Discussion: Activity, Strategy, and Coping - Not Morality

[TheBellaRoseXo]

Something I’ve noticed in this space is how quickly people - both men and women - get shamed for being “too active.” Too many posts. Too visible. Too eager.

What’s interesting to me is how rarely that behaviour is examined as strategy or coping, and how often it’s reduced to a moral judgment instead. Sometimes women who are highly active in the lounge get labeled things like “lounge lizard”. Men don’t escape it either - they’re often framed as desperate, addicted, time-wasters, or guys who can’t get booked so they linger.

For some people, being highly active is a business strategy. Visibility, momentum & consistency all matter. In an unstable or competitive environment, activity can be the difference between security and stress.

For others, it’s a coping mechanism. When life feels uncertain, lonely, financially tight, emotionally overwhelming, or out of control, staying busy can be grounding. Movement can feel safer than stillness. Engagement, even if scrolling for hours and posting memes, can feel safer than isolation. This board does function as a form of social media - even if we don’t call it that.

And sometimes - it’s both.

What feels disappointing is how often we shame the behavior without understanding the context. We rarely know:

• Someone’s financial pressure
• Their mental health state
• Their support system (or lack of one)
• Whether activity is keeping them afloat or keeping them sane

What’s interesting isn’t the labels themselves, but what they do. They flatten complex behavior into caricatures and turn activity into something shameful instead of contextual.

In reality, high engagement can mean a lot of things:

• strategy
• boredom/loneliness
• curiosity
• regulation/habit
• community-seeking
• simply having more time right now.

We talk a lot about autonomy and agency, yet we’re quick to police how much of it someone uses. This isn’t to say that overworking or burnout don’t exist - they absolutely do. But concern looks different than judgment. Curiosity looks different than ridicule.

Maybe instead of asking “Why are they doing so much?”, a better question is “What is this doing for them right now?”

I’m genuinely curious how others see this—especially in an industry where instability is common and visibility is currency.

 

[Banged_Up]

As a sex worker you should appreciate this. It’s about time (for me).
If a post is bullshit and it’s just attention seeking tripe for the sake of getting likes or thinking by posting something it makes them look smart, then piss off.
We overuse a couple of words. “Shaming” and “hating”.
Shaming, as some will say throws shade
on someone else’s words. Ok, well are those words stupid? Not researched? Biased? A waste of time? Then yea, they should be called out for that. Just because someone has an opinion or has some words to get out doesn’t mean they deserve an audience.
Hating is the same, just because I disagree with someone doesn’t mean I’m “hating”, I’m just disagreeing. “Stop hating on me”, bullshit, you’re a moron and I’m here to call you on it.
So yea, stop misappropriating words, or overdramatizing situations.
If you’re lonely or bored, get a puppy, they like everyone, even assholes.
If you’re curious, about sex workers, this is the place. Unparalleled on the internet, nothing like Perb for sex worker reference.
If you’re here for political exchange, to voice your political opinions, if you’re think your politics are relevant or if you are here to educate yourself or others on politics then you should think about where you are. It’s perb, an anonymous board about sex work. Nobody cares. Well, I sure as fuck do not.
Like I said, it’s about time. Don’t waste mine. Example: hair on the shaft of a penis.
If you are reading “shaming” or “hate” ask yourself is this criticism realistic? Does my original post make a point? Is it worthy of someone else’s valuable time? Can I take this feedback and improve my communication skills?
Your posts make sense and some of them are even interesting. There are some people who take over conversations, berate people from their sanctimonious self selected pedestals or judge other based on their own self selected opinions of themselves. I don’t care about them, they often blow themselves to smithereens with multiple name changes over the years. You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig.
I try not to take this shit too seriously and I really try to avoid the lounge but it sort of is the hub for the board but I’d say maybe 1/5 posts is of any real value.
Finally…
“Maybe instead of asking “Why are they doing so much?”, a better question is “What is this doing for them right now?””
This statement deserves to be shamed.
C’mon man, this is the lounge, on perb. No one here is qualified to be doing deep psychological or psychiatric analysis work here, with anonymous people.
Telling someone to shut up and get educated is a reasonable solution to a simple problem. If someone is being stupid, just tell them that, look at perbatory, almost always the same dipshits pushing the limits of common sense.

 

[Pumped]

almost always the same dipshit pushing the limits of common sense.

Described yourself perfectly.

 

[TheBellaRoseXo]

Ah Banged_Up, I have enjoyed your replies over time. 😊 Thank you for complimenting some of my posts. I’ve tried to branch out a bit in topic as well as with intention. Some light, some not, some more out-there for me. Last version of comedy biffed it a bit on here. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s quite the amalgamation of personalities who use this site.

I agree! We DO tend to overuse “shaming” and “hating”, especially when it’s simple disagreement. Love that you touched on this. There is a distinct difference between the two, and people do push the boundaries on here between the that and disagreement at times. Your line of questioning about the point of a post, of it being worthy of someone’s time, and accepting feedback and improving: Gold. Rose Gold. Chef’s kiss.

I was a bit surprised to hear that considering the reality of other users, however, and why they’re here is “doing deep psychological or psychiatric analysis”. It’s the basics of empathy to me and how I’ve related to other people, but perhaps that’s why many have felt seen by me when not by others. I am just curious as to other’s experiences - Diagnosing, excusing bad content, or saying everyone deserves praise for their posts isn’t my goal.

You are absolutely correct - Telling someone to “shut up and get educated” is technically a reasonable solution to a simple problem (if we assume the simple problem is bad/detrimental content with someone who is receptive). But as someone aware of many detriments/risks this industry can hold, I just don’t want “shut up” to be the words I choose wielding. That wouldn’t serve me any longer than the time I’d spend typing it, though I see exactly why you feel more inclined to use them. Remember: This is my business, income and partially my community impact, rather than a “hobby” (as many of the partakers would call it).

 

[Banged_Up]

Described yourself perfectly.

See? Exactly what I was talking about.
Why not just say "I know you are but what am I?", then make this face?

 

[luvsdaty]

It's a very freeing experience when you teach yourself to give zero fucks about what others think of you.

 

[Larry's Torch]

(snip)

That's a pretty long post for someone who "allegedly" doesn't give a fuck.

@TheBellaRoseXo
I think this is a very interesting topic and clearly you are looking at a wider aspect of posting habits and activities. Certainly worthy of conversation, however I've learned over the years not to post much of anything real or personal here as there are people who seem to enjoy pouncing on those posts.
As the above example illustrates.

 

[Pumped]

See? Exactly what I was talking about.
Why not just say "I know you are but what am I?", then make this face?
View attachment 150786

Why would anyone want to look or act like you?

 

[Banged_Up]

Why would anyone want to look or act like you?

Who said I wanted anyone to look or act like me? Your arguments are juvenile and have no depth. Say something, an insult is just that. Say something of value, make a point. That is my point about the lounge specifically and you, with you impotent replies are proving my point. Say that words with more than one syllable challenge you, I can dumb it down. Say that your mom’s basement doesn’t have the bandwidth to read big posts. Say that you are jealous of my average sized Ukrainian pecker. I don’t care what you say but make a point.
Otherwise you’re just being boring, or has that been a lifelong pattern for you?

 

[Bang4thebuck]

Putting yourself out there is always a risk. There are girls who post on here otherwise they weren't on my list, but their posts and personality made me curious to want to see them. Some girls do the opposite for me, where I probably would have wanted to see them, but after seeing them post and comment, yikes!

 

[westwoody]

Putting yourself out there is always a risk. There are girls who post on here otherwise they weren't on my list, but their posts and personality made me curious to want to see them. Some girls do the opposite for me, where I probably would have wanted to see them, but after seeing them post and comment, yikes!

I've seen many ladies who might not have appealed to me visually but their posts intrigued me.
And of course the opposite happened as well, some women look pretty hot but reading their posts turns me off.

As for anyone passing judgement on someone for their frequency or content, if you don't like it use the ignore button.