Do I tell of having been an SP?.....

[johnsmit]

This is coming from maxx... a guy that is very accepting.. and has only reitired escorts as friends..
whom he would never hesitate to takes as partners for life..

A relationship is about being honest. first with your self .. who you are . and all that you gave done and gone through in life. .We all have a little trouble with puting that in perspective.. on the best of days..
Next we have to be willing to be honest to the person we want a realationship . with.. . and them with us... again i think we all have problems doing that .. becausd we are afraid of being judged... critisied.. and rejected.. by the other person..and we dont want to loss tbem... Relationship that can get over that la

As for who is attracted to uss.. and who we are atracted. to... That involves the whole sum of every thing we have done..
thought.. and beleive.. .. . This is what has molded us in the the person.. that some one else . is attracted to and wants to dlend there life . with.... They have to love you for who you . are .. the good .. bad and ugly.. If they cant thdn hkw will it bd happy..

All was keep apart of who you are..it not who you were. .part of you still is that person..
You will remember it.. run in to old acquaintances... .and not being able to be honest with them . or your partner.. whdn thst happen .. will have adverces effects on you and your relationship...

You each need to accept each ofhers past.. and pressent.. and then build a future to gether.. wha in bring a long.. is your choise.. and is part of psrson you love...

Telling everyghing as soon as you know this is the person i want to be with.. is the only way to make sure .. tbey can accept you for who you have become.. .and not reject you for a chose you oncd made.. and ha e moved on crom.

Sure it can be very involved.. and we each are very complicated.. Sex... drugs... attitituds...habits... phobias...and our mrntal .state play into every.. thing ae do .and every relationship

When some one love you thay have know how to do this

It is never easy.. but true love makes..you be honest with each other

 

[CJ Tylers]

I'd only bring it up if you don't plan on stopping, and/or you have online pictures and ads that you can't manage to scrub from the escort sites... assuming your future beau's friends might find out via online snooping.

But, if you put enough distance between yourself an the business, then it's in the past and forgotten. Just don't ask him about his past sexual liaisons. As long as you're both clean, then it's a fresh start.

 

[1nitestan]

I'm on the don't tell him side. You will have an argument with your guy at some point of your relationship. If you allude to him being terrible in the sack, "thousands of men can get it right, why can't you?" or he thinks you were flirting a little too much, "drumming up customers?" Your relationship is over. The words can't be unsaid.

That sounds like the kind of person who isn't secure enough to be in a relationship w/ an SP/ex-SP in the first place. Plus what kind of woman who has a lot of sexual knowledge is gonna let her partner continue to be lousy at sex?

There are lots of men that think they can handle being in a relationship with an ex-sp. There is an SP on this board that has "retired" to work on a relationship a few times, she keeps coming back to the work that she knows will provide the income she wants.

It's hard to leave any career especially if you've been very successful at it and it's paid you well. For SP's it's also hard to give up the adulation/variety of many suitors to settle for one person. The attention is about as addictive as the money.

I always wonder about the fantasy that everyone's life should be examined in detail for each new relationship. I personally know that women who think I should be able to handle every little "off" detail of their life, can't handle meeting the children of my previous marriage. In fact, they can't handle the fact that those children must be in my Will and will inherit some part of my estate.

Those are assholes and you need to kick em to the curb ASAP. Anyone who expects you to forsake family is a douche.

 

[hornygandalf]

I think this is a very good question, and one that will take wisdom and discernment to act on at the appropriate time. Clearly there are two sides: tell him or hide it. I'd say if you have to hide it, he may not be the right person as you never know when something is hidden that might be revealed. I wonder, though, if there is something in the middle, where you can frame it as providing personal services and counselling of some kind, that also involved intimacy as part of the role. Anotherwords, frame it so the focus is not on the sex part, but the wider aspects of the role... the companionship and so on.
It is a delicate issue, but I would hope that your future partner would be understanding and accepting of that part of your past, and so it would not be an issue, nor used against you as an issue. I tend to side with Playful Alex, however, it would be a special guy to accept that and you will have to be willing to accept possible rejection in the process.

All the best with this sweet lady.

 

[deleted Miss Lux]

It's very important to me to have a relationship that has a strong foundation of trust, communication and acceptance. That includes my work life, as it's a strong part of who I am. If I'm interested in dating someone, is will tell about my work right off the bat. They likely won't know my work name or details until later on (unless like someone else said, we met through the industry).
I want someone who is like minded and will accept all of me... I'm also in acceptance that it may take a little more time, but it's pretty unlikely I would find something of substance coming from a big secret... I have no interest in anything other than living authentically. That's the way I approach this whole thing... Everyone's different

xoxo Fiona Lux

 

[UhOh]

I'll be running a seminar called 'How to Live Like You're Poor and Get Rich Doing it!' in the New Year! :clap2:

Just send $19.95 plus shipping for your how-to guide?

Well at least you're rich, sure would seem silly giving advice if you were not.

 

[hornyasian]

I think everyone made really good points in this thread. I think the question we have to be asking ourselves aren't we like minded people since we are members. It is hard to tell what other people might think.

I can't give you any advice Lady Kay on what to do but I wish you the very best.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Just send $19.95 plus shipping for your how-to guide?

Well at least you're rich, sure would seem silly giving advice if you were not.

I've learned more about how to get rich in the three years since I left my previous career than in the entire 22 years I worked at it. I've learned how to make every dollar count and to eliminate unnecessary spending wherever possible so that there's always a resesrve when you need it. I've learned that you cannot trust anyone but yourself when it comes to your finances and you have no one to blame but yourself when careless spending screws them up. Finally, I've learned to leave the debit machine at home and use cash. Keep a few toonies, loonies, and maybe $35 cash when you go out for incidentals. Save your large bills, and when you want to purchase (or lease? :eyebrows something that you are really going to enjoy, get the best one you can afford that will give you the best bang for your buck...and ACTUAL physical precious metals will always be a classical hedge against inflation, so buy low, ride out the dips, and sell high.

That'll be $19.95 please.

 

[CLUB78]

I've learned more about how to get rich in the three years since I left my previous career than in the entire 22 years I worked at it. I've learned how to make every dollar count and to eliminate unnecessary spending wherever possible so that there's always a resesrve when you need it. I've learned that you cannot trust anyone but yourself when it comes to your finances and you have no one to blame but yourself when careless spending screws them up. Finally, I've learned to leave the debit machine at home and use cash. Keep a few toonies, loonies, and maybe $35 cash when you go out for incidentals. Save your large bills, and when you want to purchase (or lease? :eyebrows something that you are really going to enjoy, get the best one you can afford that will give you the best bang for your buck...and ACTUAL physical precious metals will always be a classical hedge against inflation, so buy low, ride out the dips, and sell high.

That'll be $19.95 please.

I would pay you twice that amount for half the advice, hence my need for the advice in the first place. As soon as my life settles slightly, my next plan is to stalk you so we can hitchhike through the galaxy together. I already have a towel. :thumb:

 

[Lady Companion]

I am 100% for honesty.

Your partner is somebody who should love and support you no matter what. If they can't.......it's no judgement to either party - but it is an indication that you aren't a good match.

Being a companion doesn't define us, but it does help shape who we are and who we become. If somebody isn't accepting of your past (and by accepting I don't mean puts up with it....I mean NEVER throws it in your face, NEVER judges you for it, holds no fear involving it, be that of you leaving for somebody 'better', getting back into the industry etc.) then YOU DESERVE BETTER!

If you have hesitations with sharing this aspect of your life, it is likely also an indication that you are holding onto some shame or guild associated with it - which is certainly not healthy.

Not everybody can deal with it, so why put yourself through the drama and pain of having to be guarded rather than finding somebody who whole heartedly supports you and your choices.

The amount of energy required to hide a part of you or your past is tremendous. That energy can be used for so many better things, including feeding a relationship that is worthwhile.

I agree, there are many men who wouldn't be able to get past it, but there are at least as many who will love you unconditionally for who you are.

You deserve to be loved, appreciated and celebrated for all you are, and that includes this aspect of your life. Hiding your choices (whether they were beneficial or mistakes) only creates shame within ourselves. And nobody is able to thrive or realize their potential if they are insecure and ashamed of a portion of what makes them unique.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Just send $19.95 plus shipping for your how-to guide?

Well at least you're rich, sure would seem silly giving advice if you were not.

:doh: I keep forgetting...what's the coding for sarcasm? I know...

[SARCASM] I'll be running a seminar...:clap2:[/SARCASM]

 

[hornyasian]

Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally. I do believe in romance.

I think this topic is a hard one to discuss. Even if you find someone who loves you unconditionally and you tell them, its just extra fire power for them to use against you if you get into arguments. I know its hard to leave the past behind and the past shapes who we are. In MY OPINION I do feel when people get angry they will say anything that will make you feel guilty just because it's in the heat of the moment.

Telling a significant other is not just a black and white decision.

 

[uncleg]

Copy and print this........................





......................then when/if says, "that's funny"..you tell him, "well, you know what else is funny".........see how it goes. If he doesn't at least smile, start packing.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

I would pay you twice that amount for half the advice, hence my need for the advice in the first place. As soon as my life settles slightly, my next plan is to stalk you so we can hitchhike through the galaxy together. I already have a towel. :thumb:

Well perhaps you just need to arrange things so YOU can get away and I could pick YOU up and bring you to Club 69, Eh? (Anyone who's seen me gets that...)

 

[newkind]

..........................................and the vice versa, should pooners tell girlfriends that they have seen sps in the past?

I say no

 

[newatit]

This subject has focused only on the marriage or coupling aspect of the issue, and frankly, there is so much more to the do I tell question. For the marriage bit, I think any guy who gets to the stage of proposing to you should know you pretty well, and if you have hidden this part of your life from him, he may be loving you for entirely different reasons. It is probably those reasons that are important, as you really have to ask, did he mess around as much as you, use Sp's etc. and it might depend upon the community you live in. Are you still in the old work community, and might work contacts enter into it. People love to talk, and if you showed up in a social event and the wrong kind of old client was there, things could get dicey. So there are variables. I have dated a few sp's that have discussed marriage or coupling with me, and while we got past the discussion stage, never made it further. But I was interested in them as a wife, mate, companion, supporter, and lover. The number of guys she had bedded had not much to do with it, but what was important was what this was going to be to us, if we had proceeded. It was the commitment and future that was important, not the past.

Another part of the question though, is the link that marriage might create if the partner knows and the relationship falls apart. Like if you have gotten out of the situation, invested in an education, and made a success of yourself, being outed by a former husband or lover isn't something that might work well. We can see copious examples of people who have left their former lives and yet been found out and punished, jailed, removed from their positions over past "sins"!

I think it is a judgement call. Is has more to do with practicality and other factors than anything.

One thing that is important here though, if you are going to be in the sp job, don't show your face in any pictures or give out a phone number or address that links you in any way to the trade. Doing something like buying an airplane ticket with your SP phone number becomes a permanent record that just might be traceable.

Keep it private, keep your options open.

 

[normisanas]

1. If you don't tell him, how are you going to explain where you got ALL that money at your age?

2. People think hiding one thing in one's life means telling one lie. No, lies grow more lies. It becomes a web of lies, then a history of a web of lies.

3. Why is there an expectation that someone who "truly loves you" should understand that you were a sex worker? I assume your parents truly love you, would do anything for you, could be expected to be at your side if it was dire enough.... but would you expect them to understand you were a sex worker? The only true love is the love that the person is willing to keep giving, despite being angry with you, being resentful of you, not understanding you, not forgetting what you did, etc. To ask that someone completely understands you is too tall an order, and you should be asking yourself if you could fulfill that for someone else first.

 

[1nitestan]

It's just a fuckin' hassle having to make shit up when someone asks you what you do for a job...or asks how your day was...etc.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

your past life would be safe with me - but i'm not sure about the rest of these clowns, lol...

 

[greatshark]

I agree. Could I go back and do things differently I would definitely not have shown my face. If someone was to pull up something from the past, there's nothing I could do to deny it. So I suppose I am forced into being with someone who accepts me as I am/was or to not say anything and sweat bullets all the time. I didn't realize at the time that the internet is forever. Luckily the important relationships in my life are aware of what I do, and are non judgmental. Even my boss knows. But in hindsight, I would definitely have done things differently.

That is quite touching and thank you for your honesty.

How did your boss find out - is he on perb? And if you work for a small employer did that not affect your relationships with your co-workers especially female ones (I assume they would know as well)?

If the important relationships includes your family, you are lucky to have such understanding people.