Colwood/Langford Massage?
- Thread starter vicguy68
- Start date
Dime a Dozen
Know why it's so difficult to identify the body when there's a msyerious death in Langford?
It's because everybody has the same DNA and there's no dental records....
Know why it's so difficult to identify the body when there's a msyerious death in Langford?
It's because everybody has the same DNA and there's no dental records....
Langford: True Sex Story
The Langford Guy And His Camel
A Langford guy was riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the
desire to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel for
satisfaction.
He tried to position himself right to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to
catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again.
After riding for days, he was feeling the urge to have sex again, so once again he turned to his camel.
The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and rode on.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down
car with three gorgeous SW's who worked out of a place on Chatham St. sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The phone answering lady said, "If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished the three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Sir"
After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?"
The Langford Guy And His Camel
A Langford guy was riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the
desire to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel for
satisfaction.
He tried to position himself right to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to
catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again.
After riding for days, he was feeling the urge to have sex again, so once again he turned to his camel.
The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and rode on.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down
car with three gorgeous SW's who worked out of a place on Chatham St. sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The phone answering lady said, "If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished the three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Sir"
After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?"
Another True Langford Sex Story
A Langford family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's
breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice
but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" questioned the son.
"Yes, see them and they make you cry." The father explained.
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter asked,
"Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother smiles and looks at her daughter answering:
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty
and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it
is like a Christmas tree "
"A Christmas tree?" asked the daughter.
"Yes, it’s dead from the root up, the balls are for decoration only and you only want it once a year"
A Langford family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's
breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice
but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" questioned the son.
"Yes, see them and they make you cry." The father explained.
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter asked,
"Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother smiles and looks at her daughter answering:
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty
and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it
is like a Christmas tree "
"A Christmas tree?" asked the daughter.
"Yes, it’s dead from the root up, the balls are for decoration only and you only want it once a year"
Langford: Where Trailer Park sex isn't just a rumour
Langford is a a suburb, even "bedroom" community of downtown Victoria.
It's actually a real up and coming place, as it's reasonably commutable to town and real estate is much more affordable. There are a number of seriously large big box stores here too. And trailer parks.....LOTS of trailer parks.
Why are we picking on Langford? Oh...just for fun.
Langford is a a suburb, even "bedroom" community of downtown Victoria.
It's actually a real up and coming place, as it's reasonably commutable to town and real estate is much more affordable. There are a number of seriously large big box stores here too. And trailer parks.....LOTS of trailer parks.
Why are we picking on Langford? Oh...just for fun.
Langford was the redneck capital of the victoria area for years. you would think it would be a hotbed of activity in the MP and SP department......I think it was about 5 years ago there was a lady close to the water wheel. thats the last one I know of.......
Thanks for the bit of history, Sidewinder and Flyboy. I love the Victoria area and found your anecdotal comments quite interesting.
---Dr. Moe
---Dr. Moe
Flyboy you don't know dick
Guess what? I lived just up the road from the Water Wheel for 28 years and never knew of an SP who lived in the area. However, there have been several SP's who have advertised ( Monday Mag with a 478 Number) and lived in the Western Communities for a number of years. And, I have partaken in all of them, except for the one that lived in the condos behind CanWest Mall. Might have been Ashley or something like that. However, with the completion of Bear Mountain and all the high class hotels that will finally be in the area (not to mention the Sheraton that is going behind Cosco) I forsee that a lot of Victoria's best SP's will think nothing of doing outcalls in the area. I actually forsee someone like Vikki from SU looking at the area. Just my humble opinion. I would honestly like to put the Colwood/Langford thing to rest as it really was the best place to bring up a family.flyboy 5252 said:
I think the previous posters were referring to the fact there are a greater number of "hillbillies" (people that couldn't care less about about how others see them in attire etc) in Langford than Victoria. No suprise as i'm sure that is the case far outside many metropolitan areas. I have never lived in Langford but I do know that area has a great number of beautiful lakes to swim in,awesome mountains to hike and really easygoing people. More beautiful than Victoria in my opinion
Thanks Ariel
I believe I just was put in my place. Ariel is totally right. Exept about the hillbilly part. In the 28 years I lived there , I watched it grow from hillbilly to a place that people from all over the world are buying property. Right now it is the only place in the Capital Region that has such a massive tax base with all the big box stores. All this means is, that the residents have the lowest property taxes in the area and are realizing the best benifits.
Ariel, please pm me. I would really like to talk to you.
I believe I just was put in my place. Ariel is totally right. Exept about the hillbilly part. In the 28 years I lived there , I watched it grow from hillbilly to a place that people from all over the world are buying property. Right now it is the only place in the Capital Region that has such a massive tax base with all the big box stores. All this means is, that the residents have the lowest property taxes in the area and are realizing the best benifits.
Ariel, please pm me. I would really like to talk to you.
Just one More
A Langford man walks into The Loghouse Pub and orders ten shots of tequilla.
The bartender lines up the shots and the man downs them all. He then orders 10 more shots of tequilla. The bartenders lines them up and the man downs em all.
The bartender then asks, "Why are you drinkin so much tequilla?"
The man says,"I just finished my first blow job."
The bartender says,"Congratulations. How about another ten shots on the house?"
The man says,"No thanks. If twenty shots of tequilla doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will."
A Langford man walks into The Loghouse Pub and orders ten shots of tequilla.
The bartender lines up the shots and the man downs them all. He then orders 10 more shots of tequilla. The bartenders lines them up and the man downs em all.
The bartender then asks, "Why are you drinkin so much tequilla?"
The man says,"I just finished my first blow job."
The bartender says,"Congratulations. How about another ten shots on the house?"
The man says,"No thanks. If twenty shots of tequilla doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will."
You must really be jealous
Hey Sidewider,
Coming from Esquimalt, I can really understand your frustration. Just kidding, we all will stand up for where we have lived the longest. For your info, I spent 8 years in the Navy and guess where I had to live? Never knocked it and never will.
PS. Just for your info, I am 57 years old and was born here. So I think I know something about this area and just something about the SP's that have been serving Victoria for the past 35 years or so. And believe me, there have been some really good indies.
Hey Sidewider,
Coming from Esquimalt, I can really understand your frustration. Just kidding, we all will stand up for where we have lived the longest. For your info, I spent 8 years in the Navy and guess where I had to live? Never knocked it and never will.
PS. Just for your info, I am 57 years old and was born here. So I think I know something about this area and just something about the SP's that have been serving Victoria for the past 35 years or so. And believe me, there have been some really good indies.
FYI rarefind8 she worked through chantelle's and lived in a little house about a 100 yds down the road from the water wheel and thinking back it was 5-6 years ago.....nothing wrong with langford, hell the Q even did a song...."lord I was born a langford man"
Langford man
I listen to the Q all the time on the mainland and they played that the other day. Every time I hear it I bust a gut laughing. Mom working at the hair hut, dad doing five in wilkie, can you please turn off your sixteen fog lamps. a true classic.
I listen to the Q all the time on the mainland and they played that the other day. Every time I hear it I bust a gut laughing. Mom working at the hair hut, dad doing five in wilkie, can you please turn off your sixteen fog lamps. a true classic.
Forget Langford!
ESQUIMALT you say?
Few pooners (and their trusty service providers) know this, but the name is actually derived from an antideluvian Salish word roughly translated as "where horny sailors step ashore in search of beer."
The official legend is that the original inhabitants of the region used to keep a special breed of hairy dogs on small islands off of what we now call Esquimalt, from which they traditionally collected fur which was then processed into extremely serviceable blankets.
The unofficial but true version is that they were put there in safekeeping to guard them from interference by Royal Navy sailors fresh from Hong Kong and Valparaiso.
It's all true. Irrefutable. I'd happily bet anyone here (ladies excepted) a glorious 2-cum handjob & prostate exam from Lucy's Massage against a box of Tim Horton's finest donuts that this is historically 100% correct.
ESQUIMALT you say?
Few pooners (and their trusty service providers) know this, but the name is actually derived from an antideluvian Salish word roughly translated as "where horny sailors step ashore in search of beer."
The official legend is that the original inhabitants of the region used to keep a special breed of hairy dogs on small islands off of what we now call Esquimalt, from which they traditionally collected fur which was then processed into extremely serviceable blankets.
The unofficial but true version is that they were put there in safekeeping to guard them from interference by Royal Navy sailors fresh from Hong Kong and Valparaiso.
It's all true. Irrefutable. I'd happily bet anyone here (ladies excepted) a glorious 2-cum handjob & prostate exam from Lucy's Massage against a box of Tim Horton's finest donuts that this is historically 100% correct.
Forget Esquimalt!
Langford Etiquette Guide
PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DINING OUT
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
DATING (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested "I've been wanting to go out with you since........
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back soft drinks and a candy bar.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Langford Etiquette Guide
PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DINING OUT
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
DATING (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested "I've been wanting to go out with you since........
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back soft drinks and a candy bar.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Esquimalt has never been the same since the incredible Tawny departed her lampson st apartment........after that I never found a reason to visit the hairy ass capital of victoria.....before that the only reason was pig night onboard rusty guts or columbia.......how about langfords new escort service Bare Mounting, wonder whats going to happen with the rates, maybe residents will get a discount
