well my point is, is that kids nowadays are not as thick skinned as kids 20 years ago. They seem to be overly sensitive and highly self-indulgent now. Why did that happen I wonder?
Bullying
- Thread starter sevenofnine
- Start date
You are missing the point.
I have Aspergers, when I was at school I was a skinny geek kid who basically couldn't talk to anyone (literally - I'm a lot better at the social stuff now, but it took many years to develop that). So, you should know how things went from there, an odd isolated kid with no friends. Fighting the people who make your life miserable is not an option. In my experience when you do that it just encourages them because a reaction from you is what they get entertainment from. Another observation I made, watching other people, is that frequently the people picked on become bullies themselves when or if they get into a clique.
The best option in my experience was to do nothing, eventually they get bored and go away. It is really tough, but if you stick to it, it seemed to work. It is also hard for them to physically intimidate you, because if you are weak and don't defend yourself, other alpha kids will usually stop it. Even bullies have people they are afraid off. Plus, you allways have the option of the system. If the bullies know you won't defend yourself, but are not afraid to use the system if they go to far, usually a line is drawn that they won't cross. There will be some exceptions of course, that is where you need to have courage.
The other thing that was really important to do, was not make waves. Understand what it is that YOU are doing that makes you vulnerable and isolated, and either stop doing that or moderate it. If you adopt a controversial lifestyle, don't be surprised if your peers don't approve, and if you are not prepared to deal with the fallout from that, then don't practice that lifestyle among them. I would guess that about 95% of all "bullying" can be avoided like this. Basically, don't stick a target on your back if someone shooting at it bothers you.
The people who say they resolved a bullying problem by fighting and intimidating everyone else - news flash: You weren't bullied to begin with, what you experienced is someone else not likeing you and being open about it. That happens. When you start scaring everyone around you in response, you become the bully, not them.
Tug,
You are missing the point. You are not like everyone else, and everyone else is not like you. People grow at different rates both mentally and physically. Children and teenagers are not mini-adults, their brains grow and develop at different rates, so they are different from us and each other. Emotional intelligence develops differently from logical intelligence. You fixate on the physical bullying, but it is the harassment and social isolation which sets the conditions for the physical bullying to occur.
You hit on the strategies which worked for you as well as some that worked for me. School for me was 12 years in survival mode. The happiest I remember being in my young life was Basic training in the military at age 17, right out of school. It was the first time I remember being part of a group in which I was accepted. I survived school but "not-dying" is not the same as living. It has colored my entire life. I have many acquaintances but no one I would consider a friend. I am an introvert who is barely successful in social interactions developed from conscious observation of others. Interacting with people is always a challenge.
Telling children how they should deal with their bullies is less helpful than you think. Dad tried to advise me on how to deal with them, but his world was different from mine and most of his words didn't apply. I hesitate to provide advice for children suffering today as their circumstances are very different from mine. One thing I do tell them though, is that it gets better.
You are missing the point. You are not like everyone else, and everyone else is not like you. People grow at different rates both mentally and physically. Children and teenagers are not mini-adults, their brains grow and develop at different rates, so they are different from us and each other. Emotional intelligence develops differently from logical intelligence. You fixate on the physical bullying, but it is the harassment and social isolation which sets the conditions for the physical bullying to occur.
You hit on the strategies which worked for you as well as some that worked for me. School for me was 12 years in survival mode. The happiest I remember being in my young life was Basic training in the military at age 17, right out of school. It was the first time I remember being part of a group in which I was accepted. I survived school but "not-dying" is not the same as living. It has colored my entire life. I have many acquaintances but no one I would consider a friend. I am an introvert who is barely successful in social interactions developed from conscious observation of others. Interacting with people is always a challenge.
Telling children how they should deal with their bullies is less helpful than you think. Dad tried to advise me on how to deal with them, but his world was different from mine and most of his words didn't apply. I hesitate to provide advice for children suffering today as their circumstances are very different from mine. One thing I do tell them though, is that it gets better.
No easy solutions.
I think the biggest factor in bullying is what happens when you get home.
Do your parents help you fiqure out how to deal with this are they loving and supportive.
Or does your dad basicly tell you to grow a set of balls and be a man, and your mom cowers in the corner.
Or something like that.
Studies have shown the best way to deal with stress is to have a strong support system. Number one.
Number two is just knowlege and awarness. And just my opinion you would think a teacher would be on the leading edge of this.
I mean look at all the shool shootings we have had and sucides with young kids.
I am not really sure but we have safty in the work place. The company is in a whole world of shit if a worker gets injured or harressed.
I think if you feel the school is not doing there bit or a teacher is enabling bullying in the school, you walk in there and scream and bloody well make a lot of noise,
if that doesn't work you get a lawyer and you talk to the newspapers and you threaten that way.
I think also depending on the age of the kid and the situation, home school is an option.
I think if the kid can stand his ground better for him. I mean really good for that young person if he can deal with it head held high.
But if he can't he is looking at years of abuse. You have to get him out of the shcool. Home school him and uplug him from the social internet.
I think the biggest factor in bullying is what happens when you get home.
Do your parents help you fiqure out how to deal with this are they loving and supportive.
Or does your dad basicly tell you to grow a set of balls and be a man, and your mom cowers in the corner.
Or something like that.
Studies have shown the best way to deal with stress is to have a strong support system. Number one.
Number two is just knowlege and awarness. And just my opinion you would think a teacher would be on the leading edge of this.
I mean look at all the shool shootings we have had and sucides with young kids.
I am not really sure but we have safty in the work place. The company is in a whole world of shit if a worker gets injured or harressed.
I think if you feel the school is not doing there bit or a teacher is enabling bullying in the school, you walk in there and scream and bloody well make a lot of noise,
if that doesn't work you get a lawyer and you talk to the newspapers and you threaten that way.
I think also depending on the age of the kid and the situation, home school is an option.
I think if the kid can stand his ground better for him. I mean really good for that young person if he can deal with it head held high.
But if he can't he is looking at years of abuse. You have to get him out of the shcool. Home school him and uplug him from the social internet.
I survived bullying once and for all by setting one of them on fire.
My happiness lasted only a day though.
My happiness lasted only a day though.
Tug & Melody,
The bullies of today are on a whole, perhaps more vicious than in years gone by. Violence, well, it never changes... but the social aspect does. Society now frowns on the victim responding with violence, meaning that the victim is further victimized for standing up for themselves. Meanwhile, the bullies are treated with kid gloves because they have special needs (which are the source of their bullying behavior).
The truth is, there are many reasons that children start acting as bullies... substance abuse, mental issues/disabilities, lack of self confidence, innate anger issues, abusive or neglected home life, trouble with school, or just because they are psychopaths (I think this last one is increasing in numbers, btw). Lastly, kids... following human nature... are very quick to figure out who/what is different and ostracize that person for it. That, perhaps, is the only thing we can strive to change in the school setting... everything else requires much more intensive work. FYI, all children are essentially amoral until they've had our morale precepts ingrained in them via social bonds, education and constant reinforcement.
As much as throwing a punch feels good... it's only as good as long as your victim (sorry, your bully) is afraid of you. People get much braver in numbers, so all it takes is an escalation of violence to restart the bullying cycle. It's why bullies hang out in groups of 3 or more now... they can't stand a one on one fight where they might lose. We used to think swarm beatings were isolated to certain immigrant cultures, but that was nothing more than ignorance... it's an increasing form of violent bullying that must be combated with something else other than escalating violence.
Also, fists have no effect on social bullying... the only way to fix that is to destroy your bully using the same tactics, victimizing them by cowing all of those that look up to them...isolating them... driving them to humiliation and hopefully self harm. At which point, you're no better than them.
As far as people standing up to bullies, it really depends on whether you're an extrovert or an introvert personality. The extrovert will throw that punch, fight... the introvert will shut the door and retreat inwards to try to block out the attacks. Neither is truly and effective method, but it is what children do when faced with this sort of things... as adults, we should have more avenues of communication to deal with it (not that it always works, but that's another story entirely).
The bullies of today are on a whole, perhaps more vicious than in years gone by. Violence, well, it never changes... but the social aspect does. Society now frowns on the victim responding with violence, meaning that the victim is further victimized for standing up for themselves. Meanwhile, the bullies are treated with kid gloves because they have special needs (which are the source of their bullying behavior).
The truth is, there are many reasons that children start acting as bullies... substance abuse, mental issues/disabilities, lack of self confidence, innate anger issues, abusive or neglected home life, trouble with school, or just because they are psychopaths (I think this last one is increasing in numbers, btw). Lastly, kids... following human nature... are very quick to figure out who/what is different and ostracize that person for it. That, perhaps, is the only thing we can strive to change in the school setting... everything else requires much more intensive work. FYI, all children are essentially amoral until they've had our morale precepts ingrained in them via social bonds, education and constant reinforcement.
As much as throwing a punch feels good... it's only as good as long as your victim (sorry, your bully) is afraid of you. People get much braver in numbers, so all it takes is an escalation of violence to restart the bullying cycle. It's why bullies hang out in groups of 3 or more now... they can't stand a one on one fight where they might lose. We used to think swarm beatings were isolated to certain immigrant cultures, but that was nothing more than ignorance... it's an increasing form of violent bullying that must be combated with something else other than escalating violence.
Also, fists have no effect on social bullying... the only way to fix that is to destroy your bully using the same tactics, victimizing them by cowing all of those that look up to them...isolating them... driving them to humiliation and hopefully self harm. At which point, you're no better than them.
As far as people standing up to bullies, it really depends on whether you're an extrovert or an introvert personality. The extrovert will throw that punch, fight... the introvert will shut the door and retreat inwards to try to block out the attacks. Neither is truly and effective method, but it is what children do when faced with this sort of things... as adults, we should have more avenues of communication to deal with it (not that it always works, but that's another story entirely).
I was responding to a previous post... not your last one. Virtual falls into social, and while bullying is bullying... there are different methods for combating the different styles. Social bullying typically has farther reaching and longer lasting effects, too. So, there is sort of a difference.
Hi Melody, yes thank you for understanding I know a lot of my peers in the lower mainland are aware of how bad Surrey can get. I did change schools 3 times but didn't leave Surrey, my mother is adamant about staying put here because her mom is old and lives here - and also its nearly impossible to get accepted into a school outside of your catchment area...my little sister is growing up here now but she has no issues - she goes to a good new school and all the kids at her school are different/more civilized than 10-15 years ago, one example is she told me that there is no smoke pit at her school, I had smoke pits at all 3 schools I went to. I have been through counselling, my mother was devastated about the teachers and complained to the principal (which didn't help obviously - principal joined in too)...Eventually I did drop out of high school and finished off with online home schooling. I do have bipolar disorder and went through severe depression in high school and was hospitalized for it, but this problem of mine is genetic and was not triggered through environmental circumstances. It does make life a lot more difficult and to fit into society, so I just don't follow society and now my life is great, I also learned and programmed myself to not care what everyone thinks or says anymore, that life is short and we will all die anyway, so what is the point for all the bickering and gossiping?
The time I was bullied was in grade 11 English. The leader of the skateboard gang decided it would be funny to spray me with a grape juice box, ruining my clothing. The teacher saw, but pretended she didn't. No chance in hell am I going to ignore the bully and hope he stops. I grabbed him by his shirt collar and ripped it off right in class. The look on his face was priceless. He punched me in the chest and I punched him several times in the face. The teacher who looked the other way when he initiated the incident ran away to get a male teacher to take over.
By the time anyone came to stop the fight I had this gangster crying..." I give up I give up"
It is still one of my favourite memories from high school.
I was suspended 3 days.
When I returned my math and gym teacher both told me they wished they could have seen him crying.
Kids I didn't even know thanked me.
He was suspended longer due to the fact he had been suspended several times.
Idiot wanted a rematch, but this time using his skateboard as a weapon.
Tried to hit me with it. I grabbed it off him, and smashed it in half against the wall.
He ran away and never returned to the school again.
If I were to ignore him the first time, he would have thought he could continue to bully me.
And it was obvious my English teacher didn't care.
I under stand not all kids could do this, I was probably 6'7" and 225 at the time.
The bully bit off more than he could chew.
Even when I was the smallest kid in my grade due to a late puberty (am 6'3" now), I was never bullied. It's pretty easy to avoid if you have any social savvy.
Exactly! If you stop the bully on his first attempt even better.
However, I was already aware of this kids rep
This is hilarious coming from the guy who thinks it's impossible to get laid without paying for it.
No it does not. What he experienced was a confrontation, that is completely different.
Claiming to have been bullied in the past appears to the fashionable thing at the moment, but probably 95%+ of those claims are not bullying at all, rather the incidents involved were regular confrontational disputes.
Part of the problem now is that most people don't have a clue what bullying really is like, so they think that whenever someone reacts negatively it is bullying, which is not true.
It muddies the water in the debate because the real problem is being buried with all this other fluff.
So if the bully spreads it around, it's not bullying? Is there a magic number how many time per kid the bully must fullfil?
Maybe standing up for yourself is a guy thing?
