Another FNG!

[CODe333]

I'm not sure why I haven't posted on this section of the board before. There's some very educational stuff here. MistressT (loved your site!) and friends sound too cool for words.

I want to become a male dom. This is a recent development and actually quite surprising to me. In any case, I'm getting the process started, realizing it is likely to take some time to gain even a minimal level of skill and confidence. I've read some of the threads here where people give their suggestions for how newbie's can learn the ropes. The idea of being a sub for a time to learn what it's like from that end makes sense. I'd love to know if dom training is available. I'm also reading lots (got 10 BDSM, fetish, piercing books on the go at the moment!), viewing videos (not very helpful so far - is there any good, educational stuff out there?), going to meetings, and looking at attending some events. Also shopping around for gear. I'm not in a big hurry. I want to get this right.

Any further suggestions are greatly appreciated. Opinions, rants, and general heckling are also fine. The views of both male female doms are welcome. Also, any subs (m or f) also feel free to respond. I think there are people posting here who are very knowledgeable and may be willing to impart wisdom on this matter.

Do folks here get tired of newbies asking this stuff?

CODe333

 

[_Gypsy_]

Hello CODe333,

What would be your ideal area for your Dom training? Vancouver...CambellRiver...?

 

[Small pleasures]

Welcome

MistressT (loved your site!) and friends sound too cool for words.

Do folks here get tired of newbies asking this stuff?

CODe333

Thank you and I personally don't get tired of these questions. We all had to start somewhere.

It sounds like you're on the right track with your self education.

I'd like you to ask yourself these questions and feel free to post your responses:
-Why do you want to be a Dom?
-What do you think it means to be a Dom?
-What specific activities are you drawn to? (The list is enormous but it's important. Bondage, control, inflicting pain...?)

You didn't indicate that you want to do this as a profession so I won't address any issues from a business perspective unless you ask.

Building up a well-equipped play space takes time, money and knowledge. You are welcome to play at The Deep End and experiment with my vast collection of toys and implements to help you decide what you'd like to purchase for yourself. While doing so you may pick my brain and ask me any questions you wish. If you would like to know what it feels like to be on the bottom, I can tie you up and beat you, in an educational way

PM/email/call me to discuss.

 

[uncleg]

Suggestions:
Meet some of the people, go to a munch. These are Wednesday affairs where the folks get together in Vancouver and Surrey, alternating weeks. These are public gatherings at Boston Pizza / Knight and Day. Numbers vary, from a dozen to maybe thirty people. Nobody plays, but it's a good way to meet.
Check out Vancouver Dungeons, they have regular events. Then there's Rascals, also a regular play event and of course Sin City. There is/was the bi-annual Kink event, a weekend affair. Seminars and demonstrations on various aspects of BDSM,with a big play party at the end. You might want to check with Vancouver Dungeons on that event.
Whatever you decide have fun and play safe.

 

[CODe333]

Hello CODe333,

What would be your ideal area for your Dom training? Vancouver...CambellRiver...?

I live fairly close to Vancouver so that area is where I would expect to learn and play. Vancouver, Richmond, Burnaby, even Surrey are where I hangout when I' on the grid. I am willing to travel from time to time, though at the moment travelling too far afield is definitely limited.

 

[JustCallMeR]

You are off to a good start. You'll find lots of people will be helpful if you're honestly trying to learn and are asking questions in a non-judgemental way (as Miss T has alluded to there are many different areas, and you'll find that not all of them are to your particular taste).

If you are new to the role and you have found a potential playmate, then start by asking lots of questions to find out exactly what they like and dislike and why. Then take some time to carefully plan things out accordingly (with some possible alternatives). Don't try "winging" it initially!

If your tastes don't really match up in the major areas, then you'd both be better off with others (but never break the trust of what they've told you, and don't be judgemental).

While playing, especially in the early stages, make sure that you have clear communication signals BEYOND the standard safety full stop code word. That way you can distinguish between role playing, and when they want you to pay attention to something that they are saying that might guide you better in what you are doing.

Also remember that every new relationship is different and you need to find out what makes each person tick all over again.

Full communication and trust is everything. Be HYPER vigilant in terms of how they are reacting to what you are doing (positively, negatively or if it's not really doing anything for them) and adjust accordingly. Practice makes perfect!

I was fortunate enough to learn some of the technical aspects at a rather private club in the Hague (before it became somewhat commercial and infamous!), but I'd suggest taking up Miss T's offer and learn everything you can.

And above all else, make sure that you both have fun and enjoy yourselves!

 

[CODe333]

A big thanks to everyone for responding to my request. I am grateful for your responses which are thoughtful and very helpful. MistressT suggested I answer a few questions about why I want to be a dom, etc. That is now another thread. If you get a chance I'd love to have any of you read it and offer criticism, insight, what have you.