As fall approaches, I have been reflecting on my last year as a newly minted independent SP. What an exciting, mind-opening, joy-filled and pleasure-soaked almost-one year it has been!
Growing up, my upwardly-mobile, middle-class family was fairly conservative. I was able to maintain a demure, studious image, studying hard in school, avoiding boys, and avoiding...other temptations. But deep down inside, I was always horny as hell, deeply closeted, and I had fantasies I dared not share with anyone. Fantasies that would shock my respectable parents and virtuous peers. I remember listening to "Justify My Love" and "Human Nature" by Madonna and wanting so desperately to be free to be my authentic, wanton self.
Working surreptitiously as a stripper while I completed my university degree afforded me an opportunity to flaunt my sexuality, and gave me an outlet for my exhibitionist tendencies and desire to be surrounded by horny, adoring men...and women (oh, the women!).
But sadly, I found that even the exotic dance scene was stiflingly conservative--though I loved to show off my hot body, we dancers were not allowed to touch the excited men, or each other, and many of the women I lusted for were staunchly heterosexual. I remember returning to my bedroom alone each night after work, sexually frustrated, highly aroused, my pussy still wet and longing for satisfaction.
After a few years of living this double life, I earned my degree, and abandoned my secret stripper identity for a straight job in a respectable field.
Yet, sitting at my desk, writing press releases, and chatting with corporate sponsors, I was distracted by a deep, primal urge to explore my darkest fantasies.
Late at night, in my apartment, I would watch pornography of all types, masturbating till my body was worn out, and I could finally fall asleep. I had a boyfriend at the time (we didn't live together) and I tried, bashfully, to share with him some of my more...exotic fantasies. He was embarrassed and uncomfortable. We never spoke of this again.
At that point in my life, I decided I would never have the opportunity to explore my sexual deviancy. In my mid-twenties, it seemed as if a good career, stable relationship, and the approval of one's peers necessitated the negation of one's most base instincts and raw desires.
But the Universe has a way of bringing us exactly what we need, when we most require it.
A restructuring of the company in which I was employed forced me to take a permanent leave. Feeling lost, and knowing I had never really been happy in the corporate world to begin with, I made the life-altering decision to move to Vancouver Island to study yoga, fitness, and holistic nutrition.
I was taking all of these positive steps to heal my body, but my most basic needs as a woman, I was still too timid to fully embrace.
Perhaps this is where my journey would have ended, had I not met Miss Lady Vanessa and Lalani Electrica at an art show in the spring. I was immediately drawn to, and intrigued by these women. They had an elegance, and an energy that commanded the room. Lalani asked me if I wanted to work with her. I accepted because I was entranced by her beauty--at the time I didn't even know what she did for a living, or what she was asking me to do!!!
When I arrived at the bachelor party she had organized, and I saw all the horny men waiting for us, I immediately re-experienced the rush of sexual excitement I had suppressed for so many years. Even so, I was so shy at that party, I wouldn't even take my panties off, despite the men begging me repeatedly throughout the night.
As I lay in my bed later that evening, my hand between my damp thighs, I told myself, "That was just a one-off. I couldn't go back to that life...could I?"
I was in denial, and yet something had shifted in me. The boyfriend was long gone, the straight job long disappeared, and my upstanding family and friends back on the mainland were too far away to judge me.
A chance encounter with an escort working for an agency helped me to dip my toes deeper into the pool of my long-repressed desires. The agency handled all of my advertising and bookings, so I could continue to live my life as an upright civilian by day, while fielding calls from the agency at night.
And yet... something important was still missing--I had specific desires that needed to be fulfilled. I quickly realized that if I was going to give sex work a try, I was going to make certain that I would finally have the opportunity to explore my sexuality my way. Going independent was the only way to make this happen.
Over this past year, I have had the opportunity to finally begin to make headway on my lengthy, adventurous and long-anticipated bucket list.
Without giving too much away... (some experiences are best kept private)...
I learned to eat pussy like a pro from Miss Erica Phoenix, and had the opportunity to *ahem* practice with a select handful of gorgeous, high-end SPs, as well as some adventurous "civilian" women.
I attended the sexiest Superbowl party--it far exceeded my expectations to be pleasured in so many different ways in one, unforgettable afternoon.
I have had delicious dinner outings with PERB members that ended with sinfully sweet desserts in my private boudoir.
I hiked, naked, up to a beautiful summit on the Island with an enlightened companion whose oral skills made the spectacular scenery even more breathtaking. I think even the eagles heard my cries of ecstasy.
And my sexual hedonism even took me abroad several times, where I soaked a Delta airlines seat with my...enthusiasm and was guided through my first Red Light District.
These last 10 months I have met wonderful, like-minded people, and even with limited hours with which to participate in this lifestyle, I have fulfilled many, many fantasies. Most importantly of all, I have had the opportunity to finally be my true self, and to speak up about my real desires.
But there is one fantasy that continues to elude me...even in this new-to-me world of sexual pleasure, I have never been able to successfully arrange a situation where I could be the center of attention in a delicious MFM. More specifically, I want the men to be strangers to each other, so that the only thing connecting them is their carnal desire for me. I suppose it is a very specific, and niche fantasy, and the last year has taught me that good things do come to those who wait....
And so, forum readers, when you look back at your own personal journey in this hedonistic hobby, what most-urgently desired fantasies have you fulfilled, and which do you still harbour? In what ways has this hobby allowed you to express the most authentic parts of yourself, and in which ways are you still holding back?
As Madonna whispered seductively to me so many years ago:
Talk to me, tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
Growing up, my upwardly-mobile, middle-class family was fairly conservative. I was able to maintain a demure, studious image, studying hard in school, avoiding boys, and avoiding...other temptations. But deep down inside, I was always horny as hell, deeply closeted, and I had fantasies I dared not share with anyone. Fantasies that would shock my respectable parents and virtuous peers. I remember listening to "Justify My Love" and "Human Nature" by Madonna and wanting so desperately to be free to be my authentic, wanton self.
Working surreptitiously as a stripper while I completed my university degree afforded me an opportunity to flaunt my sexuality, and gave me an outlet for my exhibitionist tendencies and desire to be surrounded by horny, adoring men...and women (oh, the women!).
But sadly, I found that even the exotic dance scene was stiflingly conservative--though I loved to show off my hot body, we dancers were not allowed to touch the excited men, or each other, and many of the women I lusted for were staunchly heterosexual. I remember returning to my bedroom alone each night after work, sexually frustrated, highly aroused, my pussy still wet and longing for satisfaction.
After a few years of living this double life, I earned my degree, and abandoned my secret stripper identity for a straight job in a respectable field.
Yet, sitting at my desk, writing press releases, and chatting with corporate sponsors, I was distracted by a deep, primal urge to explore my darkest fantasies.
Late at night, in my apartment, I would watch pornography of all types, masturbating till my body was worn out, and I could finally fall asleep. I had a boyfriend at the time (we didn't live together) and I tried, bashfully, to share with him some of my more...exotic fantasies. He was embarrassed and uncomfortable. We never spoke of this again.
At that point in my life, I decided I would never have the opportunity to explore my sexual deviancy. In my mid-twenties, it seemed as if a good career, stable relationship, and the approval of one's peers necessitated the negation of one's most base instincts and raw desires.
But the Universe has a way of bringing us exactly what we need, when we most require it.
A restructuring of the company in which I was employed forced me to take a permanent leave. Feeling lost, and knowing I had never really been happy in the corporate world to begin with, I made the life-altering decision to move to Vancouver Island to study yoga, fitness, and holistic nutrition.
I was taking all of these positive steps to heal my body, but my most basic needs as a woman, I was still too timid to fully embrace.
Perhaps this is where my journey would have ended, had I not met Miss Lady Vanessa and Lalani Electrica at an art show in the spring. I was immediately drawn to, and intrigued by these women. They had an elegance, and an energy that commanded the room. Lalani asked me if I wanted to work with her. I accepted because I was entranced by her beauty--at the time I didn't even know what she did for a living, or what she was asking me to do!!!
When I arrived at the bachelor party she had organized, and I saw all the horny men waiting for us, I immediately re-experienced the rush of sexual excitement I had suppressed for so many years. Even so, I was so shy at that party, I wouldn't even take my panties off, despite the men begging me repeatedly throughout the night.
As I lay in my bed later that evening, my hand between my damp thighs, I told myself, "That was just a one-off. I couldn't go back to that life...could I?"
I was in denial, and yet something had shifted in me. The boyfriend was long gone, the straight job long disappeared, and my upstanding family and friends back on the mainland were too far away to judge me.
A chance encounter with an escort working for an agency helped me to dip my toes deeper into the pool of my long-repressed desires. The agency handled all of my advertising and bookings, so I could continue to live my life as an upright civilian by day, while fielding calls from the agency at night.
And yet... something important was still missing--I had specific desires that needed to be fulfilled. I quickly realized that if I was going to give sex work a try, I was going to make certain that I would finally have the opportunity to explore my sexuality my way. Going independent was the only way to make this happen.
Over this past year, I have had the opportunity to finally begin to make headway on my lengthy, adventurous and long-anticipated bucket list.
Without giving too much away... (some experiences are best kept private)...
I learned to eat pussy like a pro from Miss Erica Phoenix, and had the opportunity to *ahem* practice with a select handful of gorgeous, high-end SPs, as well as some adventurous "civilian" women.
I attended the sexiest Superbowl party--it far exceeded my expectations to be pleasured in so many different ways in one, unforgettable afternoon.
I have had delicious dinner outings with PERB members that ended with sinfully sweet desserts in my private boudoir.
I hiked, naked, up to a beautiful summit on the Island with an enlightened companion whose oral skills made the spectacular scenery even more breathtaking. I think even the eagles heard my cries of ecstasy.
And my sexual hedonism even took me abroad several times, where I soaked a Delta airlines seat with my...enthusiasm and was guided through my first Red Light District.
These last 10 months I have met wonderful, like-minded people, and even with limited hours with which to participate in this lifestyle, I have fulfilled many, many fantasies. Most importantly of all, I have had the opportunity to finally be my true self, and to speak up about my real desires.
But there is one fantasy that continues to elude me...even in this new-to-me world of sexual pleasure, I have never been able to successfully arrange a situation where I could be the center of attention in a delicious MFM. More specifically, I want the men to be strangers to each other, so that the only thing connecting them is their carnal desire for me. I suppose it is a very specific, and niche fantasy, and the last year has taught me that good things do come to those who wait....
And so, forum readers, when you look back at your own personal journey in this hedonistic hobby, what most-urgently desired fantasies have you fulfilled, and which do you still harbour? In what ways has this hobby allowed you to express the most authentic parts of yourself, and in which ways are you still holding back?
As Madonna whispered seductively to me so many years ago:
Talk to me, tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
