And this, boys & girls, is one reason why the sex trade exists

[1nitestan]

I lost count of the number of guys I know who have experienced this (or currently experiencing)

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/106597762.html

You wonder why men cheat?

So I've had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the fuck do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it's not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?

I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you fuck non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge fucking ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don't think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?

Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of pornstar sex so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it's a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty fuck toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. that's fair isn't it?

But no... it doesn't work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don't have time anymore. What used to be a fun quicky on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the ass. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger.

Do I sound bitter? well I guess I do. Let me explain, I'm sure there's more than myself in this unfortunate spot.
My wife of 6 years has had sex with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said "I'm just going to lay here, I don't want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with".
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my "O" and be done with it. (this takes 5 minutes tops)

I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your sex drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren't as libido killing as the SSRI's. Enough is enough though.

Let's do the math

5 minutes of sex 12 times a year is one hour of sex per year. ONE FUCKING HOUR...
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had sex when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?

Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to fuck for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Yes, I am being a baby. I totally understand that I am being a raving lunatic.

Why? Because I have tried divorce once. Nevermind that it was financially devastating, life altering, and hell on earth for years. None of that compares to the fact that it forever ruined my relationship with my children, regardless of what you may console yourselves with divorce hurts everyone and no one is better for it unless you are in harms way by staying.

I am so sick of the spoiled, me me me attitude by today's american woman that I could just bite myself.
During the dating phase you told us all your hopes and dreams which mostly consisted of a nice home, kids, a dog, family holidays, vacations, etc.
We told you we liked all that but wanted a car or a motorcycle or a boat to go along with it.

Fast forward half a dozen years. You have all the things you wanted, nevermind the mortgage is oppressive, the activities for the kids cost hundreds of dollars a month, you bitch constantly about how you hate the house you absolutely HAD to have years ago. You have a medicine cabinet full of Paxil, Effexor, vicodin, sleep pills, awake pills, everthing but a fucking horny pill.
You bitch that all your friends have the things you want and you are miserable yet the kids are the best kids in the history of the world, everyone is healthy, you drive an SUV like your friends, you get Starbucks regularly.
WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?

Your bored? you don't have your own life? You feel over worked. Don't get me wrong, raising children is the hardest job by far since it rarely affords a break but is it so bad? (Agreed that the kids are so spectacular because of your contstant attention, but if you ignore your marriage it will go the way of a forgotten child too)
You could have been born poor, you could have to work 50 hours a week and take care of the kids, and pay for the mortgage on your own but you don't. Instead you go to play group, you shop, you drive around looking at houses you dream of living in instead of the one you have.

I can see how you don't have any time for sex. I mean after all the guy who sacraficed his own hopes and dreams to finance yours probably isn't worthy of some respect, admiration, and god forbid occasional sex.
(disclaimer time... I know us guys are a pain in the ass to live with that goes without saying)


The moral of the story is that it's just as much your fault as mine that I have taken a lover, she is everything your not. She is carefree, she acts like a total slut because we have an understanding that I prize her above all things for just being her slutty self, not condemning her for it. She doesn't accusingly look at me like I duped her into buying that fucking leper of a house, doesn't tell me that I stole her life from her because she is raising children now.
It is a total vacation from everything you have become.
The funny thing is I would totally be there with you hand in hand praising you instead of her if you would only treat me like a human again. If you would only show the slightest passion, if you would just quit trying to take any possible enjoyment out of life for me and everyone around you then maybe, just maybe we could have a good life.

And please, don't give me the line about the medication and the councilors anymore, it worked for the first six years but it doesn't fly anymore. You came from a good family, you weren't abused, you weren't neglected, you are attractive, funny, kind, sweet at times.

I've saved the best part for last.
I am angry at myself for letting life get here. I should not have loved you so much that I could never say no. I should have not married you so soon, I should have bought all the things I wanted before we married.
Most of all I hate that I am saying these things to a million nobody's in Internet land instead of you. I would, really I would have but we all know what happens when you drink, and you drink a lot these days.


Most of all I can't believe I could be so stupid as to find myself here again. What did I cosmically do wrong? what did I do to piss off God in a past life to deserve this?

I am so fucking pissed off at you for everything, why did you fucking have to fucking be this way? why couldn't you just fucking be sane, why? why, fucking, why? I just want to kick a chair or break a window or something.

WHY?

 

[Alix Turner]

he needs to work on his boundary setting.

 

[Blonde Brynn]

WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?

I wonder...

 

[Cock Throppled]

The guy that wrote that is a dick-head with no concept his own limitations.

 

[johnsmit]

And that is the reason. more and more men and women are in open relationship.

But it not allways the guy complaining about no sex.. all though it is most of the timr..

It does seem that women are more selfish . about their "O" these days.. and thats all they real want.
lets face it .. most sex toy are made for the women.. .Not too many guy. want a big vibrating cock up the ass.
and we dont have a vigina.. . Some would say "pity" So sex toys are for women because men want sex ut dont want to get the lady off

Yap that is why there are escort....and why women get together with other women..
play with each other and their sex toys.. and bitch about men

 

[vancity_cowboy]

sorry, the guy that wrote that is like 90% of husbands in north america. just check the divorce statistics if you don't beleive me

the thing that gets me is guys that get married AGAIN after going through it once - slow learners i guess...

 

[cjac7214]

Some may not like the way he expresses himself but I know EXACTLY what he is talking about... and I would say that it is the number one reason why there is a sex industry...

Actually, I thought it was kind of funny until he went off at the end...

 

[1nitestan]

Men are simple - we just need to be appreciated for the things we bring to the household. It's beyond the sex- read the post and you'll see this dude's wife wasn't even affectionate. When a guy tries to be affectionate, he gets shamed for being a pervert. Apparently it's bad that we just wanna hold and kiss our wives...sure we'll get boner while doing it but we're made to feel bad about finding our partners desirable. That's fucked up.

 

[VanessaofBC]

And that is the reason. more and more men and women are in open relationship.

But it not allways the guy complaining about no sex.. all though it is most of the timr..

It does seem that women are more selfish . about their "O" these days.. and thats all they real want.
lets face it .. most sex toy are made for the women.. .Not too many guy. want a big vibrating cock up the ass.
and we dont have a vigina.. . Some would say "pity" So sex toys are for women because men want sex ut dont want to get the lady off

Yap that is why there are escort....and why women get together with other women..
play with each other and their sex toys.. and bitch about men

I'll be sure to let you know the next time we me and the ladies are all getting ready to do that, you can be our "Peeping Tom" oh no!!!!

 

[chilli]

It take a long time to find a good woman in our culture.

Women have all of the power to make a relationship bad or good.

Men are pretty easy to please - women; generally a pain in the ass.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

i guess the exception to the 90% i suggested earlier in the thread would be all the caucasian dudes i see when i'm shopping with an obviously foreign wife, usually asian. the equivalent of mail order brides i guess... they seem pretty happy

 

[Cock Throppled]

sorry, the guy that wrote that is like 90% of husbands in north america. just check the divorce statistics if you don't beleive me

the thing that gets me is guys that get married AGAIN after going through it once - slow learners i guess...

Well, you're assuming that is the reason 90% of divorces happen, which is ridiculous. It also assumes it's always the man that wants the divorce, which is also ridiculous.

You may not believe it, but a lot of men are duds in bed and also jerks and some wives decide they want something better, too.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

he needs to work on his boundary setting.

I'm gonna go with Alix on this one. Our writer let things go on for way too long (not addressing his unhappiness sooner, and now his answer is to find a mistress and blame his wife for who she is or who she has become). Having said that, sometimes our partner just won't listen and, at some point, you do have the option of giving up which I guess is what our writer has done, in his own way. I'm fairly certain though, based on everything he's shared with us, that divorce is imminent.

 

[metoo113]

"Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women hoping they won't." They're both wrong.

 

[Tugela]

And that is the reason. more and more men and women are in open relationship.

But it not allways the guy complaining about no sex.. all though it is most of the timr..

It does seem that women are more selfish . about their "O" these days.. and thats all they real want.
lets face it .. most sex toy are made for the women.. .Not too many guy. want a big vibrating cock up the ass.
and we dont have a vigina.. . Some would say "pity" So sex toys are for women because men want sex ut dont want to get the lady off

Yap that is why there are escort....and why women get together with other women..
play with each other and their sex toys.. and bitch about men

I remember reading about a study a while back, that looked at the attitudes of women regarding intimacy after about ten years of marriage (as opposed to their husbands, which is what people normally only consider). It turned out that just as many women were dissatisfied with the level of intimacy they were receiving as men (the number was something around 75% IIRC).

That means in at least half of marriages over ten years BOTH parties are dissatisfied with the level of intimacy in their relationship, and probably more since I suspect that those two 75% largely overlap.

In the post that the OP is quoting, it lays out the state of affairs as seen from this guys perspective. But, chances are, his wife is saying pretty much the same thing about HIM. He wants his wife to be his sexual play thing, but I bet he is paying little or no attention to her needs, other than such as he sees them (for example, what he sees as her need for jewelry). He thinks he can pay her off with trinkets, but she probably wants something else from him as a person, and he is not capable of seeing that.

It goes both ways of course, in those sorts of situations both parties are looking primarily at their own needs and how that is not being satisfied, so they are desperately unhappy. Then they play out this mutual punishment game that progressively escalates. Naturally they both think that they are the aggrieved party and that the other is cruel and insensitive.

The reality is that in most cases the relationships in these marriages have broken down and they are not able to effectively communicate with each other, even though the couple might stick together for other reasons (such as children, financial issues, or appearances).

 

[vancity_cowboy]

that's pretty astute, tugela. i think there's something that most men miss out on, that you mentioned, and that is 'effective communication'. i realize now that women need to talk about the relationship, not to hear the logical progression of ideas and concepts like a man does - but to hear the tones of voice, to see the body language, to be held and comforted

it's too bad that there is often such a gap between the partners that it's next to impossible for them to communicate what they really want and even how to talk to each other

 

[PlayfulAlex]

snip...it's too bad that there is often such a gap between the partners that it's next to impossible for them to communicate what they really want and even how to talk to each other

Just heard about this, maybe these folks can offer us some assistance?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Act_Like_a_Lady,_Think_Like_a_Man

http://www.amazon.ca/Act-Like-Lady-Think-Relationships/dp/0061728985

 

[Elmore]

You may not believe it, but a lot of men are duds in bed and also jerks and some wives decide they want something better, too.

Thank you.
Guys always put this on the wife. Women are sexual as well. But they get bored just like men. The difference is that most women have a much better imagination than men. Some guys in sexless marriages find solace in a few hours of porn each night...ironically while wifey is in bed consumed by a romance novel that just might help them to have sweeter dreams.

Then I read about married guys on here who are wining, dining and buying sexy items for their 2 hour girlfriends :doh:. Maybe if guys invested a little more time and energy in mixing things up and making it interesting for their wife, it might help to address some of the boredom which might contribute to her lack of interest in sex.

Guys might be surprised to know how many women are also getting it elsewhere but the difference is they are not paying for it.

 

[chilli]

Thank you.
Guys always put this on the wife. Women are sexual as well. But they get bored just like men. The difference is that most women have a much better imagination than men. Some guys in sexless marriages find solace in a few hours of porn each night...ironically while wifey is in bed consumed by a romance novel that just might help them to have sweeter dreams.

Then I read about married guys on here who are wining, dining and buying sexy items for their 2 hour girlfriends :doh:. Maybe if guys invested a little more time and energy in mixing things up and making it interesting for their wife, it might help to address some of the boredom which might contribute to her lack of interest in sex.

Guys might be surprised to know how many women are also getting it elsewhere but the difference is they are not paying for it.

This is what I love about this board - most of the men here are completely pussy whipped and have no clue on how the real world works.

Most real men do not complain about their relationships - while most women complain to anyone who will listen.
Most men will tolerate a woman's abuse until he can no longer take it. At that point he will either leave or have an affair.

Women choose the men they are going to marry - yes the guy approaches - but the woman makes the final and ultimate decision.
Women choose who their going to have babies with.

My point - the guy was an asshole / abuser / drunk / bad boy when she met him and before the woman decided to marry him.
Women on the other hand frequently change character after the ring goes on their finger. (I experienced this first hand) and I have many girlfriends and male friends who will confirm this. Women can't help it - it's how their programmed.

The old saying is true. Men don't change, women do. That's why it's harder for men. When I marry someone I don't know what I'm getting 3 months / 6 months / 2 years from now. While a woman who marries a jerk, has married a jerk - who will always be a jerk.

Women know full well before they get married how men feel about sex - and will withhold it in a relationship as a means of punishing a man.

Women are considerably harder to please than a man. In fact men are easy. If a woman picks a good guy and she "takes care of him" he will be devoted to her for the rest of his life.

It's a woman's 100% responsibility to pick a good guy and a good provider to make babies with. It's her fault if she picks an asshole or douchebag - yes you heard it - it's her fault.

I know plenty of good guys - in fact I don't know very many bad ones - most of the guys I know are faithful, good husbands who work hard. Their wives; exhausted and bitchy from taking care of kids and they take it out on their husbands.

I was just over at my best friends last night talking to my friends wife (he was at work) their both excellent people - he works 3 jobs to support his family. And she admitted to me ever since they've had kids she's been a bitch. She resents him - so she takes it out on him.

I could go on and on and on.

But I won't because most of the men on this board have their balls planted firmly in some woman's purse.

 

[Elmore]

There are plenty of women who love sex...men think they do but do they really love sex if they just want to get their dick sucked for 5 minutes and then hammer away for 2 1/2 minutes until they explode in a sweaty heap on top of their wife??

Guys can help their wife to want sex as much as they do and then "withholding" sex isn't really an issue because they will be punishing themself as much as their husband.

The disclaimer in all of this is that I don't think it is practical nor always enjoyable for a married couple of 10 years with kids to have sex multiple times daily or even daily. I think a couple or few times a week of great sex is better than daily mediocre sex.