Asian Fever

Hiding money?

Ms Erica Phoenix

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Jun 24, 2013
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In Your Wildest Dreams!
Give up another habitual expense and sock that money away...

1 less $4 coffee a day is $28 a week; 1 less drive through meal, a couple fewer packs of smokes, or, as I suggested to a client recently, 2 fewer drinks with lunch a day. You'll be amazed at all the extra disposable income you have as well as how much better you'll feel (eventually!)
 

alcxd

alc
Dec 2, 2009
249
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I live on the Rock
Having seperate accounts, hope you have a lawyer. If one of you dies, this just happened to my mother inlaw, we discovered an account in father inlaws name only. Now she has to go thru probate, etc. in order to get the $ into her name & now pay for the lawyer. Turning into a night mare for a +70 year old.
Our bank accounts are joint, except for my business account, so I guess I do have my own account for ............ "Toys".
All's well in the world of PERB
 

PocaHOTass

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Nov 27, 2013
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Skimming off the top, hiding money etc. is being sneaky. If you can't handle being monitored, it forces you to such lengths. If this happened at your company, you'd fire the guy and press charges. If you or your spouse has to sneak around each other just to have hobbies, then you might as well get a divorce or commit a murder/suicide.

A separate 'play' account for each spouse requires that people are mature enough to trust each other in the first place. If she's wondering where you're spending your play money then you just have to find a second (lo-cost) hobby...which in the long run would also help your quality of life. Which option truly breeds mistrust?
Under the circumstances, the assumption would be one of "trust" to most as he is posting on a escort review board and his hobby is seeing escorts, however there are plenty of dynamics you aren't taking into account with your reply.

Based on your response, without knowing how long he has been experiencing this or when it did start; you can't determine her "reasoning" which really comes down to control, or how long she has been in "charge" of his spending while also using a business example of what he is "doing", however when in a relationship- anyone who is exercising control to such a degree over finances is an abusive behavior regardless of their sex.
 

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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I've never understood couples that have every dime in a joint account. How do you save up for a surprise gift/trip for your spouse? Do you have to have her permission to spare $20 so you can have a beer with a buddy? Might as well put you balls in a pickle jar and hide them away. If you/your spouse needs to see every penny going in/out, it just spells mistrust from the get-go.
Funny story along these lines. I was in the USA and late one night a group of us visited a "Gentlemen's Club". One of the guys there was a very well paid Programme Manager who put all his $ in one account and his spouse literally gave him an allowance each week. He asked me to get him $50 from a bank machine and he would pay me back at the hotel that same night. He didn't want his spouse to see he got $50 from a ATM inside a Gentleman's Club.

Anyways, we got back to the hotel and I asked for the $50 back and he said catch me tomorrow. So after breakfast I again asked for the $50 and he said "you already make too much, so I am not gonna repay your lousy $50". Few choice words were exchanged and that was that.

Later that month he came to Vancouver for a couple of meetings and I was driving him to the Airport to catch his flight. We were late and I drove down Granville Street and pulled up in front of a bank; told him I don't go one block further until he repays the $50 USD. He swore at me and went to get me the $50. He threw $50 Canadian at me and told me to drive. I said with todays exchange its $60C so go back for the other 10 bucks. He went and got the $10 and was even more abusive towards me. I reminded him I have the internal phone list including home phone numbers. I told him to STFU or I would phone his wife and explain the $60 was repayment from the US trip where he got a lap dance from a very hot stripper.

How do you like them apples?
 

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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That guy just sounds like a prick, regardless of how he does his banking.
I would image he’d screw you over with another excuse if he wasn’t married.
He has burnt bridges all over the Western World. Last I heard he has gone from being a CEO to a "consultant" who is divorced and living in a friend's basement.
 

CLUB78

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Aug 30, 2013
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you callin' my wife an old boot, ma'am... :D
I might if she knows my ex-husbands Rancid Socks and Shitstained Underwear. (I actually love my ex-husbands and wish them every happiness, this is only a joke.) :)

By the way, like the Philosopher's signature you have there cowboy. ;)
 

CLUB78

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I've seen this lots the guy usually is the breadwinner and she controls the purse strings, he gets a token weekly allowance normally a pittance. Sometimes the bathroom is full of fancy wigs, makeup and you can see she sure as hell isn't doing without. He has to suckhole and kiss her ass for something he really wants like golf clubs or a bike or anything usually the response is we can't afford that. I can see if she is efficient and makes sure money is saved and the mortgage gets paid off but it's not always the case.
I've learned to make my own $ which is mine and contribute generously toward the household so it works.


Ah yes, the fancy wigs and lead face paint these ladies have taken to....lol...


This is not about gender at all, it's about one person wanting to control another person.
 

GREYFOXX

Active member
Aug 11, 2013
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Vancouver Island
How about just getting your own bank account and each pay period put some money into it to do with as you wish. I do not drink or smoke, but if i want to buy an electronic device I always have some money put away for it.
I call this my emergency fund. Every pay i remove funds from the main account and move them to my account that only i have access too. This helps pay for emergency repairs as well as the Finer things i life such as enjoying a beautiful womans company with out question from any one.
 

sdw

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Jul 14, 2005
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Having seperate accounts, hope you have a lawyer. If one of you dies, this just happened to my mother inlaw, we discovered an account in father inlaws name only. Now she has to go thru probate, etc. in order to get the $ into her name & now pay for the lawyer. Turning into a night mare for a +70 year old.
Our bank accounts are joint, except for my business account, so I guess I do have my own account for ............ "Toys".
All's well in the world of PERB
In BC, as in most of Canada, as long as the sum is $25,000 or less for all assets that are not jointly held - - - the surviving spouse can get them without going to Probate Court.
 

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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Having seperate accounts, hope you have a lawyer. If one of you dies, this just happened to my mother inlaw, we discovered an account in father inlaws name only. Now she has to go thru probate, etc. in order to get the $ into her name & now pay for the lawyer. Turning into a night mare for a +70 year old.
Our bank accounts are joint, except for my business account, so I guess I do have my own account for ............ "Toys".
All's well in the world of PERB
Not all of us have business accounts.

I still say have your own private account with another institution. Just don't crazy and load it up with $50K but what your monthly needs maybe, say $5k haha :nod:
 

alcxd

alc
Dec 2, 2009
249
3
18
I live on the Rock
I understand that not everyone has a business account
I didn't until a few years back when I changed jobs, use to keep jar to throw $ in
Everybody needs to save how ever they can to keep it under wraps & it is amassing how many ideas are out there
Did not mean to affend anyone or sound like I was bragging
 

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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I understand that not everyone has a business account
I didn't until a few years back when I changed jobs, use to keep jar to throw $ in
Everybody needs to save how ever they can to keep it under wraps & it is amassing how many ideas are out there
Did not mean to affend anyone or sound like I was bragging
No prob, I also have my own biz so it's pretty much transparent. It's the regular employed guy with a joint acct that needs options that self employed people already have is the theme of the thread.
 

Tugela

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Oct 26, 2010
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Under the circumstances, the assumption would be one of "trust" to most as he is posting on a escort review board and his hobby is seeing escorts, however there are plenty of dynamics you aren't taking into account with your reply.

Based on your response, without knowing how long he has been experiencing this or when it did start; you can't determine her "reasoning" which really comes down to control, or how long she has been in "charge" of his spending while also using a business example of what he is "doing", however when in a relationship- anyone who is exercising control to such a degree over finances is an abusive behavior regardless of their sex.
Since he is using the money to cheat on her, wouldn't you say that her vigilance was well justified?

There are two things, his desire to cheat on their relationship, and her desire for that not to happen, and she is the one exhibiting abusive behaviour?

I'm not saying that either is healthy, because clearly neither behaviour is, but you can't just lay it all at her feet alone.
 

sdw

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Jul 14, 2005
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I may be alone on this one... but I do not think seeing an escort to blow a load should be considered as cheating on your relationship. It is a simple business transaction, no emotional attachment, we don't go on dates, go out in public ect ect.
After my one or two hour engagement, I go home and my regular life continues as before..the business transaction have no effect on my regular life.
A married man having an emotional affair with a lady ....even if he does not spend a dime on her and have less sex with her (than with an actual escort) (or even no sex) with her, would be considered to be cheating on his relationship.
Even though I do not consider this hobby to be cheating on the relationship..you could be cheating your family out of needed funds if you spend money needed for the family ..and if you are careless and let others find out about these private business dealings...then there could be other complications.
I have to agree with Tugela on this one. You might be able to convince yourself with your argument, but if your wife catches you and files for a "fault" divorce - - - the Judge is going to agree with your wife's view that you were:
A - Cheating and thereby breaking your marriage vows
B - Callously exposing her to life threatening disease
C - Diverting family funds to personal uses
D - Have shown that you have dubious moral values
E - Have shown that you are a sexual deviant

You will lose everything, won't have visitation rights with your children and will be paying spousal and child support.
 

sdw

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Jul 14, 2005
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Are you sure about that?
I know of someone who recently caught his wife cheating but he told me that ALL Canadian divorces are "No fault" and she took half from him anyway :confused:

Or is this another Canadian double standard?
MOST Canadian divorces are "No Fault" because people don't want to share there dirty laundry and want to be out of the marriage in a year. "No Fault" means even division of the marital assets, a determination of who has custody and what visitation rights, temporary spousal support if one of the couple is unemployed, permanent spousal support if one of the couple is unemployable and child support according to the "Protection of Children Act".

However, if there has been fraud, violence or "callous disregard"; the option of stripping the asshole of everything including future earnings is there. My brother in law showed me a famous one, in the law library, of two lawyers going at it. One a Appeal Court Justice that was having an affair with a law clerk/student and the other a Labour Lawyer. She ended up with everything, including his cars - AND - all of his income except what was necessary to pay rent on a bachelor suite and buy food to cook there. The case was actually appealed to the Supreme Court of Canada who upheld the wife.

That's why I followed his advice and was very cooperative in getting a "No Fault" divorce for myself. All I asked for and managed to attain was "severance", I paid her to give up all future claims by setting up an annuity that satisfied her spousal care needs. You can do that if you were married too long to get annulment, but lived together too short of a time to have demonstrated that the marriage was ever a "true partnership".
 

badbadboy

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No Fault is usually the vehicle of choice to keep legal fees down rather than a long protracted case that may involve the courts.

Interesting read about cases that have thrown No Fault into doubt have been one spouse requiring additional financial support due to the partner's affair etc.

The End of No-Fault Divorce? The Leskun Case
No Fault DivorceThe Supreme Court of Canada released the Leskun decision today:
http://scc.lexum.org/decisia-scc-csc/scc-csc/scc-csc/en/item/2298/index.do

In this case, the husband had an affair that led to the end of the marriage. Ms Leskun claimed that 8 years after the fact, she was still to emotionally devastated by her husband’s affair to work, and that this should be taken into account in awarding spousal support. The husband argued that fault is irrelevant in divorce so the affair should not be taken into account in awarding spousal support.

The issue the Supreme Court had to look at was the interplay between fault and spousal support. The Supreme Court held that while fault is not directly considered in awarding spousal support the consequences of the fault can be considered. In the circumstances, the Supreme Court upheld the award of spousal support.

You can find more details about the case discussed in the forums:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f9/bc-divorce-spousal-conduct-578/

There was also a previous discussion in the forums about this case before it was heard by the Supreme Court:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/political-issues/578-bc-divorce-spousal-conduct.html

Taking off my legal hat for a moment, I’m disappointed at the Supreme Court’s endorsement of a person’s unwillingness to take responsiblity for her own feelings and thoughts.

Ms Leskun’s emotional devasation 8 years after her husband’s affair is self-inflicted. A person’s emotional state can be changed over time through rational thought about their feelings and emotions. A person control’s his or her own life. While a divorce can be justifiably devastating, a person has a responsbility to move on with his or her own life in (much) less than 8 years.

I know plenty of people whose spouses have had affairs and even done much worse things to them than that. After a reasonable period of time, they move on. Hopefully, they even learn something from the experience that leaves them wiser and happier in the future. None of them are still so incapactiated 8 years later that they’re unable to work. 8 years is a long, long time.

I’m not saying that it’s as easy as telling yourself not to be emotionally devastated. But if you take the time to think about things like why you’re letting someone who doesn’t even love you any more to emotionally cripple you for over 8 years, and think about it honestly and objectively, you’ll make a lot of progress.

It’s all too easy for Ms Leskund to blame her former husband for her feelings and thoughts, rather than to take some responsiblity for them. And some of the most powerful people in the country, the Supreme Court, has validated this lack of responsibility for your own feelings and thoughts. It’s a sad day indeed for independent people.

Update July 2013
The Leskun case is still good law today and it continues to impact family law cases. For instance, in Foster-Jacques v. Jacques, 2011 NSSC 43 (CanLII) the judge allowed evidence of spousal misconduct in hearing an interim motion for spousal support.

However, as to be expected the Leskun case does not help support payors as much. In Sava v. Sava, 2008 ONCJ 2 (CanLII), the father suffered great emotional distress due to the fact that his children refused to see him after separation, then shortly afterwards the mother moved out of the country with the children to an undisclosed address. The father lost his job and since then struggled to re-establish himself financially.

The father argued that the loss of his relationship with his children and his helplessness in not knowing where they were had affected his emotional state and that this should be taken into account in assessing his ability to pay. While the court agreed with this, it balanced this consideration against “the fact that the children require support and that the respondent has the obligation to provide child support to the best of his ability.” Due to this, the court imputed income to the father. So the court is essentially telling the father – we understand your pain, but you’ve got to “man up” and support your children regardless.
 

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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I thought you were an Encyclopedia salesman :confused:
So the double standard continues from your post above.

I wonder if one can blame emotions on another, would suicide after divorce bring murder charges (only against men of course)?
The legal profession does like to generate a lot of paper :nod:
 

Tugela

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Oct 26, 2010
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I may be alone on this one... but I do not think seeing an escort to blow a load should be considered as cheating on your relationship. It is a simple business transaction, no emotional attachment, we don't go on dates, go out in public ect ect.
After my one or two hour engagement, I go home and my regular life continues as before..the business transaction have no effect on my regular life.
A married man having an emotional affair with a lady ....even if he does not spend a dime on her and have less sex with her (than with an actual escort) (or even no sex) with her, would be considered to be cheating on his relationship.
Even though I do not consider this hobby to be cheating on the relationship..you could be cheating your family out of needed funds if you spend money needed for the family ..and if you are careless and let others find out about these private business dealings...then there could be other complications.
What you consider to be cheating or not is irrelevant, most people would understand that behaviour to be cheating. You don't get to make that definition, society does.

All you are trying to do is rationalize it, but rest assured your spouse and pretty much everyone else will not see it the same way.
 
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