I can relate....
First of all Sarah I can relate to your hard times...I too have been ill and have had to stay in the hospital. The first time for almost 3 months last year and again for a month and a half quite recently.
I know its a hard and confusing time and especially frustrating. I don't know your exact details but for myself I am bipolar...I have experienced my first and hopefully my last manic episode. I was totally unprepared for my world to stop and have to be forced to come back to reality in a hospital in victoria....thats three months of rent, all those bills adding up...not only that the depressing thought of not dancing because of medication that made me fat.
But the point is when I walked out of the hospital I wasn't worried financially...I had savings that I had given to a friend I truly trusted he would hold onto it and not let me spend just in case.
Well that just in case day came in handy when I realized I couldn't work or dance for a while.
I waitressed until they found the meds that work for me, I started working again as an sp.
I believed I would be fine and not have to go into the hospital ever again but I did save a bit of money because I do find working as an sp very rewarding and easy to save...knowing the fact that by body won't allow me to do this forever and just to think what if that friend didn't give me my 3000 I would have been fucked the first time...
so yeah anyways the second time I was in the ubc mood disorder centre I was only in for a month. Even after a month of not working I can congrats to myself for having the money to keep my apartment and my lifestyle in check
Now I can say Ive felt the high and lows of bipolar and I have read alot about my illness to help myself...Stay grounded
Sarah don't get me wrong I am not saying you are an idiot for not having savings but I am saying you could get sick again so its something to think about to have savings. About pissing off clients....
Well I know I gave a bunch of lame excuses why I flaked out to my clients, I was just too embarassed to say I was in the hospital...because of you I have strength to not be shy that I got sick, I know Im not alone

I believe you have to take time to know what you want and believe inyourself set goals and just do it...paying off debts isn't that hard if you focuss, and the people you owe money too are probably more worried about seeing your beautiful smile again then rushing you to pay them back!
So after all this rambling I just want to say we all have our own battles, goals, motivations, but we should all have compassion for sarah for writing her honest sincere worries and help her to feel strong again!
Sarah I wish for you to know your inner strength and beauty and use it the best way you know how!
hugs and kisses
Danika