A very strange relationship

[FunSugarDaddy]

your not responsible for anyone elses feelings or motives
only your own
my point is you never know whether some one is being honest with you or manipulating you, even in a so called happy loving marriage, you just don't know what is going on inside some one elses head

just follow your own thoughts and feelings and go with that.
if she meant so much to you then well then to just abandon her what does that say about you, your going to feel like shit right, for being such a heel
is it such a bad thing to help someone,
we do it all the time if we want to or not with our taxes
i dont know its your call, but when you follow your feelings and thoughts your never wrong.

Thanks, I've decided to help her for now, knowing that I can quite at any time. Funny thing is the risk of having lunch with her, she lives in Surrey, me in North Van, is about the same as if I was actually having sex with her, because if you count the drive, it's still 2.5 hrs of me disappearing.

I was reluctant to start this post but it was nice to share some thought around this. It's not exactly a subject you can discuss with many people, so I very much appreciate all the input I've received.

 

[Jason_96]

You're lucky your wife didn't divorce you after reading all of your e-mails. I'm sure a lot of women would have. I'm sure your wife be really impressed that you're giving your SB $500-1000 a month as well.

 

[newatit]

This is not so strange at all. Many of us have projects like this, to help some one out that we have taken a shine to, for whatever reason. Let your heart be your guide, but use some common sense too. There does come a time to say adieu! Know when that is. My guard would be up on this one, to be honest with you.

 

[cherise]

there is also the aspect that if you are always there to rescue her, she will never learn to stand on her own two feet

 

[Flanders]

there is also the aspect that if you are always there to rescue her, she will never learn to stand on her own two feet

Irony becomes you, ms. cherise...
https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?172921-my-4-yr-old-pitbull-got-attacked-by-another-pit

 

[badbadboy]

there is also the aspect that if you are always there to rescue her, she will never learn to stand on her own two feet

This is what I was referring to about helping ensure that she gets taken care of by the "system". It sounds like she will qualify for a full monthly subsidy from the BC Gov't. Sure the money is not great but it does give a base.

 

[Pillowtalk]

I think you should do what makes you happy. Meet her now and see how it goes. It doesn't sound like the money exchange happens on every visit, but only from time to time, and even if it did I can's see how that is supposed to be a bad thing to this crowd. I thought that her asking and you giving when something is needed is how the SB-SD is supposed to work anyway.

It isn't that unusual for pregnant women to suffer strokes apparently, so her youth isn't necessarily making the stroke story unbelievable to me. It's possible she has other ongoing issues, smoking, drinking, health, all contribute. A woman in her position, with an extra $500 a month, could really make a difference in her and her child's quality of life right now. I think it is very generous in light of your past history.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Well I just met with her and it was really good seeing her. She said she wants to go back to school next February. After breakfast I gave her a hug and an envelope with $500 in it. Maybe it's a one off gift, maybe not, we'll see. But I know after spending a little over 3 weeks in the hospital and not being able to work she'll appreciate it and put it to good use.

She also told me her daughter, who she's had alot of trouble with, has completely changed, (knowing how close she was to lossing her mom no doubt) and came up with an idea to sell t-shirts with Amanda Todd's pic on them and give the profits to a bullying organisation. It will probably never happen, because ideas rarely get translated into action, but it's a nice thought.

I gotta say though she's still stunningly beautiful.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

This is what I was referring to about helping ensure that she gets taken care of by the "system". It sounds like she will qualify for a full monthly subsidy from the BC Gov't. Sure the money is not great but it does give a base.

I don't know what her monthly obligations are but she does have a mortgage, car payments and credit card debit, plus she has to feed and cloth two people, so I'm sure it's more than any government agency will pay.

 

[badbadboy]

I don't know what her monthly obligations are but she does have a mortgage, car payments and credit card debit, plus she has to feed and cloth two people, so I'm sure it's more than any government agency will pay.

If she is permanently disabled she is entitled to a Disability Allowance. She best get a Doctor and a Social Worker involved so she can get that money. Of course they won't keep her in the lifestyle she has become accustomed to but they will give her some $$.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

If she is permanently disabled she is entitled to a Disability Allowance. She best get a Doctor and a Social Worker involved so she can get that money. Of course they won't keep her in the lifestyle she has become accustomed to but they will give her some $$.

Actually when I saw her she didn't seem that bad at all. She said that she still has only partial memory and that she'll start talking and forget what she wanted to say in mid sentence. I asked her about her recovery and she said the doctors basically said you have 6 months to recover from what ever damage was caused and what you don't recover in that time is basically permanent. But she can still walk, she's driving, she seems pretty normal. She's actually pretty lucky all and all, cause my grandmother had a stroke and her left side was completely paralized. But she still was in the hospital for over 3 weeks so major damage or not, it's pretty tramatic.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

You're lucky your wife didn't divorce you after reading all of your e-mails. I'm sure a lot of women would have. I'm sure your wife be really impressed that you're giving your SB $500-1000 a month as well.

Well it would certainly be the end of our marriage if she found out, that's why this is a tough decision. My wife and I haven't been intimate in over 10 years, and we're unlikely to intimate going forward, so that was why I got into this type of relationship. But it's hard to justify giving money to someone you've become very attached to, but with the intimacy being taken away. But at the same time, this woman brought more intimate pleasure into my life than anyone else ever did, hands down. I'm not sure I explained this the best way I could but you probably get the general idea.

But the mostly likely outcome of this is that I'll end up helping her once, maybe twice and without the intimacy factor we're most likely to start drifting apart. That's my best guess of how this is likely to unfold.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Does your daughter know you are being disrespectful to her mother? The dynamic you have in your household can't be good for her well-being. How would you feel if a young man treated your daughter this way? My philosophy has always been to treat people the way you expect yourself and your loved ones to be treated. I vote for weird.

No my daughter doesn't know about this. As far as how I would feel if some young guy was courting my wife? I'm not sure, I know I would sooner not know about it then know.

As mentioned we haven't been intimate for well over 10 years and there's no sign of any change, so I'd probably be a lot more understanding about it then you would expect me to be.

I will also say that there was a time where my perspective was exactly the same as yours. But obviously things changed over time and I realized that I wanted intimacy in my life with someone attractive. I realized this after a health scare that forced me to look at what I really wanted on my bucket list of things to do before my time ended.

Also as I get older I realize more and more that although some things are black and white, there's a lot more grey then I thought there was in my early 20's.

I thought divorce was bad, then I learned about domestic abuse. I thought abortion was bad, then I grew up in a single family environment and had to live the struggle of getting by.

I thought gay relationships were bad, now I say live and let live.

 

[cherise]

Irony becomes you, ms. cherise...
https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?172921-my-4-yr-old-pitbull-got-attacked-by-another-pit

this is hardly the same MR flanders and i wasnt looking for charity i was looking for advice ...although im flattered that i left such an impression
(a little sarcasm)

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

this is hardly the same MR flanders and i wasnt looking for charity i was looking for advice ...although im flattered that i left such an impression
(a little sarcasm)

Just to clarify, this woman hasn't asked me for any financial help in dealing with this. I'm simply contemplating volunteering my financial assistance.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Why don't you take 1500 and hire a PI to see what she is really up to?
It seems to me like what you wanna know is if she is being authentic with you.
Perhaps the uncertainty about her actual identity and the stories she has told you has been part of the thing that has kept you hooked on her?

And, it seems to me now that the costs of continuing the SD-SB relationship are piling higher than the payoffs there is a part of you that would like a confirmation of her identity, and what is really going on in her life, which of course is totally reasonable given the lengthy history you two share.

I could be misreading your queries but if that is the case and you want to know more about the face behind the mask then why not have a PI follow her for a few weeks before you make your decision about investing.
If everything checks out then your generosity and money will be well placed, if it turns out you are one of many men she has been stringing along then you might need to gently let yourself out of the situation for good.

Is this a reasonable proposition?

No really, I know her quite well, I know when she was born, where see lives, her daughter b-day (within a few days), even how much money she declares as I've prepared her tax returns for the last few years, so really that's not the issue.

If I'm one of many then so be it, but I highly doubt it. Could there be be possibly someone else besides me helping her, sure it's possible, wouldn't even really surprise me all that much But I've seen her credit card balances etc. so I know when I'm helping her she's not just playing games. And the amount of help I do give her isn't excessive, probably works out to 5,000-6,000 per year. But this was for some very wonderful times and worth every penny.

Anyway, the main issue is should I help someone out who's not my wife who I'm no longer being intimate with simply because we've had six years of wonderful sex? If I do she benefits because she surely needs it, and I show for sure that our relationship means more to me than just sex for money, because it's true.

As mentioned I've decided to help her now on a voluntary basis, but perhaps it's a one off time perhaps not, I'm just going to see how things unfold.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

I think you should do what makes you happy. Meet her now and see how it goes. It doesn't sound like the money exchange happens on every visit, but only from time to time, and even if it did I can's see how that is supposed to be a bad thing to this crowd. I thought that her asking and you giving when something is needed is how the SB-SD is supposed to work anyway.

It isn't that unusual for pregnant women to suffer strokes apparently, so her youth isn't necessarily making the stroke story unbelievable to me. It's possible she has other ongoing issues, smoking, drinking, health, all contribute. A woman in her position, with an extra $500 a month, could really make a difference in her and her child's quality of life right now. I think it is very generous in light of your past history.

Thank you pillowtalk, that means a lot.

as to the rest of your post, she does have another health issue, she's been diagnosed with cancer in the past. But she eats very healthy, usually orders a salad when we do have lunch, doesn't smoke and works out to the point that she's taught some of her classes once or twice. In fact she's so consequence of her looks that I had to laugh when I saw her drinking coffee out of a straw. I asked why, and she said because coffee stains your teeth. lol

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

When I started out in this business, I met a girl who said that her main income doesn't come from having sex wiht guys, but asking them for money and never returning it. She said when they visit she complains about a bill or something she has to buy for her son, and they usually volunteer to pay....

Another thing she said was that when she learns a guy has a lot of money, she phones him and tells him that she is in trouble and needs 3000 dollars. She tells them a story that if she won't get that money something terrible will happen. The guys usually give it to her thinking it is a loan, but when they ask for it she simply says she doesn't have it. The guys never cause trouble, she makes sure they are all married.

She told me back then that that she makes about 30.000 a year this way.

I am not saying this girl is doing the same, just be aware that women like this are out there. Best thing is to check out everything a girl says, even if it means a rude awakening.

I am still saying the honest way would be to pay her a monthly amount. Sugar daddy-sugar baby relationships are supposed to be like that. You pay her expenses so she can make herself available for you whenever you need her.

Well that would be fine, except she said "we can no longer met in the way we were meeting" so obviously if I continue to help her, she's all but said, thanks but don't expect any bedroom time in return.

And as mentioned she hasn't asked for any $$ from me as a result of this incident, it's just that knowing her circumstancse over the last 6 years, I know she could use it. In fact I asked about her financial situation and she said she has a c.c. balance of $7,000. So as mentioned i did meet her today for lunch and gave her $500 where it goes from here I'm not so sure. I'm going to just play it by ear.

That said, thanks for your input, the woman on this board are obviously aware of the many tricks other women play in this situation and enlightening me about them is very much appreciated.

I do have to admit it's hard for me to fathom that a woman this attractive hasn't either got a b-friend or several suitors. But that said, I do remember growing up and asking my mom why she didn't see any guys and her telling me because what would I do if you didn't like him? So the dynamics of a single mom are different than if she were on her own. But still at the end of the day, I'm not so naive to think that this relationship could go anywhere beyond where it has. I know if I were to meet her in a bar setting she wouldn't give me the time of day. She would be out of my league if we were the same age, never mind me being almost 20 years older than her, and I was in damn good shape in my prime.

So dispite having had sex with her, butt massages, spooning etc, I'm not naive about the situation.

 

[newatit]

well when you get a comment of no more sex, you immediately think of maybe the possibility of a medical condition and roaming from there. Sounds more and more like she is just calling in any chips she has out there, knowing that they are the last ones.

One general rule I've had in a similar situation, ok so be generous and outgoing if you want, but make it through presenting an earning opportunity rather than total charity.

However again in this case if there is a medical issue, and you force it, she might have sex with you and there might be regrets later on.

 

[Ned Flanders]

Pretty much every time I hear a sugar daddy story I thank my lucky stars I only made that mistake once. History may not repeat itself but good grief it sure seems to rhyme a lot.