Infidelity - am I a monster?

[lars_from_mars]

I made the mistake of opening up (anonymously) in a relationship-related reddit group about my deal. Specifically, that after spending years in pretty happy marriage where the bedroom was dead, I resorted to renting temporary satisfaction from SP's. Otherwise, my wife, job, kids, cars, finances, house, cats, dogs, vacation, life, etc are all happy. Just a broken sex life that I was powerless to mend.

Eventually, though some degree of communication and collaboration and manipulation, the wife and I began to see some improvements in the bedroom. I'm content; she's content. It's not perfect but I'm satisfied and am not seeing SP's anymore.


...well the reaction I got on reddit was pitchforks and torches. I was a monster and a fucking broken mess of a human being.

Am I a monster? Now I'm worried that I'm some kind of sociopath because I don't *feel* like a monster.

 

[ddcanz]

I made the mistake of opening up (anonymously) in a relationship-related reddit group about my deal. Specifically, that after spending years in pretty happy marriage where the bedroom was dead, I resorted to renting temporary satisfaction from SP's. Otherwise, my wife, job, kids, cars, finances, house, cats, dogs, vacation, life, etc are all happy. Just a broken sex life that I was powerless to mend.

Eventually, though some degree of communication and collaboration and manipulation, the wife and I began to see some improvements in the bedroom. I'm content; she's content. It's not perfect but I'm satisfied and am not seeing SP's anymore.


...well the reaction I got on reddit was pitchforks and torches. I was a monster and a fucking broken mess of a human being.

Am I a monster? Now I'm worried that I'm some kind of sociopath because I don't *feel* like a monster.

You are who you are.
As we all are.
Any judgement from most on this Board should be shit-canned.
BTW- do you consider MP girlies to be SPs?
I know you like a good R&T (and reverse facial) on occasion!

 

[papillion]

Dude, one of the keys to happiness is to “care less about what others think of you”

 

[felixthecat]

Well, there's no immediate issue or moral choice, if you are not seeing SPs anymore.

A sociopath wouldn't feel empathy, in this case with your wife. It could be a form of guilt if you imagined her feelings if, hypothetically, she'd find out.
Since people are good at rationalizing their actions and forgiving their own past mistakes, I wouldn't expect you to feel too bad about the past regardless.

Also a sociopath wouldn't ask this question, I suppose. For somebody who ignores other people's feelings, it should be logically an advantage rather than a problem.

 

[FreeG]

^ well said Ava.

Reminds me that some of the most out-spoken homophobes out there have gotten caught with male escorts. Some of the most out-spoken advocates for "family values" (whatever that means!) have gotten caught in infidelity. This isn't to judge those actions, per se, but rather consider that sometimes the most outspoken person may simply be shouting to drown out their own guilt or steer attention away from their own actions.

 

[westwoody]

Sex outside of marriage saved your marriage.

You should be proud of yourself for making it work in the long run. Screw the haters.

Props for the 2002 join. That's one of the oldest I've seen.

 

[jazzhands]

I made the mistake of opening up (anonymously) in a relationship-related reddit group about my deal. Specifically, that after spending years in pretty happy marriage where the bedroom was dead, I resorted to renting temporary satisfaction from SP's. Otherwise, my wife, job, kids, cars, finances, house, cats, dogs, vacation, life, etc are all happy. Just a broken sex life that I was powerless to mend.

Eventually, though some degree of communication and collaboration and manipulation, the wife and I began to see some improvements in the bedroom. I'm content; she's content. It's not perfect but I'm satisfied and am not seeing SP's anymore.


...well the reaction I got on reddit was pitchforks and torches. I was a monster and a fucking broken mess of a human being.

Am I a monster? Now I'm worried that I'm some kind of sociopath because I don't *feel* like a monster.

Well Reddit is full of trolls and overhyped feminists who look down on this hobby and those who partake in it (both pooners & SPs alike) so it doesn't surprise me that you got that sort of feedback. Just take it with a grain of salt.. and know better than to turn there of all places for feedback/advice/validation/all that jazz regarding this kind of subject matter.

Myself - while I've never been married nor do I ever plan on being tied in such a commitment - I do have a girlfriend who is aware of my participation in this hobby but only because I met her while actually seeing an SP who was using her place to host. This was a couple years ago, and being that she was the one who handled the phone/booking/donation collection I actually only got ahold of her to unveil my dissatisfaction with the girl I saw. After months of texting/calling we actually hooked up and figured our chemistry was better set outside of the biz and soon I found myself actually dating this woman. She's really lovely, and I care for her a lot but she has really bad fibromyalgia and while I meet her expectations in the bedroom - I can't say she does the same for me due to some limitations which is NOT her fault and NOT something I'd ever hold against anyone with fibromyalgia/other physical limitations.
However with that being said, I'm a bit younger than her (I'm 21, she's 34) and still crave that intimacy that she can't deliver - and she knows this. Hence the reason why I go on the prowl for the flavor of the week. Often I question whether I should feel bad or not, moreso when I go meet a provider only to be left utterly disappointed, feeling as though it wasn't entirely worth it - but I'd never consider myself a monster or god forbid a sociopath just for seeking something that is otherwise (for the most part) unavailable to me.

I think the point I'm trying to get across is - we all have reasons for why we seek services from SPs, but the majority of that reason being to fulfill desired sexual fantasies/companionship that we can't achieve from ordinary typical chicks. It shouldn't be anything too personal, that's the whole point of SPs is the perks of having a NSA intimate encounter. At least from my perspective, to each their own.

 

[Addison Cortez]

Well, there's no immediate issue or moral choice, if you are not seeing SPs anymore.

A sociopath wouldn't feel empathy, in this case with your wife. It could be a form of guilt if you imagined her feelings if, hypothetically, she'd find out.
Since people are good at rationalizing their actions and forgiving their own past mistakes, I wouldn't expect you to feel too bad about the past regardless.

Also a sociopath wouldn't ask this question, I suppose. For somebody who ignores other people's feelings, it should be logically an advantage rather than a problem.

*off topic* yes they would. Sociopaths are masters of manipulation...and can use empathy against people.

Well Reddit is full of trolls and overhyped feminists who look down on this hobby and those who partake in it (both pooners & SPs alike) so it doesn't surprise me that you got that sort of feedback. Just take it with a grain of salt.. and know better than to turn there of all places for feedback/advice/validation/all that jazz regarding this kind of subject matter.

Myself - while I've never been married nor do I ever plan on being tied in such a commitment - I do have a girlfriend who is aware of my participation in this hobby but only because I met her while actually seeing an SP who was using her place to host. This was a couple years ago, and being that she was the one who handled the phone/booking/donation collection I actually only got ahold of her to unveil my dissatisfaction with the girl I saw. After months of texting/calling we actually hooked up and figured our chemistry was better set outside of the biz and soon I found myself actually dating this woman. She's really lovely, and I care for her a lot but she has really bad fibromyalgia and while I meet her expectations in the bedroom - I can't say she does the same for me due to some limitations which is NOT her fault and NOT something I'd ever hold against anyone with fibromyalgia/other physical limitations.
However with that being said, I'm a bit younger than her (I'm 21, she's 34) and still crave that intimacy that she can't deliver - and she knows this. Hence the reason why I go on the prowl for the flavor of the week. Often I question whether I should feel bad or not, moreso when I go meet a provider only to be left utterly disappointed, feeling as though it wasn't entirely worth it - but I'd never consider myself a monster or god forbid a sociopath just for seeking something that is otherwise (for the most part) unavailable to me.

I think the point I'm trying to get across is - we all have reasons for why we seek services from SPs, but the majority of that reason being to fulfill desired sexual fantasies/companionship that we can't achieve from ordinary typical chicks. It shouldn't be anything too personal, that's the whole point of SPs is the perks of having a NSA intimate encounter. At least from my perspective, to each their own.

well said it is human nature... You were lucky to have an understanding lady, but in most cases ladies are hurt by this and do not understand the deeper sexual need a lot of men have.

I think that you made a personal choice for your own sanity in able to keep the people in your life happy.. We all need to be happy.

Thank you those ones piss me off the most , not the sexuality but like you say the deflection , and the judging of others
it is a kin to.... do as I say, not as I do

Agree 100% as these are the 'sociopaths' we really need to worry about because even if they aren't totally sociopathic, they are encouraging the neurones in their brains to become sociopathic...


Being who we are is all about choices and reasons why we make these choices are our own. We all come from different ethnicities, family and ancestry with different pasts that has made us who we are today. To be able to make good choices and be happy with the person we are and then to be able to incorporate that into a relationship with another complicated being is a great accomplishment, no matter the means to get there. Congratulations are in order.

 

[badbadboy]

Lars

So many men totally see your point of view. Being sexual males does not negate us from speaking up about how we are or how we navigate this intricate world of ours.

However, I do question why you felt compelled to out yourself on a Reddit Couples type forum? I'd say they would not be complimentary to any pooner. I'm betting the males got in step with the females on your post.

It can be a cruel world and Reddit is known for its Troll activity. I read stuff over there but never contribute. It's Trump Bot central as far as I can tell on the political side.

Right subject, wrong place IMO. Guys are safe here :nod:

 

[felixthecat]

It can be a cruel world and Reddit is known for its Troll activity.

You don't say. Talking about pooning on a relationship forum is a fine example of trolling. :lol:

Also a sociopath wouldn't ask this question, I suppose.

*off topic* yes they would. Sociopaths are masters of manipulation...and can use empathy against people.

To reconstruct my thought process, I didn't see an obvious benefit from trolling PERB. I would be suspicious if there was something to gain.

To be fair, there was a possible sociopath on this forum, who had a declared goal of eliciting emotions from others.

Lars is not new, didn't have that kind of history, and the topic is rather ordinary than scandalous by PERB standards. Maybe those were main reasons for thinking he's sincere.

 

[Addison Cortez]

You don't say. Talking about pooning on a relationship forum is a fine example of trolling. :lol:





To reconstruct my thought process, I didn't see an obvious benefit from trolling PERB. I would be suspicious if there was something to gain.

To be fair, there was a possible sociopath on this forum, who had a declared goal of eliciting emotions from others.

Lars is not new, didn't have that kind of history, and the topic is rather ordinary than scandalous by PERB standards. Maybe those were main reasons for thinking he's sincere.

I also think so and was simply making a side note on sociopathic behaviour, present company excluded. Apologies for my poorly explained post, although I put an off topic dude there I should have taken a minute longer to explain myself a little better. I concluded my thought process at the end of my entire post..as a whole.

Also, I loved your comment "You don't say. Talking about pooning on a relationship forum is a fine example of trolling. :lol:" very witty :laugh:"

 

[Sexfeverca]

Not a monster! Just one of us! Wrrrrrr!

 

[clu]

Isn't the Internet powered by outrage? Don't take it personally. It just needs to feed.

 

[apl16]

Dude, one of the keys to happiness is to “care less about what others think of you”

I agree completely!

 

[PierreCoeur]

Interesting Post. You go to the Reddit forum to confess infidelity seeking forgiveness? And come to Perb seeking validation? You are definitely not a monster but perhaps you are an attention seeker. I think a lot people come looking for dialogue because we are unsure of ourselves and the things we do. What we have to realize is that there are going to be those who will agree with what we are saying and others who are opposed. In the end we are no better off as we will just filter out the naysayers and accept the positive no matter how bad or stupid our actions were. People rarely move from the position they took or the decisions they made.

 

[ddcanz]

I love my wife and we have a good sex life.

I seek out MPs/SPs because I love naked. I love the gratification. I couldn't give it up if I wanted to. And I don't want to. Life is short.

I do everything I can to keep my secret. If I get caught, that will suck. But I wouldn't take it back.

A fair and honest comment if I ever heard one.

 

[Total Slacker]

You were really ok with it? Any guilty feelings when you looked at your wife and kids? Trouble sleeping? Just because anonymous posters like me may disagree with what you did it doesn't make you a "monster".

Have to admit, if I found out a friend of my was carrying on like this under the exact same circumstances, we wouldn't be friends anymore.

 

[emacky]

I had a chat recently with an SP about this hobby. I told her I wouldn't do this if I was with someone. She asked me why?

I told her about infidelity and not being honest with the person I was with. She agreed that it wouldn't be honest, but more dishonest that if I had the need that she couldn't fulfill that I wasn't trying to fulfill it.

Basically you date/marry someone because you love them and see a future with them. However, sometimes that person you're with might not be the whole package. She mentioned about being honest with that person about that hobby or there's no shame doing this hobby because in the end the person you're with might not be able to completely satisfy that desire.

 

[Mrmotorscooter]

You only have to answer to yourself, keep it to yourself if you are feeling guilty and it’s messing with your head and it makes you feel bad, this is not for you. Take a break and see how you feel down the road, if you can live without it that is a win as you will save $$$. Others opinions won’t help much as it’s your decision regardless.

 

[ddcanz]

Have to admit, if I found out a friend of my was carrying on like this under the exact same circumstances, we wouldn't be friends anymore.

So how exactly would that play out? Straight up tell him/her they are a POS and see ya later- they don't fit your idea of how a friend behaves?
There's a lot more to most situations than meets the eye.
I might not approve or whatever, but I wouldn't dump a life long friend over it.
And when your own wife/SO asks why you don't hang with Johnny/Jenny anymore- you throw them under the bus? Then THEIR spouses and family will find out in a hurry.
Not anyone's business to tank someone else's relationship, IMO.