Children with mental disabilities.

[AnnaSteel]

I have a young son who is severely disabled but looking at him you'd never guess. One second he's fine and then all of a sudden he's punching you for no reason. He has now come to be very violent at school and the school has helped alot in guiding him or calming him down. It has come down to beyond expensive medication just so he can do his school work and now his therapy is 200 per hour 3 times a week.... Has anyone had a similar experience or knows anyone who has dealt with this.... I am so stressed out and I'm starting to feel the stress overwhelm me. If anyone knows I would really appreciate some outter insight... Thanks!!

 

[*emmanuelle]

Not sure which exact services to recommend without knowing what your little boy has been diagnosed with, but there are almost certainly some resources out there for financial help and emotional support. Here are a few for autism (my best guess judging by your description) and I'm sure there are similar support services for other disabilities. Stay strong!

http://www.addcoach4u.com/vancouver/vanautismsupportgroups.html

http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/autism/funding_programs.htm

 

[AnnaSteel]

I should have Added

I forgot to mention he was diagnosed ADHD,ocd,odd and possible bi polar. Autisim was ruled out after testing. It's true there is funding and my 9-5 job has some benefits. But it only covers 750 a year... And the other help is non funded and literally left me with more questions... I'm trying this new approach of neurofeedback and haven't noticed any changes yet....

 

[Lavinia]

I have some experience with neuro feedback. I think it can take far more sessions than they normally recommend and it's not an exact science. I know a lot of parent of kids with adhd, add, bi polar, depression,ect that take their kids for neuro feedback. I also believe that during the initial treatment stage, it can aggravate things somewhat. I wouldn't totally give up on it, but I do believe they haven't figured it out. They're are many treatments they can only use in Canada because they aren't FDA approved in the USA. I think that for more serious issues it will take far longer to see results, and if there are chemical issues they usually need to be treated with medications. It's a tough journey, but help is available. I'm sorry I don't have any more advice for you. Maybe contacting the ministry? Best of luck to you and I sincerely hope you get the help you and your son need.

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

I have a young son who is severely disabled but looking at him you'd never guess. One second he's fine and then all of a sudden he's punching you for no reason. He has now come to be very violent at school and the school has helped alot in guiding him or calming him down. It has come down to beyond expensive medication just so he can do his school work and now his therapy is 200 per hour 3 times a week.... Has anyone had a similar experience or knows anyone who has dealt with this.... I am so stressed out and I'm starting to feel the stress overwhelm me. If anyone knows I would really appreciate some outter insight... Thanks!!

Oh wow ... I went through this with my kid years ago .. I used to cry myself to sleep most nights dreaming of these kidnappers everyone was always talking about lol. Every day of school was a living nightmare. All the parents at the school would give me dirty looks whenever they saw me coming or going .. the 'why can't she control her kid' look of shame. No one could control my kid. He had to be doped up with Ritalin to go to school ... also diagnosed in Kindergarten with ADHD and behavior disorders, he wasn't one of those kids lumped in and over diagnosed .. from the second he was born .. it was clear there was something wrong with him. The Public Health Nurse was at my house for a week straight all day after doing her routine drop in at 4 weeks old ... she could see I desperately needed help ... one of her suggestions was "don't rock him" ... the last day of her week long visit to my house she was down on the floor under his crib bumping or rocking it trying in desperation to get him to sleep in it ... to no avail. She was sweating .. her hair was all over the place .. and she said to me "there are some children that are just difficult ... there are support classes for parents of difficult children" No daycare or babysitter would take him .. he was kicked out of everyone he went to as waaaay too difficult. He was violent towards himself, me and everyone else when he would get overexcited or upset I seriously thought he was one of those children who would kill me in my sleep. Every teacher he ever had complained in his report cards ... "he is a very intelligent child and would do very well if he could just sit still and pay attention" by grade 7 .. I was so sick of seeing this .. I asked the principal "do they say on the vision impaired child's report card "she would do so much better if she could just see?" I was told many times by people in the school system .. he would end up in jail as he had terrible terrible impulse control. He could not play with other children as he would get too excited and hurt them. He had no friends or very very few. I could go on and on about this .... the bottom line is ... don't try too hard to get him to fit into the school system .. I wasted a lot of energy and endured so much heart ache doing that .. he never did fit in. He stopped taking Ritalin in grade 8 much to my absolute dread ... started smoking marijuana in grade 8 ..... it was an absolute game changer (for the better) Life began when he left school in grade 11 and got a job ... he has excelled beyond my wildest dreams! He is the hardest working person (besides myself of course lol I raised him on my own and held down a full time shift work job and a part time job while taking courses always trying to better my positon. Won an award for perfect attendance twice at my full-time job) I have ever met. He never, ever takes a day off of work .. he has worked his way up into upper management, owns his own 3 bedroom house, has never been in any trouble with the law contrary to all the naysayers in the school system he has lots of friends of all ages. We talk about his early years a lot ... we laugh a lot about all the low points ...
Don't compare your son to all the other kids out there and don't listen to all the perfect people with perfect kids ... surround yourself with real people and just know it will get better. My son is my rock ... he's 6'4" the most solid person mentally and physically you would ever meet in your life. I thank God every day for him now and that somehow we got through those difficult years. Anytime you need to talk to someone you know how to reach me. Peace and Love !!!

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I can't necessarily help you with advice about your son but I do know the effect it has on you. My sister and her husband have a child with Aspergers (his son from his first marriage) and see the struggles they face as well as the stress it can cause them and their relationship.
Aside from your son, you need to take care of yourself as well. I know as parents when our kids are ill, our Mama and Papa Bear instincts kick in and we do what ever to protect our baby. Often this is done with great self sacrifice. Make sure you are getting breaks, eating well, exercising, getting your rest and getting support for yourself. There are lots of groups out there for parents of children with mental illness. You need to do this for yourself so you are at your best to help your child.

Take care (sending you a big hug and some good vibes)
Jethro

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Good morning Ashlynn

I hope you're getting good support, as we talked about yesterday. I just wanted to share this with you:

Elements of Cause and Action
1). Duty � A school board and its employees are under a duty to exercise reasonable care to protect students from reasonably foreseeable risks of injury.
2). Breach of Duty (Negligence) - �Negligence is the omission to do something which a reasonable man, guided upon those considerations which ordinarily regulate the conduct of human affairs, would do, or doing something which a prudent and reasonable man would not do. The defendants might have been liable for negligence, if, unintentionally, they omitted to do that which a reasonable person would have done, or did that which a person taking reasonable precautions would not have done.�(Blyth vs. Birmingham Water Works Co., 1856).
3). Causation - this term refers to the determination as to whether there is a sufficient causal link between the defendant�s negligence and the plaintiff�s injury. This actually involves 2 separate issues: causation in fact and proximate cause. The first is based on the question, would the injury have occurred but for the defendant�s negligence? The second however is more complex. Even if there is a causal link between the defendant�s conduct and the plaintiff�s injury, is the link so �bizarre� as to make it unfair to hold the defendant liable for the injury?
4). Damages as a result of the injury - If the student suffered actually damages, the medical bills and endured pain will be given a dollar amount. The dollar amount of those damages is to be recovered from the board.
It is important to note that a school board is vicariously liable for all acts of negligence performed by its employees and volunteers acting within the scope of their employment or within the scope of their authority. Liability "flows" from the teacher to the principle to the board.

Make sure your lawyer understands this. The School Act is cut & dried. If a child is injured at school during school hours it is the SCHOOL that owes that child a Duty of Care, it is the school that failed to do what was reasonable to prevent the injury, and it is the school that should be held liable for the damages amount for that injury. To my mind, this includes not having a Safety Plan in place for YOUR child!

Call me again, anytime.

 

[AnnaSteel]

Thank you all.

Honestly it always feels like your the only one going through with it...hearing the stories and the support has been amazing. I really appreciate all the lovely texts and emails with encouragement..... Thank you soooo much.

 

[clu]

It may not be of much help as you probably already know, but in case you didn't already know you can claim medicine expenses not covered by insurance as a deduction on your income tax (the part above a basic amount) which can help reduce the costs a bit. And though your son may not qualify (depending on the professional judgement of the "despite medication" qualifier) there's the T2201 "disability tax credit" which offers a significant tax deduction to offset elevated caregiving costs (by you, a spouse or third party) of a dependant.

 

[oneoldone]

A number of children that were in my house long term have had issues nothing as serious. One in particular had speech difficulty and was difficult to understand. There was nothing physically wrong just her brain was slow in learning the right connections to make the sounds. This bothered her so much she would have a tantrum sometimes lasting an hour or more. Sometimes she was just trying to take advantage to get what she wanted so you had to learn to read her for the correct response (light pat on the rear and on your way or a hug and lets see whats wrong).God help you if you read her the wrong way. The complexity of what you are facing is far more challenging and I don't envy your task. Just a brief glance over the internet is a bit daunting. From google I picked the Corepsych website they seem to have a combined chemistry and psychological approach. Also check Pyroluria and the neurotherapy center of dallas.
As always use your own common sense and trust your own judgement. The most important thing to do is get a clear diagnosis don't try and fix a problem until you know what it is. This in and of itself can take a long time. You will almost never hear a "professional" say I don't know so once again trust yourself, learn to read your child and keep trying, and look after yourself.

 

[ogreray]

It may not be of much help as you probably already know, but in case you didn't already know you can claim medicine expenses not covered by insurance as a deduction on your income tax (the part above a basic amount) which can help reduce the costs a bit. And though your son may not qualify (depending on the professional judgement of the "despite medication" qualifier) there's the T2201 "disability tax credit" which offers a significant tax deduction to offset elevated caregiving costs (by you, a spouse or third party) of a dependant.

Would imagine your son would qualify for the Disability Tax Credit. 2 of my 3 boys have autism, and they both qualify for the credit. Would all depend on the medical professional filling out the paperwork. It does help out financially, but it doesn't do much to help with the emotional support you need.

The Canucks have a program they fund called the Canucks Autism Network. I'm not sure if it's open to kids with other disabilities, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. Costs $25 a year per child and they have many sports and social programs for the kids that would be out of reach otherwise.

Also, look into respite care. In Victoria, the Cridge Respitality Centre provides a free hotel stay once a year. Any little thing helps. Not sure if there's an equivalent in Burnaby, but it's something to consider. I know there are support groups too of parents dealing with your situation, both online and actual meet-ups. Although it won't change the situation, talking about it with people going through the same thing does help, anc sometimes you learn a trick or two you wouldn't have thought of to deal with your specific situation.

 

[ogreray]

A number of children that were in my house long term have had issues nothing as serious. One in particular had speech difficulty and was difficult to understand. There was nothing physically wrong just her brain was slow in learning the right connections to make the sounds. This bothered her so much she would have a tantrum sometimes lasting an hour or more. Sometimes she was just trying to take advantage to get what she wanted so you had to learn to read her for the correct response (light pat on the rear and on your way or a hug and lets see whats wrong).God help you if you read her the wrong way. The complexity of what you are facing is far more challenging and I don't envy your task. Just a brief glance over the internet is a bit daunting. From google I picked the Corepsych website they seem to have a combined chemistry and psychological approach. Also check Pyroluria and the neurotherapy center of dallas.
As always use your own common sense and trust your own judgement. The most important thing to do is get a clear diagnosis don't try and fix a problem until you know what it is. This in and of itself can take a long time. You will almost never hear a "professional" say I don't know so once again trust yourself, learn to read your child and keep trying, and look after yourself.

That diagnosis is so important. I know some parents who are raising kids with obvious mental health issues who don't help their situation because they don't want their child labeled. That label isn't something that will harm your child, and without it, they can't get any help.

 

[AnnaSteel]

Once again

Thank you all so much.... I seriously appreciate all of this.
I have some support, but its only from people who don't know what it's like so hearing that others have gone through this it sure makes me feel like I didn't fail... And that it will get better... So again thank you so much!

 

[oneoldone]

I would again echo the comments of ogreray and to that end try and have a long talk with someone who has been successful after a long period of trying they will know the ins and outs better than anyone. Also this appears to be a very active research field at the present time so keep tabs on the internet for recent developements

 

[paprides]

some of the most beautiful children, both inside and out, come to us with challenges built in.

They remain a treasure.

The responses here are heartwarming and I am quite moved by them and the strength, loyalty and love displayed by parents and family.

 

[FreeG]

Sorry to drag up an old thread but this one touched me personally. I have a son with ASD. The days after he was diagnosed was so tough, not necessarily tougher for what he was doing but just reading and trying to learn what may lay ahead. I would second the opinions to get a diagnosis: it's only a label to those who have to know (we don't tell anyone we don't have to and haven't told him, he's 8 now). But the diagnosis opens up funding avenues and services. See if you can find a BCBA to help guide a BA/therapist or team. BC has funding for autism (500/mos I believe) plus someone already mentioned child's disability tax credit. Having consistent caring therapists have been unbelievably helpful. For ASD in particular, there are different schools of thought to help: ABA, floor time, RDI among others. We found a mix works best for our son and each child is different, so don't let someone pigeon hole you into just one therapy or school of thought.

We also enrolled him into an independent school here, not fully private but smaller classes and more aides to help him and other kids who need help.

It may be a tougher road but t only makes each milestone that much sweeter and more emotional! Wouldn't change my prince for the world!

Hope this helps.

 

[AnnaSteel]

Wow... Thanks so much....