Divorce
- Thread starter EdmAdvice
- Start date
I'm not from the area, so I can't answer your question, but let me toss this out...
Having gone through a divorce myself, and having a bunch of friends who have as well, it's my opinion that there often isn't a lot to be gained by being overly confrontational. The law is pretty clear on the division of assets (at least it is in Ontario) so no matter how you go at it, you're going to end up in the same place, more or less. The difference is that the lawyers are going to get rich, you'll be forever estranged from the woman you once loved and if you have kids, they will suffer more than necessary, if you choose to fight this out.
Of course I know nothing of your situation, but consider checking your emotions and communicate with your spouse and indicate a desire to explore a negotiated settlement that you can both live with. My ex and I did this, and a decade later, we are still friends and communicate regularly. Our kids are fine and both of us are "good" in our personal lives. Once you start down the confrontational approach, I suspect it's pretty hard to come back.
I recall sitting with my lawyer and him telling me about another couple he was working with (he represented the wife) and that his bill to date had been in the range of $50K, as was that of the husband. The lawyers had tried unsuccessfully to try to get them to settle things, but they insisted on fighting over every little thing, out of spite. I asked if they were wealthy and he replied that their assets were somewhat less than mine, which I would describe as "comfortably well off".
By contrast, my total legal bill (for both parties) was under $2500 plus a small amount for court costs...
No matter how you go about it, a divorce isn't fun. On the upside, life "after" can be awesome.
Good luck!
Having gone through a divorce myself, and having a bunch of friends who have as well, it's my opinion that there often isn't a lot to be gained by being overly confrontational. The law is pretty clear on the division of assets (at least it is in Ontario) so no matter how you go at it, you're going to end up in the same place, more or less. The difference is that the lawyers are going to get rich, you'll be forever estranged from the woman you once loved and if you have kids, they will suffer more than necessary, if you choose to fight this out.
Of course I know nothing of your situation, but consider checking your emotions and communicate with your spouse and indicate a desire to explore a negotiated settlement that you can both live with. My ex and I did this, and a decade later, we are still friends and communicate regularly. Our kids are fine and both of us are "good" in our personal lives. Once you start down the confrontational approach, I suspect it's pretty hard to come back.
I recall sitting with my lawyer and him telling me about another couple he was working with (he represented the wife) and that his bill to date had been in the range of $50K, as was that of the husband. The lawyers had tried unsuccessfully to try to get them to settle things, but they insisted on fighting over every little thing, out of spite. I asked if they were wealthy and he replied that their assets were somewhat less than mine, which I would describe as "comfortably well off".
By contrast, my total legal bill (for both parties) was under $2500 plus a small amount for court costs...
No matter how you go about it, a divorce isn't fun. On the upside, life "after" can be awesome.
Good luck!
I totally agree with Stoo. An aggressive approach means fighting over little things at a cost that in the end you will regret I suspect. A reasoned approach means you save on legal costs and maybe will even form a relationship with the ex that won't leave everyone bitter and twisted for the rest of your lives.
I agree with Stoo as well.
Having gone through the process most Canadian jurisdictions are "no fault" and pretty clear cut on division of assets, child support, etc.
As mad as you may be or regardless of how much you might hate your ex, there is not a lot to be gained by being confrontational. I would be leary of any family lawyer out there who tells you differently.
All your going to do being aggressive is spend way more money on a lawyer than you have to.
The only thing I might have fought was spousal support. I was forunate that my ex was not seeking any spousal support. If anything I could have as she was making way more than me. In this day and age it is a very tricky item and varies not only from province to province but judge to judge. My lawyer told me that unless you have been married a very long time and your wife can establish she is nearly unemployable and was totally dependant on you for support, she'll likely would not get any. It was much more common back 20 - 30 years ago when most women were housewives. Now a days, when most married women still work, it is virtually unheard of uless there is a HUGE discrepancy in incomes.
My advice is to get through this spending as little on lawyers as you can. I can personally think of other people
you can pay $300 - 500/hr to and have way more fun.:eyebrows:
Having gone through the process most Canadian jurisdictions are "no fault" and pretty clear cut on division of assets, child support, etc.
As mad as you may be or regardless of how much you might hate your ex, there is not a lot to be gained by being confrontational. I would be leary of any family lawyer out there who tells you differently.
All your going to do being aggressive is spend way more money on a lawyer than you have to.
The only thing I might have fought was spousal support. I was forunate that my ex was not seeking any spousal support. If anything I could have as she was making way more than me. In this day and age it is a very tricky item and varies not only from province to province but judge to judge. My lawyer told me that unless you have been married a very long time and your wife can establish she is nearly unemployable and was totally dependant on you for support, she'll likely would not get any. It was much more common back 20 - 30 years ago when most women were housewives. Now a days, when most married women still work, it is virtually unheard of uless there is a HUGE discrepancy in incomes.
My advice is to get through this spending as little on lawyers as you can. I can personally think of other people
you can pay $300 - 500/hr to and have way more fun.:eyebrows:
iMHO if you can settle without going to court please do so. If she is agreeable to using Mediation with your two lawyers signing off on it all the better.
BUT
If you get the sense that she will try to be punitive and limit access to children if you have any or push for extra support rather than work; I would suggest lawyering up with a good Family Lawyer ASAP. Also, do the Tony Soprano thing and see or call at least 10 of the top lawyers in Edmonton specializing with Family Law. They do due diligence and if they have spoken to either party they are unable to represent the other party. If you see them, it will cost you a minimum of $400 per hour. Consider it an investment in yourself. You can find out who these people are from other professionals such as accountants, Dr's and Dentists who seem to have a network of like minded professionals. It seems they have a higher incidence of divorce.
Muddy the waters so to speak and she will be limited who can represent her in case it goes to trial.
Make it so she has to go with smaller law firm who may not even specialize in Family Law.
BUT
If you get the sense that she will try to be punitive and limit access to children if you have any or push for extra support rather than work; I would suggest lawyering up with a good Family Lawyer ASAP. Also, do the Tony Soprano thing and see or call at least 10 of the top lawyers in Edmonton specializing with Family Law. They do due diligence and if they have spoken to either party they are unable to represent the other party. If you see them, it will cost you a minimum of $400 per hour. Consider it an investment in yourself. You can find out who these people are from other professionals such as accountants, Dr's and Dentists who seem to have a network of like minded professionals. It seems they have a higher incidence of divorce.
Muddy the waters so to speak and she will be limited who can represent her in case it goes to trial.
Make it so she has to go with smaller law firm who may not even specialize in Family Law.
I thought you were going to suggest something "inappropriate" for a moment! ;-)
Some years ago, I had an "acquaintance" who was a former biker... We moved in very different circles, but he once jokingly (I think) suggested that he knew people who offered a very "affordable" alternative to traditional divorce!
I declined to take advantage of it. Regardless, I often describe my divorce as the "Best $880,000 I ever spent!" Sigh...
Doesn't matter how it's going, you need a good lawyer well versed in family law. If you are a pussy, her lawyer will walk all over you.
Fly in Marty Tadman from Winnipeg. He saved my ass in a difficult situation. He prefers husbands. I've seen good family lawyers, and I've seen bad. You always want a heavy hitter in your corner. (If u can afford it)
Fly in Marty Tadman from Winnipeg. He saved my ass in a difficult situation. He prefers husbands. I've seen good family lawyers, and I've seen bad. You always want a heavy hitter in your corner. (If u can afford it)
