Any one got a good dirty or dry joke for me
- Thread starter tianna
- Start date
I just dont understand the excitement of it all
I have never enjoyed playing those games.. not to offend those who do in any way shape or form. If that is how you took my post... Im sorry for that so I hope this clears that up
I realy did not mean it that way
I have never enjoyed playing those games.. not to offend those who do in any way shape or form. If that is how you took my post... Im sorry for that so I hope this clears that up
I realy did not mean it that way this one made me laugh
one day a hippy gets on a bus full of nuns. he looks around and see's
one that is looking particularily good. after he popped a stiffy he went up
to the nun and said I want to fu** you.
No replied the nun I am a woman of the lord i will never sleep with you
The hippy was really depressed, but on his way off the bus the bus
driver told him that the nun goes to the church to pray everynight at
midnight. all he had to do was get a god mask and tell her to screw him.
at exactly midnight the hippy spotted the nun go into the church, he
put on his mask and said I am god fu** me.
the nun then replied only in the ass though. the hippy agreed and they
got it on for hours.
when they were done the hippy took off his mask and shouted "ha, ha"
I'm the hippy
the nun then took off her mask and said "ha ha" I'm the bus driver.
Hope it at least makes you smile, for someone as beautiful as you should always be smiling.
one day a hippy gets on a bus full of nuns. he looks around and see's
one that is looking particularily good. after he popped a stiffy he went up
to the nun and said I want to fu** you.
No replied the nun I am a woman of the lord i will never sleep with you
The hippy was really depressed, but on his way off the bus the bus
driver told him that the nun goes to the church to pray everynight at
midnight. all he had to do was get a god mask and tell her to screw him.
at exactly midnight the hippy spotted the nun go into the church, he
put on his mask and said I am god fu** me.
the nun then replied only in the ass though. the hippy agreed and they
got it on for hours.
when they were done the hippy took off his mask and shouted "ha, ha"
I'm the hippy
the nun then took off her mask and said "ha ha" I'm the bus driver.
Hope it at least makes you smile, for someone as beautiful as you should always be smiling.
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"
His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"
"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"
His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"
"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"
true story
During my undergrad days I had to take a summer course. I had two options; summer session or intersession. So I approach the lovely admissions lady and she asks me want I want. I said, I'd like to sign up for an intercourse session.
During my undergrad days I had to take a summer course. I had two options; summer session or intersession. So I approach the lovely admissions lady and she asks me want I want. I said, I'd like to sign up for an intercourse session.
I told this to a group with a good response.
A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
Joke
Little Johnny's coming runs upstairs and opens the door to parents room. He catches parents doing it
"what are you doing, Dad" asks Johnny
"Uh, I'm playing poker" Dad responds
"Then what about Mom?"
"Uh, she's my wild cared"
"okay" and off goes Johnny
A couple of days later Johnny goes to brother's room to ask a question and catches brother doing it to his girlfriend.
"What are you doin, brother?" asks Johnny
"Uh, I'm playing poker"
"What about your gf?"
"She's my wild card"
"okay" and off goes Johnny
A few days later Johnny goes to sister's room to get some crayons and catches sister doing her boyfriend
"Sister, what are you doing?"
"I'm playing poker and my bf is my wild card"
Sunday comes and everyone is on their way to church. Family goes to Johnny's room, opens the door and catches Johnny masturbating on his bed
"What are you doing , Johnny" Dad asks
"Uh, I'm playing poker"
"Where's your wild card" Brother asks
Johnny responds, "you don't need a wild card if you have a good hand".
Little Johnny's coming runs upstairs and opens the door to parents room. He catches parents doing it
"what are you doing, Dad" asks Johnny
"Uh, I'm playing poker" Dad responds
"Then what about Mom?"
"Uh, she's my wild cared"
"okay" and off goes Johnny
A couple of days later Johnny goes to brother's room to ask a question and catches brother doing it to his girlfriend.
"What are you doin, brother?" asks Johnny
"Uh, I'm playing poker"
"What about your gf?"
"She's my wild card"
"okay" and off goes Johnny
A few days later Johnny goes to sister's room to get some crayons and catches sister doing her boyfriend
"Sister, what are you doing?"
"I'm playing poker and my bf is my wild card"
Sunday comes and everyone is on their way to church. Family goes to Johnny's room, opens the door and catches Johnny masturbating on his bed
"What are you doing , Johnny" Dad asks
"Uh, I'm playing poker"
"Where's your wild card" Brother asks
Johnny responds, "you don't need a wild card if you have a good hand".
What da ya call a hooker with her hand up her skirt...............
Wait for it................
Self employed!
.............QM'r
Wait for it................
Self employed!
.............QM'r
ewwwww
2 condoms are walking down the street and stop in front of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says... Wanna go inside and get shit faced?
2 condoms are walking down the street and stop in front of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says... Wanna go inside and get shit faced?
So you've all heard that the bird of peace is the dove.
The bird of war is, of course, the eagle.
What is the bird of passion?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
The swallow!
Cheers! WS.
The bird of war is, of course, the eagle.
What is the bird of passion?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
The swallow!
Cheers! WS.
Johnny and little brother Mike are trying to sleep, but strange sounds are coming from their parents bedroom.
Quietly they sneak up to the room and look in. Mom has some great DT skills that Dad is enjoying.
Johnny says to Mike--,"It just doesn't seem fair, that is the same woman who thrashed you last week for sucking your thumb."
Quietly they sneak up to the room and look in. Mom has some great DT skills that Dad is enjoying.
Johnny says to Mike--,"It just doesn't seem fair, that is the same woman who thrashed you last week for sucking your thumb."
This one is old, but sort of cute in its own way (not mine, btw):
While camping, 6 year old Johnny and his dad come upon two wolves mating. Johnny asks his Dad what they are doing. Trying to be delicate, his dad says
"They are making puppies", and Johnny accepts that and they go walking off.
A few weeks later, back at home, Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night due to the noise coming from his parents' room. Sleepily, he gets out of bed, and goes to his parents' room. Door being unlocked, he sees them having energetic sex.
Johnny says "What are you doing"
His dad, really embarrassed, but trying to make the best of it, says "Mommy and I are trying to make you a little brother or a little sister", hoping this would make the boy go away.
Johnny says "Turn Mom over, I would rather have a puppy", and goes back to bed.
Kinman
While camping, 6 year old Johnny and his dad come upon two wolves mating. Johnny asks his Dad what they are doing. Trying to be delicate, his dad says
"They are making puppies", and Johnny accepts that and they go walking off.
A few weeks later, back at home, Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night due to the noise coming from his parents' room. Sleepily, he gets out of bed, and goes to his parents' room. Door being unlocked, he sees them having energetic sex.
Johnny says "What are you doing"
His dad, really embarrassed, but trying to make the best of it, says "Mommy and I are trying to make you a little brother or a little sister", hoping this would make the boy go away.
Johnny says "Turn Mom over, I would rather have a puppy", and goes back to bed.
Kinman
A guy retired to the interior. He had his little cabin in the woods. After the first month he was pretty bored. Around the middle of the second month there is a knock at the door. He goes and opens the door and there stands a big hairy mountain of a man. The man introduces himself as Enock. Enock says "We are going to have a part next Friday, do you want to come:.
The retiree says "That would be great, it has been a bit boring out here a party is just what I need".
Enock turns to leave and just before he goes, he turns around and says "There is likely to be some heavy drinking at this party".
The retired man says " I used to tip a glass or two, I could use a good drunk about now".
Enock grunts and turns to leave, just before he goes he turns back and says "There is likely to be some fighting at this party".
The retiree is a bit disturbed by this but says "I usually can talk my way out of a fight but if it comes to it I think I can handle myself, I will be ok".
Enock grunts again and turns to leave. Before he goes he turns around and says "There is going to be wild sex at this party, I hope you are ok with that".
The retiree gets a big smile on his face and says "I have been out here with just trees and bugs for two months, wild sex is exactly what I need, there is no way you could keep me away now, oh thank you so much for inviting me".
Enock grunts and turns to leave. Just as Enock is about to close the door the retiree calls out "What should I wear to this party?".
Enock turns around and faces the retiree and says "Well it is just going to be you and me, wear whatever you want".
The retiree says "That would be great, it has been a bit boring out here a party is just what I need".
Enock turns to leave and just before he goes, he turns around and says "There is likely to be some heavy drinking at this party".
The retired man says " I used to tip a glass or two, I could use a good drunk about now".
Enock grunts and turns to leave, just before he goes he turns back and says "There is likely to be some fighting at this party".
The retiree is a bit disturbed by this but says "I usually can talk my way out of a fight but if it comes to it I think I can handle myself, I will be ok".
Enock grunts again and turns to leave. Before he goes he turns around and says "There is going to be wild sex at this party, I hope you are ok with that".
The retiree gets a big smile on his face and says "I have been out here with just trees and bugs for two months, wild sex is exactly what I need, there is no way you could keep me away now, oh thank you so much for inviting me".
Enock grunts and turns to leave. Just as Enock is about to close the door the retiree calls out "What should I wear to this party?".
Enock turns around and faces the retiree and says "Well it is just going to be you and me, wear whatever you want".
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Sweet angelic six year old Nancy was on her hands and knees in the garden filling in a large hole when her next-door neighbour peeked over the fence.
"What are you up to there, Nancy?" he asked.
"My pet goldfish died and I just buried him" she replied tearfuilly without looking up.
"Gee, that's too bad, Nancy. But why such a big hole for a little goldfish?"
Nancy patted the last handful of earth in before replying. "Because he's in your fucking cat."
"What are you up to there, Nancy?" he asked.
"My pet goldfish died and I just buried him" she replied tearfuilly without looking up.
"Gee, that's too bad, Nancy. But why such a big hole for a little goldfish?"
Nancy patted the last handful of earth in before replying. "Because he's in your fucking cat."
