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Hey it's come to my attention that some *coughcough* folks don't seem to know what is going on with vaginas and vulvas. Got any questions? Fire em at me and I'll do my best to answer.

Providers: What are some red flags when a potential client contacts you? For me it's "hey" as an into message calling me pet names right off the bat sending a selfie/photo asking for a selfie/photo I'm sure there are more but I can't think of any right now and I'm super engrossed in animal...

Considering using this as part of my screening when I get back at it post-pandemic. I got Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/characters/

What's the most important thing you've gained from pooning/what's the most valuable lesson one (or many) SPs have taught you?

I can’t. This is hilarious. Elsi and I leave a wake of sexy destruction wherever we go. https://globalnews.ca/news/5277288/lewd-behavior-on-kelowna-beach-shocks-okanagan-mom/ #notwhathappened EDIT: our response https://globalnews.ca/news/5278152/okanagan-sex-on-beach/

May 15-19 Clementine just wants to sleep with all her friends, and she wants you to be there for it. In a shocking twist, the beautiful, established, and well-reviewed Vanessa Jolie wants to fuck me right back! It’s a win/win really. So come play with me and Vanessa and kiss her every...

I have multiple messages I can't respond to right now because you're all such typically messy men who don't tidy up. If you want to hear from me sort your life out or send me a text ;)

Tomorrow is my one year anniversary of going sober from booze and hard drugs, and 6 months from le weed. I woke up in the hospital after a long hard night partying with a client and offering The Service Which Shall Not Be Named for a whopping extra $100 and more narcotics. Fuuuuuuuck! I'm so...

Clementine just wants to sleep with all her friends, and she wants you to be there for it. It’s a win/win really. So come play with my friend Kit and kˆss her every which way while I also do things to her and you, and she does things to me, and you…you get the idea. Now I’m excited. Are you...

What was your first industry experience like? What were your reasons for seeking out a provider? Let's get some good stories going here ;)

May 9-12, 2019: Clementine Smithereens and Elsi Dawson are bringing S.L.O.P. (the Sexy Lady Outreach Program) to Kelowna! You lucky fuckers. Two down-to-earth, GFE and PSE providing, no-nonsense, professional, silly, horny, slutty babes who are truly into each other and love our job. We have...

April 11-13: The well-reviewed, dynamic Vancouver duo are coming for you! Elsi Dawson Clementine Smithereens read some reviews of us together: review 1 review 2 We are super into each other and happily interactive, whether you're there or not. Fantasize about THAT for a bit. Yeah? You like...

Where would you go and why? For me, it's Galapagos. I want to go scuba diving with the turtles, sharks and lizards. I've thought it looked like the most beautiful place since I was a little girl, and I'd love to go to the birthplace of the theory of evolution.

April 7-10! 7787690927 Clementine just wants to sleep with all her friends, and she wants you to be there for it. It’s a win/win really. So come play with my friend Veronica and kˆss her every which way while I also do things to her and you, and she does things to me, and you…you get the...

Ah man, I mean, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post this here as technically I'm not looking for an escort but I couldn't really think of anywhere else to post it. Slap my wrist if you want my Perb Overlords, it's the only part of me you're allowed to slap. Anyone know where I can find a slave...

Obviously I mean *over 30* lol oops Why do some pooners insist on younger providers? A few ideas: 1. They want to relive their youth 2. They enjoy feeling powerful and in control in the bedroom and see young women as vulnerable 3. They can’t see past the cultural ideal of the 14 year old...

Looking for a Caucasian GILF age 60+ (preferably 70-85). Thanks in advance!

Please cheer me up with the cheesiest puns you know. Thank you.

Sometimes, despite the fact that my instructions include a mandatory shower, you try to get out of it. Sometimes you shower and don't use soap. Sometimes you shower and there are still actual bits of shit stuck to the hair next to your asshole (did you just pretend to shower? Did you never learn...