his answers to these questions:

101. How do you feel about men that visit sex workers?
102. How do you feel about Canada's current sex work laws?
103. Do you think that being with a sex worker should be considered a crime?
104. Hmmmm, that looks like a massage parlour? What do you think of those places?

There are way to gauge someone's tolerance without outting yourself immediately. Never out yourself if you think the person will hold it against you or throw it back in your face.

 

[badbadboy]

I like to pride myself on my honesty and am very conscious of not being judgemental. I believe progressive people go throw changes in life and someones past should not be held against them. Being a student, I one day will not be an SP anymore and hope to have a family and get married.
I appreciate this profession on many levels and the amount that I have learnt about men, their needs, how they tick, why they stray ect. is amazing. I feel this will make me an understanding wife one day.

Say some years down the road I meet someone I want to marry. Do I tell them of previously being an SP? A couple men I have asked this to have said " never never never tell the guy you want to marry cause men aren't that understanding"?

If someone really loves me they wont hold it against me, and my biggest fear would be having them feel insecure or untrusting.

I ask myself how I would feel if the man I wanted to spend my life with came out to tell me he used to be in the Mod or was a cross dressing crackhead at one point?

And if I do tell, at what point do I have this conversation? Thanks giving? The anniversary of his Mothers death? (he's already upset anyways) ......JK

Love to hear anyones thoughts, Kay

Although I applaud you Lady Kay for wanting to have an honesty is the best policy attitude; I think long term it's a personal secret that you will want to keep to yourself.

A few SP's I have known who were married or had live in BF's all had one thing in common. When push came to shove in arguments their SO's all played the 'whore' card on them. Once those words were uttered there was no going back.

On a personal level, I admitted to a former very good friend that I am an active hobbyist. He was moaning about his lack of any sex in his loveless marriage so I told him about pooning etc. Now when we get in any sort of discussion he will minimize my thoughts by put downs about my hobby. He has also told others too which has destroyed our friendship.

It's my hobby and my secret. I suggest you keep this chapter in your life to yourself and deny, deny, deny if ever faced with it.

After re reading this thread is dawned on me that there is a common theme with the "Would you date an SP" thread. In that thread the general consensus by the ladies was that their SO would remain monogamous throughout the relationship while they continue to see clients. They maintained that there is a clear and distinct difference between having sex for money with a client vs having a close loving sexual relationship with their SO. I didn't buy this argument because the act of sex between to people (at least I think most of the pooners here prefer another person :nod is a mutually pleasing two hour event which in my opinion is very much the same with a SO. This is where the lines became blurred.

Here on Perb, this is a captive audience where the population is quite in tune with how the ladies operate their businesses and the ladies generally know their repeat customers quite well. You could say we are all preaching to the choir per se. Civilians on the other hand IMHO are quite biased against the industry, are quite naive about how the industry works and would probably find it socially unacceptable to participate in this hobby. Dating and Marrying a civilian after working as a sex worker with full knowledge of her past would indeed require a man with a strong self esteem, a strong sense of what is fair and acceptable plus being able to fully put the past in the past and leave it there untouched. If Lady Kay were to find such a man that can handle the truth about the past then she has indeed struck gold.

IF a relationship were to succeed with both parties being fully knowledgable about each others past, there must be an agreement that what was in the past is in the past. If there were ever a disagreement it has to be agreed that no dirty fighting includes dredging up the past. Out of bounds, never to be thrown in each other's face. It takes two very strong individuals to abide by this one key rule. Otherwise, I still stand by my initial post above where you have your own past that is yours to either share or not. Having known SP's who were either still attached to a SO or divorced; they had a common problem that when things got down n dirty the "whore" word would be thrown in their faces. To me that is an act of betrayal where their SO's knew their pasts and yet would fight dirty by putting them down for being a sex worker.

I just don't think it's worth the grief of having to defend your former life. Over time, things get said that can never be unsaid and they do leave a permanent mark on your memory. When there are enough of these memory marks, as in my case; you just say fuck it, its not worth it anymore. Bit jaded, yup but it is a reality.

 

[VanessaofBC]

So, why would you be telling him? For your sake or his? Are you merely unloading a burden on someone else? Or this just about total honesty? I'm not trying to be rude or mean. I find some people reveal secrets just to burden someone else. I'm also not saying that is your motivation; only to give it some thought. I always ask myself before doing something; what do I want from this?

That's an interesting way to phrase things. It would be for my own sake. I would not be trying to burden anyone. I would want to be honest with a person if we were starting a new relationship. (possibly LTR)

 

[PuntMeister]

but now you've planted visions in his head of being penetrated by countless cocks.

Hey, one of those cocks might have been mine! I sure hope so, lol.

I'm in the tell him camp. You need someone who accepts you for who you are, not who they imagine you to be. If he can't deal with that, then it's best you know now.

(Raises hand)--I'm in the Yaz camp too. Live free, or move on.

Punt's contributions to your question:

1) Fish in cloudy waters. Try to find a mate and future SO that likely has a skeleton or two in his closet too. If you can live with his past cross-dressing crackhead days, you can trade off your SP days, and maybe you two will be meant for each other and share a new shinier life together. (btw, what's wrong with a little stockings / heels / wig action when sparking up? Just sayin--if you can believe he can put it behind him, so he can believe in you). Point is, if you go flirting in church you may find a spotless prince and fail to live up to his ideal or soil his life trajectory. If on the other hand you do some dignified pubbing, you are more likely to find a beautiful reformed frog on a trajectory much like your own.

2) Honour two years of dwell time. You need to be able to say (and show) that you've moved on. It needs to be in your past, as in years ago, not weeks ago. If you can say "that's what I did way back then", you can come clean. But if there is ANY chance you are still active, your pool of understanding suitors just got really really shallow (although a good stunning client might come along....Na, too risky it would too likely be extended lust rather than love). So once you have truly moved on, then you can find a man looking for a bright shared future rather than a spotless past.

3) Never apologize for it, or explain it away. Own the decision in the future as you do now. I think that plays more positively about the strength of a woman's character and decisivenss than if she looked back on it as a mistake or weakness. A weakness could recurr. But a strong attactive woman and future partner would know exactly what she did and why, and even better if she intentionally grew from the experience and took ongoing strength from it. There is so much we can learn and admire from an SP with integrity. Society sometimes forgets what it takes to be a business person, in any business, and how people with courage are the people we should surround ourselves with and look up to.

-Punt.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

So, why would you be telling him? For your sake or his? Are you merely unloading a burden on someone else? Or this just about total honesty? I'm not trying to be rude or mean. I find some people reveal secrets just to burden someone else. I'm also not saying that is your motivation; only to give it some thought. I always ask myself before doing something; what do I want from this?

I do like the way you asked this. Sometimes it is best not to burden someone with your truth. You are often then asking them to keep your secret and, is that really fair? We are all taking this topic quite seriously and it goes to show, that the perb community is not a frivolous one (in spite of what may appear to be rather flippant comments in reviews from time-to-time).

 

[VanessaofBC]

Good one, Punt!!!! Well, said!

 

[papillion]

I like to pride myself on my honesty and am very conscious of not being judgemental. I believe progressive people go throw changes in life and someones past should not be held against them. Being a student, I one day will not be an SP anymore and hope to have a family and get married.
I appreciate this profession on many levels and the amount that I have learnt about men, their needs, how they tick, why they stray ect. is amazing. I feel this will make me an understanding wife one day.

Say some years down the road I meet someone I want to marry. Do I tell them of previously being an SP? A couple men I have asked this to have said " never never never tell the guy you want to marry cause men aren't that understanding"?

If someone really loves me they wont hold it against me, and my biggest fear would be having them feel insecure or untrusting.

I ask myself how I would feel if the man I wanted to spend my life with came out to tell me he used to be in the Mod or was a cross dressing crackhead at one point?

And if I do tell, at what point do I have this conversation? Thanks giving? The anniversary of his Mothers death? (he's already upset anyways) ......JK

Love to hear anyones thoughts, Kay

My $0.02: If you get to know your future fiance well enough you'll develop a gut feeling as to how he'll receive the info should you choose to divulge, trust your instincts.
BTW, I know a couple SPs who, towards the end of their careers married their fave client.

 

[dickotoole]

Man, there are a lot of interesting and diverse views and many make perfect sense in a given relationship. The problem I think is not so much as to tell or not tell, or more to the point, how deep the pool or possible mates would be if you do or don't tell. I think it goes something like this

100% tell sorta tell (frame it as counseling) tell later on never tell
possible mates 5% 10% 90% 100% (or those attracted to you)

wait 2 years 15% 40% 95% 100%
wait 5 years 50% 70% 99% 100%
tell at 80yrs old 100% 100% 100% 100%

Now there's the getting caught part of it all. All the 100% never tell percentages drop way off depending on all the variables of any relationship. Whore, slut, prostitute, and a multitude others words will be spoken. But then some of them are spoken in many relationships anyway, whether the woman cheats or not. So, if being called one of these names will hurt you after you have truly given it up . . . . but know that I have heard my buddies call their girlfriends all these names and worse and to my knowledge none of them ever worked professionally.

In all the relationships I have ever been in I have never wondered for more than a flashing moment, or asked about a girlfriends sexual past. And I have never shared any of my own. And in all relationships we have talked about what we do for a living. And doing this (john or hooker) is morally reprehensible in our society. Not many johns or hookers tell their family and for good reason - we don't want to have to live with all the judgment that would come with it. In all my relationships myself and each of my partners built our relationship on what we had together, not what was in our past. My wife of over 20 years knows so little of my past it is amazing. She knows all my family, friends and those open things but nothing of my pooning, philandering, or other reckless activities. And I know she has secrets from me too. That is part of being free in a relationship. We love each other enough to not have to know every little detail. And we love each other enough to know that even if the other cheated we would stay together. I know that myself and she has told me. The idea that love can only exist in a fully open and honest relationship is bullshit. Everyone has something they don't tell 'certain' others.

 

[UhOh]

I once dated a girl for a month or two that was soooo good at sucking dick that I couldn't help but wonder if she had a past in the sex industry.
She would blow me anywhere anytime and swallow everytime. I didn't want to know I just wanted to enjoy while it lasted.
Then one day I was supposed to be busy but wasn't and I showed up unexpected to find her sucking lips with some other guy as she was getting into his truck.
Oh well I had no longterm plans for her anyway, but you can bet I let her suck my dick again months later. I still have no idea of her past though.

 

[diamondd5243]

I once dated a girl for a month or two that was soooo good at sucking dick that I couldn't help but wonder if she had a past in the sex industry.
She would blow me anywhere anytime and swallow everytime. I didn't want to know I just wanted to enjoy while it lasted.
Then one day I was supposed to be busy but wasn't and I showed up unexpected to find her sucking lips with some other guy as she was getting into his truck.
Oh well I had no longterm plans for her anyway, but you can bet I let her suck my dick again months later. I still have no idea of her past though.

When I joined the world of pooning I couldn't help but wonder about some of my past gfs even some that I meet and had relations with since. Hot, great in bed, and great conversationalists. The lines are so blurry nowadays. Reminds me of those discussions from last week after the Supreme Court ruling.

 

[sdw]

I had to stop right here.

1. Ladies, until you're ready to open a joint bank account/cosign a loan with the man, your financial details are YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS, and none of his.

Perhaps a favourite grandparent set her up a trust fund when she was born that included Apple, Google or Microsoft stock from the IPO. Maybe someone started buying her silver coins at $5 an ounce, and she sold them all last year at $38 an ounce. Or did she go to Vegas on a girl's weekend and win $100,000 on a single turn of a card? Why is it any of his concern? Does she get to do the same audit of his lifestyle as to how he came to be driving that car, living in that neighbourhood, how does he afford all that stuff he's got?

By the time the relationship is serious enough to explain where the money actually came from, you're going to know if he's going to be OK with it.

It is always well for both parties to declare their assets and liabilities and also what they are willing to bring into the relationship and what they are going to exclude from the relationship.

If the two parties have roughly equal net worth - then, an agreement is not really necessary. If one party has much more than the other party - then, an agreement is necessary. In BC a pre-nupial agreement is not valid if it wasn't preceded with an agreement that the parties were going to exclude assets from the relationship. So, two signed contracts are needed to exclude assets, 1 a significant amount of time prior to the wedding and 2 immediately after the wedding. Also, if the asset is a dwelling and the couple reside in that dwelling - the dwelling cannot be excluded as a marital asset. So, excluded assets cannot be accessed while inside the relationship because they become marital (or common law) assets.

Failure to disclose assets and exclude those assets automatically brings those assets into the relationship.

http://www.bcfamilylaw.ca/family-property/

http://www.duhaime.org/LegalResourc...al-Property-Guidelines--British-Columbia.aspx

The FRA excludes business assets from division between the spouses.These assets are property used primarily for business purposes, owned by one spouse only, and for which there has been no contribution, direct or indirect, by the other spouse, to either the acquisition of the business property or to the operation of the business itself. The FRA adds that an indirect contribution would include savings by effective management of household responsibilities. The key here, to use the words of a 1980 decision, is for the spouse to somehow show "some connection, albeit in only a general way, with the property in which she seeks an interest".

The FRA allows a court to overlook the legal ownership of a corporation in what otherwise appears to be a family asset if certain conditions are met (eg. a company car). The court will give the family-used asset a value and compensate by dividing up the shares owned by the spouse in the corporation accordingly.

The drafters of the FRA confused the system when they added that a family asset included a share in a "venture to which money or money's worth, was directly or indirectly, contributed by or on behalf of the other spouse." There have been several opinions but it appears that B.C. courts still have not figured out how a venture asset is different from a business asset.

Even if there is a marriage contract or a separation agreement which covers property division, and in spite of the definition of "family assets" or "business assets", the B.C. Supreme Court has the overriding broad power to re-divide the property if to do otherwise would create a situation of unfairness having regard to six different criteria:

The needs of each spouse to become economically independent. This needs test is based on the socio-economic status the spouse has obtained during the marriage and not that at which the marriage was entered into.

The duration of the marriage.

The duration of a separation

The date the property was acquired. For example, a spouse could bring substantial property into a marriage which is ultimately of short duration. It would not be fair, in this circumstance, to allow the other spouse to claim a half-interest in the property.

The fact that property was a gift or inheritance. The effect of this diminishes with time between the inheritance and the triggering event.

 

[sdw]

That's an interesting way to phrase things. It would be for my own sake. I would not be trying to burden anyone. I would want to be honest with a person if we were starting a new relationship. (possibly LTR)

But, you are burdening the other party. Basically, you are saying that the person may find out or You may do something and the person is not allowed to be upset because you told them.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

It is always well for both parties to declare their assets and liabilities and also what they are willing to bring into the relationship and what they are going to exclude from the relationship.

I actually agree with you...could not agree more. So, let me rephrase my admonition;

Ladies, until he is ready for FULL MUTUAL DISCLOSURE OF ANY AND ALL ASSETS WHICH MAY AT SOME TIME BE DETERMINED TO BE 'OF THE RELATIONSHIP, your finances are none of his business.

 

[sdw]

I actually agree with you...could not agree more. So, let me rephrase my admonition;

Ladies, until he is ready for FULL MUTUAL DISCLOSURE OF ANY AND ALL ASSETS WHICH MAY AT SOME TIME BE DETERMINED TO BE 'OF THE RELATIONSHIP, your finances are none of his business.

Yep - I agree

Especially if it becomes apparent that the person is a spend thrift or is "supplementing" their apparent income with maxed out Credit.

 

[sevenofnine]

Thinking about this.

does it really come done to trust and honesty and all of that.


Or does it come down to.
Let me put it this way, porn has always interested me fascinated me, just the why of it, Im addicted always have been seeing an escort is just part of it..


But you know some people see porn as disgusting see escorts just filthy and disgusting.

I could fall in love with an escort, not a problem for me.

But if your a guy who thinks this is filthy or disgusting and low thing to do, maybe you have been to see escorts but its more of taking your frustrations out on them, then sex.
he thinks all escorts are damaged or broken

A guy like that could never fall in love with an escort present past or future.

I think love is magical special. a lot of things are deal breakers a lot of silly things.
and being an escort is certainly not a silly thing not a small thing something you did just because or to see what it was like or whatever.

and a lot of the population out there, would find all of us just sic to be honest.

 

[Justin. Credible]

I dated a dancer who went onto be a SP...she was honest with me but we were already in the relationship...this didn't work out with us because she decided sex was a business to her and she wanted to be single, we parted ways wth no hard feelings. When I got into a new relationship with someone who wasn't in the business she wasn't too happy about my previous relationship and it went south after I told her my ex was a dancer (not even a sp)

I think there should be a "pardon" after 5 years of leaving the business. You should be able to enter a relationship with a clean slate. For example what if your future husband was a dog in collage...do you really want to know what he did at frat parties for the sake of honesty!?

Being honest in a relationship is great once it starts with that person, in my opinion you don't need to share EVERYTHING about your PAST with your partner

 

[UhOh]

For example what if your future husband was a dog in collage...do you really want to know what he did at frat parties for the sake of honesty!?

Yeah thank god its different for men