I'm not gonna go go into some long winded, woe is me, story of my life here (although, I've just finished writing this and I should warn anyone reading it that it's much longer than I wanted to make it). But the fact of the matter is that I haven't known much in the way of intimacy in my life. Maybe that's not the best reason for getting involved in the whole SP "hobby" scene. But I think we all long for a little intimacy in our lives and I went without for a very long time. So, I found myself here. But more than just having a little fun in the lounge and reading the reviews, I also came to enjoy the social aspect of the chat. Very much. Maybe even a little too much. I don't know. I let myself become comfortable with a few of you. And honestly, some of you I like very much and I've thoroughly enjoyed engaging with many of you in the chat.
I honestly feel I got better intel from the chat than I ever got from reading one review after another on the forums. And not only that, it gave me a chance to get to know a few of the ladies and their personalities. It takes a lot for me to get up the nerve to a point where I can even think about contacting an SP. Interacting with them a bit before hand in the chat can make that easier on someone like me.
In fact, I first met a certain SP in the chat with whom I felt that I got along well enough that I wasn't as nervous about meeting. We had a couple of very pleasant talks on the phone a couple of times where there was never any pressure on me about getting together immediately for a session. It was just about getting to know each other a bit and a little fun and sillyness to boot. I found myself liking this girl.
I don't want to get into the specifics of how we first met but it was under a sort of social circumstance. And while it was a stressful situation with everything that was going on that night, the time she and I spent together just relaxing and getting to know each other a little bit was one of the most wonderful times I've ever spent with anyone. Again, this was not a session. Just two people enjoying each other's company. And I found myself really liking this girl.
So, at this point, I felt so good about being around her and so comfortable with the idea of getting together with her that I decided to go for it. And without going into details about the situation at the time, I will just say that she had to put an effort into making arrangements so that we could get together. And schedules finally worked out and we were able to get together for a session.
I didn't write a review at the time. And I don't really feel comfortable as the type of person to write reviews in general. That has more to do with my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. So, this is probably the closest thing to a review that you're ever going to get out of me. I had an absolutely wonderful time with her. She was extremely understanding with me and she put me at total ease. And, again, without getting into specifics, I felt like she and I connected on a level that went beyond usual SP/client relationships. Like we were really good friends. I like this girl a lot.
And that's what I told anyone who asked me about her in the chat. I always said the same thing. I like her a lot. She's never been anything but wonderful and sweet with me. From time to time, as luck would have it, we'd bump into each other in the chat and it was always fun to engage in chat with her and others who might be around. After some time and more than a few times together in the chat, we also talked to each other on the phone. Never with any motives or pressure about getting together for more sessions. But just real conversations. On two occasions, we spent long hours on the phone. I even felt bad about taking up so much of her time like that. I apologized profusely for doing so. But she always said that she enjoyed that time as well and told me not to be sorry for it.
Not long after that, we were finally able to get together for another session. It's hard to explain -- for a lifetime worth of reasons, I generally don't feel very good about myself. But when I was with her, she had a way of making me feel good about myself. It's hard to explain just how much that meant to me. That was earlier this week. And you know, I felt pretty good all week after that.
But during some of our conversations, she also made me aware that she was having some rather serious issues with a few other members in the chats. Members that were making her uncomfortable. She never used the term stalker. But in light of some of the things we've seen on the forums of late, I'd say the type of harassment she has described to me would fall into the realm of stalkerish behaviour. And given how often other members have tried to get information out of me about this SP, I started to feel uncomfortable about the idea of going into chat. I hardly went into perb chat all week after that. I mean, I felt like I kind of needed a break from it anyway. But at this point, I don't want to fuel any more shit for this SP with any of these unbalanced members, whoever they may be.
But here's the thing, no matter how much of an all around good guy someone tries to come across as in the chat, you can't trust it. Some of these people have ulterior motives and you have to remain guarded to that. I still have very fond feelings towards a few of you chat buddies. Heck, I even got together with StephenT for a couple of drinks at The Drake last week. And I think he's a good guy. And I'm sure that most of you are as well. But I've been burned by one of you now and I don't know how I can trust anyone in the chat ever again.
Last night, I got a call from the SP in question. She seemed very upset. And I wasn't able to get in contact with her until this afternoon. And she was more than just a little upset. She was out and out pissed off. It seems that some fuckwad managed to convince her that I've shared some of our private and personal matters. And I never betrayed her trust. NEVER! But just like I now have no idea who I can engage with in an honest manner in the chat, she, of course, feels uncertain as to whether her trust in me was a mistake. I've been more straight forward and honest with her than anyone I've met in a long time. Maybe even more so than people I've known for most of my life. And to think that she might feel like she can't trust me hurts more than I can explain.
So, congratulations you filthy wad of human slime! You've managed to turn her against me. You've taken something that was special and beautiful and turned it to the kind of shit that you must live your own life mired in. I can only guess that since you can't be happy that you feel the need to ruin someone else's happiness. Well, job well done, you fucktard! You've taken something very special away from me. It's gone and there's no way back. I don't blame her. I blame you!
I'm not gonna run off and claim that I won't continue to be a member of these boards. I still enjoy reading and engaging in the lounges. And I imagine at some point, I will need the feeling of a little intimacy again. But I'm now sure to be considerably more guarded to letting any hint of emotion come into play again. It just hurts too fucking much to lose something like this. And, I'm probably too addicted to the chats to give them up completely either but at this point I'm so soured to it that I don't even want to think about joining in.
I've said my piece about this here. I won't be explaining anything in any more detail to anyone. I don't care who you are or how well you think you know me or how much of a cyber friend you think we've been. I'm going back to frivolous and humourous posts and trying to find some limited amount of joy that these forums still offer.
Sorry about the long ass post. I needed to get this off my chest.
I honestly feel I got better intel from the chat than I ever got from reading one review after another on the forums. And not only that, it gave me a chance to get to know a few of the ladies and their personalities. It takes a lot for me to get up the nerve to a point where I can even think about contacting an SP. Interacting with them a bit before hand in the chat can make that easier on someone like me.
In fact, I first met a certain SP in the chat with whom I felt that I got along well enough that I wasn't as nervous about meeting. We had a couple of very pleasant talks on the phone a couple of times where there was never any pressure on me about getting together immediately for a session. It was just about getting to know each other a bit and a little fun and sillyness to boot. I found myself liking this girl.
I don't want to get into the specifics of how we first met but it was under a sort of social circumstance. And while it was a stressful situation with everything that was going on that night, the time she and I spent together just relaxing and getting to know each other a little bit was one of the most wonderful times I've ever spent with anyone. Again, this was not a session. Just two people enjoying each other's company. And I found myself really liking this girl.
So, at this point, I felt so good about being around her and so comfortable with the idea of getting together with her that I decided to go for it. And without going into details about the situation at the time, I will just say that she had to put an effort into making arrangements so that we could get together. And schedules finally worked out and we were able to get together for a session.
I didn't write a review at the time. And I don't really feel comfortable as the type of person to write reviews in general. That has more to do with my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. So, this is probably the closest thing to a review that you're ever going to get out of me. I had an absolutely wonderful time with her. She was extremely understanding with me and she put me at total ease. And, again, without getting into specifics, I felt like she and I connected on a level that went beyond usual SP/client relationships. Like we were really good friends. I like this girl a lot.
And that's what I told anyone who asked me about her in the chat. I always said the same thing. I like her a lot. She's never been anything but wonderful and sweet with me. From time to time, as luck would have it, we'd bump into each other in the chat and it was always fun to engage in chat with her and others who might be around. After some time and more than a few times together in the chat, we also talked to each other on the phone. Never with any motives or pressure about getting together for more sessions. But just real conversations. On two occasions, we spent long hours on the phone. I even felt bad about taking up so much of her time like that. I apologized profusely for doing so. But she always said that she enjoyed that time as well and told me not to be sorry for it.
Not long after that, we were finally able to get together for another session. It's hard to explain -- for a lifetime worth of reasons, I generally don't feel very good about myself. But when I was with her, she had a way of making me feel good about myself. It's hard to explain just how much that meant to me. That was earlier this week. And you know, I felt pretty good all week after that.
But during some of our conversations, she also made me aware that she was having some rather serious issues with a few other members in the chats. Members that were making her uncomfortable. She never used the term stalker. But in light of some of the things we've seen on the forums of late, I'd say the type of harassment she has described to me would fall into the realm of stalkerish behaviour. And given how often other members have tried to get information out of me about this SP, I started to feel uncomfortable about the idea of going into chat. I hardly went into perb chat all week after that. I mean, I felt like I kind of needed a break from it anyway. But at this point, I don't want to fuel any more shit for this SP with any of these unbalanced members, whoever they may be.
But here's the thing, no matter how much of an all around good guy someone tries to come across as in the chat, you can't trust it. Some of these people have ulterior motives and you have to remain guarded to that. I still have very fond feelings towards a few of you chat buddies. Heck, I even got together with StephenT for a couple of drinks at The Drake last week. And I think he's a good guy. And I'm sure that most of you are as well. But I've been burned by one of you now and I don't know how I can trust anyone in the chat ever again.
Last night, I got a call from the SP in question. She seemed very upset. And I wasn't able to get in contact with her until this afternoon. And she was more than just a little upset. She was out and out pissed off. It seems that some fuckwad managed to convince her that I've shared some of our private and personal matters. And I never betrayed her trust. NEVER! But just like I now have no idea who I can engage with in an honest manner in the chat, she, of course, feels uncertain as to whether her trust in me was a mistake. I've been more straight forward and honest with her than anyone I've met in a long time. Maybe even more so than people I've known for most of my life. And to think that she might feel like she can't trust me hurts more than I can explain.
So, congratulations you filthy wad of human slime! You've managed to turn her against me. You've taken something that was special and beautiful and turned it to the kind of shit that you must live your own life mired in. I can only guess that since you can't be happy that you feel the need to ruin someone else's happiness. Well, job well done, you fucktard! You've taken something very special away from me. It's gone and there's no way back. I don't blame her. I blame you!
I'm not gonna run off and claim that I won't continue to be a member of these boards. I still enjoy reading and engaging in the lounges. And I imagine at some point, I will need the feeling of a little intimacy again. But I'm now sure to be considerably more guarded to letting any hint of emotion come into play again. It just hurts too fucking much to lose something like this. And, I'm probably too addicted to the chats to give them up completely either but at this point I'm so soured to it that I don't even want to think about joining in.
I've said my piece about this here. I won't be explaining anything in any more detail to anyone. I don't care who you are or how well you think you know me or how much of a cyber friend you think we've been. I'm going back to frivolous and humourous posts and trying to find some limited amount of joy that these forums still offer.
Sorry about the long ass post. I needed to get this off my chest.
