Why do girls ignore texts when they simply aren't interested?

[a_shy_guy]

For the last couple weeks, I have been texting back and fourth with 3 girls a coworker and a few friends are trying to set me up with. The conversations go fairly well, and the girls all seem like they are genuinely interested in meeting me. I had a bit of an issue when asking them all out since all of them wanted to go out on the same night, and to top it off, I was flying out of town that night, so I wasnt able to meet with any of them anyways. All 3 of them were understanding since I had everything planned months in advance, and they all loved that I put family before most things. While I was out of town, I would be texting back and fourth with them regularly(usually once a day, or once every 2 days) and try to keep the interest and conversation going.


Once I came back into town, I asked all 3 of them out on a date again, and once the dates were all set, we kept in touch with each other until the day came for each of them. I saw them for maybe 2 hours each over dinner, and during that time, there was never a dull or silent moment. They all seemed like they were genuinely interested in knowing more about me and my history as I was with theirs. I found all 3 of them very interesting, and wanted to get to know them more and not in the sexual kind of way. By the end of the date, all 3 of them gave me the "I had a great time, I hope to see you again soon..."(or something similar) and we parted ways from there.

I went out on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of last week. I texted and tried calling all 3 of them within a day or 2 of seeing them, and one of them replied, but I was sleeping by the time I noticed. I replied the next day at a reasonable time cause I knew she had classes that day, and heard nothing since. Up until I saw them, they all seemed very interested in me, and afterwards, it seems as if we never met at all.


Is it a common occurrence for girls to simply ignore guys after they go out on a first date rather then simply say 'sorry... im not interested'? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene so did I take it too seriously when they said they would like to see me again?

 

[thehedonist]

You must be very new to the dating scene if this sort of behavior shocks you.

Realize that in between the time you last saw them and texted them, they've already received dozens of messages, texts, or passes from other guys. The fact that you had dinner with them means nothing. Forget about ever seeing them again. It's not going to happen.

My advice: continue on with sp's and don't even bother with civilian girls. Trust me, once you get down the rabbit hole, you won't like what you see. And you will have ended up wasting countless hours and dollars with nothing to show for it.

Of course if a date falls into your lap that easily (never experienced anything like that myself), then you should certainly take the offer. No expensive dinners though. A simple coffee date or drinks at a bar will do. Get them back to your place within half an hour by saying, "We should watch a movie." Then once you two are alone in your bedroom, slowly escalate. Chances are they'll storm out in a huff. But if you're lucky, they'll stay, and you'll get a nice ons out of it.

You really need to move things along quickly when you find a girl who's willing to spend time with you one-on-one like that. Because if you don't, you'll just be forgotten in the sea of male faces.

 

[bigguy]

Yo Mr. Shy:

There's a good chance you might have unfortunately answered your own question. With your quote: "Up until I saw them, they all seemed very interested in me, and afterwards, it seems as if we never met at all." The lack of responses could reflect that after each of your initial dates, all three of the ladies decided to "discourage" any further advances by you?? Harsh, but you have to consider that is the case. If that is so, it is not uncommon that the "disinterested" party avoids any unpleasantness by dealing forthrightly with you and have to deal with your reaction to being informed outright that they have no interest in further dates. To avoid the stress associated with rejecting a date with a "sorry ... I'm not interested" the "coward's way out" is to ignore any subsequent contact by you. Tough news, but this might be the case.

You might consider NOT scheduling back-to-back dates in the future. Concentrate solely on the next lady you meet, see how it goes and if there is no further interest on your part, be a big boy and inform the other party!!

bigguy

 

[thehedonist]

I have had dates and at the end the girl has said yes to a second date then when I text them back I never get a reply. I find this kind of rude because it is totally ok if you had a change of hart and it hurts less when some one say thanks but no thanks rather then nothing at all.

The second date has become obsolete. If you don't manage to bang them on the first date, you never will. Of course you need water tight logistics (and luck) to pull this off.

 

[violetblake]

"thehedonist", I mean no offense but you really are quite wrong. First of all, women happen to be human beings, which mean we are all different and there is no one formula that works for every woman.

OP, it's likely they're not interested. I know it hurts but it happens to absolutely everyone, so don't take it personally. And yes, the vast majority of the time people (men and women alike) do it by not responding to texts, instead of just straight up telling the person. There are a few reasons for this; they don't want to hurt your feelings or maybe they're afraid you might get angry at them. Who knows, there's plenty of reasons.

But sometimes you'll meet people who are just bad at responding to texts right away. Or maybe she is still deciding whether she likes you, and hasn't outright decided she doesn't like you, but by texting her too much she decides you're a creep and doesn't respond lol. Use your discretion, think about how she would perceive your actions. I'd say after texting someone twice (far enough apart) and they still haven't responded, let it go. I say twice because technology is imperfect and maybe she didn't get your first text, who knows. Twice is fine, any more than that is stalkerish lol.

I'd also agree that maybe scheduling dates that close together can be a bit tedious. Maybe you're fine with it, and the issue is something else, but that's something to keep in mind. I'd also think about how you are during dates: Are you relaxed? Laid back? Interested in what she's saying? Do you have interesting things to say? Are you confident? These are important things that anyone looks for in someone they're dating.

Or maybe you were just having an off week, you may not have noticed it yourself, maybe you felt fine but you could be stressed, or not sleeping/eating well, and that causes subtle changes in people. So just try to be your very best when going on a date next. And even though it can be hard, don't take it too personally if someone doesn't want to date you. It happens to everyone, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. She may just feel you two are not the best romantic match, and that's okay. Another thing to keep in mind: Who are the women you're dating? If you notice you're having the same problems with women over and over again, yet you think you're doing everything right, maybe you are just going after people who are wrong for you. That's okay, lots of people do that. Try meeting women you usually wouldn't go for, or meeting women in new places, and see how that goes.

Good luck

 

[87112]

From exp if you dont get a response with a few hrs to half a day call it a loss on your romantic pursuit. Cellphones and people are tied at the hip these days and its rare outside of my grandma to be away from a smartphone for a few hrs and not see who has called or texted. Women are always thinking " is this wallet the biggest I can get or the best looking I can get"? So if one of those requirments are meet you will get your text back soon. Its not that hard to figure out.

 

[chilli]

Ah one of the great lessons in life - women demand honesty from men.

Yet they are spinless wishy washy little twirps when it comes to just saying to a man -

"Sorry dude I had a really good time but I just don't feel it."

 

[violetblake]

From exp if you dont get a response with a few hrs to half a day call it a loss on your romantic pursuit. Cellphones and people are tied at the hip these days and its rare outside of my grandma to be away from a smartphone for a few hrs and not see who has called or texted. Women are always thinking " is this wallet the biggest I can get or the best looking I can get"? So if one of those requirments are meet you will get your text back soon. Its not that hard to figure out.

Ah one of the great lessons in life - women demand honesty from men.

Yet they are spinless wishy washy little twirps when it comes to just saying to a man -

"Sorry dude I had a really good time but I just don't feel it."

Wow. Did your mothers not hug you enough as children? You two have serious women issues lol.

I think ignoring someone is a lot more dickish than just saying no, I'm not interested. It's just laziness not responding instead of telling someone.

It is, but unfortunately it seems to be the most common method used, by both men and women for the record.

 

[Mod-2]

Let's all try and be respectful people. Name calling is not appreciated and is not acceptable. If you cannot express your opinions without demeaning others perhaps you should keep it to yourselves.

 

[Alix Turner]

sometimes just playing dead until they go away is going to be your best option

I think a lot of the time things shouldn't have to be so serious. You go on one date with a guy (or girl) for you it is just not there, obviously the other person isn't going to be mistakenly under the impression that the date was a complete success. Do you really have to spell it out for them that you aren't interested in seeing where things might go?

Your date is sort of ignoring the many signs that you guys just shouldn't be that into eachother by carrying on pushing for a response that they wouldn't need if they were willing to accept the obvious rather than trying to do an end run around it and get another date out of courtesy or something? Or even worse, you finally just give up trying to be nice and tell them you don't have any interest in pursuing things with them further..
and they actually try to argue with you about your explanation.

^pretty much the most annoying conversation to try to have with anyone, ever.

 

[uncleg]

Ah one of the great lessons in life - women demand honesty from men.

Yet they are spinless wishy washy little twirps when it comes to just saying to a man -

"Sorry dude I had a really good time but I just don't feel it."

I think ignoring someone is a lot more dickish than just saying no, I'm not interested. It's just laziness not responding instead of telling someone.

......and then there are the guys that just won't take no for an answer. Do you really need to encourage/create a stalker ?

 

[uncleg]

sometimes just playing dead until they go away is going to be your best option

I think a lot of the time things shouldn't have to be so serious. You go on one date with a guy (or girl) for you it is just not there, obviously the other person isn't going to be mistakenly under the impression that the date was a complete success. Do you really have to spell it out for them that you aren't interested in seeing where things might go?

Your date is sort of ignoring the many signs that you guys just shouldn't be that into eachother by carrying on pushing for a response that they wouldn't need if they were willing to accept the obvious rather than trying to do an end run around it and get another date out of courtesy or something? Or even worse, you finally just give up trying to be nice and tell them you don't have any interest in pursuing things with them further..
and they actually try to argue with you about your explanation.

^pretty much the most annoying conversation to try to have with anyone, ever.

It's about being a decent person. If a person is going to be a stalker then they will be a stalker regardless of whether you ignore them or not.

Seems that Alix has tried being a decent person...........

 

[jesuschrist]

Here's the rule of thumb: after waiting 8 hours for 1 text, if no response, send a second shorter message. If no response, drop it like a brick.

If you get to run into her again by chance, it shows you are a confident person and you have better things to do with your time because you limited the number of attempts to reach her.

Lastly, if your target girl is "hot" or "highly desirable" by many guys, then chances are she gets hit on all the time. In that case, you must stick to the rule of an absolute maximum of 2 text messages without a response even after you get to know her, even if you begin dating. Always be ready to show her you would dump her at the slightest inconsideration on her part.

Many females tend to value themselves based on how others (men) perceive their desirability. They use similar criteria when evaluating men - so if they are deemed highly desirable then they tend to seek men who are also highly desirable. Because the determination of desirability for them is how often they are pursued, if they see that you have the potential for being just as pursued or more, then you are as desirable or more desirable. Sadly this form of self-evaluation is extrinsic rather than intrinsic, and if you understand this you have the key to getting what you want. That is why confident men are seen as desirable by females - because confidence comes from intrinsic self-evaluation - and extrinsic self-evaluation is inherently hollow and weak, thereby explaining the attraction to confidence as a male attribute. One way to communicate desirability to such females is to reject them when you get a chance, and setting high standards and a lesser tolerant communication protocol is an effective way to get that message across.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Is it a common occurrence for girls to simply ignore guys after they go out on a first date rather then simply say 'sorry... im not interested'? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene so did I take it too seriously when they said they would like to see me again?

Dear Shy Guy, People in general aren't known for their fantastic communication skills. Sure, when someone's interested, they play the game; they are SO communicative, you feel like you've found your new best friend.

And let's not forget that people are often not who say they are, when hiding behind a text message or a computer.

I've been in the situation when I was getting to know someone by e-mail. They sent me almost daily reports of their lives, responded to every one of my questions in great detail, and made all kinds of semi-promises as to how our life could be together.

Then we met for dinner...and I guess the sparks didn't fly for him.

Whatever, this happens.

But then I barely get a word from him after that. The e-mails are short, and non-flowery; a direct contrast to the earlier stream of pen-pal letters that I had received. Even when I asked him how he felt about our first meeting, the question was conveniently ignored.

So, young man, it's not just the ladies/girls. It's people, men and women. They don't know how to speak to one another, when the conversation is complex. They don't know how to say, "You know, I thought you were super-sweet, and I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy day to get together with me! But, to be honest, sparks didn't fly for me, so I can't see this going any further, but I'd be more than happy to stay in touch. I hope you understand."

If they said this much, you'd have so much more respect for them. But they didn't. So, let them go. It's not about you and whether or not you're a catch, it's about how people communicate. Consider it a lesson learned about each one of the young ladies. They have an ignore-button.

You don't want that kind of communicator in your life anyways because, at the first sign of a difficult conversation, you won't get the truth out of them. Better to hold out for someone that can have the easy conversations, as well as the difficult ones...

 

[uncleg]

Then she responded which what I'm saying people should do...

..............no problem with that, but check what's said in bold enlarged letters. Why should she have to subject herself to an argument from some fool that can't take no for an answer?

 

[chilli]

Wow. Did your mothers not hug you enough as children? You two have serious women issues lol.

Seriously?

Common courtesy escapes you that much?

Sorry I don't have patience or excuses for rude people with low self esteem.

 

[Tugela]

Is it a common occurrence for girls to simply ignore guys after they go out on a first date rather then simply say 'sorry... im not interested'? I am pretty new to the whole dating scene so did I take it too seriously when they said they would like to see me again?

Yes. Guys will do it to girls as well, it is an equal opportunity experience. Basically most people don't like confrontation, so they will be polite and then avoid the problem by ignoring it. Eventually it will go away. If any of these girls were really interested, they would reply, and quite likely have texted you first to make sure you knew that.

Some things to keep in mind though. (A) You do need to send her a text within 24 hours (not at 3AM on the night of your date however), if you don't she will probably assume that you weren't really interested beyond banging her, and now you are trying to contact her a week later because all your regulars are "busy". Girls don't like that unless they consider you drop dead georgous, in which case they might make an exception. If you don't have the time the next day to do that, make the time or don't bother her. Courtesy goes both ways you know. (B) Don't bombard her with texts and messages. That will put you in the "creepy" camp 99% of the time.

Remember, if she is sending you a message by avoiding you, she is NOT going to respond well to excessive interest from you, so just leave it be. Keep in mind that chances are she moves in the same circles as you, so if you poison that well you might be poisoning a lot more as well. Just be cool about it.

 

[violetblake]

Seriously?

Common courtesy escapes you that much?

Sorry I don't have patience or excuses for rude people with low self esteem.

So let me get this straight. You call all women "spineless wishy washy little twerps", and that to you is an example of being courteous and showing us how much self esteem you have? ound:

Then I point out the obvious (you having serious issues, particularly with women), and I suddenly have no esteem and am rude? .....:crazy:

 

[AA_Train]

Ah one of the great lessons in life - women demand honesty from men.

Yet they are spinless wishy washy little twirps when it comes to just saying to a man -

"Sorry dude I had a really good time but I just don't feel it."

Totally. Guys respect honesty, even if they don't like what was said. It stings for a bit, but at the very least they will have a level of respect for a woman who can be straight up with them. Guys do it too and quite frankly guys like that aren't worth a woman's time and vice versa. I've told many a lady what Chilli said and it wasn't always well received but I was honest and felt no guilt for saying it. That's life, move on.

I think ignoring someone is a lot more dickish than just saying no, I'm not interested. It's just laziness not responding instead of telling someone.

Again, totally. Many people, particularly females are afraid of confrontation. Probably because they associate the word with conflict. Not all confrontation turn combative and believe it or not, while we don't like the rejection, all reasonable and confident guys will shrug it off in a day or two. At best, you will be an afterthought. Guys like finality. We like , nay need closure. So man up and just be honest with people.

 

[vanperb]

If the text thing is a shock, watch this Jenna Marbles episode and take some notes.

In all honesty, the "I missed you so much", and "I'm a nerd" brought about "ah!... aww..." moments...