We seem to be talking about relationships lately so why not.
Pros and cons with going long term with an sp or client.
Pros and cons with going long term with an sp or client.
long term with an sp or client pros and cons.
- Thread starter sevenofnine
- Start date
I think long term with an SP is generally a bad idea. Over the long term the risk of emotional investment that is intractable is higher and higher, while the sex will always be limited in physical intimacy. That eventually will cause discord unless one or the other gives, either less emotional investment or full and complete sexual acts without barriers.
ok, I got from this that you consider full and complete sexual acts literally using barriers (as in condoms) to be limited in physical intimacy?
A lot of people use condoms when they have sex, not just sex workers, that's right even people that care about each other. The difference between people who use condoms in their relationships and those that don't... is that the people who use them are exposed to less risk, that's it.
to the op - I think there's a lot to be said for balance. A service provider is not a girlfriend, you are free to enjoy whatever time you want to with her, share whatever sexual relationship works between you, and also satisfy other sexual urges that you have with whoever tickles your fancy. If you are restricting yourself in any way seeing a service provider in the long term you aren't doing it right. Seeing eachother over a period of time does give you a chance to become fond of one another in a way that feels quite comfortable, familiar clients may have an easier time contacting and making plans with an sp that he has seen several times in the past, there's also something to be said for knowing what to expect when you knock on the door (without having to do a bunch of research, asking questions beforehand, finding the location for the first time, introducing yourself etc.) which you might really appreciate the value of after a rough week.
Long term relationship equates to something that resembles a marriage.
And, marriage, in my book, is not a good idea.... ever.... unless monagamy is your true lifestyle and you want kids.
Better, in a long term relationship, is to be friends - without physical intimacy and emotional "romantic" involvement.
Never lose sight that in a pay-for-play environment that you are doing just that - paying for it.
Don't be confused into thinking something else is happening.
And, marriage, in my book, is not a good idea.... ever.... unless monagamy is your true lifestyle and you want kids.
Better, in a long term relationship, is to be friends - without physical intimacy and emotional "romantic" involvement.
Never lose sight that in a pay-for-play environment that you are doing just that - paying for it.
Don't be confused into thinking something else is happening.
To me any relationship is what you make of it. Labels of sp or client are irrelevant
Unfortunately on this board one so often see's a question like this, and then rather than persons with long term experiences posting replies, in jump a bunch of non involved persons with assumptions based on ass-u-me principle. Such seems to be the case here.
I for one have had several long term experiences with SP's over the years, lasting anywhere from a year or two up into the six or seven year intervals. Think I can talk a lot more intelligently about them.
Yes it is true with some of these experiences, we have been into each other's emotions, but not much into each other's lives. For the most part those have been kept private. Yes, we have considered making it a permanent relationship, but somehow, you kind of wonder about making it work on either side. If you were expecting monogamy or to be monogamous, then there is a real question or two to be answered. I have never found an Sp that in one of these relationships, believed a man would be monogamous afterwards if we lived together. And not one of them has said they would commit to such either. There has been at least one gal that I believed it could work with, but most others, sooner or later will tell you they don't think they could commit sexually to one man. So that kind of blows it. And in truth, with never having been truly monogamous, I don't think I would have committed totally either. Those were the younger days. And more recently, probably I would have been quite happy to settle down with just one gal and make a decent life together, but not going to happen.
So yes, in a long term relationship you do get into each other's lives and emotions, and not really bad, we all need a friend and companion. I have spent many overnights with these gals, lots of romantic and yet serious discussions about many facets of life and relationships.
As for the sex, well of course you are both going to do what you really want to do about it. I don't need to go into the condom issue, the whats and why's of the subject, you can imagine in a much closer relationship that a couple makes their own choice on that one. But the one thing always found, is that no one Sp ever totally gives your dream world to you. Some don't kiss, some don't do this or that, and in the longer term you really do get convinced that they really don't like that function physically or emotionally, and it will never be there for you. So even in a devoted sp relationship, often necessary to go elsewhere to make up for the deficiencies that you personally need. And of course, in her job, there is so much variety that any deficiencies you have aren't an issue to get satisfied.
In my present over four year relationship, we are close on some issues, used to spend a lot of nights together a month, but are now drifting. The end point is close, and perhaps rightfully so, she takes me for granted now, expects that the support will always be there and is skipping appointments and commitments. We have been good friends for awhile, brought together by a bit of a tragedy a few years ago, but it is wearing out at least on her side. Her menu of services is pretty good in one area, but I just don't get one of my favourite items, and prepared to move on now.
But overall, I would go for a reasonable long term relationship anytime, avoids a whole lot of issues, and makes for a lot more enjoyment.
But you have to be realistic about it all. This is not an industry that lends itself to good marriage material usually. In fact as one long term friend told me, she wouldn't marry me because I fool around too much! wow, the pot calling the kettle black!
I for one have had several long term experiences with SP's over the years, lasting anywhere from a year or two up into the six or seven year intervals. Think I can talk a lot more intelligently about them.
Yes it is true with some of these experiences, we have been into each other's emotions, but not much into each other's lives. For the most part those have been kept private. Yes, we have considered making it a permanent relationship, but somehow, you kind of wonder about making it work on either side. If you were expecting monogamy or to be monogamous, then there is a real question or two to be answered. I have never found an Sp that in one of these relationships, believed a man would be monogamous afterwards if we lived together. And not one of them has said they would commit to such either. There has been at least one gal that I believed it could work with, but most others, sooner or later will tell you they don't think they could commit sexually to one man. So that kind of blows it. And in truth, with never having been truly monogamous, I don't think I would have committed totally either. Those were the younger days. And more recently, probably I would have been quite happy to settle down with just one gal and make a decent life together, but not going to happen.
So yes, in a long term relationship you do get into each other's lives and emotions, and not really bad, we all need a friend and companion. I have spent many overnights with these gals, lots of romantic and yet serious discussions about many facets of life and relationships.
As for the sex, well of course you are both going to do what you really want to do about it. I don't need to go into the condom issue, the whats and why's of the subject, you can imagine in a much closer relationship that a couple makes their own choice on that one. But the one thing always found, is that no one Sp ever totally gives your dream world to you. Some don't kiss, some don't do this or that, and in the longer term you really do get convinced that they really don't like that function physically or emotionally, and it will never be there for you. So even in a devoted sp relationship, often necessary to go elsewhere to make up for the deficiencies that you personally need. And of course, in her job, there is so much variety that any deficiencies you have aren't an issue to get satisfied.
In my present over four year relationship, we are close on some issues, used to spend a lot of nights together a month, but are now drifting. The end point is close, and perhaps rightfully so, she takes me for granted now, expects that the support will always be there and is skipping appointments and commitments. We have been good friends for awhile, brought together by a bit of a tragedy a few years ago, but it is wearing out at least on her side. Her menu of services is pretty good in one area, but I just don't get one of my favourite items, and prepared to move on now.
But overall, I would go for a reasonable long term relationship anytime, avoids a whole lot of issues, and makes for a lot more enjoyment.
But you have to be realistic about it all. This is not an industry that lends itself to good marriage material usually. In fact as one long term friend told me, she wouldn't marry me because I fool around too much! wow, the pot calling the kettle black!
Interesting responses. True I guess.
I think though it depends on the people involved and what you want or expectations are going in.
Like a lot of comments over the years, If your looking for a relationship going in, your in the wrong place. If your looking to find a life or a life with some one, your in the wrong place.
My comment would be get your life in order first, and use this hobby as a diversion as an escape.
And over the years I have noticed just well people taking advantage of each other. Sps asking for favors and clients asking for freebies or no restrictions etc.
So I think you never can loose respect for the other person don't play with them don't mess with them don't take advantage of them because all of a sudden your friends.
And yes emotionally it can be a rough ride but like I said you should have your life in order going in.
To me its nice she is there for me. I have had a standing appointment for years, and we have never missed. It cuts the frustation of this hobby way down.
The down fall is I think it feels less like a fantasy at times I mean over time you tend to bring your life into a session both of you do.
But there is an emotional closeness that you get.
Even if its just sex.
I mean every week you know your going to have sex with her. You look forward to it. As opposed to who am I going to see, and well is she going to show up etc etc. So in one way you form a bond with her whether you like it or not, you just get used to her body etc and that is kind of just the way it works. In some ways its un avoidable yeah, it gets to personal some times and emotional.
But its nice in that your having sex with some one you know and trust and you general respect and care for each other as opposed to never seeing some or wondering what the hell you just did with who.
And the sex becomes less wham bam thank you mam, to more
well for me more forplay more fetish things I am exploring that I never thought I had in me to be honest, Its not how many shots on goal I can get but, more exploring my sexuality and and fetish and stuff, role play.
Long term is not for everyone. It tends to feel like a relationship so I guess it depends on whether your wired that way you either want to be involved with some one or you don't,
For me it has been nice, like I said, I know two months from now on a certain day. I'm going to be having sex and with who.
The kind of sex, no idea we change it all the time.
I don't want to speak for the ladies but, just from a finical point of view, the sp I see likes it finicialy
And I guess from there point of view, opening the door on a new client there is a risk. So if the two of you can work it out the rules and privacy emotions etc, I would say its a win for her to.
But it is not necessay the easiest thing. You have to weigh it out.
You are involved bonded connected to an sp, you have to be comfortable with that. Both of you do, and still respect each other's boundries.
I think though it depends on the people involved and what you want or expectations are going in.
Like a lot of comments over the years, If your looking for a relationship going in, your in the wrong place. If your looking to find a life or a life with some one, your in the wrong place.
My comment would be get your life in order first, and use this hobby as a diversion as an escape.
And over the years I have noticed just well people taking advantage of each other. Sps asking for favors and clients asking for freebies or no restrictions etc.
So I think you never can loose respect for the other person don't play with them don't mess with them don't take advantage of them because all of a sudden your friends.
And yes emotionally it can be a rough ride but like I said you should have your life in order going in.
To me its nice she is there for me. I have had a standing appointment for years, and we have never missed. It cuts the frustation of this hobby way down.
The down fall is I think it feels less like a fantasy at times I mean over time you tend to bring your life into a session both of you do.
But there is an emotional closeness that you get.
Even if its just sex.
I mean every week you know your going to have sex with her. You look forward to it. As opposed to who am I going to see, and well is she going to show up etc etc. So in one way you form a bond with her whether you like it or not, you just get used to her body etc and that is kind of just the way it works. In some ways its un avoidable yeah, it gets to personal some times and emotional.
But its nice in that your having sex with some one you know and trust and you general respect and care for each other as opposed to never seeing some or wondering what the hell you just did with who.
And the sex becomes less wham bam thank you mam, to more
well for me more forplay more fetish things I am exploring that I never thought I had in me to be honest, Its not how many shots on goal I can get but, more exploring my sexuality and and fetish and stuff, role play.
Long term is not for everyone. It tends to feel like a relationship so I guess it depends on whether your wired that way you either want to be involved with some one or you don't,
For me it has been nice, like I said, I know two months from now on a certain day. I'm going to be having sex and with who.
The kind of sex, no idea we change it all the time.
I don't want to speak for the ladies but, just from a finical point of view, the sp I see likes it finicialy
And I guess from there point of view, opening the door on a new client there is a risk. So if the two of you can work it out the rules and privacy emotions etc, I would say its a win for her to.
But it is not necessay the easiest thing. You have to weigh it out.
You are involved bonded connected to an sp, you have to be comfortable with that. Both of you do, and still respect each other's boundries.
That's a convenient justification for condoms, coming from an SP. The majority of committed couples don't use condoms. What you speak of are those in the minority, or who have just started a relationship, or one person (or both) have STDs. I think they are such a minority they are not worth making an example of in this context. Face it, sex with an SP does not have the same potential for total intimacy as you would with a real loving partner. I've even had SP's tell me that the sex they have with their clients they don't consider real sex. I'll bet even you may have admitted that to yourself before.
I would suspect that some guys just look for the right experience, whatever that might be. And, when he finds that, then he's found his go-to girl (might be his ATF). As Miss AT states, he knows what he's going to get when the door opens. Some guys just aren't into the mystery, or the TOFTT experience. If they can keep it professional and not get emotionally involved, it's probably the best of both worlds, for both parties...
I prefer a long term for the reasons you mention above. My longest term is over 6 years and I have never had a bad time with this fantastic lady. Which reminds me it has been way to long, gotta go see her again soon!
G.A.
committed and long term are different, and it really is all in your head. Lots of committed couples don't want hormonal birth control options, don't enjoy the spermicides, and use condoms..
couples that are not exclusive are just taking care of themselves and eachother, thats not a service provider thing.. it's a safety thing.
I think whether or not the pro's outweigh the con's generally depends on how you handle the relationship. If you're expecting some happy ending and you think you're going to get her to quite her occupation and marry you, you're probably delussional, unless you've had any kind of discussion that implies she'd be receptive to something like that.
I once told the SB that I was seeing for many years that "I care about you as much as I possiblity can within the context of this type of relationship" That's probably the best you can hope for.
I remember when I first started this hobby and i was spending a lot of time with an SP and we got along great. I knew her real name and she told me a lot of stories, some were heartbreaking and she would be crying.. and we would e-mail each other 20-25 times a day.
Then one day when I had booked a 2 hr appointment with her and we blew past that into our 4th hour, (and I was feeling special) I recall asking her what she was going to do later on and she said well after work I'm going to go out with my friends. Then I realized that dispite all the things we shared, at the end of the day, she still considered seeing me as a job.
But her ability to make all her clients feel like they were her boyfriend's got her into a lot of trouble and it became a huge problem for her. Guy's wanted to marry her, dump their wife's etc.
But a long term SP-SB relationship is even harder to deal with because you know she's not an SP and usually has a regular job and over the years you really do feel that you've got some exclusive right to bang a really hot woman, which is just an illusion.
I once told the SB that I was seeing for many years that "I care about you as much as I possiblity can within the context of this type of relationship" That's probably the best you can hope for.
I remember when I first started this hobby and i was spending a lot of time with an SP and we got along great. I knew her real name and she told me a lot of stories, some were heartbreaking and she would be crying.. and we would e-mail each other 20-25 times a day.
Then one day when I had booked a 2 hr appointment with her and we blew past that into our 4th hour, (and I was feeling special) I recall asking her what she was going to do later on and she said well after work I'm going to go out with my friends. Then I realized that dispite all the things we shared, at the end of the day, she still considered seeing me as a job.
But her ability to make all her clients feel like they were her boyfriend's got her into a lot of trouble and it became a huge problem for her. Guy's wanted to marry her, dump their wife's etc.
But a long term SP-SB relationship is even harder to deal with because you know she's not an SP and usually has a regular job and over the years you really do feel that you've got some exclusive right to bang a really hot woman, which is just an illusion.
In regards to condoms or physical barriers, it is just in your head or a personal preference.
To me the barrier is more emotional then physical. I have been with sp's who there attitude is lets just fuck. I don't want to know you and you will never know me, lets just get this done and we can each go our way.It starts off as an emotional barrier but it turns into a physical one, because she thinks she knows you better then you know yourself and just has a routine she goes through, and if you don't like it, its more your problem then hers. Bottom line she doesn't real care if you enjoyed yourself or not, She just wants her money.
Not a problem if she is real good more so if she is not that good.
I personaly find that rude that an sp sees me more of an object that she needs to take care of then a living breathing human being.
And distrusts me so much that she just wants to fuck me and get me the hell out of there.
I have known my sp for years going on eight I find it very sexual that I know her know the person the women I'm having sex with and she knows me, and we both agree and well want to keep it going.
We have no emotional barriers we talk it all out get it all out in the open, I like I said know her life she knows mine. I just find that a lot more sexual then having sex with a stranger, or some one who is like in my opinion just an object she needs to take care of me and her I have to pay her.
The condom is just something physical. For safty,
What happens when you go down that road, If you love me, we don't need a condom.
If you love me we can do oral or greek or cim or I can spurt it all over your face including your eyes. An Im told that hurts, but if your love is real your friendship is real you will let me.
For a relationship to work for both people you don't take advantage of them.Whether its your girl friend your wife your sp.
You don't manipulate them you don't take advantage of them at all. Its mutual, for both of your mutual benifits not just one of you.
I guess there are relationships where one person is a bully, or forces the other to do things they don't want. It happens in every relationship to some extent you do things you don't want.
But in every relationship it should be respectful and caring.
If your just bullying some one to do something, then that is what you are a bully and the other person a victim.
To me the barrier is more emotional then physical. I have been with sp's who there attitude is lets just fuck. I don't want to know you and you will never know me, lets just get this done and we can each go our way.It starts off as an emotional barrier but it turns into a physical one, because she thinks she knows you better then you know yourself and just has a routine she goes through, and if you don't like it, its more your problem then hers. Bottom line she doesn't real care if you enjoyed yourself or not, She just wants her money.
Not a problem if she is real good more so if she is not that good.
I personaly find that rude that an sp sees me more of an object that she needs to take care of then a living breathing human being.
And distrusts me so much that she just wants to fuck me and get me the hell out of there.
I have known my sp for years going on eight I find it very sexual that I know her know the person the women I'm having sex with and she knows me, and we both agree and well want to keep it going.
We have no emotional barriers we talk it all out get it all out in the open, I like I said know her life she knows mine. I just find that a lot more sexual then having sex with a stranger, or some one who is like in my opinion just an object she needs to take care of me and her I have to pay her.
The condom is just something physical. For safty,
What happens when you go down that road, If you love me, we don't need a condom.
If you love me we can do oral or greek or cim or I can spurt it all over your face including your eyes. An Im told that hurts, but if your love is real your friendship is real you will let me.
For a relationship to work for both people you don't take advantage of them.Whether its your girl friend your wife your sp.
You don't manipulate them you don't take advantage of them at all. Its mutual, for both of your mutual benifits not just one of you.
I guess there are relationships where one person is a bully, or forces the other to do things they don't want. It happens in every relationship to some extent you do things you don't want.
But in every relationship it should be respectful and caring.
If your just bullying some one to do something, then that is what you are a bully and the other person a victim.
I do find it funny how some people equate use of protection with a lack of intimacy... not using a condom can enhance the overall sexual experience, but it's definitely not a make-or-break for most people, I wouldn't think. I'd much rather wrap it up with someone I have a rapport with than go bareback with a complete stranger.
For me, a LTR with an sp is really the only option. All the more power to those who can go on a spree of enjoying the company of all the lovely ladies the city has to offer... to each his own, and there is definitely a place in the world for a hot meaningless fuck. Being a ridiculously sensitive, somewhat damaged individual with intimacy issues (!), a one night stand with an sp (or otherwise) is definitely a recipe for disaster for me.
People seem to draw distinctions between sp's and "civilians", as it were, in terms of character and motivation, which I don't think are all that viable in this day and age. In my regular life, I've dated my share of wonderful women, and cold-hearted money-grubbing vultures. I wouldn't be surprised if the same ratios hold true in the sex industry. With very few exceptions, I would never presume to judge a person by what they do for a living.
Is it possible to have a "professional" friendship with wonderfully insightful, generous, and sensitive sp's, with sometimes fuzzy boundaries, that are not always driven by $? Definitely. Will they invite you to mom's for Thanksgiving dinner? Probably not! There is seldom reward without risk in life... taking a few chances with both eyes open I think is infinitely preferable to the alternative.
