The best way to start is to take your "regular" out. Someone must be special to be your regular. In a way it is one less barrier to go through!LowerMainlander said:
If you don't have a regular,sorry man you have to work harder to find one!
dating a sp?
- Thread starter LittleAsianGuy
- Start date
If you don't have a regular,sorry man you have to work harder to find one!
It's my impression that an SP would likely be more prone to date a client because neither of them would be very judgemental about what she does for a living, whereas most non-pooners would run for the hills. Plus, I gather that most of us guys are decent, hard-working and successful fellas, which attracts women.
Besides the usual things mentioned (lies to family and friends; co-workers and acquaintences who have seen her as an SP and starts spreading gossip), my other concerns would be no different from any other potential mate: are we compatible at very tangible and intangible level? How much personal baggage does she carry? Is she needy, or does she have a sense of independence and ambition? Does she really like me as a person, or is she just looking for a sugar daddy? Would she get along well with family and friends? Is she open-minded?
I've also gathered that a lot of SPs end up with gangsters, drug-dealers and other street-level criminals who likely don't really care about such issues in the first place...indeed, some may have even put these girls into the SP life in the first place via pimping and such. These connections would also be of concern to the average pooner who has no desire to be on the receiving end of gangland retaliation.
As for myself, I have never dated an SP. At least 3 of my favorites have strongly hinted at wanting more than a client/SP relationship with me, but some of the above issues are a concern. And then there's 2 or 3 other favorites whom I would be honored to have as girlfriends.
Besides the usual things mentioned (lies to family and friends; co-workers and acquaintences who have seen her as an SP and starts spreading gossip), my other concerns would be no different from any other potential mate: are we compatible at very tangible and intangible level? How much personal baggage does she carry? Is she needy, or does she have a sense of independence and ambition? Does she really like me as a person, or is she just looking for a sugar daddy? Would she get along well with family and friends? Is she open-minded?
I've also gathered that a lot of SPs end up with gangsters, drug-dealers and other street-level criminals who likely don't really care about such issues in the first place...indeed, some may have even put these girls into the SP life in the first place via pimping and such. These connections would also be of concern to the average pooner who has no desire to be on the receiving end of gangland retaliation.
As for myself, I have never dated an SP. At least 3 of my favorites have strongly hinted at wanting more than a client/SP relationship with me, but some of the above issues are a concern. And then there's 2 or 3 other favorites whom I would be honored to have as girlfriends.
Wolverine, well say!
I only date the SPs who have the intention to retire or to have a future plan in their lives. It is not an easy thing to swallow the idea your girlfriend have regular sex with her clients. I have experienced many sleepless nights. However, I still keep bumping my head again and again!
I only date the SPs who have the intention to retire or to have a future plan in their lives. It is not an easy thing to swallow the idea your girlfriend have regular sex with her clients. I have experienced many sleepless nights. However, I still keep bumping my head again and again!
Well I have dated an SP in a serious realtionship. I wouldn't do it again. It worked very well as a business arrangement, because that was the nature of the relationship. But as a relationship it added newer dimensions as in Where did you meet? - proved difficult to answer and neither of us wanted to lie to family or friends.
I believed she gave up the business - but I never really knew for sure. It made for sleepless nights and it made it difficult to trust on both sides, was she seeing clients? was I seeing SPs?
The earlier commnet about the seedier side of the business, the criminal element. AS it turns out this lady I was seeing had had a serious run in with a dangerous criminal many years before we met. Then one day she meets this guy on the street and she goes into hiding. It's been a year and a half and I still don't know what really happened, but she disappeared one day only to surface once in a while and ask for $$$. I don't what where she is or how to help her. It makes me very sad to think about it, I loved her very much, I still do.
From my experience, no matter what I always learn something in a relationship. She encouraged me to get closer to my sons and I did. I will forever be thankful for that.
The real reason I wouldn't do it again is the hiding. Both you & her afraid to be seen together. Several times when we were out, I could sense her tense up and want to leave the place. I can only guess it was because she saw someone she knew and felt uncomfortable.
These ladies that provide the services we partake in are very special indeed. If I met one in a situation where I didn't know what they did I would be lucky to date them. As for finding out about their past, we ALL have a past. I live by the code "Live & Let Live"
Anyway, my 2 cents.
I believed she gave up the business - but I never really knew for sure. It made for sleepless nights and it made it difficult to trust on both sides, was she seeing clients? was I seeing SPs?
The earlier commnet about the seedier side of the business, the criminal element. AS it turns out this lady I was seeing had had a serious run in with a dangerous criminal many years before we met. Then one day she meets this guy on the street and she goes into hiding. It's been a year and a half and I still don't know what really happened, but she disappeared one day only to surface once in a while and ask for $$$. I don't what where she is or how to help her. It makes me very sad to think about it, I loved her very much, I still do.
From my experience, no matter what I always learn something in a relationship. She encouraged me to get closer to my sons and I did. I will forever be thankful for that.
The real reason I wouldn't do it again is the hiding. Both you & her afraid to be seen together. Several times when we were out, I could sense her tense up and want to leave the place. I can only guess it was because she saw someone she knew and felt uncomfortable.
These ladies that provide the services we partake in are very special indeed. If I met one in a situation where I didn't know what they did I would be lucky to date them. As for finding out about their past, we ALL have a past. I live by the code "Live & Let Live"
Anyway, my 2 cents.
Thank you MaxEQ for sharing your story. I also knew a girl (a part-time SP)who ran away from her ex-boy friend in Toronto to Vancouver. Her story is also quite frightful too!
To her privacy ,I prefer not to describe her situation. Other than that she is also a very nice girl ,a very special person indeed!Someone I would love to date too!
To her privacy ,I prefer not to describe her situation. Other than that she is also a very nice girl ,a very special person indeed!Someone I would love to date too!
I've dated 5 SP's and lived with 2 in a long term relationship. They were nice people but the emotional rollercoaster was hell. Strangely enough, never had a problem taking any of them out in public though but hate the fact that we had to lie to family members about what she did. Also, there was nothing to talk about at the end of the day. You couldn't really ask her "hi hon, how was your day"? Well, not unless you want to hear.. "oh good...got 4 clients today and then start telling you the stories of them"! So yeah, been there, done that. It was an experience and definitely make you appreciate the regular 9-5p girls more. Like one pooner said, relationship alone is complicate enough, you don't need more headaches or sleepless nights. Oh one more thing, I had a kid with one of them, and after we broke up, she left the business and ran off with our kid because I guess she didn't want to be reminded about her past since we met as client/SP situation. Still in the process trying to find them. Do yourself a big favor and think twice before dating one! They are nice people but be prepared to deal with all the extra emotional baggages. My 2 cents!
~Thoughts on dating an sp, I agree that the difficulty of extra baggage would surface. However there are some sp's that are more real than the "ideal mold" dream girl. Personality,style,a secure sense of self worth,goals. The fixed idea of your dream girl, well how secure are you? How fixed are your ideals?
Love can conquer anything. Stage life is different than reality. As with anything it is the effort and communication level that both partake in. It takes a real man to love a real woman.
Love can conquer anything. Stage life is different than reality. As with anything it is the effort and communication level that both partake in. It takes a real man to love a real woman.
This is a very interesting topic. I have been dating a non pooner, never been a pooner, and he knows what I do for a living. It has been and is one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters I have ever been on. The highs are magical and the lows are definitely low. All of the concerns mentioned in previous posts relate very much to my situation. The lack of trust is probably the hardest to deal with. Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to build the trust needed for a relationship to grow under these circumstances. But the heart is a funny thing, you don't always get to choose the right time to fall in love, maybe there never is a right time. All I know is I am fighting as hard as I can for the "big picture" I see. Will it work out?? Who knows, there are definitely more complications than your "normal" relationship. But really what does normal mean? And who defines what is normal for whom? Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and take your lessons from there, good or bad. Everyone meets for a reason, that person has something to teach you. Regardless of what happens in the relationship the lessons taught will last a lifetime.
So far there is one major problem "Trust!" How are we going to build this trust between you and your SP girlfriend? This will be an excellent thesis topic for a PHD in marriage counselling!
Very well said Naughtygirl!!! I too, always said that what is normal and who defines the definition of "normal"? It's just like the definition of "perfect". There is no such thing as "normal" or "perfect" in life because what is normal or perfect to one might not be to others. I too agree that the lessons learnt will last a lifetime as well, and hopefully, we don't make the same mistake again. Yeah, love is a a funny thing because it can hide in a distance or comes all at once. With love, you can look past so many things but also, you can't love past on so many things either. Unless 2 people are in an opened relationship, otherwise it would be difficult to get past the "trust" issue I found. It's how funny that most men are ok to the fact that they can screw other women behind their partners' back but it is not ok for their partners to do the same to them, be it a job or not. Unfortunately, that is just how most of men are like. I wish you luck and all the best in your relationship.
QUOTE]Originally posted by naughtygirl
This is a very interesting topic. I have been dating a non pooner, never been a pooner, and he knows what I do for a living. It has been and is one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters I have ever been on. The highs are magical and the lows are definitely low. All of the concerns mentioned in previous posts relate very much to my situation. The lack of trust is probably the hardest to deal with. Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to build the trust needed for a relationship to grow under these circumstances. But the heart is a funny thing, you don't always get to choose the right time to fall in love, maybe there never is a right time. All I know is I am fighting as hard as I can for the "big picture" I see. Will it work out?? Who knows, there are definitely more complications than your "normal" relationship. But really what does normal mean? And who defines what is normal for whom? Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and take your lessons from there, good or bad. Everyone meets for a reason, that person has something to teach you. Regardless of what happens in the relationship the lessons taught will last a lifetime. [/QUOTE]
QUOTE]Originally posted by naughtygirl
This is a very interesting topic. I have been dating a non pooner, never been a pooner, and he knows what I do for a living. It has been and is one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters I have ever been on. The highs are magical and the lows are definitely low. All of the concerns mentioned in previous posts relate very much to my situation. The lack of trust is probably the hardest to deal with. Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to build the trust needed for a relationship to grow under these circumstances. But the heart is a funny thing, you don't always get to choose the right time to fall in love, maybe there never is a right time. All I know is I am fighting as hard as I can for the "big picture" I see. Will it work out?? Who knows, there are definitely more complications than your "normal" relationship. But really what does normal mean? And who defines what is normal for whom? Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and take your lessons from there, good or bad. Everyone meets for a reason, that person has something to teach you. Regardless of what happens in the relationship the lessons taught will last a lifetime. [/QUOTE]
I love your attitude Rebel
I have met someone and although there is no "relationship" yet, I certainly aim to persue it. Biggest reason for not being able to call it that yet is circumstance but I like to believe that it will happen when the time is right. I realize that it is just a job. I realize that there will be questions, "where did u meet" etc. That can be dealt with. I have no problem lying to others. The important thing is that we are true to each other. I honestly don't think association with the criminal element is an issue here thought that would be a concern if it was an issue. Probably the only concern.
You have to have that trust in your mate for the relationship to work. You also have to have an attitude like yours for your mate to trust you. The job is irrelevant. Any job will present opportunities if one want to screw around on their mate. What determines whether or not they will is not the job but the person's morals and value system (or lack thereof).Rebel said:
I have met someone and although there is no "relationship" yet, I certainly aim to persue it. Biggest reason for not being able to call it that yet is circumstance but I like to believe that it will happen when the time is right. I realize that it is just a job. I realize that there will be questions, "where did u meet" etc. That can be dealt with. I have no problem lying to others. The important thing is that we are true to each other. I honestly don't think association with the criminal element is an issue here thought that would be a concern if it was an issue. Probably the only concern.
I would agree with "BS detector's" comments. I never had anything to say on this site so I never registered but I find this thread compelling to respond to.
First off, I once was married and have 3 wonderful kids. I have been in a relationship with a SP for the last 8 1/2 years, and yes I first met her as a client. She is the most real, honest person I have ever met in my 40 + years. The job does not define the person. It's like saying a CEO of a major multi-national company is better person than a gas attendent at the local gas station. A person, is a person, is a person just like everyone else trying to survive on this shit hole we call earth, regardless of their profession.
In my opinion, the real issue is one of trust. The cornerstone of any relationship. I also think it has alot to do with yourself not the SP. How comfortable are you with yourself, your own level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Anyhow, for what it's worth, just my take on this topic.
First off, I once was married and have 3 wonderful kids. I have been in a relationship with a SP for the last 8 1/2 years, and yes I first met her as a client. She is the most real, honest person I have ever met in my 40 + years. The job does not define the person. It's like saying a CEO of a major multi-national company is better person than a gas attendent at the local gas station. A person, is a person, is a person just like everyone else trying to survive on this shit hole we call earth, regardless of their profession.
In my opinion, the real issue is one of trust. The cornerstone of any relationship. I also think it has alot to do with yourself not the SP. How comfortable are you with yourself, your own level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Anyhow, for what it's worth, just my take on this topic.
I always had respect for SP and realize they deserve the money they earn. Dont get why some people put down other human beings. Infact people put down pooners and think we're pathetic human beings. I think people should keep their mouths shut and mind their own business.
I think it could work..It has as much of chance of failure or success as any other relationship...The job is irrelevant..If one is a cop, a firefighter, an ironworker, an accountant, or a clerk at a 7-11, each job has it's own unique problems...Stresses..Dangers...Long hours...Odd hours...Different group of co-workers.. If the relationship is meant to be, and both people are willing to put 110% into it...Their place of employment is a minor worry..
They have wants and needs too
I find this topic very interesting...as I am seeing a SP...we have known each other many years and were quite involved for the first three years...we lost touch for 6 years and have been friends again for the last year...we are working on our friendship hopefuly leading to a relationship again...she tells me she needs respect,understanding,support and not to be judged...as she says the fact she works as an escort does not mean it is her life...there is so much more to her than that...and shes right and that is why I am persuing this relationship...I have been quite supportive with her new found hopefuly short career...it is difficult and very trying at times but I have to look past the fact of what she does for a living and look at all the other wonderful things about her...guys if you cant be secure enough to accept your partner having sex with other people...stay away...if you can accept it it could be a wonderful relationship...BTW never label her for what she does...as she told me she is not a prostitute,a hooker,hoe etc... she works as an escort...and yes guys its only a job...my friends know me for me and not for what I do for a living...it is the same for them...be supportive,secure,respectful and you stand a good chance for a great relationship.I have also retired from pooning out of respect for her.
my .02 cdn
I find this topic very interesting...as I am seeing a SP...we have known each other many years and were quite involved for the first three years...we lost touch for 6 years and have been friends again for the last year...we are working on our friendship hopefuly leading to a relationship again...she tells me she needs respect,understanding,support and not to be judged...as she says the fact she works as an escort does not mean it is her life...there is so much more to her than that...and shes right and that is why I am persuing this relationship...I have been quite supportive with her new found hopefuly short career...it is difficult and very trying at times but I have to look past the fact of what she does for a living and look at all the other wonderful things about her...guys if you cant be secure enough to accept your partner having sex with other people...stay away...if you can accept it it could be a wonderful relationship...BTW never label her for what she does...as she told me she is not a prostitute,a hooker,hoe etc... she works as an escort...and yes guys its only a job...my friends know me for me and not for what I do for a living...it is the same for them...be supportive,secure,respectful and you stand a good chance for a great relationship.I have also retired from pooning out of respect for her.
my .02 cdn
