Top Ten Signs You're Drunk:
10. Every beer looks like the one you put down
9. Warm smarm
8. Seinfeld becomes funny
7. You no longer care about not mixing your drinks...or anybody elses for that matter.
6. Superman can fly...so can you
5. You've had a "Bartenders Special"...and you order another.
4. Dr. Peppers start tasting really good...or at least you THINK they are Dr. Peppers!
3. Everybody looks REALLY GOOD right now!!! *warning...this is when you should STOP*
2. You're in a shooter challenge with Charlie Sheen *k...now it's too late to stop*
1. You're on Perb, reading this @ 2am in the morning thinking "This guy has NFC about being drunk...like ME!!!"
Top Ten Signs You've Hired The Wrong Maid:
10. She has a strange fascination with your crotch
9. She has arguments with the garberator
8. She claims the toaster talks to her
7. She comes with 2 heavily armed gaurds
6. She uses the same washwater for the toilets AND kitchen counters
5. Her maid outfit consists of loose fitting, black and white stripped clothing (hmmm)
4. She idolizes "Thelma & Louise"
3. She's from Cathy Lee's Maid Service (combined with the clothing line)
2. She deals from your back door
1. Her name is Mrs. Doubtfire
Top Ten Signs Your In The Wrong Restraunt:
10. Everything on the menu is flambee
9. Airline bags are provided with every meal
8. There is a "Please Rescue" Note in the wine bottle from some guy in stall #2
7. "Mystery Meat" appears anywhere on the menu
6. "Roadkill" features anywhere in the restraunt name or in it's menu
5. Bio hazard signs are visible just behind the "No Smoking" signs
4. Briteny Spears likes going there
3. There is a large, red, 911 auto dialer push button in every booth
2. The locals DON'T eat there!
1. You must sign a waiver before you order anything
Top Ten Signs You've Picked The Wrong Washroom:
10. The toilet burps at you
9. The guy on the can ISN'T just taking a long time...he's dead
8. Suzy is still wrinting her name and number on the wall (note, this was written a long time ago, prior to perb)
7. The logs in the bowl have evolved into a higher life form
6. It ISN'T supposed to be one of those fancy European-fountain-to-clean-your-bottom types
5. The toilet paper forms a paper train around each stall
4. Those damn washroom attendants sit in the stall with you
3. They expect a tip for that!?
2. There is a "Condemed due to unsanitary conditions" sign posted on the door
1. Nobody there even looks REMOTELY like you
10. Every beer looks like the one you put down
9. Warm smarm
8. Seinfeld becomes funny
7. You no longer care about not mixing your drinks...or anybody elses for that matter.
6. Superman can fly...so can you
5. You've had a "Bartenders Special"...and you order another.
4. Dr. Peppers start tasting really good...or at least you THINK they are Dr. Peppers!
3. Everybody looks REALLY GOOD right now!!! *warning...this is when you should STOP*
2. You're in a shooter challenge with Charlie Sheen *k...now it's too late to stop*
1. You're on Perb, reading this @ 2am in the morning thinking "This guy has NFC about being drunk...like ME!!!"
Top Ten Signs You've Hired The Wrong Maid:
10. She has a strange fascination with your crotch
9. She has arguments with the garberator
8. She claims the toaster talks to her
7. She comes with 2 heavily armed gaurds
6. She uses the same washwater for the toilets AND kitchen counters
5. Her maid outfit consists of loose fitting, black and white stripped clothing (hmmm)
4. She idolizes "Thelma & Louise"
3. She's from Cathy Lee's Maid Service (combined with the clothing line)
2. She deals from your back door
1. Her name is Mrs. Doubtfire
Top Ten Signs Your In The Wrong Restraunt:
10. Everything on the menu is flambee
9. Airline bags are provided with every meal
8. There is a "Please Rescue" Note in the wine bottle from some guy in stall #2
7. "Mystery Meat" appears anywhere on the menu
6. "Roadkill" features anywhere in the restraunt name or in it's menu
5. Bio hazard signs are visible just behind the "No Smoking" signs
4. Briteny Spears likes going there
3. There is a large, red, 911 auto dialer push button in every booth
2. The locals DON'T eat there!
1. You must sign a waiver before you order anything
Top Ten Signs You've Picked The Wrong Washroom:
10. The toilet burps at you
9. The guy on the can ISN'T just taking a long time...he's dead
8. Suzy is still wrinting her name and number on the wall (note, this was written a long time ago, prior to perb)
7. The logs in the bowl have evolved into a higher life form
6. It ISN'T supposed to be one of those fancy European-fountain-to-clean-your-bottom types
5. The toilet paper forms a paper train around each stall
4. Those damn washroom attendants sit in the stall with you
3. They expect a tip for that!?
2. There is a "Condemed due to unsanitary conditions" sign posted on the door
1. Nobody there even looks REMOTELY like you
