Monogamy is over-rated
- Thread starter LisbethNova
- Start date
Really well said slapshot.
Can you please elaborate on the Ashley Madison comment?
I would also like to give a big thanks to the beautiful ladies on here.
I'll let you know in a month, money grab with fake profiles seems to be the consensus in a quick google search on this agency. Sooooo, being a glutton for punishment, I dropped a bit of coin and I'm giving it a month. I really don't expect much.Really well said slapshot.
Can you please elaborate on the Ashley Madison comment?
I would also like to give a big thanks to the beautiful ladies on here.
Better question is this. The recent abundance of SP and growth of this industry makes me wonder, are more and more women giving up relationships and simply becoming SP to satisfy their desires or needs, while getting paid. Any chance you feel this way Ms. Nova?
I'm on the fence on this one, My parents were married for over 60 years. I myself couldn't make a monogamous relationship work if my life depended on it. All i'll say is monogamy is not for everybody and I have to admit that i'm a little jealous of those that can make it work.
No doubt, but since it's not one female escort per non-monogamous male, that's still a lot of women without an outlet.
Perhaps monogamy is considered illogical to most because a lot of people pair up with irrational expectations or ... drunk.
If people don't want to be monogamous then they shouldn't get married, and if they are married and decide that they don't want to be monogamous anymore then they should divorce, or at least get their partners consent. The social rules are pretty clear on that.
When you get married you enter into a contract to remain monogamous and it is not unreasonable for your partner to expect the marriage to remain that way. Cheating is wrong and people who engage in it are defrauding their partner. It is just wrong and dishonorable.
People get married for more reasons than mere sexual exclusivity. Open marriages are neither cheating nor monogamous, but that doesn't make them meaningless. Though I'm not arguing in favour of deception; an understanding would certainly help the health of the marriage. The good news is if you did marry for more than sexual exclusivity, it might be because you and your spouse have a similar attitude about things, so an understanding isn't always unrealistic.
The key is not deceiving someone, or hurting someone. That is cheating. As you say, the world is not black and white, nor do we rarely get 100% of the pie. If one is 95% happy in a relationship, why risk that for the other 5%.
To play Devil's Advocate: I think it would be fair to say that someone that is both inconsiderate to the needs of their spouse and also unwilling to allow that spouse to find another outlet is also hurting that person. The traditional Christian vows include "to have and to hold" in addition to "foresaking all others".
I didn't actually miss it. I just thought your stance put undue emphasis on sexual exclusivity as the only reason for people to be or remain married.
ETA: but I do agree that communication is an important factor and deception, like dismissing the needs of your spouse, is another way of being inconsiderate. Still I know a couple who have an understanding that has never been articulated: she doesn't want to know or talk about it, but isn't naive about what he's doing.
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Everyone has a story and so every couple has a story. Just like everyone is different so every relationship is.
We got together when I was seventeen and she was fifteen.
I was faithful for a couple months less than seventeen years. She was faithful for fourteen...I think. At least that is what she told me 'in all honesty' after the two years and 80k later of therapy. After her lapse in 2007.
The therapy helped in a lot of ways and did keep us together for six more years. But in 2010 (technically Boxing Day 2009) for a long list of reasons, mostly not being able to fully move on and forgive her lapse, I happened upon a massage parlour while out completing my honey-do list and went in. It was exhilarating for me, she was a mid forties quite attractive Ukrainian lady. I got a massage and a hand job...still the best hand job I've ever had ha! And massaged her un-trimmed feminine part-and didn't wash my hands for a while. I thought hobbying was a good fix it solution to get over my resentment and it actually did work for that quite well where therapy failed that part for whatever reason.
Anyway naturally I got carried away and kept doing it while married. This last year I got busted by her. I came in from being out taking pictures and she said we need to talk. So I met her in the living room, my secret phone in her hand. And she said "I found escorts phone number and messages on here". Thinking I had erased it but she somehow found some secret record on that phone I had not I did not know what she had on me. I came clean to 10 escorts and she was definitely not pleased about that. I told her it was because therapy did not help me to not feel cheated. We divorced.
We are still good friends, best friends actually. We get along great and I know she will not 'out' me. It was a good relationship in many ways, but I am happy it's over. The monogamy was sort of like a pressure cooker. And even though I was faithful physically for many years my desires were definitely not. But I can tell you after having asked a couple months after the divorce that she thinks seeing escorts, rather than having one affair was far worse. She was very upset by the 'ten' escorts (it was actually closer to ten times that). And she really hated me having seen Asian women...her reason being that they are so different from her. My favourite was actually quite similar but she will never find that out.
So like I said everyone has a different story and so does every relationship. I was not fleeced by her at all and we still do things together even though she has a boyfriend...tame things. There are some out there that are monogamous and happy. I am pretty sure I could be given the right woman, once I get over how much I love my freedom.
We got together when I was seventeen and she was fifteen.
I was faithful for a couple months less than seventeen years. She was faithful for fourteen...I think. At least that is what she told me 'in all honesty' after the two years and 80k later of therapy. After her lapse in 2007.
The therapy helped in a lot of ways and did keep us together for six more years. But in 2010 (technically Boxing Day 2009) for a long list of reasons, mostly not being able to fully move on and forgive her lapse, I happened upon a massage parlour while out completing my honey-do list and went in. It was exhilarating for me, she was a mid forties quite attractive Ukrainian lady. I got a massage and a hand job...still the best hand job I've ever had ha! And massaged her un-trimmed feminine part-and didn't wash my hands for a while. I thought hobbying was a good fix it solution to get over my resentment and it actually did work for that quite well where therapy failed that part for whatever reason.
Anyway naturally I got carried away and kept doing it while married. This last year I got busted by her. I came in from being out taking pictures and she said we need to talk. So I met her in the living room, my secret phone in her hand. And she said "I found escorts phone number and messages on here". Thinking I had erased it but she somehow found some secret record on that phone I had not I did not know what she had on me. I came clean to 10 escorts and she was definitely not pleased about that. I told her it was because therapy did not help me to not feel cheated. We divorced.
We are still good friends, best friends actually. We get along great and I know she will not 'out' me. It was a good relationship in many ways, but I am happy it's over. The monogamy was sort of like a pressure cooker. And even though I was faithful physically for many years my desires were definitely not. But I can tell you after having asked a couple months after the divorce that she thinks seeing escorts, rather than having one affair was far worse. She was very upset by the 'ten' escorts (it was actually closer to ten times that). And she really hated me having seen Asian women...her reason being that they are so different from her. My favourite was actually quite similar but she will never find that out.
So like I said everyone has a different story and so does every relationship. I was not fleeced by her at all and we still do things together even though she has a boyfriend...tame things. There are some out there that are monogamous and happy. I am pretty sure I could be given the right woman, once I get over how much I love my freedom.
Swing with me as a partner sometimes ! You'd be a very nice one .I have come to the conclusion that EXPECTING monogamy isn't realistic. The only thing I expect is respect. If my partner wants to see escorts, fine! I won't be jealous, because I understand the industry. However, I won't agree to him seeing civvie girls though, because I think emotional lines are far more likely to be blurred.
This industry has made me realize that I would enjoying swinging, under the right circumstances too
I think it all depends. It works for some and not for others. Some people genuinely do not want to be with anyone else other than their partner, ever. Some people could never imagine such a thing and they are able to separate love and sex entirely. The problems arise when one type of person finds themselves in a relationship with the other type of person. I think most hobbiest genuinely do not feel that their proclivity for escorts has any reflection on how much they love their wives.
