Is it cheating when it is a sexless marriage?

[MichaelP]

I have been single in my 50s, FWB with somebody within my age range so things are OK. Was having some drinks with a friend and, out of the blue, he asks if it would be cheating if he went to an MPA or visit a SP if his marriage has been sexless for some time. I wasn't willing answer his question as (a) mention I am in boards such as this one, though, if my friend happens to be here, I might be outing myself; and (b) if shit hits the fan, I might be blamed for whatever action he takes. Instead, I just told him he might want to talk to a counselor about this issue.

But, that got me thinking: is it cheating if you were to visit an SP if it is a sexless marriage?

 

[ExpCharlee]

Lying to your spouse is cheating.

 

[islander1-1]

It was 5 years of nothing, Zero, Zilch.... . Charlee,,,,, I have not lied to my spouse.... she has never asked and I am not about to just blurt it out...

 

[raymann]

Why stay in a sexless marriage and suffer? It doesn’t worth lying IMHO

 

[Number17]

Any act of kissing, digits, HJ, BJ, DATY, FS etc with another woman without your SO knowing is considered cheating regardless of how long the marriage has been sexless.

 

[islander1-1]

Why stay in a sexless marriage and suffer? It doesn’t worth lying IMHO

At my age.... I am very happily married... don't need and don't want the change and really don't want the hassle, Just very happy with the situation as is.

 

[raymann]

At my age.... I am very happily married... don't need and don't want the change and really don't want the hassle, Just very happy with the situation as is.

Fair enough, but legally speaking if you’re doing something sensual or sexual with another person without your partner’s knowledge and consent, you’re cheating. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Corym]

Like that old country song "it's cheaper to keep her" lyric

Spending an hour with an SP is cheaper than divorce. Technically it is cheating but after years of no sex.

You do what you gotta do.

As far as you are getting along and not arguing every minute than I guess people stay in it for the kids and financial reasons.

With the cost of living in Vancouver, it would be tough to start from scratch.

My 2 cents,

Cory

 

[Lenzarz47]

I know the context is about the sexual aspect of the marriage, but it makes me a bit sad that some are inclined to suggest seeing an SP.. cheating is not strictly physical, as emotional cheating is also a thing.

I think your suggestion to speak to a counselor was one of the best answers you could've given.

 

[ExpCharlee]

I wish we lived in a culture where sex was seen as something that it was okay to get outside a marriage, but we don’t. Some—although very few—wives would support it.

I would consider that I save marriages by giving men something they’re missing from their wives. It’s still lying to cheat on your spouse though.

Like IMHO it’s not a good thing to cheat on your wife and lie to her. Lying by omission is still lying. I get the justification, I see that technically and logically it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to hide something she wouldn’t be okay with from her.

I’m gonna get in so much shit for this LOL

 

[masterpoonhunter]

I wish we lived in a culture where sex was seen as something that it was okay to get outside a marriage, but we don’t. Some—although very few—wives would support it.

I would consider that I save marriages by giving men something they’re missing from their wives. It’s still lying to cheat on your spouse though.

Like IMHO it’s not a good thing to cheat on your wife and lie to her. Lying by omission is still lying. I get the justification, I see that technically and logically it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to hide something she wouldn’t be okay with from her.

I’m gonna get in so much shit for this LOL

No you're not.
But I might with my comments
You are bang on with this in my jaded and taxed view of marriage of which I have had some experience.
When the sex stops there is an underlying problem, physical, emotional, mental, whatever. If companionship is the goal, then so be it and more power to both sides of the relationship if they work that out.
But if the whole package, companionship, love, sex, etc is the goal, then sex is critical.

Yeah pooning on the side is being unfaithful, not sharing that is being unfaithful, lying if asked specifically is unfaithful, cheating, being a pig dog, you name it. I also think that tying the marriage to religious views affects the situation. That guilt thing that is so ingrained into Catholics in particular wrecks havoc on relationships.

It all should be a renewable contract. List out what is critical and after the term is up, if anything is missing either fix it or fuck it.

The marriage brings with it a promise that sex was part of the deal. If one party suddenly decides to join a monastery or nunnery and take an oath of celibacy, that is a material breach and the party that wants to "cheat" is allowed.

/end another rant on marriage where the sex stops.

 

[ExpCharlee]

No you're not.
But I might with my comments
You are bang on with this in my jaded and taxed view of marriage of which I have had some experience.
When the sex stops there is an underlying problem, physical, emotional, mental, whatever. If companionship is the goal, then so be it and more power to both sides of the relationship if they work that out.
But if the whole package, companionship, love, sex, etc is the goal, then sex is critical.

Yeah pooning on the side is being unfaithful, not sharing that is being unfaithful, lying if asked specifically is unfaithful, cheating, being a pig dog, you name it. I also think that tying the marriage to religious views affects the situation. That guilt thing that is so ingrained into Catholics in particular wrecks havoc on relationships.

It all should be a renewable contract. List out what is critical and after the term is up, if anything is missing either fix it or fuck it.

The marriage brings with it a promise that sex was part of the deal. If one party suddenly decides to join a monastery or nunnery and take an oath of celibacy, that is a material breach and the party that wants to "cheat" is allowed.

/end another rant on marriage where the sex stops.

If you’re in a relationship and the sex stops, ask how you can support. If she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, say you’ll either get it somewhere else or end the marriage. She doesn’t owe you sex EVER FOR ANY REASON and her revoking consent for ANY reason does not mean cheating is “allowed”.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

get it somewhere else or end the marriage

Exactly

 

[ExpCharlee]

get it somewhere else or end the marriage

Exactly

Yeah but communicate that! You’re in a fucking marriage the least you can do is be honest?

again, I understand there are a myriad of reasons not to disclose and it’s not black and white. Like maybe it would be better even for her, the kids, etc if she didn’t know—but who are you to make that decision? I dunno. I feel like the real issue here is our culture’s ideation of monogamy

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Yeah but communicate that! You’re in a fucking marriage the least you can do is be honest?

again, I understand there are a myriad of reasons not to disclose and it’s not black and white. Like maybe it would be better even for her, the kids, etc if she didn’t know—but who are you to make that decision? I dunno. I feel like the real issue here is our culture’s ideation of monogamy

Fuck yeah
Communication is critical but if my experiences can be applied here, when that ends up diverging, continually, well that fix it or fuck it thing starts to dominate everything. And it is so fucking tiring!

That is exactly the issue, the monogamy thing and THAT can lend itself to one fuck of a shit storm of a topic.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Haha. For voicing an opinion of morality on a forum that promotes an activity that society considers immoral. And said opinion coming from a purveyor of that immortality. LOL
I love irony

Hey I’m not the one cheating on my spouse ??‍♀ I don’t consider what I do to be immoral

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Haha. For voicing an opinion of morality on a forum that promotes an activity that society considers immoral. And said opinion coming from a purveyor of that immortality. LOL
I love irony

I don't think its ironical at all.
It is just calling it all exactly what it is.

Moral, immoral, what are the boundaries, right, wrong. Or is it a part of the human animal and a need to stay healthy.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Fuck yeah
Communication is critical but if my experiences can be applied here, when that ends up diverging, continually, well that fix it or fuck it thing starts to dominate everything. And it is so fucking tiring!

That is exactly the issue, the monogamy thing and THAT can lend itself to one fuck of a shit storm of a topic.

Yeah the real culprit is a culture that’s hanging on to weird social expectations leftover from the idea of bloodlines and property ownership and stuff that makes us feel like the only option is to lie. BLERGGGG

 

[ExpCharlee]

I don't think its ironical at all.
It is just calling it all exactly what it is.

Moral, immoral, what are the boundaries, right, wrong. Or is it a part of the human animal and a need to stay healthy.

Sex isn’t a need like food, water, etc. We won’t die without sex.
See: these wives who don’t wanna fuck y’all anymore.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Sex isn’t a need like food, water, etc. We won’t die without sex.

well I don't know, back in the devoid of sex days and my hand wasn't getting me what I needed, I sure thought I was going to die!!