Painful Separation

[Mclovinit604]

Just wondering how many other PERB members have gone through a painful separation from their spouse? After 10+ years of marriage, I couldn't keep going anymore. Accused of not wanting to go through marriage counselling. I think this would be a waste of money as I have no desire or connection to stay sith her. Have grown apart hugely. Not just because of escorts. We haven't slept together for past four years. Platonic at best. She is very angry and bitter. I can understand why. But to continue in the marriage would made me miserable and both of us would decay...

 

[Booblover123]

22 years of marriage for me and just packed it in 7 months ago,went for counselling and it actually helped me understand it was over for a long time and not worth going back.It is not easy but life is too short to be unhappy all the time.We had no sex in 3 years and lived in separate bedrooms and were just business partners in the end.Thank goodness for the lovely ladies that keep us going thru this tough time.

 

[1nitestan]

The big question both parties need ask themselves before going to any counselling "Am I even friends with my spouse?" If the answer is 'no', then no amount of counselling is gonna help.

 

[summerbreeze]

counseling is more about understanding and communicating rather than reconciliation

think of a confidential referee which gives you a chance to deal with all the issues you have been unable to work through due to one party refusing or getting too angry

you may well find that a good counseling session can bring some peace to the relationship, parting or staying and can get you closure without blame and guilt

I highly recommend it

 

[princeofdarkness]

counseling is more about understanding and communicating rather than reconciliation

think of a confidential referee which gives you a chance to deal with all the issues you have been unable to work through due to one party refusing or getting too angry

you may well find that a good counseling session can bring some peace to the relationship, parting or staying and can get you closure without blame and guilt

I highly recommend it

Well said Summerbreeze, I echo the same sentiments. Thank you.
Good luck to McLovinit604.

 

[never mind the ballack]

They do separation counseling as well
Its aimed at getting the relation over with with out killing each other
Like summerbreeze said its referee to sort out arguments at a fraction of the cost of a lawyer

 

[sevenofnine]

I think everyone's situation is different. everyone's marriage is different, the relastionship their needs etc.

big mistake to generalize and put everyone in the same category.

35 years of marriage its hard. its dam hard. the first years are like a war,
the next years are like a jail sentence. you lost the war now you have to accept the terms of surrender.
shit its fucking hard.

but at some point you reach a conclusion a truce. at least me and my wife have.
like some one said, if you can remain friends. if you can't why are you together anymore.

im fortunate.
I think its wrong to blame one party in particular. yeah I know but we both have to grow together and find that place,
some times we can't or one person can't it or the other person is so dam well an ass and they, can't

 

[maniacalone]

The institution of marriage will be extinct in time. Technology of Tinder, Pof, or the benefits of this forum makes it a viable alternative to a stable relationship. Companionship of whatever sort you seek, it's simply a websearch away. Pragmatic and drama free. No divorce courts or obligatory needs to stay. Speaking from a male perspective of course. Perhaps women are coming to the same realization.

 

[summerbreeze]

marriage is more about the children than the adults

 

[EuroSZabina]

The institution of marriage will be extinct in time. Technology of Tinder, Pof, or the benefits of this forum makes it a viable alternative to a stable relationship. Companionship of whatever sort you seek, it's simply a websearch away. Pragmatic and drama free. No divorce courts or obligatory needs to stay. Speaking from a male perspective of course. Perhaps women are coming to the same realization.

I agree with you on this.
I feel bad instead of happy for all the 20's girls they want to get married or just organizing their wedding.

I could not live with anybody anymore, love my freedom so much.

 

[GrandMarnier]

I beg to differ. Marriage is about companionship and partnership between two people. Children is just a side distraction. If you get married because you wanted children, you've got strike one on you already. I've been married for 32 year, no kids. We love to travel so did that early on. When it comes time for kids, it just didn't happen so we gave it up. We're lucky neither of us are strongly willed in that department.

marriage is more about the children than the adults

 

[summerbreeze]

don't need to be married to have a great relationship

does help the kids though, my comment is in general

case by case it is impossible to have one right or one wrong, every situation is different

 

[Tugela]

Just wondering how many other PERB members have gone through a painful separation from their spouse? After 10+ years of marriage, I couldn't keep going anymore. Accused of not wanting to go through marriage counselling. I think this would be a waste of money as I have no desire or connection to stay sith her. Have grown apart hugely. Not just because of escorts. We haven't slept together for past four years. Platonic at best. She is very angry and bitter. I can understand why. But to continue in the marriage would made me miserable and both of us would decay...

The marriage counselling might not save the marriage, but it might make it easier for her to understand it is over and why. Sometimes it helps to have an impartial third party mediate that process, because then it is not just you being a dick in her eyes. That could save you a lot of grief later on down the road, since right now she is feeling wronged and angry, and the only way she is going to get closure is by hurting you back.

 

[Tugela]

I beg to differ. Marriage is about companionship and partnership between two people. Children is just a side distraction. If you get married because you wanted children, you've got strike one on you already. I've been married for 32 year, no kids. We love to travel so did that early on. When it comes time for kids, it just didn't happen so we gave it up. We're lucky neither of us are strongly willed in that department.

You can have companionship and partnership without a contract in place, Just live together, no need to get married. The only legitimate reason for a marriage is to put a legal framework in place to raise a family. It acts as an insurance of sorts to create stability.

 

[manni]

You can have companionship and partnership without a contract in place, Just live together, no need to get married. The only legitimate reason for a marriage is to put a legal framework in place to raise a family. It acts as an insurance of sorts to create stability.

isn't two plus years of co-habitating considered common law nowadays?
it would mean splitting assets in case of a break-up, just like a 'proper' marriage.

 

[summerbreeze]

although things are far more liberal these days, a child born out of wedlock is still considered a bastard

be nice to send your offspring out into the world without an inferiority complex

completely depends on the parents of course, their stature, confidence, etc. but in general, a more stable conventional family probably provides a more stable environment for the children, not to mention the respect factor from the in-laws

 

[ReluctantPooner]

isn't two plus years of co-habitating considered common law nowadays?
it would mean splitting assets in case of a break-up, just like a 'proper' marriage.

I think it's actually 6 months now.

 

[felixthecat]

I think it's actually 6 months now.

Family law is province-specific. 2 years for BC, elsewhere 1-3 years. May be less in some places, especially if there are shared children.