Chivalry is Dead because Women Killed it!

[PlayfulAlex]

So today I worked an overtime shift and was paired up with a woman. Nice looking petite young lady, but with a hard personality. Anyway, we were mostly outside today in the heat, and when we went to enter the building, I always got the door for her and held it open. Because it was so hot, we had access to chilled bottled water. I would always get her a bottle when I went to get one, but she didn't reciprocate. When we went to the restaurant for dinner, she took a take out menu, which she reached first because of course I opened the door for her to enter, but she never even thought about picking up two and passing one on to me.

When I wanted something done, I always put "please" at the end, but when she wanted something, it was like she was giving an order, and I'm not only older than her, I have more seniority.

Looking back, I can't recall her saying thank you once to me during the day. Left a bad taste in my mouth.

So chivalry is dead because one woman killed it? I am surprised you're so fragile, and can't see that she must have had her own agenda. Either that, or this is just a typical day for her in Grouch Land.

Move along! Who cares what one jerk does/says/thinks...if you're her superior, you could actually have her brought up on disciplinary actions, due to her general subordination. But why bother, unless you have to continue working with her.

Did you have a secret agenda? Were you hoping your kindness would result in something specific? If so, you weren't being chivalrous at all, which is basically being nice to a lady because you think it's the right thing to do. Not with any particular gain in mind.

This morning, on my one-hour walk around the park, I smiled and said 'Good Morning' to everyone I passed. Almost without fail, I got a good morning greeting in return. Why did I do this? Because I think it's the right thing to do and it makes me feel good. When I don't receive a good morning greeting back, I don't let it phase me in the least. I still say 'Good Morning' to the next person.

This lady didn't deserve your intense attention, and she doesn't deserve you talking about her here...anymore...today...or any day...

 

[lenharper]

I always like to hold a ladies hair while receiving oral sex, it's just my way of helping out ; )

 

[tokugawa]

I say "thanks" every time someone holds a door for me, and often hold them for others. Southern hospitality maybe? I don't know, but even as a woman I'm shocked and horrified when ANYONE doesn't say thank you for something someone clearly did NOT have to do.

Wish everyone would share that same mentality.

In this case however, it seemed the woman may have felt you were interested in here had a boyfriend and was simply rebuffing your advances.

Based on your comment as well as comments in this thread, I should just mind my own business and not care about anybody that I don't have relations with! I don't necessarily agree with this but it definitely avoids being disappointed with people.

 

[Ray]

It appears the OP doesn't fully understand what chivalry is.

 

[Tugela]

Good manners means doing the right thing and not expecting reciprocation.

Along the same lines, true charity is anonymous.

 

[jesuschrist]

Good manners means doing the right thing and not expecting reciprocation.

Along the same lines, true charity is anonymous.

I think the OP has mistaken this for chivalry, it is not. His actions are just common courtesy.

Now when it comes to common courtesy, you should have the right to expect the same, that's how it works.
Since she is discourteous to the point of not being able to say thanks, then she doesn't deserve any more courteous behavior. Next time he goes out in the hot sun, hr should get himself cold.water only. If he sees her approaching a door with her hands full of bags, don't bother opening the door for her. If you see her forget her cell phone somewhere, leave it behind and say nothing. It's about self respect, he should show.himself some because she clearly has none for him. Courtesy starts when respect is mutual.

 

[DavidMR]

Another gender/culture/pop psychology war over nothing. What else is new, is Assad still murdering his own people?

 

[Ray]

No, he's murdering Syrians who aren't from his tribe.

 

[Tugela]

I think the OP has mistaken this for chivalry, it is not. His actions are just common courtesy.

Now when it comes to common courtesy, you should have the right to expect the same, that's how it works.
Since she is discourteous to the point of not being able to say thanks, then she doesn't deserve any more courteous behavior. Next time he goes out in the hot sun, hr should get himself cold.water only. If he sees her approaching a door with her hands full of bags, don't bother opening the door for her. If you see her forget her cell phone somewhere, leave it behind and say nothing. It's about self respect, he should show.himself some because she clearly has none for him. Courtesy starts when respect is mutual.

If you respond to bad manners with bad manners of your own, you never had them to start with.

 

[Tugela]

No, he's murdering Syrians who aren't from his tribe.

Those not from his religious orientation. The conflict is largely along Shiite/Sunni lines.

 

[Dgodus]

If you respond to bad manners with bad manners of your own, you never had them to start with.

Eh, I dont really see ignoring someone as bad manners. Not opening a door for someone isn't bad manners, letting a door fall into someone's face is bad manners.

There is a limit to being an upstanding polite person then transitioning into an enabler of people with piss poor manners and bad courtesy.

If you continuously extend politness and courtesy to someone who shows not one speck of appreciation for things done for them, does not return one bit of courtesy, and is actually rude (in op's example how she speaks to her superior) then you are simply teaching them that their behavior is acceptable - in all actuality you're doing a diservice to everyone else who may have to interact with that person.

JC is right, chivalry is something different. It's standing up for someone who maybe can do it for themselves, and maybe sticking your neck out - chivalry is when there is possibly an actual consequence to you. Opening/holding a door for someone is just courtesy that should be extend to everyone; man, woman, child. If I hold the door for someone who is a few steps away, generally they'll quicken their pace to get to and through the door quicker as a "thank you for holding the door, let me do what I can to not leave you standing there holding it longer than you have to" that as well is common courtesy. Much like people who hurry across a xwalk when a car stops for them. People who wont quicken towards the door when I hold it obviously dont need me to hold the door for them and I can continue on my way (obviously you cant do this in most instance with the xwalk as you're actually required by law to stop lol, but I sure have thought about putting it in park and revving the engine when some punk is meandering across taking his sweet old time)

 

[tokugawa]

No, but do you know how it must feel to be ogled daily and hit on by strangers? There is a reason I live in baggy clothes with my hair up when I am on my own time. It really sucks to be stared at and treated like a piece of meat (not talking about this situation, just in general).

For example, I walked across the street to get some tea the other day. I had on my work makeup, hair done, a pair of nice jeans, and a cute tshirt. Kind of tight, but not low cut. I was the only one crossing the street so the car full of guys in a convertible found it appropriate to whistle and holler at me. I ignored them and they were like 'we were just trying to say hi, don't be such a bitch about it'.

I can say that if, immediately after, someone had tried to do something nice? I would have said thank you, but wouldn't have gone out of my way to be nice back. Things like that can really sour your mood. I'm the itch because I wanted to be left alone on my walk? Oh okay. I don't even have a boyfriend or girlfriend and I can't stand being approached or hit on. This is simply because I'm more of the asking out type than the be asked out type but that's another thread all together

I wish I had your problem. Have you ever been treated like crap? That doesn't feel any better either

But seriously sometimes people actually do kind things that are selfless (doing something for the sake of being nice). It's unfortunate that some people think otherwise.

 

[LADY-VIA]

product of how she is used to being treated ???? I grew up in an old fashioned family, mom stayed home dad always opened the doors ect.. To this day I cant recall my mother opening up a door once to walk into an establishment.. She does say thank you though Perhaps her father or all her boyfriends pampered her, and she doesnt really know different. Not to say that her actions are wrong or right in any way.. just something to think about

 

[jesuschrist]

chivalry is something different. It's standing up for someone who maybe can do it for themselves, and maybe sticking your neck out - chivalry is when there is possibly an actual consequence to you. Opening/holding a door for someone is just courtesy that should be extend to everyone; man, woman, child. If I hold the door for someone who is a few steps away, generally they'll quicken their pace to get to and through the door quicker as a "thank you for holding the door, let me do what I can to not leave you standing there holding it longer than you have to" that as well is common courtesy. Much like people who hurry across a xwalk when a car stops for them. People who wont quicken towards the door when I hold it obviously dont need me to hold the door for them and I can continue on my way (obviously you cant do this in most instance with the xwalk as you're actually required by law to stop lol, but I sure have thought about putting it in park and revving the engine when some punk is meandering across taking his sweet old time)

Well said! It's quite amazing when I stop my car UNNECESSARILY just to allow someone to walk across, who hadn't even stepped foot off the corner yet, and they take that as a liberty to meander across without a care in the world. It says a lot about them as a person; that they take full advantage of the favours you give them - and it makes me think that were the favour extended to me by them, whether or not they would mind my taking a mile when given an inch. I was once complained at by such a person with the response, "if you do me a favour, don't turn around and complain about it later". It's courtesy expected for courtesy given versus the expectation of pure giving. Those that expect pure giving out of others are often the most selfish.