"I saw you in public" 🤦🙅

masterpoonhunter · Thursday at 10:01 AM

This is a really good thread and one that in my opinion needs some deep dives. There are a lot of posts lately, not just this thread, about what should just be common sense, and DECENT behaviour.

Maybe its generational.
Maybe there is too much narcissism in the perbite community leading to that lack of awareness of how others are affected by ones actions
Maybe those of us with some miles on us fucked up raising our kids not passing on fundamental manners and behaviour.
Maybe its cultural with all the blending going on globally.
Is it social media where opinions of the 'man in the street' are put ahead of experts? And I go back to my biggest bug bear of the loss of critical thinking in the masses.

Whatever it is those old lines in the sand defining respect get crossed more and more. I am truly sorry to hear of any of all the wonderful women being hurt or put in a tough spot because of this.

Thank you rinamood for starting this one.

SSL Management · Thursday at 10:08 AM

Let's look at it from the client side. The Service Provider sees a client out in public with his SO, girlfriend, daughter or whatever and she walks up and says hi, Introduces herself, and mentions what a great time they had and I hope to see you again soon. Or sends you an e-mail or a text saying I saw you the other day did you see me? How is this different than clients approaching Service Providers or mentioning they saw an SP in public?

Clients go on and on about privacy, protecting their identity, discretion…… Yet when it comes to respecting the Service Providers privacy they think it's different. More thinking with your big head rather than your little head will keep you out of trouble.

It is a 2 way street. SP's and clients need to respect each others privacy!

SSL

rinamood · Thursday at 10:11 AM

Okanaganguy1985 said:
I get the value of awareness, but this comes down to risk assessment and knowing your audience. Most guys will hear the message and adjust. That is fine.

But there is a smaller group who react to attention in the opposite way. They treat it like a challenge. They do not care about social pressure or community standards. That is the group I was talking about.

Awareness helps the majority, but it also gives the wrong people something to fixate on. Both sides exist, and ignoring one of them does not make the risk go away.

f you read what I took the time to lay out for you, it will be clear that I had:

Assessed and stated my risk
Accepted the reality of my particular situation
Have had my intended result fulfilled (ty everyone!)

I hear you, and I accept your thoughts.

GeeBeeP · Thursday at 12:25 PM

This is a good reminder to clients, and should be included in the “Seeing Escorts for Dummies” should it ever be published.

The first time I ever saw an escort I knew in the wild I almost made the mistake of saying hello, but remembered something I’d read in a post similar to this. (it may have been a website, blog or ERB post I really can’t remember) And I know exactly why I almost greeted her without thinking. Let me be clear that THIS IS NOT MAKING AN EXCUSE FOR IT, Rina has explained very clearly why it is unacceptable on several levels, and I completely agree. We clients need to be reminded.

For what it’s worth, here is why I almost made this mistake.

1) There have been many threads about how both clients and SP’s value the importance of developing a connection and some kind of rapport. Those of us who seek that connection find it enhances the overall experience. Because the best escorts are magicians at creating that connection many guys leave such a session with the feeling that we have “clicked” with the lady. We get a hug and a kiss before we leave the door on a post orgasmic high, with a spring in our step. We have shared one of humanities most intimate activities with a beautiful woman, and on top of that we just made a new friend!! How awesome is that??

2) Many clients like myself are of a certain generation, shall we say, who were raised in a very different world. We were raised to be polite, sociable men who followed certain social norms of our parents. My small town European mother would be horrified to know that her son saw someone I knew in a shop or in the street and ignored them!! and it is still imprinted on my brain. We said hello to even casual acquaintances in passing, even if it was just a smile and a friendly "good morning". It would be the hight of rudeness to do anything less. To brush off or completely ignore a young woman who is an intimate friend??? The girl would think I’m some sort of insensitive asshole.

So a reminder gentlemen. Yes you and that girl had an amazing time, and maybe you’ve even had several wonderful dates together. But it is a fantasy world and it must stay separate from the reality of every day life. The last thing you want to do to this friendly and beautiful woman is make her uncomfortable, or even worse, scared.

I know it may be difficult, but forget your manners, avert your eyes, and just walk on by.

Okanaganguy1985 · Thursday at 12:45 PM

rinamood said:
f you read what I took the time to lay out for you, it will be clear that I had:

Assessed and stated my risk

Accepted the reality of my particular situation

Have had my intended result fulfilled (ty everyone!)

I hear you, and I accept your thoughts.

Well I did read it and my reply was to several people all at once

VinVan · Thursday at 2:12 PM

I get what OkanaganGuy is saying and where he is coming from. My understanding of what he is saying is that he is concerned that guys who are a little unhinged may read this post and get ideas about doing exactly what it cautions against. He writes this out of his experience in (what I’m assuming is the security business), and (what I’m again assuming) is concern for the well-being of SPs.

I think Rina is trying to have a broader discussion that engages men on this forum to consider the etiquette of engaging with an SP outside of the work environment; a form of PR, if you will for best practices from the SP perspective.

From my perspective, this type of education and dialogue is the only kind that has made a difference in moving the levers of change such that the world becomes a more fair and just place. Though black people were the advocates and the beneficiaries of the end of slavery it was technically white, male legislators who ended slavery. And though it was women who were the advocates for the right to vote, it was ultimately white, male legislators who wrote it into law.

While the etiquette of best SP practices is not ending slavery, nor universal suffrage, I think the principle that nothing changes until those who are at the levers of power (in this case men) can convince others in their party of the legitimacy of the message (in this case not approaching an SP outside of work hours), nothing changes.

I think, in general, the world is a better place when we are able to have open and civil dialogue on whatever irks us.

Harmony-bc · Thursday at 7:54 PM

Okanaganguy1985 said:
I get the value of awareness, but this comes down to risk assessment and knowing your audience. Most guys will hear the message and adjust. That is fine.

But there is a smaller group who react to attention in the opposite way. They treat it like a challenge. They do not care about social pressure or community standards. That is the group I was talking about.

Awareness helps the majority, but it also gives the wrong people something to fixate on. Both sides exist, and ignoring one of them does not make the risk go away.

I also think some men just might be clueless that it’s not appropriate to acknowledge they saw us in public or to not approach us. I think posts like this do more good than harm. The person who gets off on being an ass will get off on that regardless.

It’s never a good idea to live life in fear and to choose silence over education.

I replied to an earlier post in this conversation. Several people said what I said a lot more eloquently 💕

Noob888 · Friday at 10:18 PM

Most behaviour around people especially strangers is learned and depends on context. The PSA by @rinamood sets out a very strict line: never tell a SP you saw them, never approach without prior consent, and off the clock they want to be treated as civilians. That is a clear personal boundary, but it is not something guys are born knowing or can be expected to guess if it has never been said.

An entertainer (sex worker) or minor public figure cannot realistically assume nobody will ever recognize them or take a photo unless they actually say they do not want that. In the same way, if someone advertises and meets people in person, they cannot expect every client to somehow infer an unwritten rule that any eye contact or casual hello in public is out of bounds. If a provider says “please do not approach me in public or tell me where you saw me,” that is straightforward and easy to follow.

Where it starts to feel kind of overblown is when that very strict stance is treated as the only acceptable way to behave, and anything else is automatically labelled creepy or dangerous.

Real life is messier. Sometimes you keep seeing the same person in the wild, say on the bus and eventually you might smile and chat like any two people. That's what happened to me. Other times, as soon as eye contact happens, the worker moves away fast like you are radioactive. Both reactions exist, which is why turning one person’s preference into a universal rule everyone should already “just know” does not really match how people actually move through the world.

giaebonyprincess · Friday at 10:29 PM

rinamood said:
PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

There is no acceptable scenario for contacting an SP and claiming you saw them. It creeps us out every time, and majority of the time, it wasn't even us 🙃 Keep it to yourself. Do not share where you believe you saw an SP either - there are real stalkers out there and they do not need to be encouraged to check more places where we may be.

When we are not in session, we are civilians.

Please respect our privacy when we are not accompanying you 🙏

Love this, discretion works on both ends

rinamood · Friday at 10:49 PM

Noob888 said:
Most behaviour around people especially strangers is learned and depends on context. The PSA by @rinamood sets out a very strict line: never tell a SP you saw them, never approach without prior consent, and off the clock they want to be treated as civilians. That is a clear personal boundary, but it is not something guys are born knowing or can be expected to guess if it has never been said.

An entertainer (sex worker) or minor public figure cannot realistically assume nobody will ever recognize them or take a photo unless they actually say they do not want that. In the same way, if someone advertises and meets people in person, they cannot expect every client to somehow infer an unwritten rule that any eye contact or casual hello in public is out of bounds. If a provider says “please do not approach me in public or tell me where you saw me,” that is straightforward and easy to follow.

Where it starts to feel kind of overblown is when that very strict stance is treated as the only acceptable way to behave, and anything else is automatically labelled creepy or dangerous.

Real life is messier. Sometimes you keep seeing the same person in the wild, say on the bus and eventually you might smile and chat like any two people. That's what happened to me. Other times, as soon as eye contact happens, the worker moves away fast like you are radioactive. Both reactions exist, which is why turning one person’s preference into a universal rule everyone should already “just know” does not really match how people actually move through the world.

rinamood said:
definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

Nothing is more important than consent here! Assuming that you can/should approach SPs or contact SPs about these "sightings" holds a higher risk of upsetting them, compared to admiring from a distance like seeing a unicorn. It's not about whether or not someone was seen. We are not celebrities. We live in and share the same general geographical area. Sightings of SPs are bound to happen, even when it has almost always been the case of mistaken identity from afar.

I have never given more than a small discreet nod to a client at most when they smile at me in passing, and only if there is no one else with them. This is because I assume that clients are going on with their lives completely separate to mine. I am not entitled to participate and I fully respect their autonomy, space, and discretion. I personally and professionally expect the same.

Rather than imagine what an SP may or may not feel, trust the words from the ones who responded:

Piper said that it ruins her day when clients claim they have seen her out and about.
Bella called out a disrespectful double standard, as we are expected to act with full discretion towards client sightings in public.
Giselle chimed in about how raising awareness about this issue is essential.
SSL Management went into detail about the extent of the double standard Bella had mentioned.
Harmony agreed that PSA posts like this do more good than harm.
Gia said she loves this post, and highlighted that discretion works on both ends.

After reading this short summary of the thoughtful words SPs have shared on perb, will you hear the community of SPs here who have spoken up?

Adding: please never take nonconsensual photography or videography of SPs. What a nasty idea to add in as a case of "you never know". Yes, you do fucking know. You can most definitely assume that SPs do not want photos/videos taken of them without prior consent. The purpose of this post was to inform those who may have simply not known and do not intend to scare or disrespect their SPs. I realize I have wasted this time writing to a person who participated only to be a contrarian, but all points mentioned by our SP community here still stand.

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"I saw you in public" 🤦🙅

masterpoonhunter

"Marriage should be a renewable contract"

SSL Management

rinamood

Petite Playful Princess 👑💦

GeeBeeP

On a secret journey through PleasureTown.

Okanaganguy1985

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VinVan

Well-known member

Harmony-bc

Noob888

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giaebonyprincess

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rinamood

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