Confession before Quitting

[mochifollower]

Just writing this down because there is no other place, and no one, I can rant to about this.
I want to put this into words so that I can finally let everything go and quit this hobby.

It has been a little over two years since I started, sometime around October 2023.
I remember being curious about this hobby even back in 2022, but I wasn’t brave enough to try. At the time, I also believed I wasn’t the kind of person who would cross that line, someone who would feel dirty or guilty afterward.
But eventually, I did cross it.

Looking back over these two years, I met many girls through this hobby.
In real life, appearance matters a lot to me, so at first I focused on meeting girls I found attractive. If someone was pretty in my eyes, I would see her again. The service itself wasn’t important at all.
Over time, though, that stopped being satisfying. It wasn’t stimulating anymore.
Some girls felt distant and purely transactional. Others seemed to like me from the first meeting or at least acted that way.

So I started looking for girls who were both attractive and seemed genuinely interested in me. If I felt that connection, real or not, I repeated with them.
There was one who was different.
She wanted to know more about me. She asked for my contact, and we chatted like friends outside of our meetings. She even gave me extra services without charging.
At times, I imagined what it would be like to be her boyfriend, even though I know I could never accept my partner doing this kind of work.
But it was all just a fantasy.
Because of the nature of her job, she didn’t stay in town long. One day, she disappeared without telling me. That was when I took a break for a few months.

When I came back, I realized I was craving the feeling of being liked.
I still appreciated pretty girls, but looks were no longer the priority. Just being attractive wasn’t enough to make me feel anything anymore. I couldn’t even get aroused.
So I returned to seeking girls who liked me or at least pretended to. Real or fake, connections formed as I saw them repeatedly. I even spent time with some of them outside of bookings for non-sex activities.
But in the end, they all left as well.
At least this time, they didn’t disappear suddenly. They told me about their last day before it was posted. Some asked to stay in touch and promised to meet again since we exchanged contacts. Maybe they really were different from last time, but I’ll never know, because I’m physically far away from them now unless I visit where they live.

After repeating this cycle with several girls, I felt empty. I often read over texts with girls and look back.
I finally realized that what I’ve been looking for all along isn’t random sex, but a long-term connection being wanted, being loved.
That’s why I’m quitting. As the first move, I deleted all contacts of the girls I had. Otherwise, it would make me debate whether to try to contact them or not sometime.
I respect those who can manage their emotions and desires while doing this.
Enjoy your time while you can.

 

[jgg]

There is a phrase I remind myself: "fucking is fine, feeling is not."

 

[dare.devil]

Thanks for putting it out here and being honest with you.
I am sure lots of guys had this situation in this hobby; afterall we all are humans built to connect specially sex which is the highest form of bonding for all living creatures. You were heart broken, and lots of people here went through this phase, some were successfull in overcoming that and some not.

We crave for connection, affection, praise and bonding specifically with other gender, combined with mind blowing orgasm with a person who you like is really magical. Sometimes we start developing feelings and thats OK.

Enjoy the life and do whatever makes you happy. This hobby is suppose to make you happy but if its making you miserable and confused, then you know its not the right one.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Just remember - marriage is expensive.

 

[TheBellaRoseXo]

May the connection gods bless you during this period where even magazines are printing that “boyfriends are embarrassing” and overall culture dictates that “men and women can’t be just friends”, thereby deterring women choosing connection with men. The odds are stacked against you for multiple reasons Sir Mochifollower, but I hope you find exactly what you need. Best wishes on your journey. 🙂

 

[Johnson69]

Just writing this down because there is no other place, and no one, I can rant to about this.
I want to put this into words so that I can finally let everything go and quit this hobby.

It has been a little over two years since I started, sometime around October 2023.
I remember being curious about this hobby even back in 2022, but I wasn’t brave enough to try. At the time, I also believed I wasn’t the kind of person who would cross that line, someone who would feel dirty or guilty afterward.
But eventually, I did cross it.

Looking back over these two years, I met many girls through this hobby.
In real life, appearance matters a lot to me, so at first I focused on meeting girls I found attractive. If someone was pretty in my eyes, I would see her again. The service itself wasn’t important at all.
Over time, though, that stopped being satisfying. It wasn’t stimulating anymore.
Some girls felt distant and purely transactional. Others seemed to like me from the first meeting or at least acted that way.

So I started looking for girls who were both attractive and seemed genuinely interested in me. If I felt that connection, real or not, I repeated with them.
There was one who was different.
She wanted to know more about me. She asked for my contact, and we chatted like friends outside of our meetings. She even gave me extra services without charging.
At times, I imagined what it would be like to be her boyfriend, even though I know I could never accept my partner doing this kind of work.
But it was all just a fantasy.
Because of the nature of her job, she didn’t stay in town long. One day, she disappeared without telling me. That was when I took a break for a few months.

When I came back, I realized I was craving the feeling of being liked.
I still appreciated pretty girls, but looks were no longer the priority. Just being attractive wasn’t enough to make me feel anything anymore. I couldn’t even get aroused.
So I returned to seeking girls who liked me or at least pretended to. Real or fake, connections formed as I saw them repeatedly. I even spent time with some of them outside of bookings for non-sex activities.
But in the end, they all left as well.
At least this time, they didn’t disappear suddenly. They told me about their last day before it was posted. Some asked to stay in touch and promised to meet again since we exchanged contacts. Maybe they really were different from last time, but I’ll never know, because I’m physically far away from them now unless I visit where they live.

After repeating this cycle with several girls, I felt empty. I often read over texts with girls and look back.
I finally realized that what I’ve been looking for all along isn’t random sex, but a long-term connection being wanted, being loved.
That’s why I’m quitting. As the first move, I deleted all contacts of the girls I had. Otherwise, it would make me debate whether to try to contact them or not sometime.
I respect those who can manage their emotions and desires while doing this.
Enjoy your time while you can.

I think you value connection more however, when you realize that it is possible that the connection isn't real than you feel a bit of emptiness. Mind you; we can become fond of a specific girl and somehow we want to rescue them. Yet it is perhaps ourselves; that needs to be rescued.

Out of curiousity; The women that disappeared? May I ask if the SP was asian? or even Japanese perhaps?

 

[andmac]

To the OP, let me preface this by saying... please don't interpret any of this as criticism. I'm on your side. I've had to deal with a bunch of this stuff myself over the years.

Re the "was she Asian" issue: if you look at the OP's posting activity on the board, it is almost all around Korean girls from the big Chinese agencies: XDS, Foxy604, Icon604, etc.

Falling in love with those girls... easy to do in some ways... they are all so beautiful... but... man, you are setting yourself up for a hard fall! Yikes!

And I am sure you are - at least now - well aware of that.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know but.... they come here to work... out of a suitcase... in a condo owned/rented by an agency.... all day, every day (subject to time of the month) for a few weeks to a few months... then they are gone.... to do the same thing in some other city... or back to their real lives.

Getting emotionally attached to someone like that.... that is self-inflicted torture brother. Don't do that. Definitely let all that go.

I bet you that some of those ladies really did like you, as a person, not just as a payday, but the circumstances dictate the outcome. Even if they wanted to make a longer term emotional connection with you, they can't.

My advice, definitely try and find someone (preferably not through Tinder ) who is into you in the regular civy world. If you managed to get fancy touring K-girls to spend time with you outside of work... I would bet that you have a lot going for you, including a nice disarming personality.

However, making a long-term connection with an SP is a real... and totally legitimate... thing. I think all the ladies that post here in the Lounge can confirm that this kind of thing is real. I can confirm to you that it is real.

It can't go as far as a "real" (unpaid) relationship, but that doesn't mean that you can't develop a real intimacy with someone who isn't likely to go anywhere any time soon.

People need intimacy, connection, and sexual fulfillment.... and they kinda need it right now. Don't torture yourself if you can't find what you need in the civy world right away. Just find someone local to develop that with - and try and keep one foot in the civy dating world, and then let the paid intimacy go when you don't need it anymore. That kind of thing is definitely out there if you need it.

And definitely don't give those touring K-girls a second thought! Hell, some of them are in the Uber and on their way back to the airport before the reviews start to hit the board.... and their photos are going up on the websites for Taipei, or Pittsburgh, or Edmonton or whatever.

 

[steveinvan]

Just writing this down because there is no other place, and no one, I can rant to about this.
I want to put this into words so that I can finally let everything go and quit this hobby.

It has been a little over two years since I started, sometime around October 2023.
I remember being curious about this hobby even back in 2022, but I wasn’t brave enough to try. At the time, I also believed I wasn’t the kind of person who would cross that line, someone who would feel dirty or guilty afterward.
But eventually, I did cross it.

Looking back over these two years, I met many girls through this hobby.
In real life, appearance matters a lot to me, so at first I focused on meeting girls I found attractive. If someone was pretty in my eyes, I would see her again. The service itself wasn’t important at all.
Over time, though, that stopped being satisfying. It wasn’t stimulating anymore.
Some girls felt distant and purely transactional. Others seemed to like me from the first meeting or at least acted that way.

So I started looking for girls who were both attractive and seemed genuinely interested in me. If I felt that connection, real or not, I repeated with them.
There was one who was different.
She wanted to know more about me. She asked for my contact, and we chatted like friends outside of our meetings. She even gave me extra services without charging.
At times, I imagined what it would be like to be her boyfriend, even though I know I could never accept my partner doing this kind of work.
But it was all just a fantasy.
Because of the nature of her job, she didn’t stay in town long. One day, she disappeared without telling me. That was when I took a break for a few months.

When I came back, I realized I was craving the feeling of being liked.
I still appreciated pretty girls, but looks were no longer the priority. Just being attractive wasn’t enough to make me feel anything anymore. I couldn’t even get aroused.
So I returned to seeking girls who liked me or at least pretended to. Real or fake, connections formed as I saw them repeatedly. I even spent time with some of them outside of bookings for non-sex activities.
But in the end, they all left as well.
At least this time, they didn’t disappear suddenly. They told me about their last day before it was posted. Some asked to stay in touch and promised to meet again since we exchanged contacts. Maybe they really were different from last time, but I’ll never know, because I’m physically far away from them now unless I visit where they live.

After repeating this cycle with several girls, I felt empty. I often read over texts with girls and look back.
I finally realized that what I’ve been looking for all along isn’t random sex, but a long-term connection being wanted, being loved.
That’s why I’m quitting. As the first move, I deleted all contacts of the girls I had. Otherwise, it would make me debate whether to try to contact them or not sometime.
I respect those who can manage their emotions and desires while doing this.
Enjoy your time while you can.

Stay positive and mentally strong. Trust yourself and disregard the naysayers. They've given up after all. Onward!

 

[Banged_Up]

Is this a “confession” or a “poor me” post?
The same person gets frustrated with Facebook and announces they are leaving to a world of people who could care less.
Your profile is locked so we can’t see how many reviews you have contributed but a brief search shows how many.
What kinda meat does the pope eat? Nun, none, nada, bupkiss.
Get a puppy, talk to a shrink, make some friends.

 

[luvsdaty]

Truer

Just remember - marriage is expensive.

Truer words have never been spoken .

 

[Newuser505]

Sounds like you're just a lonely guy.

This hobby isn't for you. Its for degenerates.

I disassociate myself by treating it as an acting scene between performers. I want to make it as real as possible during my sessions, but when its over, I go back to reality.

 

[TheBellaRoseXo]

Sounds like you're just a lonely guy.

This hobby isn't for you. Its for degenerates.

I disassociate myself by treating it as an acting scene between performers. I want to make it as real as possible during my sessions, but when its over, I go back to reality.

Respectfully: Think what you’ve implied about every man who partakes as well as every SP by stating that this industry is for degenerates…

• What kind of woman only serves degenerates?
• What even is the meaning of that word in this industry? Is it actually well-rounded, or lacking some scrutiny?

I understand that this stigma exists, but it’s false. It’s difficult to hear you speak about the industry as a whole in such a shaming fashion (even though I don’t actually believe you meant it that deeply). Many, especially newbies, are encountering a whole new level of shame on their own due to societal conditioning (on either person’s side of the equation).

While I agree that it sounds like Sir MochiFollower needs connection and is lonely, this reply is more counterproductive than helpful. Some people don’t feel the need to dissociate within this industry, and I hope that one day you get to experience seeing it as more than for that purpose. 🌲❄

 

[steveinvan]

Sounds like you're just a lonely guy.

This hobby isn't for you. Its for degenerates.

I disassociate myself by treating it as an acting scene between performers. I want to make it as real as possible during my sessions, but when its over, I go back to reality.

To each their own. At some point most people look for a connection deeper than a one hour fling.

 

[grusse]

I look at it as a game where people play roles, have fun and don't take it seriously.

 

[dare.devil]

View attachment 148081

Is this a “confession” or a “poor me” post?
The same person gets frustrated with Facebook and announces they are leaving to a world of people who could care less.
Your profile is locked so we can’t see how many reviews you have contributed but a brief search shows how many.
What kinda meat does the pope eat? Nun, none, nada, bupkiss.
Get a puppy, talk to a shrink, make some friends.

I can write something like this only when I am so high that my brain becomes slower, I am at lowest level of emotions and empathy, and my small brain between my legs has taken over.

 

[Banged_Up]

“I can write something like this only when I am so high that my brain becomes slower.”

✅I assure you, I was exactly that high when I wrote it.

“I am at lowest level of emotions and empathy.”

🍔 Well, I try to regulate my emotions and deal with them as they arise, sometimes I even vocalize them. But not in The Lounge, on Perb.
I focus my empathy on things that I deem worthy of it. You know, less fortunate people, people that are in need of education and people that are victims of violence.
People who are confused about how or where they dump a nut, well, they just aren’t interesting to me. Attention seeking is not something I find admirable. If I want drama I can join a church group.

“And my small brain between my legs has
taken over.”

✅This has been the case since approximately the age of thirteen.

 

[dare.devil]

“I can write something like this only when I am so high that my brain becomes slower.”

✅I assure you, I was exactly that high when I wrote it.

“I am at lowest level of emotions and empathy.”

🍔 Well, I try to regulate my emotions and deal with them as they arise, sometimes I even vocalize them. But not in The Lounge, on Perb.
I focus my empathy on things that I deem worthy of it. You know, less fortunate people, people that are in need of education and people that are victims of violence.
People who are confused about how or where they dump a nut, well, they just aren’t interesting to me. Attention seeking is not something I find admirable. If I want drama I can join a church group.

“And my small brain between my legs has
taken over.”

✅This has been the case since approximately the age of thirteen.

Loved your reply, and I respect your opinion it,. However, personally I believe vitctim of voilence, confused attention seekers, or any emotionally uninttelgent person, all deserve same level of dignity.
There are many drama places in the world, but we chose to ignore rather engage, enganing there itself hits the interest in it.
Perb is a place where you can write about wildest sexual fanatasies without judgements and so does this emontinally charged post like this should be treated.

 

[Bunghole1]

One of the biggest reasons why men pay for sexual providers has to do with the simple fact that they dont have to deal with lifes head game issues when it comes to fulfilling their sexual wants and desires at any given time. When men step into the upgraded sexual provider world they can remove lots of headaches and focus on their biggest sexual turn ons at any given time with all races from all different places that are highly trained on the aspects of pleasing men. I know its not always great but it doesnt sting the same as relationship issues and its hard to let it break you when there is always another provider that is a text away.

I met a lady in her late 20s from a night out recently who I hooked up with a couple times and it was great but just waiting around for more connections has turned into a mystery head game. Yes, no, maybe so? That runs its course but I also know providers are a quick fix away. Its an easy path to fill the void and it can be a pretty addicting hobby.

What if your turn ons dont jive with your partner? What if she doesnt care to explore on a deeper sexual level? Some ladies hate cof, cim or maybe both? What if one of your biggest turn ons is deep throating but your partner cant give you that fantasy?
What if greek turns you on but its a big NOPE!
What if you have a high level sex drive but she doesnt? Theres so many what ifs that are in play when it comes to the sexual aspects of relationships but before you even get to that place you have to go through all the different stages. With providers theres options for all and its only a text or phone call away without all the mind games.

Do you have asian fever with a hairy beaver?
just text yumi and you can see her.
She is free today, she is ready to play and after you clean up and shower you can be on your way.

I believe if you keep the deeper connections out of your experiences you will have a much better time in this hobby. You dont want these sessions to chip away at your heart.

If you want to be wanted and loved on a deep level you need to take the sexual aspect out of it and focus on the inner workings of the machine that make it possible to be truly wanted and loved.
If the connection is just sexual it will feel hollow.
You have to accept the give and take of relationships. If you still have uncharted fantasies you might want to take care of that business before you call it quits. You need to understand that being truly wanted and loved goes far beyond the bedroom.

 

[steverino]

It is good to step back every now and then and ask yourself the question, "why am I participating in this hobby." Hopefully, I think, it is for reasons that enhance your life and give you pleasure. If not, you may want to rethink your participation.

 

[daddysnew45]

Very brave of the OP to post that. I'm assumeing he's a young(er) gentleman who's not been in love and had his heart broken. We'll all do well to be able to seperate love and sex. One helps to relieve stress whereas the other causes it. Good luck all & Happy Holidays!