Am I wrong in this situation?

[Restless67]

My first post here,
I made an appointment with a lady today she was not far from my home so I walked over to her apt complex texted her no reply for five minutes, some dude comes out and starts asking me what I am doing here I replied with waiting for a text he keeps asking what i am doing here so with no reply to my text I split as i was weirded out by the guy on my way back home she finally texts me back and I was too weirded out to answer her, when i got home I texted her explaining what went down in the lot and now she is freaking on me saying I am a time waster and address collector, I apoligzed to her and said I wanted to do this but just not now as I was freaked out by the situation, So am I an a-hole here or was it weird enough to justify walking away?

 

[UhOh]

In this business you have to look out for yourself first. If she was freaking then who needs that.
Next time text get instructions before getting to the door.
Write this one off as a loss and move on, you're just another number. Not your fault she has a busybody neighbor

 

[sevenofnine]

women are usually nervous on meeting a new client,
some women more nervous then others,


and you left out some info,
like were you right on time, early
yeah its a no no under most circumstances to text a girl early and show up early

I have texted a girl early telling her im in the coffee shop or bar, that when ever she is ready,
in that situation im just a guy in a bar,
not some guy hanging outside her door

you get where im coming from I hope,
the idea is to stay cool and blend in
no matter what goes down.

like if im not sure of the address don't want to get lost, I drive by early check on the address, then go and grab a coffee somewhere till its time,

the last thing you want is to be annoying or attract attention.

 

[ddcanz]

I agree you don't want to attract unwarranted attention by making a scene, but at the same time it's no one else's business if you are "waiting for a text" or waiting for a friend, or scratching your balls or whatever. I'm assuming you were in a public area and not lurking around like a creep? Standing on the street out front of a condo seems fairly innocuous unless you are projecting a real ne'er-do-well image. Is this a sketchy neighbourhood?
A good standard response to Nosey Parker's queries is a non-specific "Thanks for your concern, have a nice day" and ignore him without engaging. On the other hand "What's it to ya..." usually takes it to another level which can be most entertaining- but not for the less confident shy types.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

In the interest of discretion, you did the right thing, I'd say, and for her to be freaking out about you attempting to protect her privacy & your own speaks of her lack of professionalism. Speaking for myself, I would much rather have someone preserve my discretion than say to my neighbour "I'm here to see a redheaded escort called Erica. Is she here?" as happened once when someone went to the basement suite door of my home in Clayton Heights, or the guy who stood in the middle of my intersection at 5 in the afternoon holding a bottle of wine, turning in circles, trying to figure out which of the four "houses on the corner" was mine, even though he had both the address AND the location as being on the southwest corner! Being discreet is a two way street*!

*which is the correct adjective, by the way... DISCRETE means something entirely different. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discrete

Adding: I had almost forgotten about an exchange where someone was cruising down side streets looking at addresses & was approached by police about what he was doing in the neighbourhood. They said at the time it was because of a rash of property crimes in the neighbourhood, and the fact he had out of province plates. He told them he was looking for an address, that he wasn't doing anything wrong, he refused to provide any ID as they had nothing to charge him with, so he drove off & texted me to tell me why he wouldn't be coming. I was grateful for the discretion.

 

[Restless67]

Thanks for the input,
I was on time we had agreed to 530 and I texted at 528, I was stepping out of my comfort zone with this as well, the exchange with the nosy guy went on until about 535 when I left, and she texted me back at around 540 I was already on my way home. the whole thing left a bad taste, and it will be awhile before I do that again.

 

[Lady Companion]

I can see how that would be really uncomfortable for you, and you did do the right thing by walking away rather than drawing more attention to yourself, and by association the lady.

However, I think you should have gone back after she responded to you.....because yes, you are a timewaster in this case. And she is also justified in feeling that you are a creepy person who now knows where she lives. I'm not saying you are, but from her perspective, that is what it looks like.

I think a big part of the problem is that you texted rather than called when you arrived. I know I don't look at text message at all within 20 minutes or so of a meeting, as I am getting my head in the game for us, and I don't want to be distracted with various other conversations at that time. It's also possible she didn't hear her phone beep when you sent a message, as a text beep is far more subtle (if it even goes off at all) than a ringing phone. So yes, a quicker response from her would have been great, but common sense dictates that you call someone rather than text (or to follow up a text that doesn't get a response) if it is something important or time sensitive.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

I can see how that would be really uncomfortable for you, and you did do the right thing by walking away rather than drawing more attention to yourself, and by association the lady.

However, I think you should have gone back after she responded to you.....because yes, you are a timewaster in this case. And she is also justified in feeling that you are a creepy person who now knows where she lives. I'm not saying you are, but from her perspective, that is what it looks like.

I think a big part of the problem is that you texted rather than called when you arrived. I know I don't look at text message at all within 20 minutes or so of a meeting, as I am getting my head in the game for us, and I don't want to be distracted with various other conversations at that time. It's also possible she didn't hear her phone beep when you sent a message, as a text beep is far more subtle (if it even goes off at all) than a ringing phone. So yes, a quicker response from her would have been great, but common sense dictates that you call someone rather than text (or to follow up a text that doesn't get a response) if it is something important or time sensitive.

Oh yes that's very true Angel.

 

[luvsdaty]

I always go in my vehicle. No matter how short the trip. And I always text to confirm that she's ready to buzz me in as soon as I get there. Nothing more frustrating than an sp texting you back"just five more minutes,sorry" even more so in a residential neighbourhood when there's no coffee shops or gas stations to blend in.
If you say your ready to buzz me in and your not and something sketchy goes down,I walk and text her back explaining the situation.

 

[felixthecat]

she finally texts me back and I was too weirded out to answer her, when i got home I texted her explaining what went down in the lot

Your reaction is reasonable, though you could have improved the situation here or there.

Not sure if "the lot" refers to a parking lot or what. In any case, it's best to stay somewhat away before you get buzzer/instructions. A nosy neighbour could be careful for a reason, maybe they had cars vandalized or a break-in recently. To avoid extra attention, I wouldn't wait by the entrance. There should be an inconspicuous spot within a minute walk.

You should have responded to the SP as soon as you get her message. The neighbour is not her fault, so she deserves to not have her time wasted more than it was. Sometimes the situation can be salvaged. I remember a buzzer didn't work and a maintenance guy asked me where I'm going, nosy but apparently trying to be helpful. I told him thanks but I'd call my friend. She instructed me to use another entrance to avoid the guy.

Finally if you tend to be nervous, it makes sense to stick to well-reviewed proven SPs, who you wouldn't doubt and who wouldn't make you wait too long at the appointment time.

 

[rafterman]

One really lovely lady I saw several times a couple of years ago, retired now sadly, always used to give me a little heads up on the front desk, elevator location with her room number when I sent my arrival confirmation text. It was a nice touch cause I still radiate guilty vibes as I walk in and scan around for the way up.

 

[italian233]

You did the correct thing by heading home when being approached by someone. You probably should have text the lady as you were on your way home about the situation.
With regards to waiting for the text with the buzzer number it’s probably not a good idea to stand in front of the door waiting for a text. If coffee shop or mall is not close by best to walk by building a few blocks up until you do receive it.

 

[Sexy Lina Melone]

It seems to me you are a super nice guy who just had bad timing and a busybody neighbour. He probably thought you were dealing drugs! It's too bad the lady in question started name calling. That's really not fair of her, but it's understandable.. she likely was getting ready for you. Sometimes I spend up to 2 hours getting ready for a client with special dressing and makeup requests.. it's a lot of time and effort to not be paid for!

Having said all that, you did the right thing to lose and not say anything. Maybe you could email the provider a link to this thread so she can take the time to actually read and find out you're a good guy. If it was me, I'd be offering you some kind of bonus to try again. She should be made aware of the bad situation for you that was caused by the neighbour. It could be that this is common for all her clients and she might need to move.

Communication is really a great thing, and helps us all take a bad thing and make it better...

 

[80watts]

I advocate violence. Punching him in the head to remind him its not his business. As long as your not on his property, or punching a uniformed police officer in the head it not their business what you are doing.....

PS Punching someone in the head is assault.

 

[Caramel]

nope, you are not wrong, this is a totally normal thing to do esp in this business

 

[jamasianman]

Why stop there 80watts? Why not kill the neighbour? Take him out with a carbon fibre knife by slashing his throat, and then drag the body to a hidden location.

I am backing the op in this situation. Sometimes you lose your cool and can't come up with a good excuse, and if the lady isn't prompt enough to answer door or text on time and leave you vulnerable to neighbours or prying eyes then she needs to be more adept. I remember a visit where a neighbour approached me as I approached the door and she asked me to turn down the music. I had to pretend I was a roommate and then left and circled and then made my way back. It wad awkward and I almost bailed. Those crucial seconds between elevator and condo door and very important.