Advice needed

[Bebop1984]

What are your opinions on this matter?

My problem is this. With a certain provider I have some very good physical chemistry, however the personal chemistry has dropped off much. I'm not concerned with the how's or why, nor am I concerned with re-upping that personal connection (if it happens it happens, no biggie). As I said the sex is still quite great, worthy on it's own of continued repeat patronage (although the long sessions I will be stopping as well as most of the mediums length as well).

Now, this on it's own is not a terrible issue, I'm going to save money by no longer partaking of the much lengthier sessions also allowing me to sample others more often since frequenting that particular SP so much (perhaps I will find someone that might be good for a duo which would allow me to sneak in the occasional medium length session again). I don't foresee a problem with that so much.

What does concern me is our short sessions are already longer than the short times I spend with others. Our first meeting I booked longer than normal on a whim by me, it greatly worked out, however those after her did not so I eliminated that time length from my considerations, unfortunately, it has become her and I's "standard" short date. No longer is that extra time needed, our short times still consisted of much social as well as various forms of sex. The physical can well be done in my normal with everyone else time frame while still allowing a comfortable social time (rushing to sex isn't fun for me with anyone, I like a good "how do you do?" And a laugh or two).

It's only dropping back from 3 to 2 hours (I'm uncertain how long it would be till she noticed no more night to morning sessions I'd be booking), so it isn't much loss. However I did long ago scale back a provider in this manner (dropping the long social type dates - skiing days, dinner and a show nights out, etc) for much the same reason and she was quick to call me on it. Offended even. I wanted no part in that discussion as shortly after I had done this the physical chemistry broke down completely so there was no need to continue. This current SP however is very good physically and I'd rather not lose that.

Does anyone have experience scaling back time with a provider?
Where you "called" on it?
How would one explain, should they be questioned about giving less, that her peripheral services/attention are not what they once were, or her special treatment has become not nearly as special; without causing her any offense (as I approach the subject, only if forced to approach it, delicately)?

As I said, the physical chemistry is still very much as I like, she is still tops amongst any current providers I enjoy sexually. So I would prefer to keep that in as tip top shape as possible. However I do need to search about more now with new providers, so I would like to be able to reinvest some of my hobby budget elsewhere; as of course my funds are not inexhaustible and my time/opportunity for frivolity is somewhat limited. It may seem petty to want to simply knock an hour or so off, however I no longer feel that said hour is of as much value as it once was. That is simply my view so I ask the opinions of others who may have handled the situation correctly.

As well should any SP's have an opinion it would be highly valued as well. Have any of you been on the receiving end of such a thing? Usually I've never gotten to this point where someone was tops in both aspects of being a companion and one facet of her profession has dropped off before I myself became disinterested, so I'm at quite a loss.

I appreciate your time.

 

[chuckertmg]

Bebop,

It's important not to lose sight of this as a business transaction. You're a customer, you're purchasing her time, you've no need to apologize for limiting the time you'd like to purchase.
This is not a "relationship" where you owe her explanations, per say. If she calls you on it you can make any excuse in the book and you've already mentioned a few: "…funds not inexhaustible and time/opportunity is limited". She has no right to question it.

I really enjoy the company of the companion I see regularly but the length and frequency of our sessions vary greatly, and we're always just pleased to see each other. The client makes a request for the desired date and it's 'yes' or 'no' or 'can we meet at this time instead?' If the person you're seeing is so rejection sensitive that she gets annoyed then it's probably time to cut the cord anyway because the two of you are crossing boundaries.

Please let her know you value her company, but the reality is this is a business transaction for her as well as you. It's my opinion that you're over-thinking this. It's a situation where you need to be considerate of her but a bit more selfish at the same time.

Let us know how it goes. If you're never heard from again we'll know it didn't go over well…

 

[newatit]

right on, business transaction it is, and you will be very surprised how quickly she lets you know that by finding a new client(s) to fill in your unused time. Just watch. It is a business, and you seem to be wound up about some emotional crap about her maybe feeling bad about it all. could be she is rejoicing in being able to get on with new clients, or not having to tolerate you for so long. No matter what she says.

I have been through so many gals in the last few years, you really get to realize it is just a game, no hard feelings anywhere, we all realize there is a pattern of emphatic newness, a slow down as we get used to each other, then boredom and breakdown as the end of the relationship emerges.

Just live with it.

 

[luvsdaty]

You're over thinking this dude. You said that she hasn't "called" you on this, so why worry about something that hasn't even happened? Humans seem too waste too much time living in the paste or worrying about the future. Enjoy the fantasy, cus that's all it really is. Enjoy the time that you do spend with her and if things change well ces't la vie. The nice thing about this hobby is there are so many excellent providers out there, why limit yourself to just one?

 

[Vitargo]

are you paying her hourly for these social nights out? If so I guess I'd be upset if the personal chemistry wasn't there anymore if your paying for gfe type experience. I'm pretty new to this and have found one that I've taken out to go eat before( did not pay for her time just for dinner) seems like a good personal connection as we've texted here and there just say hello and this and that. This sp doesn't work a whole lot but so far a like the connection with her as she's been on a casual dinner with me and doesn't charge me for her time hoping it will last as she's pretty chill; now she's out of town for a little while and i gotta find someone to fill the void. Basically just don't get to attached as she's an sp and you may just be another client who she can replace. Many great girls out there. If I want a real connection I'd get a real girlfriend

 

[badbadboy]

Bebop, always have a wide circle of good friends.

Trust me, I've had a pseudo monogamous thing with an SP and it is never perfect.

See a number of SP's, repeat with the ones you like and have some chemistry with a select few. Always keep your batting rotation up to date because you never know if one will retire, move elsewhere or get a straight job. Getting too attached is not cool for either of you. It never ends up as a Happy Ending unless you pay for it ound:

 

[BORKO]

What are your opinions on this matter?

My problem is this. With a certain provider I have some very good physical chemistry, however the personal chemistry has dropped off much. I'm not concerned with the how's or why, nor am I concerned with re-upping that personal connection (if it happens it happens, no biggie). As I said the sex is still quite great, worthy on it's own of continued repeat patronage (although the long sessions I will be stopping as well as most of the mediums length as well).

Now, this on it's own is not a terrible issue, I'm going to save money by no longer partaking of the much lengthier sessions also allowing me to sample others more often since frequenting that particular SP so much (perhaps I will find someone that might be good for a duo which would allow me to sneak in the occasional medium length session again). I don't foresee a problem with that so much.

What does concern me is our short sessions are already longer than the short times I spend with others. Our first meeting I booked longer than normal on a whim by me, it greatly worked out, however those after her did not so I eliminated that time length from my considerations, unfortunately, it has become her and I's "standard" short date. No longer is that extra time needed, our short times still consisted of much social as well as various forms of sex. The physical can well be done in my normal with everyone else time frame while still allowing a comfortable social time (rushing to sex isn't fun for me with anyone, I like a good "how do you do?" And a laugh or two).

It's only dropping back from 3 to 2 hours (I'm uncertain how long it would be till she noticed no more night to morning sessions I'd be booking), so it isn't much loss. However I did long ago scale back a provider in this manner (dropping the long social type dates - skiing days, dinner and a show nights out, etc) for much the same reason and she was quick to call me on it. Offended even. I wanted no part in that discussion as shortly after I had done this the physical chemistry broke down completely so there was no need to continue. This current SP however is very good physically and I'd rather not lose that.

Does anyone have experience scaling back time with a provider?
Where you "called" on it?
How would one explain, should they be questioned about giving less, that her peripheral services/attention are not what they once were, or her special treatment has become not nearly as special; without causing her any offense (as I approach the subject, only if forced to approach it, delicately)?

As I said, the physical chemistry is still very much as I like, she is still tops amongst any current providers I enjoy sexually. So I would prefer to keep that in as tip top shape as possible. However I do need to search about more now with new providers, so I would like to be able to reinvest some of my hobby budget elsewhere; as of course my funds are not inexhaustible and my time/opportunity for frivolity is somewhat limited. It may seem petty to want to simply knock an hour or so off, however I no longer feel that said hour is of as much value as it once was. That is simply my view so I ask the opinions of others who may have handled the situation correctly.

As well should any SP's have an opinion it would be highly valued as well. Have any of you been on the receiving end of such a thing? Usually I've never gotten to this point where someone was tops in both aspects of being a companion and one facet of her profession has dropped off before I myself became disinterested, so I'm at quite a loss.

I appreciate your time.

I'd think that the whole reason for paying an escort is so you can treat it like a business transaction and scale back the time when you want. If she guilts you after then that's kind of shady...

Bebop,

It's important not to lose sight of this as a business transaction. You're a customer, you're purchasing her time, you've no need to apologize for limiting the time you'd like to purchase.
This is not a "relationship" where you owe her explanations, per say. If she calls you on it you can make any excuse in the book and you've already mentioned a few: "…funds not inexhaustible and time/opportunity is limited". She has no right to question it.

I really enjoy the company of the companion I see regularly but the length and frequency of our sessions vary greatly, and we're always just pleased to see each other. The client makes a request for the desired date and it's 'yes' or 'no' or 'can we meet at this time instead?' If the person you're seeing is so rejection sensitive that she gets annoyed then it's probably time to cut the cord anyway because the two of you are crossing boundaries.

Please let her know you value her company, but the reality is this is a business transaction for her as well as you. It's my opinion that you're over-thinking this. It's a situation where you need to be considerate of her but a bit more selfish at the same time.

Let us know how it goes. If you're never heard from again we'll know it didn't go over well…

Yah, if all that stuff comes up, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of paying for it. Although maybe that's super authentic next level GFE righ there..

 

[Bebop1984]

Overthinking is quite possible, as well that basically is my career at the moment to consider every possible little thing. Very likely that being work focused I do it with all situations. Good point.

I hadn't thought about crossing boundaries at all, as there is nothing else I want other than to be entertained (and of course some good old fashion great sex) for a night or couple.

Real girlfriend. No thank you and not possible. Spend too much time at this point in my career traveling from site to site doing field work and too little time at home. Perhaps later on when I can work at a nice office job with stability. Besides I don't have the time or energy to spend on another person.

I have been missing the other providers I've visited and actually find myself thinking (remembering?) them from time to time; which is not something I'm usually want to do. I have been visiting still with them, however it had become much more infrequent.

It just seems an odd situation for me. As per my pattern when I get bored with the person I become bored with the sex. Strange. Whoever said it is probably right, most likely she is bored of me as well.

I appreciate the feedback, it really simplified everything. A good course I gather would be simply to skip the next 2 or 3 visits and use those opportunities on several new woman; come to think of it I rather miss window shopping. Perhaps the situation would call for breaking a rule in not seeing providers in my own area, Vancouver does have some lovely ones.

 

[Violet]

You've received some good advice already. You don't owe her an explanation of why you're going to be seeing her less or for shorter periods of time. I agree that it may be best for you both if you are not totally honest if asked and just say you can no longer afford it or something. Unless she did something specific that she should know about because she could either fix it or avoid doing with other clients in the future.

However, you didn't really explain what you meant by the "personal chemistry" dropping off. Would you be willing to elaborate?

I have had this happen to me a few times, where a client went from seeing me very frequently and/or for very long appointments to suddenly far less often/shorter or not at all. In most cases it was because I was not devoting "enough" off-the-clock time to them. For example, if I didn't reply to their social emails in a fast and detailed fashion, or no longer had time to give them as much extra social time at no charge. One other case was a client asking me for a service I did not offer and getting hurt that I would not do it because he felt that me not wanting to do it was evidence of only seeing him as a dollar sign when he felt we had a real connection and we'd been seeing each other for a long time. Speaking of "real connections", I do have real connections with clients and consider them as more than simply a source of income. It's difficult to label or define the relationship though - it's not the same as dating someone at no charge of course. Regardless, it's only human to feel a little blow to one's ego when someone suddenly appears to lose interest in you, whether you're an SP or a client.

I also agree with the recommendation to (if you aren't already) try seeing another provider (or two! ) so that you aren't dependent on just one person to fill your sexual (and often emotional/social/affection/romance) needs. From a business perspective as an SP it may not seem like something I'd recommend, but I know I'd want to do that if I were a client, in order to keep from getting unhealthily emotionally involved.

 

[Bebop1984]

I suppose I can elaborate. To be blunt, brutally so, I'm finding her boring somewhat. That is slightly overstating it somewhat. To break it down further; she was one of the first escorts I met out of grad school when I was first sent to Ontario for my career. So it has been a number of years; at this point we've heard each other's stories, are rehashing the same conversations, the reactions to each other in social circumstances are much more subdued, basically it has become routine. Socially anyways, physically she matches up very well with whatever my current desire for is wether I choose to be more of a passive receiver, assertive and dominant, feel for a true porn star affair, or slow drawn out sensual and full evening; she is very flexible in that regard and still is! But during nights out I do find myself putting up a little front or facade and wonder to myself during these extended social times "why?" She probably does feel the same way, although her "why?" is very easy to answer. There are benefits to said arrangement which would be overly long winded to extrapolate on. Simply asking myself "why" more and more became a point when I had to consider what I was doing.

We used to have back and foetus between visits, as in email chains, text conversations, and phone calls; that has greatly petered off as of a couple years ago. Now we do keep in touch, typical "how are you? This is what I've been up to, what about you?" mundane touching base which I do with contacts from my industry (especially ones I believe would be of assistance in furthering my career). I mainly see providers as that sort of heavy communication is not necessary with repeated visits and establishing a sort of understanding. In Vancouver I do date from time to time and it is when that communication becomes more frequent that I turn away. Especially while travelling as my efforts are more often focused with work (oh to have an hourly wage with the time I put in!! The surplus of money I would have!), which still at this stage is a large percentage of my time. So the sort of off clock things you speak of are a burden unless they enhance my life. Thankfully that naturally dwindled between her and I of it's own accord without anything ever mentioned.

Do not mistake me. I do see other providers as well. I do much of my work at our sites and am either required to stop in cities or am able to make time for it. I do not strictly see just her, she has just garnered much more business from me in her city. I even see others, all be it infrequently, in her own city. There are difficulties in meeting new providers in her city as not only is she somewhat guarded against the idea about having threesomes with providers she isn't familiar with but also if I'm not to be having sex with her I prefer knowing I have a sure thing visiting my hotel room. I am sent to other areas of the country with closer metropolitan centres so I partake of sp services there. I am not exclusive to her.

Services aren't the issue as I've already stated she is incredibly versatile.

It is your mention of ego which prompted me to seek input. My career is dependant on the motivation of many workers. When they feel better about their situation projects are completed on time and on budget. It is easy to state that this is a business transaction. However that is too simple a statement to take it as it's meant as much business can and does involve a human element. If I provide an unhappy work situation for her it is less likely she will do as good of a job much the same as the case if our workers aren't satisfied with their work environment delays and a drop in quality ensue.

Actually I find the relationship easy to define. I pay for convinience/garuntees for one. I do not have the time and energy to spare on business trips to pick up; so having money accelerate not only the desired result (a sexual encounter) but also familiarity (repeated visits) is a large plus. Second I'm not required to do the dating ritualistic things with a professional. Remember when you're devoting off the clock time to me I'm actually on the clock, in most cases you would be a distraction and a deterrent from my primary focus which is my own career (I really do not want to be in the same position I am in now when I approach my mid 30's). The time I have at home I do date as I do have available time and energy to do so. I have success at getting dates I just haven't had success in meeting the right women yet, no reason to stop trying so I purposefully avoid providers when home. See it is simple to define.

In essence I don't see the value in paying for those social dates anymore (at least not for the full extent I do). It's not a matter of me wanting them for free or discounted, that personal spark is just gone. I know how I would feel if my salary were reduced, as you say it's a bruised ego from being indirectly told you're not doing a good enough job, not so much the loss in salary. There can be bitterness and doubt in that. Not being truthful I believe is a good policy, and a break is another.

 

[Violet]

It sounds like you actually have a lot of insight into yourself, the relationship and the situation, and have decided how to proceed. I like how you eloquently explained things, for example about how business involves a human element and being more than a simple financial transaction. That human element is likely an even bigger factor in this industry than in many others. It seems wise to me to try to spare this SP's feelings and that way you will also have the best chance of still being able to receive good service if and when you do continue to see her. Good luck with everything

 

[sevenofnine]

I have never scaled back on time, with my sp,

I have scaled back on the money side of things,

It was quite obvious we liked each other what we did tended to be more social with a happy ending at the end.
We never really discussed it,
it just seemed to happen,

It just didnt' make sense to pay for the entire day, or whatever we were doing,
I was paying for long sessions in the three hour plus range, it like I said was quite obvious we enjoyed each others company,
It seemed foolish to pay for social time, when she was enjoying it as well, I can't really recall how it came about put I pay her for an hour, I guess,
but at times we have been together the entire day, what ever happens between us is whatever happens. no hard and fast rules, we socialize as much as anything go for walks shopping whatever, everything we have done but go to a movie I guess.
To be honest closeness with an sp, seems to come and go, I mean sometime we feel real close her and me, make promises to each other and all that,
and the next session it seems, like just a regular session, It depends a lot to be honest on what each of us has going on in our life, family friends other clients whatever, Your mood emotions change day to day week to week month to month, I have been with the women I see for like ten years, and its always changing evolving.

I have no idea why but it just does,
I like to take a break once in awhile to be honest, clear my head, get the emotions out of the way, maybe see some one else,

as far as calling each other on things, we did once got into a massive fight,
accusing each other of what ever,
not a good idea you get into finger pointing,

your entitled to do what ever is best for you so is she,

relationships are hard to be honest at the best of time, ad money, and its dam impossible to keep things going,

I have or me and her have for ten years, but it takes a lot of maturity acceptance and a desire to continue,

 

[BJloving]

What about the hustlers who "call you on it" by sayin they miss you or that you're their favorite client(lol)?
Because I know about girls who do that often, that's how they work their business and they're very popular. Clearly the guys don't see through the hustle?

I guess it takes getting burned before you realize what type of person they really are .. I'm sure it happens quite often but guys are just afraid to post about it.

 

[sevenofnine]

In a sense yes you don't want to see, and or you need to get burned,

I think in the end it comes down to self esteem, my time is worth something to.

If I am that great a guy like she keeps on telling me, why do I need to pay for social time,

If the women keeps on saying your all that and more, but doesn't give you a deal,
won't hang out with you, makes you pay for social time,

This is what it is, no getting around it,
in some ways paying her is a safety net, we can walk away anytime and its just business.
we both have a life and family etc etc,

But when you cross that line, it becomes where were you last night, you missed my birthday etc etc,
I needed you and you weren't there.

Its a line we walk I think both of us,
If you really want an honest to god relationship what the fuck are you doing here,

Yet we hoped were liked respected trusted, etc, and maybe even more,

Like I said relationships are tough under the best of circumstances. ad money, and good luck,\\


Me and the lady I see, I think are very similar in our circumstance situation, that is why it tends to work for us.
and over the long haul we have learned trust, and I think for both of us its more then just a business arrangement,

But we keep it, like I said our safety net.

 

[HeadsUpOnThis]

That seems the same as "cold calling" clients who stopped calling. If someone decides they don't want to see me anymore then that is their business and it is not my place to try to lure them back in- nor do I want to because there is a reason they moved on and trying to pull them back in likely wouldn't end well.

Do I miss my clients sometimes? For sure! Some of my clients I have become close friends with (while maintaining the client/SP thing but we are friends within the context of our arrangement). Yeah I tell them if I missed them, when I actually do. Shit I hope no one misinterprets that as me trying to "hustle" them!

I try to connect with people but maintain the boundaries at the same time, it is a tough thing to do. But refusing any unpaid social time is the biggest key to that, I think. Sure our paid visits may go over sometimes but that is for many reasons:
- appreciation for frequent/repeat business
- to make up for a short notice cancellation or something like that
- because we completely lost track of time since we were having such a nice time (that one is an oopsie! lol)

though the way Melody says it, I can see how some ladies would use that as part of their work persona to gain business, and why not? There are more questionable (and less nice) way of trying to get business...

A hustler's goal is to get more while giving less. I can say in all honesty this woman has never asked me for more or given me less. On the odd occasion something came up a little bit of understanding was repaid multiple times over. Lucky to have met her.

 

[HeadsUpOnThis]

Not sure where you got your definition of hustler from.
There's many, but I didn't see any that included "more for less"...

This is the definition it was referring to:
hustler
someone who knows how to get money from others. selling drugs,rolling dice,pimpin. your hustlin for that money.

There's a little hustler in all of us, there's just more in some than others.

Well I guess the only thing I have to say is all the money I've paid out has been well earned and well worth it.

 

[Vitargo]

What about the hustlers who "call you on it" by sayin they miss you or that you're their favorite client(lol)?
Because I know about girls who do that often, that's how they work their business and they're very popular. Clearly the guys don't see through the hustle?

. An sp who Ive seen a few times recently went away for a few weeks and texted recently that she missed me. Ive have gone for a casual dinner with her without paying for her time(of course I paid for meal). Is it part of her game maybe, but I'll believe it for now

 

[Peyton Anders]

. An sp who Ive seen a few times recently went away for a few weeks and texted recently that she missed me. Ive have gone for a casual dinner with her without paying for her time(of course I paid for meal). Is it part of her game maybe, but I'll believe it for now

The negative side isn't always true. If it's something that continues to happen then maybe start being a little wary but one dinner one time? Don't worry too much about it.

 

[Vitargo]

The negative side isn't always true. If it's something that continues to happen then maybe start being a little wary but one dinner one time? Don't worry too much about it.

Not worried lol. More just funny cause I remember this thread and some of the comments. Although I do like the girl so wouldn't mind if it were true, but not putting all my eggs in one basket. Only time will tell

 

[BORKO]

You've received some good advice already. You don't owe her an explanation of why you're going to be seeing her less or for shorter periods of time. I agree that it may be best for you both if you are not totally honest if asked and just say you can no longer afford it or something. Unless she did something specific that she should know about because she could either fix it or avoid doing with other clients in the future.

However, you didn't really explain what you meant by the "personal chemistry" dropping off. Would you be willing to elaborate?

I have had this happen to me a few times, where a client went from seeing me very frequently and/or for very long appointments to suddenly far less often/shorter or not at all. In most cases it was because I was not devoting "enough" off-the-clock time to them. For example, if I didn't reply to their social emails in a fast and detailed fashion, or no longer had time to give them as much extra social time at no charge. One other case was a client asking me for a service I did not offer and getting hurt that I would not do it because he felt that me not wanting to do it was evidence of only seeing him as a dollar sign when he felt we had a real connection and we'd been seeing each other for a long time. Speaking of "real connections", I do have real connections with clients and consider them as more than simply a source of income. It's difficult to label or define the relationship though - it's not the same as dating someone at no charge of course. Regardless, it's only human to feel a little blow to one's ego when someone suddenly appears to lose interest in you, whether you're an SP or a client.

I also agree with the recommendation to (if you aren't already) try seeing another provider (or two! ) so that you aren't dependent on just one person to fill your sexual (and often emotional/social/affection/romance) needs. From a business perspective as an SP it may not seem like something I'd recommend, but I know I'd want to do that if I were a client, in order to keep from getting unhealthily emotionally involved.

Every time I see an escort profess to have a "real connection" it always sounds, to some degree, like a marketing thing targeted at the lonely people who are desperate for a connection. Maybe that's not what you intend, maybe you think you really have a real connection with clients, but I'm pretty sure I've seen ads on where escorts are selling "real connections" or "genuine connections" and that always seemed kind of hilarious, if it was tongue in cheek, and disappointing if it was legitimate.

Anyways, I've said it before and I will say it again, I will never see how you can have a "real" connection with someone that isn't even using their real name... unless it's like how Batman and Catwoman are always attracted to each other even though she usually doesn't know he's actually Bruce Wayne. But if it's like Spider-man and Black Cat, then it's a fake connection because Felicia Hardy doesn't like the real Peter Parker, she just likes Spider-man, or her internal idea of Spider-man, which means she's not connecting with Peter or Spider-man but an aspect of herself that she's projecting upon him.

Oh and I've noticed it is usually the escorts that have been around for a while that profess to have those real connections, maybe that's because it takes a long time, and a LOT of repeat visits, to really connect. Or maybe being an escort for a long time has an isolating effect and the escorts idea of a real connection evolves and changes from what it used to be as a non-escort or in her early escort days because she needs that connection too. Just a thought.