Any other "empty nesters' out there?

[Jethro Bodine]

Many of you may know from my previous posts that I am a single dad to a daughter who is now in her later teens.
For the past 17+ years (15 of those just the 2 of us) she has been the sole focus of my life.
In the past year I tend to see her less and less. She is busy with school, part-time job, her friends and sports, often just stopping in at home to change or eat and then she is on the run again. I miss her but don't want to tell her and risk making her feel guilty for just being a normal teenager who is spreading her wings and becoming her own person.
She is good girl and I know I don't have to worry about her.
It is such a weird feeling without her around much. I almost don't know what to do with myself (I will say my house has never been so clean, LOL!).
You come home to a quiet empty house. I often will have the TV on just for the noise.
Next year she will be gone to university out of province.
I am filling some of the time working more and spending more time at the gym/pool. Also I am looking into hobbies, etc to take up my time (I've even thought about taking up golf again which I used to do a lot of before she was born).

But it still is a very strange empty feeling.
Anyone else gone through this and how did you deal with it?

Cheers

 

[rxwca]

I've empathy for you, though I haven't gone through that. I had a brother who swam in a community centre, not sure if it was a club. They went on trips and did some social things together. So rather than just the activities, it's the people that he did the activities with. Their common bond was age. Maybe google "empty nester vancouver" or something and see if you might find something. A pet is good too. Good luck!

 

[badbadboy]

I'm in the same boat JB

For what its worth, I have found the best way is simply to ask to get together. In my case it may be walking the dog, cooking a meal together, seeing Canucks games, and bonus is a lot of my music is quite "tolerable" to my kids. Two of mine have accompanied me on road trips to the USA to see some great shows.

I went through a period of a lot of loneliness and found the only way out of it was to extend myself. As you mentioned, kids get very involved with all their own stuff and sometimes like to be part of your life too.

 

[resercher]

Many of you may know from my previous posts that I am a single dad to a daughter who is now in her later teens.
For the past 17+ years (15 of those just the 2 of us) she has been the sole focus of my life.
In the past year I tend to see her less and less. She is busy with school, part-time job, her friends and sports, often just stopping in at home to change or eat and then she is on the run again. I miss her but don't want to tell her and risk making her feel guilty for just being a normal teenager who is spreading her wings and becoming her own person.
She is good girl and I know I don't have to worry about her.
It is such a weird feeling without her around much. I almost don't know what to do with myself (I will say my house has never been so clean, LOL!).
You come home to a quiet empty house. I often will have the TV on just for the noise.
Next year she will be gone to university out of province.
I am filling some of the time working more and spending more time at the gym/pool. Also I am looking into hobbies, etc to take up my time (I've even thought about taking up golf again which I used to do a lot of before she was born).

But it still is a very strange empty feeling.
Anyone else gone through this and how did you deal with it?

Cheers

I am not a single father but I spend a lot of time alone here are some ideas however In writing this I feel a little Like a drug addict telling a new person where to go to get his fix absolutely none of the following suggestions are considered to be healthy .

1 computer games on steam http://store.steampowered.com/

Here is a free visual novel the way this works is your choices determine which ending you get sort of a male otome type thing http://store.steampowered.com/app/331470/?snr=1_7_7_151_150_1


This is the first I guess you would call immersive computer game that I had played if you download the patch and can get it to work.

You will forget about the world around you for at least a couple of hours http://store.steampowered.com/agecheck/app/2600/?snr=1_7_7_151_150_1


Buying alcohol and mixing cocktails for myself always get some interesting ideas from this Website


https://makemeacocktail.com/mybar/

Absinthe is always fun http://feeverte.net/forum/

Some people like to use salvia

http://www.sagewisdom.org/


Lately I have been watching asmr videos

You may or may not be affected by them I like some of the work of indigo star even though I do not get the tingles Asmr response I still find them relaxing .

http://www.asmryouready.com/

Those are some ideas but like I say it's sort of like getting advice from the bad idea bears


<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eSCFCrRodGg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[DiscreetOG]

Jethro, we also had a busy household when our children were growing up. Our attitude as parents, and thankfully we could afford the cost, was keep them so busy they didn't have time go get into trouble..lol In their early to mid-teens, most nights my wife and I went in different directions driving them to various gyms, fields, and events. Depending how you look at it, we were fortunate that they, for whatever reason were not keen to get their drivers licence when they turned 16...that was o.k. with us. They started leaving the home in their late teens for college, travel, etc., and by 10 years ago, we were "empty nesters". It is certainly a big change, going from hustle and bustle to dead quiet!
I must admit I went stir crazy for a few years, wondering what to do with myself. We started to Golf a little more, see more movies, and travel. I agree with the comment by badbadboy about contacting friends, make a coffee date. Join a club, whatever your interests.
Now, we have grandchildren and I find it's starting all over again for us as they start getting involved various activities. We attend their sport events, school garage sales, etc. to pass time.
I know what you're going through. Over time, hopefully you'll get over it. Best of luck to you.

 

[timeforchange]

My path to the empty nest was slow and caught up to me with a sudden jolt. Wife and 3 kids. Kids in Cubs, school band, school and rec sports. As each finished school I had a little more time for the younger ones but finally they all graduated high school and that fall I realized as each day I came home from work my time was now my own and I didn't really know what to do with it. Then my wife left and immediately all the kids got their own places. I went from a house of 4 people who needed me to a house of 4 who didn't need me to an empty house. I now try to see all 4 a couple times a month just to catch up with their lives. Yes, and the ex. And quess what, each has their own home and dad/ex gets calls to help fix something. I'm started to be needed again. There is a correlation between my empty nest and becoming a member of this board.

 

[johnsmit]

I am a strange empty nester.
Never had the wild and kids .but was close to my parents for 59 yrs..dad passed and way 12 yrs a go and mom just 3 yrs ago last month.
Other then a sister and her grown kid I got no family . And have been a loner with only a few freindscenes.
So I made up for it by seeing escorts doing some photography and helping out said escort friends when I can.
Of course I acted like I was retired back 5 ...10 yrs ago when I was in my 50s now I am back to working...
And seeing a few girls ..That's how I am handling it and it is ok for now until I find I can't do either .

 

[sevenofnine]

not an empty nester, but a couple things.

a dog is great, I walk the dog daily, met a group of people and we meet every day, made friends with them. at the dog park.
also sp's tend to be dog lovers some of them any way. me and my sp have walked our dogs together, still do meet on occasion for a coffee and a dog walk,
and besides your never a lone when you have a dog in the house. great great companions.

have interests and a hobby or two. makes you interesting.
listen to people honestly listen to people and care.

meeting people is quite easy, if your in the right frame of mind.

I dunno its a strange thought being lonely

I remember as a kid being alone it was a rough child hood. and I looked down at the city, and thought how the hell can this be. there is half a million people here for fucks sake, how can I not have a friend.
the truth was I didn't want one, my child hood was so fucked up, I couldn't bear to face any one and explain it.

I dunno but im making up for it now. to be honest. look at some one honestly look into there eyes, and listen, and care, you will never be alone.

 

[Tugela]

It is the same for everyone I think, parents, siblings, the kids themselves. At some point they will leave, and the house will always seem a bit emptier as a result. I remember when my oldest brother left, he got married while still living at home, but when he drove off after the reception it was weird knowing that he would not be coming back ever (other than to visit). If you have been living together as a family for as long as you care to remember, the shock of someone not being there anymore is almost like them dieing.

 

[GAdventurer]

I too am an empty nester Jethro. Have been for almost 10 years. Not only that but I added moving a fair distance away from the kids, siblings and friends into the mix. Very lonely. That would be the best descriptor. After feeling sorry for myself for a while I found some volunteering activities, skiing in the winter of course, join a club and generally stepped out of my normal self to be gregarious (THAT was hard).

Texting keeps me connected, even just a few words, the odd WJ flight back, and once in a while visitors. Seems the . . . . . . lack of immediate proximity is less distressing now, though the anticipation and thrill of the first greeting hug when I do go back is wonderful.

To be further revealing, this community occasionally fills the void as well . . . . though Van is quite a ways off....

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Thanks to you all for you words or advice and encouragement.
You are right about filling my life with new activities and interests.

I actually went down to a local homeless shelter the other day to fill out the forms to become a volunteer.

I don't have a dog (just cats) because my work often keeps me away from the house for 12+ hours or even days but I love dogs and had lots of them in my younger days. I am going to sign up to be a volunteer dog walker at the Winnipeg Humane Society.

I am going to learn how to play the guitar. As a kid growing up I was always jealous of my friends who could play an instrument but my family could not afford the instrument or lessons.

I am going to to learn to speak French. Growing up in Winnipeg it was part of our education from Grade 1 but I had to drop it by Grade 9 to concentrate on math and science courses. I've always wanted to pick it up again as i think it is important to be able to converse in the other "official language" of our country.

Cheers
J

 

[paprides]

I find as long as she knows you love her, care for her and are with her as she moves along her journey into adult hood, it's good.

Filling your life with meaningful things will make her proud of you too. Something she may not say, yet it may come out in other ways.

You're on a good path.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

 

[rxwca]

Your song reminded me of this. It's from the same time period and has maybe a similar spirit. I was a latchkey kid at the time and it was one was one of my favorites.

 

[Lauren Ross]

Thanks to you all for you words or advice and encouragement.
You are right about filling my life with new activities and interests.

I actually went down to a local homeless shelter the other day to fill out the forms to become a volunteer.

I don't have a dog (just cats) because my work often keeps me away from the house for 12+ hours or even days but I love dogs and had lots of them in my younger days. I am going to sign up to be a volunteer dog walker at the Winnipeg Humane Society.

I am going to learn how to play the guitar. As a kid growing up I was always jealous of my friends who could play an instrument but my family could not afford the instrument or lessons.

I am going to to learn to speak French. Growing up in Winnipeg it was part of our education from Grade 1 but I had to drop it by Grade 9 to concentrate on math and science courses. I've always wanted to pick it up again as i think it is important to be able to converse in the other "official language" of our country.

Cheers
J

This is a great start JB! Have you heard of the website, Meetup? It is a way to find groups of people doing things you are interested in. You may be able to integrate some of your new ideas with it as well, maybe a learn to play guitar group, or a dog walking group, or who knows what you will find of interest that is already available.
Xoxo