The totally unofficial anything to do with Christmas thread

cherise

lounge access denied :(
Aug 6, 2012
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Here's why:

1.) No known species of reindeer can fly BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer that only Santa has ever seen.

2.) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total or 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3.) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second which is 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second whereas a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4.) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set that weighs two pounds, the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload--not even counting the weight of the sleigh--to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of Queen Elizabeth.

5.) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance; this will heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, EACH. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion: if Santa ever DID deliver presents with flying reindeer on Christmas Eve, he'd be dead now.


ummmm....hellllooo? elven magic duh! he makes time stop! that's why we cant catch him in the act. you almost had me going ! good one!
 

SuperGrover

Banned
Mar 5, 2006
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What do you think it is?

It is a Christmas poo and a Christmas cadaver for Gatsby's and Retrievers's viewing pleasure.

If they can post homosexual photos on Fred's (rapidly declining) escort review board, then maybe we should also post pics for our dear friends who are into necrophilia and scatology. Those who are into crap and dead people should also be represented on this board, shouldn't they?

Where are the mods? I've been on this board for over 7 years now. The mods from a couple years ago would have ousted that shit-disturber "gatsby" long ago.

Question for Fred. Do you think people like Gatsby have ever patronized the SPs who help fund this board? As you know, a great many of us who are not prolific posters do visit your site VERY regulary and do make it worthwhile for your adverstisers to continue to advertise here. We come for the reviews and also to read the banter between SPs and other members. We do not want to see naked men. At least I don't.

I will continue to post pictures of cadavers and feces on Gatsby's posts until I am banned.
 

retriever

New member
Oct 20, 2013
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Next to you
What do you think it is?

It is a Christmas poo and a Christmas cadaver for Gatsby's and Retrievers's viewing pleasure.

If they can post homosexual photos on Fred's (rapidly declining) escort review board, then maybe we should also post pics for our dear friends who are into necrophilia and scatology. Those who are into crap and dead people should also be represented on this board, shouldn't they?

Where are the mods? I've been on this board for over 7 years now. The mods from a couple years ago would have ousted that shit-disturber "gatsby" long ago.

Question for Fred. Do you think people like Gatsby have ever patronized the SPs who help fund this board? As you know, a great many of us who are not prolific posters do visit your site VERY regulary and do make it worthwhile for your adverstisers to continue to advertise here. We come for the reviews and also to read the banter between SPs and other members. We do not want to see naked men. At least I don't.

I will continue to post pictures of cadavers and feces on Gatsby's posts until I am banned.

Doing a good job I'd say.
 

retriever

New member
Oct 20, 2013
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Next to you
13 days till...............















Yes that is a nut cracker he is holding.








Should images not appear please pm me. Thanks.
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
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MissRed

Redheaded Masseuse/Domina
Sep 5, 2013
71
0
0
Guildford
I am like the least sexy model ever, but HO HO HO. :eyebrows:


I hate to tell you Miss. Smartypants Peyton but you are a sexy Santa Model. I worked in gyms for 5 years. I know when someone works at maintaining their body. The hard work is paying off, girl.

My Papa always said "Don't cut yourself down because there are plenty who will be happy to do it for you". I think he would have got along with your Nana. wink wink

You got it from your Nana! So Flaunt it!

Some of the other photos made me feel a little ill to my stomach. Thanks guys!
 

Man Mountain

Too Old To Die Young
Oct 29, 2006
3,849
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Vancouver
 
Here's an idea, old sports and ladies: why not write about our Christmas experiences (best, worst, etc.) rather than posting pictures?

In my early 20s my BF and I used to rent a hotel room, and hole ourselves inside ignoring the outside world.

On one occasion we were enjoying the horizontal mambo when housekeeping walks RIGHT in. No knock or anything.

Of course as soon as she saw us she dropped to her knees made the sign of a cross and started praying.

It REALLY ruined the mood. :D
 

MissRed

Redheaded Masseuse/Domina
Sep 5, 2013
71
0
0
Guildford

In my early 20s my BF and I used to rent a hotel room, and hole ourselves inside ignoring the outside world.

On one occasion we were enjoying the horizontal mambo when housekeeping walks RIGHT in. No knock or anything.

Of course as soon as she saw us she dropped to her knees made the sign of a cross and started praying.

It REALLY ruined the mood. :D
Should have asked her to join in. Nothing like corrupting the cleaner. hahahaha
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
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Way back as a young lad I lived in a small railway community just south of Prince George. Every year, around Christmas they would have a tie burning, not the kind you wear. Railway ties, the kind you lay track on. These were piled because you couldn't burn them in the Summer, forest fire hazard, so they became a Winter event. Because re-cycling wasn't the biggy it is now it was also a time to get rid of crap and junk that had piled up that nobody else could use. It all went into the fire. This particular year nearly everybody tossed in a copy of The Great Gatsby. Best Christmas Bonfire ever.
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
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retriever

New member
Oct 20, 2013
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Well my first sexual encounter was in high school with a gal that was far more experienced than I obviously. I was excited and was moving alone very quickly. She stopped me and said "Fred, you have to warm up the oven before you put anything into it". Always remembered that.
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
5,652
839
113
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
5,652
839
113
 
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