Advice column...do you tell a friend about his wife cheating on him?

[Gotee-man]

Well are you going to help / trust your friends, or somebody you don't even like? Ask yourself, if you were in the position of the husband, would you like to be told? I personally would, even if this is just a rumor. He can take steps to find out for sure. A rumor can only have consequences if the family had serious issues to begin with.

I agree with this and ultimately I think it's the bro thing to do. Bros b4 Hoes. Just make it clear that your not 100% sure and that's what you heard, let him decide himself what he should do. He sounds like a well grounded dude, so hopefully he doesn't go psycho. *LOL*

 

[booblover]

just tell your friend you heard this through a third party and don't know if it is true or not. Let him/her know that since you consider his/her to be one of your close friends you thought it was best to tell them what you heard. You could then help them with finding out if this was true or false. This way you are covered if the shit hits the fan plus your friend will thank you for your honesty and friendship in helping look out for him/her.

 

[johnsmit]

Honestly it not any of your business unless he makes it known to you
Second had knowledge ...is just gossip .no matter who it comes from

If you girl friends thinks it is important. Then she should be the one that mentions It to him .

 

[summerbreeze]

I agree, it is none of your business.

Not that you are not good friends, but some things should be respectfully kept private and the courteous thing is to not presume to be included into this level of privacy. In other words. Polite thing would be to discount it as unsubstantiated here say and pretend you never heard it.

If your buddy asks, then he is letting you into that level of privacy and completely different.

If your sense of loyalty demanded a more proactive approach, why not enter into a conversation over a beer about something you heard about regarding someone else. Could be a public figure or someone you both did not know but you heard about it. In casually talking about the subject you might get a perspective on your friend's view on the subject without it pertaining to his actual situation.

You might get a take on his level of privacy....

 

[hornygandalf]

A few have suggested that it would impact your friendship if he finds out you had heard and didn't say anything.
You don't actually need to admit hearing anything if he does say something... thus not jeopardizing your friendship.

Now, that being said, many years ago I did have a doctor friend warn me about my then wife (we were newly married) and potential bipolar disorder or other mental illness... and I wondered why I was being told then rather than prior to getting married. I would have appreciated that discussion rather earlier... though maybe he didn't perceive it at that stage. She did later at one point try to suffocate our infant son, but I put that down to post-natal depression and the stress of the situation we were in (house-sitting a friends house while on holiday in NZ, that has just been broken into a few hours earlier).

 

[Gotee-man]

A few have suggested that it would impact your friendship if he finds out you had heard and didn't say anything.
You don't actually need to admit hearing anything if he does say something... thus not jeopardizing your friendship.

*LOL* Seems a bit flakey, but ok.

Now, that being said, many years ago I did have a doctor friend warn me about my then wife (we were newly married) and potential bipolar disorder or other mental illness... and I wondered why I was being told then rather than prior to getting married. I would have appreciated that discussion rather earlier... though maybe he didn't perceive it at that stage.

Wow, so how'd things end up with her? You guys still together?

 

[hornygandalf]

Wow, so how'd things end up with her? You guys still together?

No. That marriage was over a long time ago... and 14 years into my current one... which is also on the rocks (SO now lives in a different country).
My first wife did get some help after she left me, but I didn't hear any more of that outcome (it was a long, nasty divorce process). Maybe it was just me driving her crazy
My son from that marriage is now 20 and studying at Virginia Tech... and an amazing young man, so that seemed to work out okay.

 

[1nitestan]

thx for the feedback everyone. For now I'm gonna stay clear of it unless I actually have proof...which means telling the wife's girlfriend to show me actual txt msgs between the cheating parties. Then he's gonna get an anoymous package dropped into the mail box wih printouts of screen captures. IF I pull the trigger, I'm gonna do it old school. It's too easy to trace back IP addresses even if emails are "anonymous"...especialy since he's an IT type of guy

It's refreshing to see the difference in responses from this forum and my 'straight' friends.

The thought that maybe he already knows has crossed my mind as well. And maybe he doesn't care since he does have the freedom to do all his other hobbies without the wife. Why ruin a "good" thing right?

 

[summerbreeze]

tough spot to be in, glad a range of feedback gave you a perspective of what was best for you

hope your buddy gets things sorted out with a minimum of bumps and bruises....

 

[poonmiester]

Mmmm I think I may add a little to this..... had a girlfriend we had been together for over 5 years..... at that time I had 2 friends that both I considered as my brothers... tight as the 3 amigos.... 1 of my best friend worked with me.... so obviously we shared allot about each others relationships... one day... my friend was fired from our work place.... so now we would see each other evenings and weekends....
Played hockey on the same team.... camping...fishing ...hunting... we were always together...
One day my other friend told me he suspected that my friend that use to work with me was seeing my GF everyday and would leave the house just before I leave....
Of course I felt like confronting them.... but decided to figure out the truth myself.....
And after a few weeks of waiting .....and checking... and putting up with all the lies and bullshiting of where she had gone...and who she was with.... I confronted them both.... one of my best friend and my GF having an affair..... so needless to say ...I dropped her off at my X best friend house.. and put an end to all this bullshit. ....
Today the friend that told me about..... anything he needs or if he ever needs my help... I will be there in heart beat to help him. ...
Now maybe if hadn't said anything .... who knows how long it would have lasted... and think about this.... when you know a friend.is being cheated on.... what is now your perception of that same friend...? I am sure.you do not perceive the friend the same way..... that is where a true friend must step in... and show what is true friendship..... and be there for the friend when everything blows up...... because I know...you need someone to be able to keep honest thoughts in line and chase away the revenge feelings that hits you when you get a double whammy. ...
Just my 2 cents....

 

[yazoo]

So this guy's wife blabs to his best friend's wife that she's cheating on him? To me it sounds like she wants it to end.