@dinojoe I started my journey in this realm 1 yr ago. As a complete noob, I learned alot of things and had intended on posting a guide up here on noob lessons. I never got around to it... but here's the compilation that might be helpful for you to not make some of my mistakes.
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Questions:
- I don't feel comfortable providing personal details for screening, why are they needed?
- Should I tip?
- Is it ok to gift something that is not on the SPs gift list or preferences?
- Is it ok to contact a SP via SMS or Email if I am not booking?
- I made a booking request but haven't heard back. How long should I wait?
- Is it ok to make explicit (sexual) requests of my SP?
- Is it ok to ask for rates not listed on their menu? i.e. different durations, social rates, etc.
- I feel like I deserve a certain level of treatment in my booking, but I feel like I'm not getting what I paid for. Should I demand this level of treatment?
- TIP: Transferring money via Venmo, PayPal, etc.
- TIP: Bringing gifts
Answers:
Q: I don't feel comfortable providing personal details for screening, why are they needed?
A: Remember that a SP that accepts your booking will be sharing something FAR more valuable than your information. They'll be sharing their health and body with you. Asking for assurance that you are who you claim to be is a pretty fair trade. Any established SP cannot afford to violate that trust with your info. You could expose them, or cause numerous other problems. It's not a risk they're willing to take. Also consider that the SP needs to ensure you aren't some type of authority that might lead to their arrest. ID helps assure that you are not law enforcement or similar.
NOTE: (SPs please take note of this: Linked in is a GREAT verification route because users can get verified through something called CLEAR for free. Users bearing a "Verified by CLEAR" stamp should be considered pretty well vetted. PM me for more info, or maybe I can post a thread on it)
Q: Should I Tip?
A: Tipping is a personal choice of the client. Most SPs will state they don't expect a tip, but certainly appreciate them. If you pay only the base rate, you should not be looked down upon. Unlike other service industries where tips provide a substantial amount of the income, in a SP/Client relationship, this is not true. Hence the tips are not essential.
Q: Is it ok to bring a gift that is not on the SPs gift list or preferences?
A: While it may ultimately work out to bring a non-standard gift, the risk is much higher that the gift won't be as well received. Gift lists are useful because then ensure the item gifted is actually wanted, but also for other peripheral reasons like... the item aligns with the personal style of the SP, the item fits into their home, the item is useful, the item isn't something convenient to accept while on tour/FMTY, or the item isn't something they already have etc.
Example: I bought a specific book for my preferred SP that I was confident she would like. However, I failed to consider that the book didn't fit in with the rest of the types of books she was collecting and would just end up being out-of-place clutter.
Q: Is it ok to contact a SP via SMS or Email if I am not booking?
A: While all providers are different, a commonality they share is that their time is a commodity and any utilization of that time without compensation is a drain. Be considerate of the fact that they are juggling multiple clients; sometimes large numbers of clients, concurrently. Much the same as a lawyer would want to bill for time, a SP values their time similarly but cannot formally "bill" you. Therefore, be considerate of this. I personally made the mistake of assuming that small one-liner emails, compliments or rapport-building quips would be well-received. Tolerant SPs will ignore them or may respond, but in most cases they are draining and generally not well received.
Q: I made a booking request but haven't heard back? How long should I wait?
A: Obviously this will vary with the proximity of the intended booking time, but one should always be aware that SPs are not always able to monitor email and/or SMS 24/7. In many cases, they will have a specific time of the day (or even day of the week) to handle responding to messages/emails. Typical response times I've encountered are from 6-12hrs up to 3-4 days.
Q: Is it ok to make explicit (sexual) requests of my SP?
A: Not without the SPs prior approval. It is important to remember that in many cases the service being provided might be illegal. I'm aware of cases where a SP outside of the US has been flagged as a SW and refused entry into the country. A SP must be very careful about exposing themselves to incriminating correspondence. By asking if you can make an explicit request first, you give the SP the power to redirect you to a medium they feel safer communicating over, like WhatsApp or Telegram, or encrypted email.
NOTE: Any explicit talk also falls under these guidelines... including recaps of encounters, etc.
Q: Is it ok to ask for rates not listed on their menu? i.e. different durations, social rates, etc.
A: Handle this with care. An inquiry into the existence of a particular rate like, "Do you have an all-day rate?" is different from saying, "Can I have an all-day rate?" The latter is asking for special pricing while the former is a request for info that might already exist. It's a huge No-No to ask for a special rate or discount. Just don't do it.
Q: I feel like I deserve a certain level of treatment in my booking, but I feel like I'm not getting what I paid for. Should I demand this level of treatment?
A: It is important to recognize that the perceptions of a client are dramatically different from those of the SP. Consider the scenario of a bartender... it will be somebody's birthday nearly every night they work. For the bartender, they see it routinely. However, for the patron, it's a special once-a-year day. Similarly, as a Client in the Client/SP relationship, what might be special or rare for you is not going to be for the SP. Good SPs will try to meet your expectations, but on the flipside, please try to keep your expectations reasonable and always put yourself in their shoes to see how they might react in the scenario. Also keep in mind that it's pretty common practice that a provider reserves the right to leave an engagement if they don't feel comfortable. The disclaimer up front is that INCLUDES keeping the booking gift provided.
TIP: When transferring money via Venmo, PayPal or similar... NEVER add a note that mentions "booking" or "deposit" or similar. Leave the comment blank or use an emoji if required. Nothing else. Certain terms can trigger unwanted responses from a number of different directions.
TIP: When bringing a gift, discrete packaging might be preferred. A SP won't likely want to call attention to the fact that multiple clients are bringing gifts to them regularly.
