At what point to you tell your SO your an SP?

[Up2NoGood]

Okay, I am aware that there have been many posts on this site in regards to this topic. A little 'refresher' advice would be great. I have been an SP for the past couple of years. My question is:.......... at what point do you tell your significant other, that you are a SP? I started to date someone almost a year ago. When we first met, I was not looking for a relationship, and just thought we would hang out and have fun; and maybe some good sex. I got the impression that's all he was looking for as well. Shortly into it, we started to fight ~ weekly. It was at this stage, that I made a conscious effort to NOT tell him. Thinking that the bantering would continue, why bother? As time went on, we started to get along somewhat better, but still had horrific fights. So there I was, sitting on the fence of my decision, I chose to NOT tell him. Why would I? I was only hurting myself. Afterall, he wasn't paying my bills, we weren't living together, not engaged, nor did we share any expenses. Besides the fact that we broke up every other day. As time progressed, the fighting subsided (somewhat) and I started to feel a little more confident with the relationship. Do I tell him NOW? Hell no...... he'll leave me. In the past, I had not felt emotionally secure with him to spill my dirty little secret.

To make a long story short, he now knows everything. I feel completely shitty that I have put another human being through this. The pit in the bottom of my stomach is enough to make me want to vomit every other minute. I don't doubt that the basis of our fights was because I was hiding a dirty little secret. Who knows, I could be wrong. Maybe we were just 2 people that came together and for whatever reason, couldn't get along. Something tells me though, that my lie played a huge roll in the dissolution of our relationship. I suppose staying single is always an option, but if anyone can tell me, at what point you tell your significant other, that you are a hooker, would be wonderful.

Thanks.

 

[slow__hand]

First thing

Your inner voice was right...he knew something was up....couldn't put a finger on it though....I'm guessing

Point is....if you wanted him why didn't you go for it?

ps...not interested in the rationalizations of not stopping, presumably that would be the agenda.......

snooze and lose...how often does it come around?

Don't shoot the messenger

 

[Rain Man]

but if anyone can tell me, at what point you tell your significant other, that you are a hooker, would be wonderful.

Thanks.

Never. Men can't handle it.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Never. Men can't handle it.

No kidding! In fact, "Never" means you should have never dated him to begin with if you never had the intention of telling him very soon after starting. If I found out my GF was a prostitute, the news would bowl me over like she had a million affairs. In fact, I'd want to kill you, especially for taking my personal life into your hands without my knowing for so so long.

 

[Maury Beniowski]

My question is:.......... at what point do you tell your significant other, that you are a SP?.

Up front!

Shortly into it, we started to fight ~ weekly. It was at this stage, that I made a conscious effort to NOT tell him. Thinking that the bantering would continue, why bother? As time went on, we started to get along somewhat better, but still had horrific fights.

Fighting is a pretty normal and "healthy" way to start up a relationship, as long as it doesn't turn violent. Like a peahen and a peacock - or thousand of other examples in the animal world, you're just sizing each other up, letting out your frustrations, defining your limits, likes and dislikes, comparing notes, and overall just bringing everything out into the open, the good and bad and the ugly. It's much easier and cheaper to go through this at the beginning of a relationship than later, and it lays the foundation for a much stronger one down the road. Everyone of my couplings throughout my life, has seen sparks fly up front. The best ones were the ones with the greatest fire. The proof is as you stated later:

As time progressed, the fighting subsided (somewhat) and I started to feel a little more confident with the relationship.

I don't doubt that the basis of our fights was because I was hiding a dirty little secret. Who knows, I could be wrong.

You are!

Something tells me though, that my lie played a huge roll in the dissolution of our relationship.

Nonsense! Something else caused your demise, none of which you have revealed at this point...

 

[Up2NoGood]

We were apart more often than we were together, so I never thought the relationship was going to evolve into anything ~ ever. I think the record for not fighting with each other, was a week. Pretty sad. At one point when we were dating, I found out that he had been chatting to women on Lavalife for almost the entire time we were together. As well, we had broken up and both dated other people. Trust me, I am not shifting blame. I just never thought the relationship would amount to anything. To all that say I should have told him up front that I was an SP, I can only assume that you are telling your SO that you visit working girls? It doesn't matter if you are an SP or a client, the minute you walk into a room to have sex, you are playing russian roulette. And if you have a SO, you are being deceitful. The fact is, I have learned a valuable lesson from all of this. I can now incorporate the word "accountability" into my vocabulary. And yes, next time I will be forthright. Thanks.

 

[BobbiVan]

right away...

This is only my opinion, and to tell you the truth, I've been single over a year now...

But I won't even sleep with someone without them knowing what I do for a living... it's not fair to keep that a secret.

I have dated a few guys... like, just dates, no play.. and before we get to that next step... I have to tell them. It is easier to tell them before you get all emotionally attached. Most likely, they won't like it and they will run for the hills.. but at least you know that right away... without 'hurting' them.

Maybe I'm too honest for this business.. but I could never see myself living a lie like that... To be with someone you supposedly love and keep a secret bigger than the relationship itself.. In my heart I feel you couldn't possibly love that person if you're keeping this huge secret from them.

In all honesty, I'd rather be alone than a liar.

 

[Up2NoGood]

Point taken Bobbi. I guess all your friends and family know what you do, since you choose to be upfront and honest. That's great ~ I'm glad you are in a position to tell everyone. Some of us aren't. At the end of the day, I have learned a valuable lesson.

PS: Like I said in my earlier thread, there were trust issues on both sides. Neither one of us were saints, so do I still tell him?

 

[youngninnocent]

Never. Men can't handle it.

Gee, I wonder why?

Look, the fact is regardless if it was for money or not, in his eyes you not only cheated on him with countless other men you also (no matter how safe you are) put him at risk for many STD's (AIDS sure is a bitch). Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying you have AIDS.

If it we're me I could never forgive such a breach of trust and I'm pretty sure that this will affect him in many, many ways for years to come.

The lesson to learn here is just what every other SP has told you "Be up front."

How could you honestly expect to have a loving, caring, long-term relationship with anybody when you are keeping a secret of this magnitude?

I'm not trying to come across like a hard ass and I would guess you really did care for the dude...Also I'm sure it's harder for SPs' to have a relationship than it is for people who are not in "the business" and for this I feel for you.

The next time you are entering a relationship you will just have to make a decision "Do I tell him what profession I'm in or do I quit "the business"?" IMO those are the only two options you have.

 

[Up2NoGood]

I completely understand what you are saying. The thing that just kills me on this site, is the fact that pretty much ALL of the clients say "yes, you should tell him....." I am just wondering, for all of you who see SP's on a regular basis, don't you think you should tell YOUR significant other? The one thing I have learned from this business is to lie and hide. And trust me, I am not proud of who I have become. We live in a world of deception. Let's face it, I hardly think anyone on here can sit down at the dinner table and say "oh by the way honey, wanna hear what my SP and I did today?" No one on here can sit in judgement of another. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Have I learned a lesson? Absolutley. Will I do it again? Never. Thanks for your input.

 

[Curious Boy]

Maybe I'm too honest for this business.. but I could never see myself living a lie like that... To be with someone you supposedly love and keep a secret bigger than the relationship itself.. In my heart I feel you couldn't possibly love that person if you're keeping this huge secret from them.

In all honesty, I'd rather be alone than a liar.

Too honest? Not possible.

I'd much rather deal with what I know than what I don't know. We can argue about all kinds of stuff, but how can I deal with stuff you keep from me? I just can't logically figure out why people call it quits when a partner has sex with someone other than you. How are you supposed to learn? How do you feed your lust? I don't have an on/off switch, I'm not able to just "sow my wild oats" and be done with it. Concern for your physical health means you protect yourself. Whether you love them or not (or don't know yet) you probably both have a history, so be careful.

As for the original question of when do you tell them?

I would like to know right away, for some pragmatic reasons: concerns for my health, understanding that your schedule may seem erratic, being able to better understand your situation and be able to support you in any way.

I am just wondering, for all of you who see SP's on a regular basis, don't you think you should tell YOUR significant other? .

I poon when not in a relationship. When dating, my efforts (and funds) go to having fun with my new friend

 

[Hollybaby]

If not for moral reasons, then at least for health reasons, a partner should always be told up front.

Sorry to hear you're going through this pain sweetie

Best of luck.

(PM/email me anytime if you need someone to talk to.)

 

[Maury Beniowski]

Apples and Oranges...

I am just wondering, for all of you who see SP's on a regular basis, don't you think you should tell YOUR significant other?

No offence, but you are coming across as being a little naïve. It doesn't work that way when money is involved. This is not like a tryst or a fling. You are selling a service, and the outcome is, for the most part not governed by circumstance. Your clients have a myriad of reasons why they are purchasing your wares. These could be medical, therapeutic, psychological or more frequently, problems in the home that are crying for some sort of release not found or available there. Many times the very survival of a relationship is at stake, and your service is another of the tools available at his disposal, to help prop up the marriage, and guarantee the welfare of any children involved. A high percentage of pooners are suffering the effects of loneliness, the loss of a lifetime partner, a sexual dysfunction or a crying need to release a stress that could otherwise lead to severe, if not violent conflicts in the home.

 

[necko]

So An Sp?

I couldn't handle my so being a sp, I want those people to be all mine in that way, and I'm all thears. If a so told me she was a sp I'd dump her if I cared for her, if I didn't care I just be glad I'm the quy getting it for free.

 

[corruptible]

how bout a word from the SO

I couldn't finish reading all of the replies. And I am shaking while I type this.

I AM the significant other, sorry,"SO"; I know how much everyone here loves acronyms.

I'm not sure why, but I will preserve the anynimoty of "UP2NOGOOD".

I know you loved me, and I know how much you are tormented by me finding out about your true identity.

To those who have responded, I appreciate the forthrightness and sensitivity to this topic.

A little from me:

Even though I am in more pain than you could ever imagine, hatred will not get me through this.

We met on an internet dating site, and I felt a strong connection to you, (as I have told you many times, including in person today), after talking to you the first night. I know I was in love early on, yet my gut always said something was amiss.

Pointing fingers will not help me move on, but I think it is fair to say that I believed and you believed I believed that you were a nurse. Unfortunately I found out that you were not who you said you were after 6 months from an emotional discussion with your mother. At this point you still denied that you were presently an SP.

Up until yesterday you denied that you provided FULL service until mounting evidence forced you to concede. (a further 5 months)

Aside from putting my health at risk, I am probably more angry or hurt, or both, that you chose to continue what you did even after you admitted that you deeply loved me.

After our converstion tonight, you know that I am numb. I feel like a fool, and I feel empty. I do understand why you hid the truth from me. But, it doesn't make the pain any more bearable.

Maybe you thought you would recieve much empathy by putting "our relationship" on this forum. Maybe next time, the views and opinions of third parties will not be as important as the feelings of the person you will profess your love to. The "siginificant other".

signed,
the significant other

 

[corruptible]

no surprises left

"The fact is, I have learned a valuable lesson from all of this. I can now incorporate the word "accountability" into my vocabulary. And yes, next time I will be forthright. Thanks."

Forthright?....the last thing you said after leaving my place was that you would leave the business and change your life...didn't think you would want a next time

I honestly wish I could smile as I type this, either way, I wish you the best.

D

 

[Up2NoGood]

I came on because I was confused and knew that I fucked up. Now that our dirty laundry has been aired, I guess the Moderator can close this thread.

 

[stryker]

Please,not yet,I'm writting a book and hope to get a movie deal going.

Really now,I know it can be an emotional roller coaster,,,but who airs their dirty laundry on a hooker chat board/or any internet site for all that matters?

The mentality of todays personalities really amazes me!

 

[corruptible]

stryker

I was wondering the same thing....lol

I never thought that if I looked back on my life and wrote a book, that the excerpts would come from PERB.

I'd like to pose a question for the men on this site...

Am I wrong when I say that we see SP's for just a few reasons:

1.horny
2.lonely
3.horny

What makes you think that you will get the counselling you feel you need by starting a thread here, UP2NOGOOD?...Like you said, " I knew I would get roasted".........bullshit!

You mistakenly believed that the other working girls would rationalize your behaviour. As for the men?...lol, they are only here because they're addicted to the top three reasons.

If the therapist you are seeing ain't working, (hell knows you are paying enough), maybe Dr. Phil is another option. Not quite one on one, but a hell of a lot cheaper.


formerly,
significant other

 

[Sweetiepie]

Just a word before the mods (hopefully) close this thread. Up2nogood, you mentioned the fighting and that you didn't tell him because of how you felt he'd react. You were in a no-win situation in this particular relationship. Tell or not tell, the relationship just was not strong enough anyway. This relationship was not meant to be. Up2nogood, please don't blame yourself or let anyone point a finger at you. This relationship was just not mean to be. I wish you both the best of luck in moving on so you can find the right person for you.