asking out a girl!

[magicmystery]

So, I saw this hot girl, my age, I'd say 23-26 at this office. I'd be going there only once more to get some papers and after that I'd have no reason to go there whatsoever. I guess I'd have to ask her tomorrow only then. But then I've never asked out any girl for coffee and I am afraid I'd be rejected straight-out because I didn't spend enough time raising her interest level.

She always has other colleagues with her helping other customers so its also kind of difficult to ask her there. It might be embarrassing for her and she is more likely to say no when her colleagues are standing right there.

I don't see doing it another way. Waiting for her to get out of work is kind of psycho/needy-behavior. I could call her on her office phone right after I leave but that says 'I didn't have enough guts to ask her upfront'. I don't know why is it so hard to simply ask someone for coffee.

 

[Validator]

The best pickup line ever - "hi, how's it going?"If she says no, no biggie. The hardest part is accepting rejection - if u are all good with this, then that's like 70% of the battle won. Anyway, u just gotta ask. Don't worry about building interest level - that's what the date is for. She's already got some idea of attraction (or lackthereof) based on ur looks, how u dress, carry urself - there's little u can do or say within a 2-5minute window that will change that. Just keep things light and funny and if she says no or she has a bf or something, just smile genuinely and say "well have a good day" and walk out there with confidence and pride that u went in there and gave it 100%. If this is ur first time - man regardless of the outcome, the experience is awesome on its own. Good luck - keep us posted!

 

[aznboi9]

It's tough; but the only thing you can do is to just take the leap. If you do it nicely, usually the girl will respond in kind, even if it's a rejection. You also have to somehow keep hammering the point to yourself that you're never going to see her again, so it's better to try and fail than not try and always wonder.

Good luck.

 

[McDiver]

Just say in a casual way before you leave " We should get together for some coffee" or if she has helped you " I guess I owe you a coffee". Most girls would not say no to such an open ended invitation. If she says yes, ask for her name and phone number. You can call her later. It is easier to talk on the phone and if she does not realy want to go she will have some excuse, but it should be easier to handle the rejection over the phone.

Good luck

 

[magicmystery]

If this is ur first time - man regardless of the outcome, the experience is awesome on its own. Good luck - keep us posted!

Yep. Never asked a girl before. Well, not a white girl. I went to university for 6 years and never asked anyone out even though I had a crush on a different girl everyday. Just could never get myself to ask someone out. More than fear of rejection: it was saying it right. I'd get tongue-tied around a girl I like.

I was a geek and this was (& still is) pretty common among geeks. So, I never felt like I needed to work on these skills. But now in real world, I feel inadequate when it comes to 'asking out' or even simple things like making 'small talk' with anyone girl or a guy.

Anyway, I'll post here whatever happens when I see her (and hopefully ask her).

 

[bruce_lee]

You: you owe me a coffee!

Her:huh? Why?

You: I dropped mine and my jaw when I saw you.

Her: haha bed me now!

 

[maroonedsailor]

remember

you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Rejection is different for everyone and so are the reasons for rejecting. Her feelings and desires etc. are uniquely hers so if she says no it's about her not about you. NEVER take it personally.

 

[FortunateOne]

you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Rejection is different for everyone and so are the reasons for rejecting. Her feelings and desires etc. are uniquely hers so if she says no it's about her not about you. NEVER take it personally.

This is so true.

Remember, unless you are being set up with her, or know someone to ask, you do not know if she is single or seeing someone. A lot of rejections are because she is simply not single, not that she wouldn't go out with you. No matter what, your interest in her will be flattering and you will make her feel good because of it.

 

[Validator]

Every "no" u get, is one step closer to a yes. I used to be that geeky fat kid too and was scared to approach. Best way to get rid of that fear, vervousness, is to approach women all the time. And eventually the fear goes away - just like anything else (presentations, boxing ring, etc). U BETTER ask her!

 

[itooam1]

Go to flower shop,make a big ass boque of nice flowers not cheap stuff put some seriuos thought into colors , scents, arrangement.
Walk up to her , tell her that these are for you...hand them to her , say i hope you have a great day...walk away.....ill put money on it you dont get five steps away before she says something to you.
And then when she asks you why you gave her flowers tell her you just saw them and thought of her.

Theres your in.....
ps dont attach any card or any thing to flowers..just give her the flowers....the bigger the arrangement the more stunned/suprised she will be....(when she calls you back)then you can ask her if maybe she would care to go for coffee sometime.

I have done this countless times and i do it not to get dates but just to brighten someones day who has brightened mine ...i never have gotten five steps away before being recalled back myself.

Mind you, i can be kinda smooth......but i am in know way fashionable(lol)

 

[Rammstein69]

Go to flower shop,make a big ass boque of nice flowers not cheap stuff put some seriuos thought into colors , scents, arrangement.
Walk up to her , tell her that these are for you...hand them to her , say i hope you have a great day...walk away.....ill put money on it you dont get five steps away before she says something to you.
And then when she asks you why you gave her flowers tell her you just saw them and thought of her.

Theres your in.....
ps dont attach any card or any thing to flowers..just give her the flowers....the bigger the arrangement the more stunned/suprised she will be....(when she calls you back)then you can ask her if maybe she would care to go for coffee sometime.

I have done this countless times and i do it not to get dates but just to brighten someones day who has brightened mine ...i never have gotten five steps away before being recalled back myself.

Mind you, i can be kinda smooth......but i am in know way fashionable(lol)

This could also send her away fleeing in terror. To each his own though. Depends on the woman too.

 

[itooam1]

This could also send her away fleeing in terror. To each his own though. Depends on the woman too.

LOL....fleeing from what.... you would be suprised at just how many woman have never recieved flowers and then for someone to do it for no apparent reason.....well i have never seen a woman i have given flowers be terrorized.
Ive seen them cry, be shocked, stunned, a little bewildered..the end result is always the same......they are overwhelmed by the simple kindness of the idea/act.

 

[Yman]

LOL....fleeing from what.... you would be suprised at just how many woman have never recieved flowers and then for someone to do it for no apparent reason.....well i have never seen a woman i have given flowers be terrorized.
Ive seen them cry, be shocked, stunned, a little bewildered..the end result is always the same......they are overwhelmed by the simple kindness of the idea/act.

I saw a girl who worked at a grocery store receive flowers from a complete stranger in front of everyone. She was shocked and speechless and her admirer left silently after trying to convince her there were no strings. She tried to chase him down to return the flowers but she was too late. She was visibly upset and she was asking the staff to accompany her home.

She was so freaked out she failed to appreciate the kindness of the act. But I have no idea of this woman's past or experiences.

 

[Validator]

Haha I dunno if that's my preferred method. 1) why spend money on some chick u don't know? And 2) nothing brightens a chick up more than asking her out. I usually opt for the direct approach.

 

[itooam1]

I saw a girl who worked at a grocery store receive flowers from a complete stranger in front of everyone. She was shocked and speechless and her admirer left silently after trying to convince her there were no strings. She tried to chase him down to return the flowers but she was too late. She was visibly upset and she was asking the staff to accompany her home.

She was so freaked out she failed to appreciate the kindness of the act. But I have no idea of this woman's past or experiences.

3 things
1st thing i am just trying to suggest actual things OP can do , as everyones elses advice is dont let fear stop ya!.
2nd you must have been inline at grocery store quite awhile to see her asking for someone to walk her home...
3rd how in hell do you know she failed to apprecaite the a gesture,was she a friend of yours whom you discussed her feelings with?

Ladies would you be freaked out if a person gave you flowers as i mentioned above.......

 

[Validator]

I did give advice! To say "hi, how's it going?" There really isn't much more to it than that. No gimmicky flowers needed and u can save the money for the date! A chick will get freaked out if they get flowers....from someone they view as unattractive, loser, loner, etc. But if they find you attractive, then the flowers will work - unfortunately, u still need to ask her out for coffee and not just walk away. And since she finds u attractive, why bother with the flowers?

 

[kalel]

.

Every "no" u get, is one step closer to a yes. I used to be that geeky fat kid too and was scared to approach. Best way to get rid of that fear, vervousness, is to approach women all the time. And eventually the fear goes away - just like anything else (presentations, boxing ring, etc). U BETTER ask her!

i was gonna leave this thread alone, but that comment made me wanna comment: that's one of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to conquering fear.

to "get" a woman you have to create attraction. simply asking over and over again, or begging, or thinking that every no will get you closer to a yes is flawed. if you think that way all you're doing is setting yourself up for a pity date.

you wanna win? be the guy she's never seen. i mean be different than anybody else she's seen but in a unique and superior way. be confident, and i don't mean fake it, actually go be it. now, all this will probably not get you THIS girl, but will help you for the next time.

the reality of it is that you need to practice your game for short term success. and the way to that is to beleive that there is no woman that you need. life gives you want you want when you can demonstrate that you don't want it or need it.

and.....

after all this, you still have to be respectful and make sure that they walk away thinking the world of your character.

 

[Validator]

Superman - I totally agree with you 100%.you cannot just "only" ask her out. I assumed that since its the first time he asked a girl, asking in itself was a lot to absorb, let alone how to build attraction.

 

[kalel]

.

Superman - I totally agree with you 100%. I did not mean to keep asking the girl out. I just meant to say that there are girls out there that will say no to your offer but you will eventually get a girl that says yes.

oops! superman not read well

 

[Rammstein69]

A chick will get freaked out if they get flowers....from someone they view as unattractive, loser, loner, etc. But if they find you attractive, then the flowers will work

Yep. That's why I had reservations about sending flowers. Nothing feels worse than 'surprising' her with a little gift, only to see her act a little creeped out or confused. I speak from experience on this.

Great when it works, embarrassing when it backfires. Don't get me wrong, it's a chivalrous gesture, but one has to weigh the risk/reward question.