What's the funniest thing that happened with a SP?
- Thread starter Big Dick Bob
- Start date
Back in 1998 when I was married and the wife was out of town I picked up this native girl on Hastings around 1 am. Drove to an alley behind a chinese warehouse on Alexander Street to do the deed. First was fucking her in mish in the backseat and she offers me anal for another twenty. I say sure at then stick my cock in her ass while still in mish. Pounding away for about 30 seconds and then all of a sudden hear this loud farting sound, followed by a disgusting stench. I pull out and then am horrified there is shit all over my cock, my stomach, her thighs and all over the car !!! She starts laughing hysterically, grabs her purse and bolts out of the car and runs down the alley with no pants on. I’m like “Holy Fuck!! What do I do now?” Long story short, with no towels or anything I drive home with the windows down. Luckily I had a private garage to clean everything up so late at night without anyone seeing me. The problem was, after spending lots of time and effort cleaning there was still slight stains and a smell I couldn’t get rid of. Picked up the wife the next day at YVR and she noticed right away. Told her that I had given a friend and his dog a ride to the field to play softball the day before and his dog shit in the car. Kept the car for five more years and was reminded that whole time of the anal experience with the native hooker in an alleyway on Alexander Street. Good times.
Years ago had a regular (one of my ATF's) who had this little Pug dog. Cute little thing which I would spoil with treats and toys. Visits alwasy involved a good belly rub for her. My ATF would tell the dog, Uncle Jethro was coming over.
During playtime the dog was locked out of the bedroom ofcourse. One time I guess she didn't close the door tight enough because I'm doing her in doggy (ironic isn't it) and suddely feel this cold wet sensation in my ass quickely followed by licking of my ball sac. I suddenly jolt upright from the sudden shock and in doing so, bend my penis in an awkward postiton. I then withdraw and between the pain and the shock/surprise fall off the bed. Now this all happens in less than 5 seconds! i look up and see the damn dog on the bed sitting there staring at me. My ATF is initially concerned ("OMG! Are you okay?") but then starts to laugh. I'm lying on the floor in agony but the sight of the dog and my ATF laughing gets me laughing. I said "Now that is the definition of coitus interruptus." By now we are laughing hysterically.
All in all, it took several minutes for us to regain our composure and the pain in my cock to settle down. Nothing serious and no broken bones thank fully. We eventually ushered the dog out of the room and resumed out activities.
From then on, everytime I went to her place, we put a chair in front of the door just to be sure and to this day I'm sure that dog looked at me differently.
Cheers
J
During playtime the dog was locked out of the bedroom ofcourse. One time I guess she didn't close the door tight enough because I'm doing her in doggy (ironic isn't it) and suddely feel this cold wet sensation in my ass quickely followed by licking of my ball sac. I suddenly jolt upright from the sudden shock and in doing so, bend my penis in an awkward postiton. I then withdraw and between the pain and the shock/surprise fall off the bed. Now this all happens in less than 5 seconds! i look up and see the damn dog on the bed sitting there staring at me. My ATF is initially concerned ("OMG! Are you okay?") but then starts to laugh. I'm lying on the floor in agony but the sight of the dog and my ATF laughing gets me laughing. I said "Now that is the definition of coitus interruptus." By now we are laughing hysterically.
All in all, it took several minutes for us to regain our composure and the pain in my cock to settle down. Nothing serious and no broken bones thank fully. We eventually ushered the dog out of the room and resumed out activities.
From then on, everytime I went to her place, we put a chair in front of the door just to be sure and to this day I'm sure that dog looked at me differently.
Cheers
J
I dunno - it seems to me if it had been "holy", it might not have smelled so bad!Holy shit!
One time a provider that I had seen a while back must have drank a little too much water prior to my appointment and in missionary you could really hear the water swishing around in her stomach.
It was so noticeable that she pushed her hand on her stomach to stop it from swishing and we just smiled at each other because it was super cute.
It was so noticeable that she pushed her hand on her stomach to stop it from swishing and we just smiled at each other because it was super cute.
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Well... unless God decided to punish this bad bad boy for cheating on his wife. ?I dunno - it seems to me if it had been "holy", it might not have smelled so bad!
He did!! We divorced 3 years later and she took half my shit!! During the marriage I worked 2 jobs and all she did was gain 40 pounds and watch tv all day. Bitter you say? Fuck Hell Yeah!! ? ? ?
Definitely you are the winner with your story, what a shit fastival lol
P.S. Too bad I was eating my breakfast while reading it
My favourite part is her laughing hysterically running down the road with no pants covered in shit ?
Running down the street naked & laughing while covered in shit.. sounds like there could be serious mental health issues going on.
Back in 1988 I had just moved to Vancouver with my then-wife. Being from the Prairies we weren’t all that familiar with the city but knew of Granville Ave, Robson, and Hastings.
We arrived very late at night, and excited about our new life in the big city, went for a late dinner and drinks downtown. As our temporary accommodations were out near SFU, we looked at the map after dinner (so funny to think of that now - looking at a map LOL) and headed up Hastings. Low-and-behold, not far from the outskirts of downtown, we witness a bare-ass woman - looks like a hooker- running down the street !
We look at each other and howl - WTF was that??
Welcome to Vancouver!
I shit you not.
Not to devalue your story but I’m pretty sure that’s a nightly sighting down there.....shit or no shit
The reason it's so bad here is because Vancouver takes the brunt of the homeless, addiction and mental health issue problems that Canada has. They would freeze to death on the streets in other cities.
Its quite sad to see so many who can't care for themselves that are left wandering the streets here. I had serious drug addiction problems over a decade ago. 2003-2006.I fell into it hard and fast. But even at my worst I was still able to shower and dress myself daily. I was never running through the streets psychotic and naked, and let me tell you, the amount I was using at the end each day in the days before I went into detox was absurd.
@Miss Hunter
How terrifying
So good to know that you pulled through it
Sometime off the record I would be interested to know how you did it
I often think ‘I am a privileged person’ - I am truly, truly, blessed - and think I should do more to hell - but don’t even know where to begin
How terrifying
So good to know that you pulled through it
Sometime off the record I would be interested to know how you did it
I often think ‘I am a privileged person’ - I am truly, truly, blessed - and think I should do more to hell - but don’t even know where to begin
I went through detox, went on methadone, then I took up running years ago for the endorphin rush to wean myself completely off methadone
Drugs aren’t what they used to be. There’s so much highly addictive toxic shit out there nowadays it’s a wonder anyone can get clean at all.
back in my day when someone ODed they’d usually get scared clean, at least for a bit.
now people are ODing multiple times a day. Makes no sense to me.
True Tanya, but a huge contributor was also the closure, in the 90’s, of Riverview Hospital which once housed thousands of mentally ill patients. It was an absurd attempt to integrate mental health patients back into communities with little or no support. It failed miserably. The property was subsequently sold to developers but still sits primarily vacant. Scandalous!!!
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