Advice: Imagining an SP not being into me is holding me back

[Bde]

I don't want to write a sob story but I suppose I need to state right off the bat that years of a passionless marriage has devastated my current sexual self-esteem. I whole heartedly love my wife, like fucking adore her, and do not want to divorce. Also because it is a question that would be thought or at least asked (I'd think it if I were reading this) I haven't let myself go or become lazy in my marriage. I'm active/athletic, treat my wife like I am still dating her, warm/loving, kind but also I have a backbone. That's all I am going say on that.

Ok so anyway. Over the past year I have made up my mind - well more or less - that seeing an SP is probably the least risky way to feel sexual connection with another person, but I can't get past a massive mental block.
On one hand I'm internally begging and screaming for human touch, literally desperate to be touched. Yet on the the other this persistent thought of it being devoid of an authentic want/desire/enjoyment on the SPs behalf makes it impossible for me to move forward. Now I'm not saying I need the SP to be in love with me, but wanting to fuck me would be nice lol. You see deep down in my gut I know I'd be devastated if I were visit an SP and she wasn't actually sexually attracted to me and was just going through the motions. I'd feel pathetic in that moment and even more worthless than before. I'm really at a loss on how to move forward.

 

[Fiona]

Gotta start somewhere , let go of the guilt , that won’t solve anything .

Without writing a novel of what you “should” “shouldn’t do “, as everyone’s case is as individual as they are , you should start with a massage with a woman who also provides GFE , explain your situation, you’ll know by taking to her if you’ll get your needs met . You’ll know but her attitude if she’s passionate about her job or your just another buck . If you explain your type I’m sure there’s someone to suit your needs .
go for it ! 🙂👍🏻

 

[luvsdaty]

I don't want to write a sob story but I suppose I need to state right off the bat that years of a passionless marriage has devastated my current sexual self-esteem. I whole heartedly love my wife, like fucking adore her, and do not want to divorce. Also because it is a question that would be thought or at least asked (I'd think it if I were reading this) I haven't let myself go or become lazy in my marriage. I'm active/athletic, treat my wife like I am still dating her, warm/loving, kind but also I have a backbone. That's all I am going say on that.

Ok so anyway. Over the past year I have made up my mind - well more or less - that seeing an SP is probably the least risky way to feel sexual connection with another person, but I can't get past a massive mental block.
On one hand I'm internally begging and screaming for human touch, literally desperate to be touched. Yet on the the other this persistent thought of it being devoid of an authentic want/desire/enjoyment on the SPs behalf makes it impossible for me to move forward. Now I'm not saying I need the SP to be in love with me, but wanting to fuck me would be nice lol. You see deep down in my gut I know I'd be devastated if I were visit an SP and she wasn't actually sexually attracted to me and was just going through the motions. I'd feel pathetic in that moment and even more worthless than before. I'm really at a loss on how to move forward.

This is going to hurt to hear but dump the wife and be single for a little while. Learn to love yourself before diving into another relationship, enjoy the freedom of being single. I don't understand the mentality of wanting to stay in a passionless relationship??? Eventually it's going to lead to cheating, either on you or her part. In my scenario, she chose to cheat.Move on,you deserve better. Once you're single,poon til your hearts content.

 

[uncleg]

Do you care if your mechanic is into Benz and you're getting your Ford fixed ????

 

[Banged_Up]

1. Spend some time on here. Study the girls. You are looking for a good reputable lady that provides what is called a GFE. (Girl friend experience).
2. Leolist is not a viable source of reliable info for what you are looking for. The ladies that advertise here on Perb are verified and most are reviewed. IF THERES NO REVIEWS, DON‘T GO. Tryst is great too. Reliable and real. I don’t think I’ve ever read a review about fake pics on tryst. Perb and Tryst have higher end ladies. You get what you pay for. Remember this. It’s the most true thing I will write here.
3. I don’t mind private messages on here and most other guys don’t either. Ask questions, get answers, good bye fear and anxiety.
4. If you listen and pick a known winner, you ain’t gotta care if they like you. Do the screening with a smile on your face. Don’t compromise yourself but know that a quality provider will likely screen. Some of it may or may not seem invasive. They want to feel safe, they don’t like time wasters or tire kickers. You do that shit and they will like you better than 50% of the swinging dicks they bitch about on Twitter, before you even walk through the front door.
5. Know what you want going in then communicate that. Tell the lady your situation and everything you wrote in the first paragraph. She will smile and you will see the rewards of good communication. Probably 10 fold.
6. Don’t be cheap. If you decide to dip your toes in the shallow end you will get a shallow experience. A wise man once said, you get what you pay for. Hes a smart fucker.
7. If you have mental scruples as far as it goes with your old lady say this to yourself before you walk in the door…”suckin’ ain’t fuckin’ and eatin’ ain’t cheatin’.”
Humans weren’t meant for monogamy but sometimes it’s cheaper to keep her, I get it. Stupid assed antiquated social constructs.
8. There are some super hot, very personable and very funny ladies out here. They aren’t the mindless twits in the movies, each is different, some are super fucking fun, that’s why you’re here, so do that.
9. Save yourself a bunch of time, ask a few guys to confirm this then just do what the smart guys do eventually anyway, go see Skyler Mack. Let her read your first paragraph then put a blindfold on and strap in. 4th dimensional lady right there, that’s a freebie that will save you 1000’s of dollars to end up at the same place as anyone with taste ends up but with a shorter road to get there.
Edit: 10. Do everything Electra said above, most importantly be respectful. She is right, that goes very far.

 

[ExpCharlee]

I get clients like you ALL. THE. TIME. You’re definitely not alone.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Brother pooner BDE.

I learned through my various relationships, lonely together is so so much worse than lonely alone. And if passion is a vehicle in the relationship to drive you to where you need to be and it is not there, my man I, and I am sure many of us here, hear you.

Listen to what our wonderful SP's are writing in this thread. This is the gospel.

Take your time, be careful and choose from the many many reviews here. Be yourself, sounds like you have all the right stuff.

Your mojo will return. You'll stand up straighter. Your smile will charm the hoards. And you, you studly manly man, will become a complete babe magnet.
I bet your wife will want to be all over you, in a good way, in a month or two.

 

[Scorpio1971]

Agree with everything Electra and Banged up said above, and I'd add:

Try to book a longer appointment. Things are bound to feel less 'mechanical' if the session has a little more room to 'breath'.

If you've found some people you are interested in, consider following their Twitter feed for a while. It's not perfect, but can often give you at least some sense of the provider's personality and interests.

Good luck!

 

[jamasianman]

If OP is still wary about seeing an sp, perhaps he can dip his toes with just a nice rub and tug provider. If he is just craving touch that would be a good way to get some contact if he has a mental block about wanting to be with someone else. Maybe even work your way up to it. Its what I did and how I told my friend to work his way up to fs providers since he was nervous.

 

[CapnMaynards]

Speaking as someone with zero sexual confidence and self-esteem, I had the same concerns you did leading up to seeing a SP for the first time (first time as in, losing my virginity).

What I experienced, and what I continue to experience, is the exact opposite of what I feared. Every lady I have seen so far has made me feel comfortable, wanted and goddamn it even a little sexy. All I have to do is uphold my end of the bargain, which is really to be a gentleman with respect and common sense (aka do what they ask and don't be a dick), and she takes care of the rest.

The conscious mind might tell you "she's only having sex with me because I gave her an envelope full of money," but that thought vanishes as soon as I start talking to her. Once we communicate on a human level then that's it, we're two people in a room together. And while she may not find me physically attractive, I know she is turned on by my respect for her and her business. Like it's to the point that in my mind I don't even see the money as paying for sex, I see the money as a statement of respect for her, and the sex that follows to be a response to that respect rather than the cold hard cash.

To tell you the God's honest truth, if I had the money for it I wouldn't bother trying to date. I'd much rather see an SP. It's so much simpler. Read the ads, find someone who's interested in what I'd like to do, reach out and set a date. Wanna curl up on the couch and watch old Frankenstein movies? It would be way easier to find an SP down for that than a civilian girl. And no SP has ever hurt me either (except when they suck my balls so hard, but that's the kind of pain I ask for ).

 

[UhOh]

One of the cruel facets of people Interaction is that often the harder you try the less likely you’ll succeed.
Especially women, they smell desperation a mile away.
You have to enter into these scenarios unconcerned about the outcome. Easier said than done maybe but once mastered you will be king.

 

[80watts]

Sorry I have to break the bad news.

Maybe you are not paying your wife enough.

Or you need to look in a mirror to see your reflection. You talk about a passionless marriage; yet you are warm and loving towards her... smells like BS.

The problem is you need therapy.... Not an escort review board. Here is you use the escort, you are paying money for a service. End of story. Its a business deal. This is a fantasy business until it crashes on you one way or the other.
The justification for seeing an escort is that you want to get laid. Fuck her in the pussy or ass or some other fantasy fetish you have. Its not because you want to get lovely-dovely with an escort. Of course when you pay your escort and you want that cuddly stuff they will give it to you, because that is what you are asking for.

Your marriage is REAL. Suck it up, be a man and tell your wife you want more. But first see a therapist to see if you can save your marriage. Chances are you want to turn her in for a new younger model.... If thats the case, you already wrote your marriage off and have made up your mind already, you just need that push to start. Which I think is sad....

Pina Coladas...(that song).

After all you have a backbone... Right.

 

[EuroSZabina]

This is going to hurt to hear but dump the wife and be single for a little while. Learn to love yourself before diving into another relationship, enjoy the freedom of being single. I don't understand the mentality of wanting to stay in a passionless relationship??? Move on,you deserve better. Once you're single,poon til your hearts content.

I agree with you but not easy to do for many people.

 

[cruefan]

Most women in business do not care what you look like and they can be very convincing that most of clients they see are the man they want to fuck during that appointment.

Just pay your money , have a good time and don't overthink this shit

 

[Dick Ford]

Picking the right GFE provider is key, but so is your active participation in that experience. You can't expect chemistry to happen if you aren't willing to put in an effort that will make it easier for her to be eager to fuck you again and again.
Learn how she likes to be kissed, how she likes to be touched, savour your conversations, be a generous lover, be considerate and thoughtful -- it can't be all take and no give.

 

[GeeBeeP]

I was in your situation about 4 years ago, and I could have written your post verbatim about myself. You'll get some advice here to give up on the marriage, but they do not understand the dynamic and relationship you have. Some of us get it though and 100% sympathise.

Use some of the tips above to find the right SP and you'll be a happy man. Feeling the human touch with the right woman again is like a freaking religious experience. (Don't worry I'm not about to preach, I'm a committed atheist LOL ) You haven't said what city you're in, let us know and I'm sure you'll get some recommendations for SP's from guys who are very similar to you and have a favourite that checks all the boxes.

Feel free to DM if you'd like to know anything without exposing yourself on the boards.

Good luck

 

[SeekSteadyRegSP]

I don't want to write a sob story but I suppose I need to state right off the bat that years of a passionless marriage has devastated my current sexual self-esteem. I whole heartedly love my wife, like fucking adore her, and do not want to divorce. Also because it is a question that would be thought or at least asked (I'd think it if I were reading this) I haven't let myself go or become lazy in my marriage. I'm active/athletic, treat my wife like I am still dating her, warm/loving, kind but also I have a backbone. That's all I am going say on that.

Ok so anyway. Over the past year I have made up my mind - well more or less - that seeing an SP is probably the least risky way to feel sexual connection with another person, but I can't get past a massive mental block.
On one hand I'm internally begging and screaming for human touch, literally desperate to be touched. Yet on the the other this persistent thought of it being devoid of an authentic want/desire/enjoyment on the SPs behalf makes it impossible for me to move forward. Now I'm not saying I need the SP to be in love with me, but wanting to fuck me would be nice lol. You see deep down in my gut I know I'd be devastated if I were visit an SP and she wasn't actually sexually attracted to me and was just going through the motions. I'd feel pathetic in that moment and even more worthless than before. I'm really at a loss on how to move forward.

Wow, all that you share seems logical (if far from ideal).

The posts by the ladies above are as authentic as can be.

IF you are someone of plenty of means, then perhaps the right move would be to find a way to spend 4 or 5 hours with an SP that you contact... and first go somewhere, maybe eat, drink, and talk sincerely about precisely where you are along the path you describe.

This would create some personal investment on both sides even if instead of her telling you about her upbringing and her exes, she instead tells you about other clients she has seen who were in the precise spot that you are in.

I believe that the shared understanding inspired by that prior prep-work would work nicely when you're invited back to her incall to finally get that human touch you've been craving for so long.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee can offer a whole lot more of herself in some ways, because she is "anonymous" in so many other ways.

If you want to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel her authenticity from the start of the encounter, then deliver YOUR authenticity from that point.


It won't reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally be her ample breasts that are the height of such an experience... it will be your OWN exposure and vulnerability.


Recognize that from the start and you'll find that many of the women of PERB could finish you off in just the way you want.



As to the odd-ish concern you have... if you arrive very clean and presentable, then because the women here are so familiar with the true randomness brought forth by the combination of all of us, they have long ago been "conditioned" in ways that mere civilians almost can't reach, to not waste time or mind space guessing how one individual will be or seem in bed... and thus their expectations do not discriminate too much, because they've felt (so inaccurate in their guessing on SO many occasions) (in ways, they don't bother guessing about one individual anymore, because even if they're right, they gain little from having been correct).

(in male terms, it is probably akin to an old web/blog called "guess her muff" ... where you see a fully clothed woman, and you're supposed to randomly guess what her nude pussy looks like)

(while it is fun to find out the answer, you basically stop truly guessing because there are few if any hints, and your accuracy is so miniscule that it makes no sense for you to keep actually guessing)

(you still have fun discovering the nude pussy!)

 

[Uncled]

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee can offer a whole lot more of herself in some ways, because she is "anonymous" in so many other ways.

If you want to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel her authenticity from the start of the encounter, then deliver YOUR authenticity from that point.

It won't reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally be her ample breasts that are the height of such an experience... it will be your OWN exposure and vulnerability.

Your "e" key is sticking. Give it a blast of WD40.

 

[Buddyguy66]

Great thread. I've pretty much given up on this hobby I often think (then I get incredibly horny and say F* it. My deal...has always been my deal all my life is insecurity due to being overweight. That being said, those who have been my favorites never made me feel insecure. I think my turnoffs are fake orgasms and straight out lying to me for no reason whatsoever and so obviously I wonder if its a psychosis with the person.

 

[westwoody]

The marriage factor cannot be overlooked.

Better to have been in a loveless relationship than to stay in one. Don’t waste your time and your partner’s time.

your marriage will be over.

It already is over. Everyone is just denying the reality.