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am a part time student. Would I have any trouble crossing the US Border?
Mama's Boy, don't listen to the above. Try the following, it will work for sure:
1. Loudly announce your right to enter the nation that consists of “Infidels” – this breaks the ice.
2. Ensure you have rubbed ammonia nitrate (fertilizer) on your clothes and demand a swab screening – this ensures continued employment for NSA staff.
3. Have wires poking out of your jacket and shoes. Use red, blue and green colours, as a minimum – ditto benefit to point 2.
4. Have a poorly concealed earpiece in that FBI surveillance teams routinely use – this increases your status to border personnel.
5. Keep looking at your watch and over your shoulder every few seconds – heightens your apparent importance and need to quickly enter the country.
6. Intersperse the looks with a quick “We are ready commander” and similar quotes whisper into the walkie-talkie you are carrying – demonstrates that you are a team player; the US likes team players.
7. Produce two pieces of identification. Ensure your real name appears on neither and ensure both have different names and D.O.B. – everyone enjoys a mystery, border personnel are no different.
8. Have a duffle bag that is handcuffed to your wrist – only important people on important missions have such.
9. Be clothed entirely in black with your ceremonial dagger prominently displayed – this demonstrates confidence in your need to fulfil whatever it is you are trying to fulfil.
10. Act like you are really angry and nervous at the same time. If you are not already sweating from the black clothes, carry water to wet your brow to give it a sweaty look – this demonstrates your concern for this important process and gives the border personnel a heightened sense of worth.
That should do it. Have fun on your trip.