What is the etiquette re: asking an SP to use her as a reference to another SP? It feels a little odd and maybe rude to ask for a reference rather than another date, but I see a number of ads where the SP requests a reference from another girl.
Asking for References -- etiquette question
- Thread starter marquisdeslut
- Start date
Some SPs are not comfortable giving references if you have only seen them once, or they don't give references at all. It's best to (1) ask about references at the end of a session if you feel that you have made a good impression.
After that, (2) ask her again when the time comes that you need that reference (within 6mo of last visit) so that you can ensure they are still willing and available to write the reference. SPs do go on break, tours, holidays, etc so it is important to check in a second time before namedropping them as a reference.
It's good etiquette to (3) visit the SP you had received the reference from later on if you are intending to see them again. Another idea is that (4) you can send them a token of gratitude like a tip or giftcard.
References are additional admin at the end of the day. Remember that this is a favour, not an obligation for the SP 🌹
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Extra thoughts:
- Do try to visit the SP you have asked at least once for each reference you request of them
- Do not assume they will always be ready and willing to give a reference. Have your options open by treating your ladies well!
- If you exploit an SP's willingness to write a reference for you without expressing gratitude, booking sessions, nor sending gifts/tips, don't be surprised if they choose not to see you again
- Never use an SP as reference without clear consent
- Agency references do not hold the same weight as independent SP references. It's very common for them to be rejected, especially if the SP's policy clearly states that the reference must be from an "established independent provider"
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I don’t like giving references but I will, no problem.
The references that really bother me or the ones where the lady contacts me and says so and so gave you as reference can you tell me if he’s safe. And I have no idea who they’re talking about because the person never contacted me first. Sometimes I can’t even find the person in my emails. So many people are named John or David or whatever. If you want me to help you make another lady money, make it easy for me.
Text me or email me from the same email or number you used to book with and ask me if I will. Sending me a gift certificate for the trouble will make me love you a little.
I think sometimes variety is the spice of life. And I promise you, that I won’t be upset or jealous. But it is unpaid administrative work 💕
The references that really bother me or the ones where the lady contacts me and says so and so gave you as reference can you tell me if he’s safe. And I have no idea who they’re talking about because the person never contacted me first. Sometimes I can’t even find the person in my emails. So many people are named John or David or whatever. If you want me to help you make another lady money, make it easy for me.
Text me or email me from the same email or number you used to book with and ask me if I will. Sending me a gift certificate for the trouble will make me love you a little.
I think sometimes variety is the spice of life. And I promise you, that I won’t be upset or jealous. But it is unpaid administrative work 💕
I agree. That’s usually why I avoid replying to those type of ads. It’s like asking the sp if you can go to a competitor, with a chance of not becoming a loyal customer to the sp you just saw.
i can understand the reference request from the other end, so it’s not someone dangerous or no showing.
Oooh I never thought of this perspective! I'm extra happy when I'm a reference for my own friends & colleagues because I know I'm sending them a good client.
I don't see it as competition though. I do want clients to find their best match, or explore different flavours of fun. If they move on to having another SP as their main playmate, that's success for them in my eyes!
I'm not sure why ads asking for references are to be avoided really. I guess if you already have an open-minded regular SP, then it would be more comfortable asking for and receiving a reference. That's why I wrote out the importance in asking at end of a good session AND just before using them as a reference. Easier to find SPs who are open and happy to give references this way.
@rinamood, you must be one in a million. I can honestly say that I've asked if I could get a reference and been told, flat out, NO. Every SP I've met wants to keep you coming back for more. Why give away a regular to someone else? You might as well take money out of your pocket and throw it on the ground.
Someone else probably needs it more or has bigger goals than me. I have a simple and happy little life with a lot to be grateful for 🪷 The beauty of sharing playmates w my duo partners is knowing that my clients will be safe and taken care of during my travels too 😇
I don't own any of regulars/repeats and I'd never pretend to; I have no claim to someone else's money until they give it to me. I provide my unique energy and care as a form of life enrichment for my clients, so there's no loss. Only gains ✌✨
There is some value to repeats. You can develop some chemistry thus making the play a little more fun. Also, you never know if the SP is having an off day on that first initial visit.
References are usually done out of the goodness of your heart. They go a long way to help both parties out. Not sure why someone would expect tips or more visits in order to give these out.
Let's say that someone sees an SP once and then zero thought is put into the "etiquette" that OP asked for in this thread, but the SP decides that the client was nice and decides to do it anyways. What happens may look like:
- Receiving a surprise email from another SP asking about a client. It's a bit awkward, but let's say we respond anyways to help out both the client and the other SP
- Another surprise email from another SP arrives, also requesting for the same client. No word from the client.... Starting to go from awkward to weird
- Yes, another surprise email and none from the client. Now it goes from weird to unpleasant. The good impression the client had initially had on the SP has changed.
Not-so-nice people take advantage of kindness to push boundaries. They do rinse and repeat. That's why we need to keep ourselves in check and assess whether we are happy to give the reference even when some strange people decide to use us rather than ask us for the favour. Everyone has a limit. Consent is important 💯
In the past, I've asked SPs to respond to a review that I've written shortly after an appointment. They're almost always gracious enough to reply.
This was sometimes enough for other SPs in place of a reference. It's almost like a letter of recommendation, depending on the reply.
For the lovely SPs reading this thread, what's your take on this approach? I like it because of the minimal disturbance on the SPs' time.
This was sometimes enough for other SPs in place of a reference. It's almost like a letter of recommendation, depending on the reply.
For the lovely SPs reading this thread, what's your take on this approach? I like it because of the minimal disturbance on the SPs' time.
Regulars & repeats definitely brighten up my work schedule with assured fun and comfort in familiarity 💫 They're the ones doing the nice things that make me feel appreciated and happy to write references for them 🙏
Good clients raise our standards. Rude clients lead us to clarify our limits/boundaries.
As a business, I would not consider it a reference at all. I would consider it a public thank you. They are not equivalent in assessing my safety for a new client as it does not amount to any testimony of your character, behaviour, or level of safety the SP felt.
It is also against the rules for SPs to say too much more than "thank you", particularly for unpaid advertisers, so they can't publicly "review" you back either.
I don’t see other women as my competition in my personal life and at work. I’m happy to help people feel safe. I never expect tips and I don’t expect tips for giving a reference. I’ll give one regardless and I’ll be honest. It would just reinforce what a sweet generous man you are.
@rinamood please do visit Winnipeg sometime soon. I am already a fan of yours after reading your texts! 🙏🏼
I only tour if there's a personal reason to go somewhere, or if I'm flown in 🛫 Someone can TOFTT for Winnipeg, otherwise I don't have any plans.
Sorry guys - I love staying home and my Vancouver clients take good care of me 🫣
Good excuse to visit your fine city!
Glad to hear Vancouver is treating you good! Looks like we have to collectively break the piggybanks and fly you out here.
