Just throwing this out here for some input from members (ladies and gents) I was seeing a new lady for the first time a few weeks ago and we got into a conversation about another lady we both knew and she told me somethings about the other ladies private life. I already knew some of the things she mentioned as the other lady and I are pretty close. I knew they aren't that close anymore so I wondered how she knew all this information and she mentioned that another client had mentioned it to her. My dilemma is should I tell this lady that this other client has been passing personal information about her to other ladies without seeming like a rat also. I don't really like this type of drama but I also want to inform this lady about some of the people she trust.
Discretion
- Thread starter OptimusPrime
- Start date
Thanks for your reply CR but my concern is more about the lady I know well . Should I tell her about her other client who has been giving out information about her private life to other providers.
I do understand what you are talking about though CR and I will take that into consideration if I decide to see this lady again.
I do know who the other client is and I feel he's only saying these things to boost his own ego. I think he's kind of an ass on this board myself.
As for what to do, I think that's a very tough question.
I guess if I were you I would consider whether the good that can potentially come out of telling her (her knowing to be more guarded in the future if she doesn't want personal info being spread around) outweighs the bad (like hurt feelings/anger/anxiety, possible drama with the other SP who told you this info, possible drama with the other client who allegedly told the SP, even the possibility that she will have a "shoot the messenger" type reaction and be upset with you or mistakenly assume you are trying to be gossipy and stir the pot). And of course carefully consider what exactly you may tell her and how you would go about saying it. Consider if you prepared to name names and state specifics to her or just want to give a general piece of advice (I think if the latter you still have to prepared that she may ask for all the details and names of the parties involved), etc.
Only you know what exactly this info is and how personal it is, and even you can only guess at whether it is in fact something she didn't want the other people involved knowing. For example, there are actually some SPs who are totally open about what they do and about their personal lives and operate on the assumption that anything they share with a client or another SP would be shared. Then there are some who really want discretion and assume anything they tell a client or other SP will be automatically understood as 100% confidential.
Without knowing the details of course, I think I'd probably assume that the SP in question would want to know, but I'd be very delicate in how I told her and not assume that there was necessarily any malicious intent on the part of the client who supposedly told the other SP, or on the part of the SP who told you. The other client could have mentioned things to the other SP thinking that they were close friends and she would already know, for example, and the SP who told you may have thought that you were safe to tell or already knew. It's never wise or fair for people to make those kind of assumptions of course, but I am just trying to point out that they may have just made a mistake without thinking about it, as opposed to deliberately breaching the SP in question's trust.
I guess if I were you I would consider whether the good that can potentially come out of telling her (her knowing to be more guarded in the future if she doesn't want personal info being spread around) outweighs the bad (like hurt feelings/anger/anxiety, possible drama with the other SP who told you this info, possible drama with the other client who allegedly told the SP, even the possibility that she will have a "shoot the messenger" type reaction and be upset with you or mistakenly assume you are trying to be gossipy and stir the pot). And of course carefully consider what exactly you may tell her and how you would go about saying it. Consider if you prepared to name names and state specifics to her or just want to give a general piece of advice (I think if the latter you still have to prepared that she may ask for all the details and names of the parties involved), etc.
Only you know what exactly this info is and how personal it is, and even you can only guess at whether it is in fact something she didn't want the other people involved knowing. For example, there are actually some SPs who are totally open about what they do and about their personal lives and operate on the assumption that anything they share with a client or another SP would be shared. Then there are some who really want discretion and assume anything they tell a client or other SP will be automatically understood as 100% confidential.
Without knowing the details of course, I think I'd probably assume that the SP in question would want to know, but I'd be very delicate in how I told her and not assume that there was necessarily any malicious intent on the part of the client who supposedly told the other SP, or on the part of the SP who told you. The other client could have mentioned things to the other SP thinking that they were close friends and she would already know, for example, and the SP who told you may have thought that you were safe to tell or already knew. It's never wise or fair for people to make those kind of assumptions of course, but I am just trying to point out that they may have just made a mistake without thinking about it, as opposed to deliberately breaching the SP in question's trust.
By starting a thread like this its apparent you do like to get messed up in it all. Best thing to do was tell the new SP that you prefer not to know anything more about the "friend". Don't forget that even "friends" here are also "competitors" and they do talk amongst themselves.
I'd think that unless he knows the person that's being gabbed about in real life and not just as a SP he should probably keep quiet and move on. It could just as easily turn into something where the messenger gets the worst of it where they get accused of being the source of the nasty rumour/lies or they do get believed and it turns into some giant hooker/client gossip war.
That's something to aspire to, but it's a goofy hobby with no official rules or conduct policy, so the best way to go is to just stay out of it and avoid these situations altogether.
Yah, keep everything that could burn you to yourself. It doesn't really make sense to share any of your personal information with someone that isn't giving you their real name in any other circumstance, why would you do it just because you got to sex them in exchange for money?Keep your private information private!
Never tell anyone, client or SP, any information you don't want spread around.
In my 10 years of being a SP, I can probably count on one hand, the number of clients I've shared personal information with that could come back to bite me.
Yeah I agree. (Well not that he needs to know her from somewhere other than being her client, he could be, say, a regular who seen her weekly for a year and they've gotten to know each other and talk some about their personal lives etc). The latter part of my post was based off the fact that he said "the other lady and I are pretty close".
Most definitely. Pooners should really remember that the term "friend" is thrown around too loosely and is not to be believed.
Gut check is do you pay people to be your friends? Pretty sad if you believe that to be true. Not jaded, just educated.
BBB
This is a bit screwed up if the client / provider relationship begins to blur from business into what is considered a real friendship. But if you think somehow a client should be sworn to secrecy then that is just messed up. Seriously. In fact if a service provider wishes to keep her life secret she should just not share the things that are private with people who are paying her to have sex. Rumours and information can spread like a venereal disease if you don't take safety precautions.
Yes. I just meant I didn't think that a non SP/client relationship was the only reason the OP might feel like he knows the SP well enough that he feels he should tell her about the lack of discretion on the part of the other parties. Again without knowing more details about the situation my inclination would be to think hard about the possible consequences that could come out of telling vs not telling.
No you don't pay people to be your friends per se, but you might pay a friend to cut your hair, or do your taxes, or even possibly give you sexual services. Friendship and business are not mutually exclusive. If you only ever see someone during sessions then of course it's a different type of relationship from a traditional platonic friendship but there are many forms of friendship and it's not so black and white. Dictionary definition of friend:
friend
noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
Notice it doesn't even say it has to be mutual.
I don't see why it's "screwed up". Lines get blurred all the time. It can be problematic when one person puts unwanted expectations on the other or feelings get hurt. But it's only human to feel some affection or attachment when you see someone on a regular basis, plus meeting through sex/companionship/whatever for money doesn't automatically preclude some other type of relationship from ever forming, it's just not cool or wise to expect or assume. One may end up with no relationship.
This is really off on a tangent of course, but I enjoy playing devil's advocate sometimes and find the topic interesting
You packaged up your reply very conveniently by defining it singularly. You are incorrect in that friends doesn't say it has to be mutual. Friendship infers there is a mutual respect, admiration and freely gives assistance on good terms with one another. Perhaps you are inferring that your definition of friends really means they are acquaintances. I have tons of acquaintances and few true friends.
By the way I pay my accountant to do my taxes, the serviceman to repair my furnace etc and if I don't pay them they will withdraw services. I do not make friends with business associates because if things to go off the rails friends wise, it is bad for business. Similarly if you become a true friend with a SP and things go off the rails then services are withdrawn which indicates it was strictly business.
friend·ship
ˈfrendˌSHip/Submit
noun
noun: friendship
1.
the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
synonyms: relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment, association, bond, tie, link, union; More
a relationship between friends.
plural noun: friendships
"she formed close friendships with women"
synonyms: amity, camaraderie, friendliness, comradeship, companionship, fellowship, fellow feeling, closeness, affinity, rapport, understanding, harmony, unity; More
antonyms: enmity
a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.
and that point of that is ??
Let's face it, attraction to an SP in the first place is a visual thing. You visit their websites, like what you see, make a date and establish a physical attraction. You have sex sometimes many times because of the physical attraction and then you start sharing tidbits of information about each other.
Then you become friends and don't fuck anymore? I suppose it happens. Unlikely in my personal case but I understand some guys pay for a couple of hours and talk with the SP for half of that time. Loneliness perhaps and that is quite common for both SP's and Pooners. We are basically islands to each other and the rest of the general public wouldn't approve nor understand what we are all about IMHO.
borko, please don't say hooker, we are sp's, providers, sex workers, escorts, companion.....the term is derogatory....thank you!!
susie
susie
Am I to assume that you spend time with SP's whom you used to have sex with but no longer do? What does that cost you?
Is it worth it?
Thanks for the replies. There has been a couple of people who has given me some great advice. Hopefully everything works out because really isn't this hobby suppose to be fun.
Thanks again
Thanks again
