Awkward Situation

[Urban_Male]

Well I have always assumed that all the talk about bareback with SP's was a myth...

This week I was with one of my favorite SP's. I have been with her about 5 or 6 times. I will not mention her name, except I will say she has been reviewed on numrous occasions.

We are very confortable with each other and we have lots of fun together.

We were getting pretty hot and ready for the main event, I was on top of her kissing, nibbling and what not. She asked me to lie down to return the favour, and she proceeded to give me a bj. no condom. It happened so fast that I had no chance to say anything. We have always used a condom... I enjoyed it alot and let her do her thing. I returned the favour by doing some DATY which I have done on her before. I asked her what gives after and she said she felt confortable with me.

So the sessions continues and then she really surprised me. She had me lie down and she mounted me, with out a condom.... I asked her to stop and asked her to please put one on. I think she felt kind of hurt by it. The rest of the session kind of went downhill from there. I mean it got so awkward that I could not finish. I just faked it and got the hell out.

What was I supposed to do??? I mean she might have felt so confortable with me that she wanted to do it without a condom but I sure didn't.

Anyways my question is this.... What would you guys have done? and should I ever go back and see her?

Your imput is very much appreaciated because I can't really talk about this to anyone else.

Thanks,
urban...

 

[tiger]

You did the right thing - no question - don't doubt yourself in this one. It is your own responsibility to keep yourself safe, I would probably mention it to the owner / manager of the place, but that is just me and my opinion, and if you do, then you probably can count on never having another session with that particular provider, but I wouldn't go back to her anyway. Just my 2 cents.

 

[BS Detector]

I agree with what you did if you felt

uncomfortable going bb. I wouldn't mention it to management because it is not a case of disciplinary action may be required. However a lot of guys may want to know here so they can decide if they want to see her or not.

I feel the proper thing to do here would have been for the lady to tell you she felt comfortable enuf to go that route and ask if you did as well. Then you both had a choice and could take it from there.

 

[Cruz4chicks]

You Did Right

I agree you did the right thing. I wouldn't get management involved. and if you trully enjoy the sp go see her again but let her know that you are comfortable with her but are still concerned with safety. and the repercussions that come with unprotected S. I think that if she respects you , she will not attempt this again. I personally would freak out if it happened to me. It's so risky these day's .

Because it's a saftey concern I wonder if you'd pm her name so that I never see her. If she's done it with you , chances are she's done it with others.(not that I care If Pooner's want to go BB) But I'm not willing to risk My life(Home) Because some sp gave me a std. thanks

 

[eskie]

Wow

Quite the story there, UM. I'm a little shocked a well-reviewed SP would do something like that.

Here's my take on it: If you like her and want to continue seeing her, but not bareback, go back another time. Be nice, say you're sorry your reaction hurt her (I understand it's not your fault, but SPs are women after all so opening with an apology never hurts). Tell her you're flattered that she opened up to you, but you're concerned for your MUTUAL health and wouldn't want to risk an unwanted pregnancy in any case. Tell her you only go bareback with your wife/girlfriend. If she is a decent person I think she'll understand this.

If you don't want to see her anymore, I say cut your losses and just stop going. She will obviously know why you stopped seeing her, so no need to beat the subject further. You could involve management, but remember that no one knows what happened in the room but the two of you, so it's your word against hers. She could even turn the tables and call you a stalker. Do you really want the aggravation in your life?

As for if you should see her anymore, I can't help you there, except to say that once you can answer that question, the rest should follow easily.

Good luck.

 

[BamMargera]

Dunno what the rest of you think, but I'm just wondering if Urban should maybe go and talk to her no matter his decision, and either say the "I'm flattered that you could open up to me, but for both our safety, it's probably best if we don't do things that way", or if he decides not to see her any more, I wonder if he should go and see her just to apologize about what happened (as eskie said, it's always best to apologize when dealing with women, even if you're not technically wrong), and then just let her know that because of what happened, it might be best if he not stop in to see her anymore.

I'm just a youngin', not totally in tune with the female mind, so I'm not sure if it's a good idea for him to go and talk to her if he doesn't decide to see her again. However, it seems like some of you guys deal with the female mind on a more regular basis than I do, so if this is a bad idea let me know so that I can hopefully learn from the situation. Oh, and give UM some good advice at the same time. In either case, I agree with the guys above, not necessairly something to be brought up with management. Could put her job in jeopardy for something that she did in the heat of the moment.

Oh, and I agree with BS...this shoulda been something discussed before she did it. I mean, we're supposed to be considerate enough to not throw it into a girl's butt without asking her before hand, so this seems like common logic (then again, we are dealing with the female mind here, and I'm sure most people know how logical that can be at times).

Sorry to hear what happened to ya bro, hopefully things work out in the end.

 

[Pan]

UM, you certainly did the right thing, if you were uncomfortable.
I have to say, that I have seen this situation myself, and I think that some ladies may feel that it is a mark of intimacy and trust. I think you should be flattered that your SP trusted you enough to offer, but one is under no obligation to accept something just because it is offered.
Different strokes, different folks.
I would certainly NOT go spreading the SP's name around on the board or in private messages, because that may be construed as a violation of the trust implicit in the original action. (I also wonder at the concept that the BBBJ didn't trigger your concern, but the ride did...)
I often get concerned with the amount of detail some posters go into on this forum. It is indiscreet, not only in regard to respect for the girls, but in that this hobby is still technically illegal, and to believe that local law enforcement do not monitor these forums is naive in the extreme. Every post of this graphic nature is fodder for those who would put our little game to an end. We forget, in Edmonton, because we do not have the overzealous enforcement of some other cities.
Each of us has different motives for playing, and different rules for the game, but we all want to play, and play safe. You can make your own rules, but you have to point them out to the other players for the game to go smoothly.
In your circumstance, I would have gently and playfully chided the SP about safe play, and let her know how important her trust and confidence were to me. OR if the level of trust was mutual, I would have played through, caught up in the moment. What I WOULDN't do is take it to masses like this.

 

[Rocky]

Some of the ladies are very good with that trick of "putting the condom on with the mouth."

I didn't know just how good until one session with an SP, she started giving me a bj and I almost freaked, I was certain it was bareback.

After a bit of very embarassed squirming and hopping around on my part while she is doing a damn fine service job and didn't know what my problem was, I saw that indeed, she had me covered.

I know exactly that tense feeling!

 

[rigiddoctor]

Bring your own condoms. Put the condom on yourself.

She'll get the hint and you'll get peace of mind.

 

[Owudoin]

It's a slippery slope man...on the one hand you think how good it feels...on the other hand you wonder how many others she's done that with. Keep in mind that you may be clean, but it's all of us other yahoos out here that you don't know. (Not saying that I'm all dirty and shit...but how do you know that?) I'm surprised that she would try it without some sort of warning. Like "hey do you mind? or do you wanna try...". Definately talk to her and find out the sitch, cause sometimes you can get caught up in the moment and lose track of where you are, and who you're with....if you catch my drift.

 

[jim]

Anyways my question is this.... What would you guys have done? and should I ever go back and see her?

Your imput is very much appreaciated because I can't really talk about this to anyone else.

Thanks,
urban...

Hey man, I understand where you are coming from. I've had a similar situation occur with regards to BBBJ during a session that wasn't even supposed to have any oral at all!

As far as BBFS is concerned you are absolutely right in doing what you did. I think that going back to see her and talking to her about it is the right thing to do.

 

[Urban_Male]

Thanks all

Thank you all for your frank responses.

It's been almost a week since this little incident and I have been re-playing it in my mind ever since.

I have received many PM's asking me for her name so that she may be avoided. To tell you guys the truth I don't know how confortable I would feel giving out her name to all that ask, because I do not want to get into a he said she said deal. It took me a week to post this because I wasn't confortable bringing my situation out into the public, but I was going crazy, and it's not like I can talk to my family about it.

Also, I do think that I am not the only one she has probably done this with, however I could be wrong. We really seemed to hit it off, I mean if we had met in real life, I would like to think we could have been good friends or even... well I think that's hoping too much.

Anywho the point is this, I will be talking to her as soon as I can. She does not who I am in PERB, although after reading this post I belive she will know. Also, to all of you that are asking for her name, I am truly sorry but I can not give you her name, as not to violate her trust.

When I talk to her I will post here the outcome of the conversation with her. I don't think she is a bad person, I think we were both enjoying ourselves just a little too much and well maybe she got caught in the moment, or maybe since I didn't mind the bbbj she though I would not mind the bbfs.

One warning to all of you though... make sure you do wear one though. I can honestly say I am clean, but I can not vouch for anyone else.

Thanks again for your honest answers they really helped. Gabrielle, thank you, it was nice hearing from a girls perspective and not just from the guys.

UM...

 

[Urban_Male]

Thanks for the PM's all.

I received quiet a bit of PM's asking about her name or her studio. I tried to answer all of them, I know there are a couple I still have not gotten to, but I will as soon as I have time.

I did receive this in one of the PM's, and I though I should bring it up here. I will not say whom this is from but I totally agree with the author.

'But I wonder..if the roles were reversed, and it was a guy that intentionally slipped his uncovered penis into the SP, what kind of public outcry it would illicit. From the response to somewhat similar incidents in the past, I am sure the SPs would have no problem sharing the info between themselves, and a lynch mob would form amongst the white knights of PERB.

But there have always been different standards for men and women in such matters.'

I agree 100% with this statement, but I do stand firm that I will not give out any personal information about the SP or her place of business.

Take care all,
UM...

 

[Lenard]

Urban, I applaud your decision to talk to her and as well to keep everything as discreet as possible, for the studio, yourself and the SP in question.

I had a similar situation about a year ago, except it was just BBBJ which stunned me, because I didnt' ask for it either! It just happened.

I was really perplexed about the situation as well, but I didn't get a chance to talk to the SP, because she left the studio and the business shortly after.

I do regret not talking to her. Although I am clean, the thought of "just how many others" she'd done that too that day ran through my head.

Gabrielle, thanks for your imput and I wish you all the best in your new opportunities. You'll be missed, but we are all hoping you succeed!

Lenard

 

[Trex]

You handled it very well but we're missing the bigger picture here. What would happen if this were to occur again to another Perb and he gets infected? If it became common knowlegde (ie: media and perhaps 5-0) that this sort of thing occurs in our finer MP establishments, it could shut the industry down. I believe if I was an owner of such an establishment, my obvious concern would be for the SP and the customers safety, but more for the potential loss of my livelihood. I would fire that girl for not using her head and the potential damage that could follow. We have an excellent MP industry in this fine city and I would hate to see it erode because 2 people we're using their heads.

 

[trawler]

Trex, it is impossible to control ...

what others do. The Owners, Members of this Board, Doctors, Clinics, the News, etc. have broadcast the warnings about unprotected sex and yet it continues. This will always be the case "in the heat of the moment". A Pooner and an SP always face this Risk. The best they can do is ensure that their own habits are Safe.

I applaud the PERBert who started this thread for "keeping his head" covered in this situation and also having respect for the SP involved who let her guard down this one time (I hope). It is a great examole for all of us to follow.

My 2 cents.

 

[eskie]

You handled it very well but we're missing the bigger picture here. What would happen if this were to occur again to another Perb and he gets infected? If it became common knowlegde (ie: media and perhaps 5-0) that this sort of thing occurs in our finer MP establishments, it could shut the industry down. I believe if I was an owner of such an establishment, my obvious concern would be for the SP and the customers safety, but more for the potential loss of my livelihood. I would fire that girl for not using her head and the potential damage that could follow. We have an excellent MP industry in this fine city and I would hate to see it erode because 2 people we're using their heads.

Trex, IMHO the problem with this tactic is that it assumes MP owners know what's going on in the room. This erodes the "two consenting adults" argument, and raises the spectre of "living off the avails." I believe it may actually cause more problems than it solves, even in the big picture. Just my $0.02.

 

[Trex]

Point taken on both counts...still, it doesn't take much to start a (excuse the term) witch hunt. Remember the lap dancing crackdown that happened in Toronto a few years back? It all started with 1 complaint by a stripper to the media of what really goes on in the private booths. I'm not condemming the person who leaked to the media of her inital complaint but the receipe for such a chain reaction can get started if the industry is not careful. Again, we have a vibrant MP scene in E-town and I'd hate to see it decimated because of carelessness.

 

[WalterMitty]

On the topic of STDs

you guys also need to check into what the stats are for woman to man HIV infection, or other STDs.

So I did. According to a report in the New England Journal of Medicine (2000) the male to female transmission rate for HIV was 12.0/100 person yrs vs a rate of 11.6/100 person yrs for females to males, results that were not statistically different. What was significant was the viral load of the infected partner. This study was done in a rural community in Uganda, so you could argue it may not be applicable to Canadians, but it is the best we have.

As for the other STDs, chlamydia (#1) and gonorrhea (#2), it is not easy to make such statements. Since the disease is so curable, there are no long term studies comparing transmission rates. Asymptomatic chlamydial carriers are more commonly men (10% vs 4.5%) but asymptomatic gonorrhea is more common in women than men (50% vs 10%). And only about 2-3% of women with gonorrheal infections have pharyngitis (total gonorrhea rates about 130/100 000 population, US data), so the risk of infection thru BBBJ is relatively low (no data on transmission rates). Transmission from a woman to man also occurs...one study looking at all pts presenting to an STD clinic found 42/1453 pts had pharyngeal gonorrheal colonization, and 11 were heterosexual males, all of whom had recent cunnilingus exposure. From this, one might think the rate of transmission to a woman during fellatio is 3x higher than to a man thru cunnilungus, but that would presume a similar asymptomatic carrier rate, which however is not the case. Thus, I would guess the rate of transmission is about the same, since 5x as many women are asymptomatic carriers of the bug.

And studies are much less clear for Chlamydia, as it is much more commonly asymptomatic, and men are often not tested for it, just treated empirically.

Walter

 

[Press Play]

gotta say, impressed with all responses. Good to know there's somewhere to go if things go wrong, or feel wrong and to know that there is alot of wisdom from those fellow pooners good to see. But on the other hand, have heard of a SP involved in "personal relations" with other's that are infected and really have to question the safety. Granted this is their "job" but what do they do in their personal lives, how do we know that their old man isn't infected and that it's being shared through DATY or BBFS? It's not the safest sport out there so look out for yourselves and not all names need to shared, or management involved. Good luck play safe!