I don't give a shit who this post offends.....
- Thread starter sybian
- Start date
Christmas Spirit
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process
all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed
in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should
open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the
money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas,
and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money,
I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are
my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Elaine
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Elaine and the
dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the
workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
PS: there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the
Post Office.
Sincerely,
Elaine
Merry Christmas to one and all.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process
all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed
in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should
open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the
money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas,
and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money,
I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are
my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Elaine
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Elaine and the
dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the
workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
PS: there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the
Post Office.
Sincerely,
Elaine
Merry Christmas to one and all.
Well, lest there be any postal workers reading PERB, I will just mention that in all my dealings at the local post office over the years, I have always encountered prompt, helpful and courteous service. Merry Christmas to all the postal workers!
It was just meant to be a funny story, with absolutely no intention of insulting any postal workers.
They deliver with as much certainty as most SPs do.
Yes, that is how I understood it. I just wanted to let the good folks at the post office know they are appreciated.It was just meant to be a funny story, with absolutely no intention of insulting any postal workers.
They deliver with as much certainty as most SPs do.
Yah....except for that one Dude who lost my letter to Santa last year.
...I filed a complaint, and when the young lady looked up at me and saw how serious I was about the matter, she handed me one of those generic letter to Santa forms they give a three year old.
I was so upset.....I used a red crayon this time.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was sober, not even a mouse. I had just got out of jail and settled in for a long piece of tail, when out on the lawn there was a hell of a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.......
My place was surrounded with cops all around,
Flashing lights and sirens with that deafening sound.
They approached the house with hands on their gun,
Which quickly killed the mood for some sexual fun.
I opened the front door, stark naked of course,
embarrassed because I'm not hung like a horse.
My hands went up to surrender to their demands,
But I wanted to cover my little dick with my hands.
I noticed some smirks, some loud laughing as well,
My plan for a long piece of tail had gone all to hell.
Their laughing and pointing didn't make me feel good,
Because they were making fun of my tiny manhood.
Then one sergeant stepped out and approached me alone,
And admitted that they had come to the wrong home.
They were looking for a tall guy, an athletic sort,
Certainly not a guy like me, ... old, fat and short.
When all the cops retreated, I quickly lost all my fear,
As they hollered "Merry Christmas & Happy New Year" .
Surround yourself with family....if not that...
Surround yourself with good friends....if not that...
Surround yourself with others ,who may be alone at Christmas....you will have that as a common bond.
From my heart, this Cowboy wishes you well, no matter from what walk of life your from, or who you may be.
In my own simple way, wish you all .....a very Merry Christmas.
Surround yourself with good friends....if not that...
Surround yourself with others ,who may be alone at Christmas....you will have that as a common bond.
From my heart, this Cowboy wishes you well, no matter from what walk of life your from, or who you may be.
In my own simple way, wish you all .....a very Merry Christmas.
Thank you Sybian. Whether you're holed up in the ranch house with your dogs, or visiting family in some busy city somewhere, I wish you the best of the season.
As for me, I just got back from a stroll in the forest with the dog. While out in the forest, I met my neighbour carrying his freshly-cut Christmas tree home. Now I'm sitting in my rocker. The love of my life is stretched out on the couch by the Christmas tree, and the dog is sprawled snoozing oh her bed next to my chair. My evening glass of stout is almost consumed. Life is good.
A very Merry Christmas to all you PERBS and the to the ladies who add so much to our lives.
Cheers to that!! Amen brothers.
A wee drop 'O the good stuff to chase down that stout.
'Twere it be Bushmills, Tullamore D.E.W. or Jamesons........
Simply Wonderful!!
Nothin in this world is made quite like a good drop of Irish.
There is a reason it is called the "Water of Life"
Uisce Beatha Gaelic for "Water of Life"
And Merry Christmas to All.
.......................QM'r
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were
packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were
packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ranch,
Not a creature was stirring, and it wasn't by chance.
The wench was strung up by the chimney with care,
Hoping her dear Master soon would be there.
The critters were nestled all warm on their rugs,
The wench was still waiting, tied snug as a bug.
Then into the room there swept her dear Master.
He threw down his coat, and she heard evil laughter.
"I've been busy shopping," he said with a leer.
"I've brought lots of toys to give bad girls good cheer."
Then out of a black velvet bag he did pull
A whole bunch of toys to make happy her Yule!
A flogger, a paddle, a crop, and a whip,
A St. Andrew's cross, some clothespins to zip,
A collar locked up with a padlock quite tight,
And leather restraints that would hold her just right,
Nipple clamps, suction cups, speculums too,
A Wartenberg wheel, and mint-flavored lube,
Some candles, some ropes, a new cupping set,
A new leather harness that made her quite wet,
A blindfold, a gag, a new spanking bench,
And finally a bunny-fur mitt for the wench.
The Master approached her, his eyes all a-twinkle,
And asked, "My dear wench, how's this little wrinkle?
"I'll tie you, I'll flog you, I'll pinch and I'll tickle,
"I'll have so much fun, putting you in a pickle!"
The wench, she was speechless, her legs had gone weak,
As she dreamed of his hand going "smack!" on her cheeks.
Her eyes cast submissively down to the floor,
She was ready to answer when in through the door
Came another, dressed up in a red velvet suit,
With eight tiny reindeer in close, hot pursuit.
"What is this?" the new one, old Santa, he asked.
His eyebrow arched knowingly, slapping her ass.
"You perverts! You freaks! Is this Christmas to you?
"You've forgotten some of my favorite tools!"
Then out of his bag he pulled two more toys,
Sure to bring pleasure to girls and to boys:
A full bondage harness, made just for suspension,
A swing to go with it, that got her attention!
Then back through the door old Santa did go,
And merwench and Master once more were alone.
"It's playtime," said Master, his eyes all aglint,
As he started to fasten a clamp to her clit.
She moaned, she sighed, she thrashed and she wriggled,
And out in the yard she heard Santa giggle.
Then Santa exclaimed, as their house he was leaving,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Beating!"
Not a creature was stirring, and it wasn't by chance.
The wench was strung up by the chimney with care,
Hoping her dear Master soon would be there.
The critters were nestled all warm on their rugs,
The wench was still waiting, tied snug as a bug.
Then into the room there swept her dear Master.
He threw down his coat, and she heard evil laughter.
"I've been busy shopping," he said with a leer.
"I've brought lots of toys to give bad girls good cheer."
Then out of a black velvet bag he did pull
A whole bunch of toys to make happy her Yule!
A flogger, a paddle, a crop, and a whip,
A St. Andrew's cross, some clothespins to zip,
A collar locked up with a padlock quite tight,
And leather restraints that would hold her just right,
Nipple clamps, suction cups, speculums too,
A Wartenberg wheel, and mint-flavored lube,
Some candles, some ropes, a new cupping set,
A new leather harness that made her quite wet,
A blindfold, a gag, a new spanking bench,
And finally a bunny-fur mitt for the wench.
The Master approached her, his eyes all a-twinkle,
And asked, "My dear wench, how's this little wrinkle?
"I'll tie you, I'll flog you, I'll pinch and I'll tickle,
"I'll have so much fun, putting you in a pickle!"
The wench, she was speechless, her legs had gone weak,
As she dreamed of his hand going "smack!" on her cheeks.
Her eyes cast submissively down to the floor,
She was ready to answer when in through the door
Came another, dressed up in a red velvet suit,
With eight tiny reindeer in close, hot pursuit.
"What is this?" the new one, old Santa, he asked.
His eyebrow arched knowingly, slapping her ass.
"You perverts! You freaks! Is this Christmas to you?
"You've forgotten some of my favorite tools!"
Then out of his bag he pulled two more toys,
Sure to bring pleasure to girls and to boys:
A full bondage harness, made just for suspension,
A swing to go with it, that got her attention!
Then back through the door old Santa did go,
And merwench and Master once more were alone.
"It's playtime," said Master, his eyes all aglint,
As he started to fasten a clamp to her clit.
She moaned, she sighed, she thrashed and she wriggled,
And out in the yard she heard Santa giggle.
Then Santa exclaimed, as their house he was leaving,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Beating!"
Today it's Tullamore round a bonfire with a few close friends.....if I'm lucky I may even get a Christmas kiss from a wee Lass.
I try not to offend anyone on here
But to day what the fuck.
MERRY Christmas.
Even if your not a Christian.
Hope I did not go to far!!!
"Happy New Year" to if i dont get back to uou all by that time.
That's the one on the 1st of January not the other ones that are celebrating over 5000 yr or the Mayan calendar.
But to day what the fuck.
MERRY Christmas.
Even if your not a Christian.
Hope I did not go to far!!!
"Happy New Year" to if i dont get back to uou all by that time.
That's the one on the 1st of January not the other ones that are celebrating over 5000 yr or the Mayan calendar.
