Are you depressed?

[XXXBod]

In the last three months I have been feeling very stressed and very down. I went to a new job out in Ft Saskatchwan AB back in October 2011. While I was there I was very stressed. Learning a new job and being thrown into the mix just wore me out. Im still technically employed with this company but they sent me home till sring to start up hauling Fertilizers. I just started another job that is going to pay very well hauling explosives.
But for a long time now I have been feeling depressed and I think that has a lot to do with my activities with prostitution.

I have been single and feeling very lonley for so many years. I was never any good at picking up women in night clubs, not that I ever really tried but that led me to paying a lot of money for strippers, escorts and porn sites. In the last ten to twlve years I have slept with hundreds of escorts or women who where invloved in the sex trade. In 2007 I had sex with 15 women in one summer. Last year I slept with over 15 women Im sure. I let things get really out of controle and today I owe more then $74 thousand in debts. I dont own a home and my car is paid off and right now not even paying rent cause I can either sleep in my big rig or my company pays for my hotels. I dont want to declare bankruptcy and this year Im going to try very hard to get most of the debts paid down. Though Im sure even after this year is done I'll still owe at least $35 or $40 thousand. I only make payments on my bills and debts and for food and clothes.

So the financial situation is one resin why I am stressed out and feel down. But even with out the debts Im in, I feel so lazy! I haven't been to a gym in about three or four months now. I have no desires to want to go out. I find all I do is sit in front of a computer browsing escort sites, chat forums, ebay, or what ever... I read up on depression and I do have a lot of the symptoms. The feeling of no hope is one of them. So my question is, has any one who has been depressed got help or taken any medacations and if so, has it really helped you? I think I should talk to my Dr. Here is a link to the site I was reading up on depression. You should take a look at it if you think you may also suffer from depression.

http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

Xxx

 

[satinguy]

Hang in there XXXBod,

I am certainly no therapist and probably not qualified to offer any advice but let me give it a try and feel free to ignore if i am off side. My situation is certainly different than yours as i have a family and they are an amazing support system. My activities here are strictly recreational and to me this is a fun hobby.

Sounds to me like you are going through a tough time with a new job and some indecision in your life. It will pass and you will be better for it. A few years ago i continuosly worried about money and debt and eventually found a way out of it. I too bounced around a couple of different jobs and could never seem to get ahead but i eventually landed something pretty good which led to something a lot better and my life literally turned around in a few months.

The routine is the hardest thing to break. You mention spending a lot of time on chat,escort sites, etc and not getting to the gym and probably feel you are wasting days. I don't want to trivialize your situation because depression is far more common than people think and it is quite possible you are suffering from it. Get away from your computer for starters, then try going back to the gym. Find other ways to fill your days such as getting up and even going for coffee and grabbing a newspaper. Anything to keep you away from your computer. Maybe call up a buddy to go for a beer, go to a sporting event or a show.

Perhaps the solution is to give dating another try. You are likely more mature and different than those days of picking up girls in a bar and so are the ladies you will encounter. Focus on some of the postives, you mentioned clearing up half your debt by the end of the year, that means in 2 years you will be debt free so that is something to build on.

Most importantly, take care of yourself first. Talk to a professional if you need to and there is certainly no shame in that these days. Look at those hockey players who passed away this summer, depresssion was very beleived to be the cause of at least 2 deaths and these guys have it pretty good compared to most of us.

I hope you find some peace and happiness XXXBod, take care of yourself and all the best.

 

[Elmore]

My advice is to get back to the gym and stop seeing escorts. It's madness to go into debt to see escorts (and go further into debt to keep seeing them). Not to mention the empty feeling after seeing them...feels like money wasted even if the session is half decent (and you don't have money to waste). It sounds like you need genuine companionship. Get out of fantasyland and go meet some real women that offer real experiences, good and bad. If you feel awkward approaching women, then try dating sites or services but getting out of debt is also important.
Hope things turn around for you.

 

[XXXBod]

Thanks for the good advice guys. Right now im concentrating on paying off my Mastercard, then Visa. That should take at least five or six months or more.
Xxx

 

[Aerts]

Yep, I've been there and done that.... You need to get out of the fake worlds that make you feel better temporarily (escorts, porn, etc) and make your reality improve. Pay off the debts, start going to the gym again and commit to getting physically healthy, and make some headway in your job. I've had some fun times with this hobby but it ultimately goes nowhere. I was never good at picking up girls either, but I have had a few relationships since. I've had a couple relationships that were really great, but then I got burned each time... and end up here occasionally. I get depressed too, but ultimately I want to have a connection with real people and at least try to pursue real relationships. Numbing out with porn/escorts/video games/booze/drugs/money never seems to ultimately satisfy me

 

[XXXBod]

When I look back and see how much money I spent on whores... I could have easily bought a used Dodge Viper or even put a real decent down payment on a 1991 Lamborghini Diablo and could of had one of the hottest cars around. Now I got to pay off a huge loan before I can ever do anything like that.

Xxx

 

[satinguy]

Don't let money spent get to you XXXBod,

It's only money and nothing you can do about it now. I think you should focus on your health & well being and forget about the very nice cars you mentioned. Everyone wastes money on something or another, some would consider a Viper a waste of money while others would say if you work hard it is your right to treat yourself.

Most likely you enjoyed the time you spent with these ladies so don't consider it money wasted, just treating yourself to something special. I used to spend tons of money playing golf, a lot more than i spend on the ladies and many consider that to be a waste. I only play a couple of rounds per year these days and no golf trips to Pebble Beach planned but i don't regret the time and money i spent playing golf. Couldn't find the time once we had kids and maybe one day i will go back to playing more. Maybe in a time i will grow tired or bored with this hobby but won't look back with any regrets, i hope.

Bottom line XXXBod, you need to break this cycle. Maybe you should quit this hobby cold turkey, not for me to say but if you have these feelings of guilt and it is no longer fun, why bother? I'm sure you are not the first to have these feelings so a change in lifestyle is worth considering. Maybe once your employment situation is more clear the hobby will be fun again. I think you need to look forward and stop looking backward to the past. THe only thing you can fix is the future and beating yourself up about something you can't change will only add to your problems.

Take care XXXBod and get better.

 

[Sharky66]

Hey xxxbod, ever think about sex addiction? Google SAA Vancouver. There may be something underlying your depression.

 

[Dickson]

xxxbod I am not one for giving advice but I can tell you only two things wrong with money too much and not enough. Don't worry about the money. It really is simple spend less make more. Cut expenses. Only spend what you can pay for. Get some credit counciling and that will get fixed they can help cut those credit card fees down. Focus as other have said on your health. Eat better, get exercise, and get some sleep. You got to stop worring that shit will eat you up.

Don't get upset about the past you cannot change but you can remember the good memories to replace the self pity and the negative thoughts. Focus on the future and what you want in your life. Start thinking about positive things and things you are grateful for. I often get down but I realize that I do not have a perfit life but it is not so bad. If you do that you will be surprised on what will happen. Everything starts with your thoughts. What you think will be what you get. I am not just saying a thought about winning the lottey but really what do you want. Then take the action needed to make it happen one thing at a time. One thing I like to do is just help someone else. It makes me feel good and lets me know I have value.

Best of luck. I am sure you will do well. You will be surprised how thing will change for you. If you feel that bad you need to get some serious help like a councilor.

 

[shows]

Great comments guys. Especially you satinguy good comments. I've been in this routine of stress, money.... but yeah. Going through this world of escorts and porn, have in a way found out a lot about myself. Now I have just started going back to the gym and I feel great. Hitting the pool, running and doing things that I would before consider challenges and fears. XXXBod do somethings where you can overcome your fears, it is a huge confidence boost. Break that routine!!!!!!!

 

[XXXBod]

Just really want to thank you guys for the kind words and support. Really means a lot. I think sex addiction has a lot to do with it. You watch porn and you want to live out that fantasy. So I was paying hot women to live that porn fantasy. I went to far with it. I dont regret the women I spent my time with. I always said, If I was with the righht women none of this every would have happended. I also think being loney and just being very rebellious in thinking ok, if Im going to be single and lonley I'm going to go hog wild and have sex with lots of hot women. So what if I pay for it? Least Im having sex with women Im attracted to. Im not saying I'll never go back to this hobbie. But for now Im taking a break from it. I need to get my finances and life in order. So for now Im just concentrating on making money and getting my debts paid down.

I want to by a sled, and some sport quads and I think that will help me stay away from the sex trade. See, the other problem is, my company pays for my Hotels and when Im in my room all alone I think about wanting sex and calling up women to come over. Maybe if I have a fun hobie I'll spend more time with that rather then paying for women.

Again thanks for the support and great advice! Were all in this mess together right?

Xxxx

 

[satinguy]

You sound better XXXBod,

I think you may be on to something with this sex addiction. I have to admit I was skeptical on this "sex addiction" when i first heard about it a few years ago, i was thinking who isn't a sex addict? This appears to be a legit concern for many people out there and likely some members here. Just like a guy who stops for a beer after work is not an alcoholic, many people in that bar just may be.

I too travel frequently for work and despise going back to the hotel in the evenings. It is lonely, boring, and i often think about changing jobs as a result of the travel. For me, i go to the holle bar for a pint or two and maybe watch a game but sooner or later you do have to go back to the empty room. I have never mix business with pleasure so i have not called up a girl because it is a routine i don't want to start, there are other reasons i can't get into for discretionary reasons but i have avoided this temptation.

I don't have the solution for you but seems to me that you are on the right track by at least recognizing the problem. Take care of yourself and your debts then see what is next. Maybe it is a return to this hobby, maybe a relationship. It is up to you and you will think much more clearly and make better judgement calls with a clear head.

All the best XXXBod

 

[Justin Case]

I've wanted to post on this thread but held back because I didn't think I had any advice for you. I think you did the right thing by opening up and talking about it. I've known so many people who have kept it all inside and they only made things worse. The only thing I can think of is to maybe find a friend who has good listening skills and talk about it with them or find a genuine talk therapist. Stay away from all those sketchy self-improvement groups though because you never know when you might encounter another Jim Jones or L. Ron Hubbard. We all have probems and life can be tough. We are all in the same boat. Hang in there please. You did the right thing by talking about it as a first step.

PS: The other posters have given some really good advice.

 

[XXXBod]

Yes the other posters have given some really good advice and again much appreciated. I wish I could say things are going much better but there not. Im back in Winnipeg and still working the new job. The hours are killer for me. 3AM in the morning till 5m in the afternoon. Im finding the paper work hard to figure out and the over load of information. Its like there trying to carm three weeks of knowledge in four days. Its comming along but math was always my weekness. There's so much more to fuel hauling then I thought there would be. I haven't had a decent pay check sinse last October. Im thinking I should have just stayed at my last job.

I was making at least $90K there. Here though I do have the opertunity to make $10-$15K in one or two months if I go on the winter roads. Weather or not I could handle that remains to be scene. Basically your living on a truck for two or three months. But then I think, least with my last job I knew what I was doing, I was good at it. But then I think in the bigenning I wasn't all that good eitrher but in time I got much better to the point I was training people at it.

So, I guess it all just comes in time. I haven't paied for a Escort in at least three months or more. I got no money for that any way. When I feel the need for sex I just watch free porn on my laptop. lol... Guess its better then paying for sex all the time. Watching porn though also makes me feel depressed in the way when I see these really really hot young girls having sex with these guys, I always think to my self, why could I never be with women like that? I dont know why it has always been so hard to find a girl friend. Some times when I drive my truck in the city I see some real hotties walking down the street and they do make eye contat with me at times and even smile a bit. So, maybe I am better looking then I give my self credit for?

But I just dont like clubs any more. Funny thing is, I use to love night clubs! Back in 2001 up to 2003 I was hitting up clubs every weekend. Now I just dont want to bother. I dont have a lot of friends, and one problem is I have this one friend who knows about my past hobies. When we some times go to Teasers strip club I know some of the girls who some of I paid to have sex with and now this guy thinks Im some sort of pimp... lol... So he's now telling me he wants in on the action. Im sure if I had the money again I could hook up with some of the girls again but like I said Im trying to stay away from that.

Any way, will see how things go. If I can I may go back to Edmonton if my last job will take me back or I'll just stick it out here. See what happends.

Xxx

 

[XXXBod]

In reply to Feddy, I tried to PM you but this site wont let you have more then 177 charactors. So I'll respond to you on here.

Just taking it day by day. Im back in Edmonton. Well, right now as I'm typing this Im in Sheerwood Park at the Road King. My company is paying for the night. What I dont get though is, me and my partner are re-setting for our hours of service. I went off duty at 8PM last night and we have to take a 36 hr reset. Well, 36 hours from the time I went off duty would be up on Feb 14th, 8AM.... So no idea what were suppose to do till then. Check out time is at 11am today. Right now Im having issues with my Moto Atrix. Its been acting up a lot. So I need to take it in and get it looked at.

Im not really thinking about women that much. Right now trying to get my bank account balance up to par, pay down my Visa so I can do pre payments on my phone bills again. Then get the Mastercard paid off. Then go after the Visa then Credit Line. Its going to take a long time but I make decent money. Its a good thing too or I would be fucked... lol... I don't want to go into bankruptcy. Not if I can help it.



I still look up escort ads and even save a couple on my computer but I dont feel the need right now to book any one. I need to get the debt situation delt with first and foremost. I was shocked to see Whitney Houston's death... Its too bad, the drugs just took over her life... I think getting involved with Bobbie Brown was the worst thing she ever could have done.

Im more then sure the next celeb death you will here about will be Lindsay Lohan or wouldn't even surprise me if Lady Gaga is pronounced dead from some drug overdose. See some of her videos?? Your not going to tell me as fucked up as she is she's not doing drugs. Any way thank you for your support Feddy and to everfy one else on here. Right now I'm going through some hard times but Its just my wake up call.

Xxx