Meeting the Wife

[Lady Companion]

Just a brief rant, since this is the third time in about a year I have had the discomfort of meeting....or rather discovering I already know the wife.

Apparently my volunteer work, and my unrelated international business often place me in circles which my suitors wives are also involved.

Earlier today I was planning a charity fundraiser with a small group of people. We met at another ladies house and were making tremendous progress. A couple of hours into the meeting, her wonderful husband comes out to serve us drinks and take our order for what we would like him to BBQ.

Wouldn't you know it - he is a very regular and wonderful gentleman friend of mine. Of course we maintained discretion, and I simply shook his hand saying what a pleasure it was to finally meet him.

My personal ethics will force me to discontinue my visits with this wonderful gentleman. He is still wanting to continue our weekly trysts, however, I am not comfortable with it and cannot continue.

Out of curiosity, what is the general consensus for appropriate protocol from both the gentlemen as well as the ladies. I have already made up my mind - and will not change it. However, I am interested as to how others feel.

 

[Ron Jeremy Jr.]

Is the problem seeing a married man, or that fact that you know his wife? I know tonns of SPs who have no problem seeing married men.

 

[Stew]

A few things come to mind...

Does it matter who you met first? I can see some sort of loyalty developing that way.

Has the wife confided in you about marital matters? I can see one might want to terminate a relationship with the husband if one thought one was contributing to the breakup of a marriage (keeping in mind that if you stop things that will likely not stop him from finding someone else).

Stew

 

[athaire]

I think you both handled the situation properly. I wonder as to why you can't/won't see him again if he is such a wonderful client? Is it because you are working with his wife on a project and feel that your work will interfere with your ability to do that with her. Or is it because you have befriended the wife and are now feeling guilt over seeing the husband?
If your client/provider relationship is a good one then no reason to stop seeing him........in my opinion.....

 

[CJ Tylers]

To be quite honest miss, what others think really has no bearing on your personal comfort level. Some will agree entirely with you and your desire to keep your professional life separate from your personal life...while others see no issue as long as you can maintain professional discretion.

In the end, if you're not comfortable with it... that should be enough. Personally, I would never have engaged in this hobby were I in a relationship. It's just not something I could do. On the other hand, other people believe it keeps their relationship stable.

 

[SGTSLEUTH]

All I can say is I am glad that wasn't me in that situation.... But seriously, I think she might be afraid of getting "found out" Maybe not, who knows. Good luck!

 

[kman32]

I've read it here and elsewhere, and I've been told in person that married men are the favourite clients for escorts.

 

[Lady Companion]

I'm certainly in no position to judge other...but I do judge myself.

Yes, I recognize that a number of my my suitors are in relationships, and I really have no issues with entertaining them. I suppose that I feel this is between them and their partners. I don't actively seek out or try and convince anybody to visit with me. If they make the decision on their own, them I am happy to provide a service which meets their needs while ensuring that it remains discreet and with no strings attached. They are welcome to justify their actions in thier minds however they like. I am simply here to ensure that it remains as non detrimental to their relationship and as discreet as possible. (Interestingly enough, I do have a couple of gentlemen friends whose wives are well aware that they visit with me. In fact, one of them even calls me up when her husband begins to get antsy and asks me to call him and let him know I miss him. She recognizes that he is a better father and husband when he is more relaxed).

My issue with meeting the wife has nothing to do with either of them. It is simply my own personal way of viewing things - an internal code and it just goes against my personal creed. Even though I have known him about twice as long as her, I would feel as though I were cheating on her or betraying her trust.

As I mentioned, I don't judge other peoples actions. I do judge my own. I cannot betray a friend or even an acquaintance. I have no delusions, and realize that he will find another lady to meet his needs. I simply don't feel right about being involved in a relationship of sorts when I know the other party. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye when we worked together. More importantly, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I seen in my own eyes.

 

[CJ Tylers]

A fair enough thing to believe in. Good on ya for sticking to your guns & good luck!

 

[KYG]

But what if the guy is very unhappy with his marriage and have plans to leave his wife or separate? It's just a title he has with his wife then...

 

[athaire]

Well I applaud you for sticking to your own beliefs and convictions.........

 

[klamkracker]

Just like what Hustler says "Just relax its just sex"

He pays for a service thats it.But I can see the tough part sometimes.You can befriend the customer.I had two Sps as friends for a while it was tough on us.

 

[Bobo The Rabbit]

Its one thing to have a "session" with someone and know that they are married or have a SO, but if you have seen that persons wife or husband then its sort of creepy.
I am sure lots of the SPs I have seen have boyfriends and husbands, but If I ever saw them or met them (or knew about) it would just be creepy and a real turn off.

 

[Lelu]

trust your gut...

Honestly, it seems like you are really very intuitive. The way you write, it seems that way more is happening beneath the surface than you let on. Do you feel more sympathies towards the wife than the client? Is your primary goal in doing SP work in helping others, and did you just realize you might be helping the wrong party?
You're obviously comfortable with the unconventional, and yet in this instance your gut is telling you to stick to the conventional.

Your gut is always right, that's my opinion...if it says don't do it, for whatever reasons or rationalizations - then don't. You'll find out later why you really didn't, and that would be interesting to read too...

I also think it's great you gave up a regular earning for your standpoint. That's admirable, really.

 

[Curious Boy]

the consequences are

I simply don't feel right about being involved in a relationship of sorts when I know the other party. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye when we worked together. More importantly, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I seen in my own eyes.

And there's the crux of the matter. 3 people, all friends, but 1 does not know the other 2 are friends. Are you going behind her back? Is what you are doing morally wrong?

Let’s breakdown the possible scenarios:
1) you continue to see him, and she finds out. She thinks highly of you, having worked with you, she values your opinion, and sees how bright you really are. The 2 of you get closer for it.

2) You continue to see him, and she finds out. She freaks, calls you a whore (among other things), and spreads vicious lies to others you have worked with.

3) You stop seeing him, continue to work with her. He lets it slip how he was seeing you before you met her. Sparks ensue, divorce proceedings begin, she spreads vicious lies to others you have worked with.

4) You stop seeing him, continue to work with her. She never knows about you & him. Your work goes on.

Tough call. I just don’t like how you say “I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I seen in my own eyes.” This suggests you feel you are doing something wrong by seeing him in the first place. You don’t live or work in a vacuum. Your actions have consequences, to you and your clients, even if you don’t see them. This sense of remorse suggests you're doing something wrong (escorting), and I don't see it that way.

 

[kman32]

They are welcome to justify their actions in thier minds however they like.

Realities are Realities, yet some people in this hobby and profession insist on contorting themselves into all kinds of intellectual knots in order to construct a scenario where they are doing nothing wrong. And then there are others who never give it a second thought. To each their own.

I'll assume you've only known this woman for a very brief amount of time. And yet, your moral compass is telling you that it would be wrong to have sex with her husband behind her back. You would be 'betraying her trust'. Yet your Suitor has no problem disrespecting his wife and even wants the arrangement to continue after you've met under her roof. I think the standards have dropped when it comes to earning the label 'wonderful gentleman'.

 

[wonderfulbiwmn]

i say yet again...

i know i have spouted on about this book and i wish i could just send everyone on this site a copy for themselves...or at least collect the royalties...lol, however...PLEASE get yourself a copy of "the ethical slut" bi dossie easton and carol listz - it has to be one of the most profound yet simple books dealing with the moral implications of any of the alternative sexual lifestyles out there...

"cheating" is a term created bi western society...a society that has ingrained monogomy into our personal values - who are we cheating??? i say we are cheating ourselves because we look at nonmonogomy as an immoral taboo...what is wrong with the credo "sex is fun and pleasure is good for you"? who says that partcipating in nonmonogomous sexual activity is wrong, unhealthy or a threat to a loving relationship with a spouse or partner? perhaps those folks need to spend a couple of hours with a highly skilled sp to see that one thing has nothing to do with the other...or maybe they should get off their high horses and determine what deep rooted religious or government institution is causing them to feel guilty...

it is all about personal choice...if you feel you must stop seeing your client because it makes you uncomfortable then of course stop...but if it because of some ethical or moral obligation...perhaps you should consider checking out some of the things in this book and using your moral obligations to help people understand the threat our consumer society has on the environment...

thanks for the opportunity to comment

 

[humanfly009]

I think this sounds a little to James Bond to me. I sware Ian Flemming could have wrote situations like this into a Bond book. Good job on not blowing the guys cover.

 

[seannachie]

Your rationale for discontinuing your relationship with the husband is understandable. It might be necessary to look into the crystal ball, however. How will he respond to your unavailability? If he can move on, fine. If he has trouble adjusting, your volunteer activities might become problematic. Might it become so uncomfortable that you need to walk away from his wife as well? This situtation really sucks!

 

[georgebushmoron]

Realities are Realities, yet some people in this hobby and profession insist on contorting themselves into all kinds of intellectual knots in order to construct a scenario where they are doing nothing wrong. And then there are others who never give it a second thought. To each their own.

I'll assume you've only known this woman for a very brief amount of time. And yet, your moral compass is telling you that it would be wrong to have sex with her husband behind her back. You would be 'betraying her trust'. Yet your Suitor has no problem disrespecting his wife and even wants the arrangement to continue after you've met under her roof. I think the standards have dropped when it comes to earning the label 'wonderful gentleman'.

I find this very poignant. I had a talk with an SP a while ago, who thought her services were good for society in that it helped men in need, prevented the ones predisposed to violence from attacking women because of high sex drives, and held marriages together. Intellectual contortions, indeed. Anyways, she also thought this one regular guy (a customer of a couple of years) she had was also a "wonderful gentleman". He did tip her great amounts, more than most. But he was also a married guy and said that even though he really enjoyed his time with the SP, he loved his wife very very much. I asked, "did he tell you he loved his wife while you sucked his cock?". That was the end of the conversation. I guess I didn't understand what "wonderful gentleman" meant. She probably thought, "you asshole". I'm not very good with "fantasy", so it seems.

As for my own definition of what one is, I won't bother stating it, but merely offer that I don't fit that definition. I haven't been able to hold a steady relationship in the last 10 years without cheating. I guess that makes me a cheater. That's not my definition of gentleman, but it might be her's. Hey, at least I'm not lying to myself. It has resulted in a lot of sleepless nights and agonizing soul searching. So many times I've thought about throwing in the towel and retiring. If I ever do, it will not be for any other reason but to be able to live with myself.

Morality exists only in a full spectrum, in that it demands consistency in all aspects of it. There is such a thing as moral blindness, in that people cherry pick moral values to adhere to and ignore the other moral values that exist that would complete it. The purpose of cherry picking is merely personal convenience, but the result is just immorality plain and simple. You should never judge others, because doing so presumes your own moral standards apply to another human being. However, if there is any one thing you can apply to another human being is to ask the maxim: would you have others do to you as you would do to others?